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Discussion Starter #1
What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

Personally, I'm against them for me, I've never liked the idea, since I was 10 I always have said I never wanted to get married, and I still feel that way. Most relationships fail; in the US, 56% of marriages end in divorce, and the number is growing. Non-married relationships fail at a higher rate. I think they are restrictive, stale and archaic. I also think that adding another person in your life permanently is a hassle, when it's already hard living for yourself. You are adding someones drama, someones emotions, their life is now your life, and that just seems like a lot to me. I think many people get into relationships for selfish reasons, like emotional insecurity and loneliness, and lack of self worth, and think having a security blanket on your side somehow will make those problems go away. But those are personal problems, that cannot simple be washed over by lust, which most people confuse for love.


Outside of the children factor, I see no real reason at all to get in a relationship or what makes relationships somehow any better than being single.

So, those are some of my feelings, what do you guys feel about committed, exclusive relationships?
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

It's just an agreement between two people, while both are interested in keeping it alive...as in any other kind of agreement...exclusive relationships can work perfectly fine.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

Statistically married people live longer.. :shrug:
That's true, mostly due to the financial benefits married couples get, and as people get older, knowing they have someone there to support them. So maybe when I'm older or when people are older, I would understand. But when you are young, fresh, fit, I just don't see the reason, other than children, and in that situation, to me you shouldn't have kids until you are really ready to settle down, because that's a life long commitment too. I'm not too sure I want kids either, really.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

It's just an agreement between two people, while both are interested in keeping it alive...as in any other kind of agreement...exclusive relationships can work perfectly fine.
They can work fine, but most fail. As the economy has gone bad, relationship rates are getting worse. Marriages are like jobs, they are hard work to balance all of the situations involved, and I don't want to put any of that pressure on myself when living life as a person myself is hard enough.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

100% true. But at age 20 no one should be thinking about marriage or kids. ;)
Yes, I wasn't really thinking about it for myself, but just how you hear so many couples getting married, and then divorcing. Then I was watching the Bachelorette yesterday, and I know that's a TV show and all, but I was looking at how desperate the guys are, and how they all were macking on some girl who was macking with other guys, and it was disgusting and made me feel pity towards those men. To me, that indicates a serious personal emptiness. I think that's what a major amount of relationships are based on. If you are secure in yourself and love yourself, then I don't think you need someone there assuring you how good you are, or assuring them how good they are.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

what's wrong with getting married at 23? (my preferred age of marriage)
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

variety is the spice of life ;)
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

This is a not a pro-male post by any means, but there are so many factors going against the male when marriage comes into play. If a woman cheats on you during marriage, she gets off easy. If you do it, you get the scarlet letter and lose all your hard earned cash.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with the idea of a "life partner" without the nuances of a marriage clause. Trouble is, I doubt there are any women out there who feel the same way.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

I agree with you to a point.

Being completely alone at all times can't be good either. What, you want to be with a gazillion girls to a point you feel no emotion and expose yourself to diseases? well yeah being married doesn't guarantee that the partner won't cheat either.

In my opinion the correct way is the celtic way, get married for a year. If you still feel happy you renew the vows. If not you move on.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

This is a not a pro-male post by any means, but there are so many factors going against the male when marriage comes into play. If a woman cheats on you during marriage, she gets off easy. If you do it, you get the scarlet letter and lose all your hard earned cash.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with the idea of a "life partner" without the nuances of a marriage clause. Trouble is, I doubt there are any women out there who feel the same way.
not alaways true! some women wont leave you after an incident like that, some will! some women arent going to take your hard earned cash. I(personally) am not going to take your money unless I have something to do with it.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

This is a not a pro-male post by any means, but there are so many factors going against the male when marriage comes into play. If a woman cheats on you during marriage, she gets off easy. If you do it, you get the scarlet letter and lose all your hard earned cash.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with the idea of a "life partner" without the nuances of a marriage clause. Trouble is, I doubt there are any women out there who feel the same way.
most just want your money or the prestige that comes along with marriage(landed a good catch,successful/famous man).

Unless it's real love, it's all bullshit. I don't think you need marriage to fall deeply in love.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

not alaways true! some women wont leave you after an incident like that, some will! some women arent going to take your hard earned cash. I(personally) am not going to take your money unless I have something to do with it.
You're still an innocent kid Kay :wavey:

Soon you will know the truth about things.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

what's wrong with getting married at 23? (my preferred age of marriage)
If you think it's fine, that's cool. Personally, that seems ridiculously young, and when your young you make decisions on impulses. When your young, you should be out seeing the world and living it up, with no restrictions, and committed relationships sort of take those opportunities away, and it's something you don't get back.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

I like them. It is a nice change from the "chase every skirt possible" theory.

When I'm in a legit relationship with a girl, I love it for as long as it lasts, (which, admittedly, isn't THAT long) but the freedom of being able to break up if things aren't going well is a nice luxury.

As for marriage, I doubt I'll settle down until AT LEAST 30. And even then, the woman has to be my absolute ideal lady that I really do want to live with for the rest of my life.

I would really hate to have to deal with the bullshit of a divorce. It's like a break-up x 1,000,000, especially if money and kids are involved.

100% true. But at age 20 no one should be thinking about marriage or kids. ;)
Agreed.

However, I know plenty of people from high school that are either married, had kids, or both all around 20 year old, it is insanity.

I agree with you to a point.

Being completely alone at all times can't be good either. What, you want to be with a gazillion girls to a point you feel no emotion and expose yourself to diseases? well yeah being married doesn't guarantee that the partner won't cheat either.

In my opinion the correct way is the celtic way, get married for a year. If you still feel happy you renew the vows. If not you move on.
I like that idea of married for a year and then figuring out what to do next.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

Sad state of affairs seeing those divorce stats etc. Says more about how people have changed as to opposed to relationships changing. Folks appear to me to be more self involved and unwilling to compromise to make something work.
Anyway still married after 20 years and still very much in love. And all I have to do is look at our kids and :hearts: think how all is right in my little corner of the world. Thankfully though I have a great career that gives me lots of positive feedback and reinforcement too and makes life easier.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

I agree with you to a point.

Being completely alone at all times can't be good either. What, you want to be with a gazillion girls to a point you feel no emotion and expose yourself to diseases? well yeah being married doesn't guarantee that the partner won't cheat either.

In my opinion the correct way is the celtic way, get married for a year. If you still feel happy you renew the vows. If not you move on.
You can replace being alone all the time with close relationships with friends, family. Have a lot of loves, share your love and spread it around. I don't think it's good to have someone there 24/7, everyone needs their space and time to themselves.

This isn't really about sexual relations, because you can not be in a relationship and be guarded about sex, and you can be married and very open about it. You only expose yourself to diseases if you have unprotected sex with people who have them. That's something that can be avoided.

Also, many times, having sex with only one person sucks the emotion out of the sex. It gets stale. If you are so into a person you choose to engage in sexual relations with them, there must be some type of emotions involved. Not everything though has to be serious. It can be just fun lustful desires. As long as you are safe, not cheating on anyone or with someone who is cheating, and yiu are responsible, it's all good to me.

That celtic view of marriage, interesting. That would be really awkward for me, because it's sort of like a trial period, a lot of pressure, and nothing is really solid or assured. Then you don't want to hurt the other persons feelings, you may have family pressure to marry, you may have a kid. Just seems complicated. To me, if you get in a relationship, you should be 100% committed or you shouldn't start it.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

This is a not a pro-male post by any means, but there are so many factors going against the male when marriage comes into play. If a woman cheats on you during marriage, she gets off easy. If you do it, you get the scarlet letter and lose all your hard earned cash.

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with the idea of a "life partner" without the nuances of a marriage clause. Trouble is, I doubt there are any women out there who feel the same way.
Sort of true, not always true, but your right in many cases. Actually, it's a reason why many men are scared to get married. But I do think the amount this happens is exaggerated and this scenario has happened in the reverse also.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

:lol: I am watching the bachelorette too but I don't think you can compare that to anything in real life. How about Jake and Vienna? :eek:
Yes, I understand the situation is not like real life, but the emotion from the men is similar to how many men can act. They are DESPERATE to be with that girl, who they don't even know is in to them, and has just fallen in love with another guy, and was in a long term thing before that. Why would anyone put themselves in that sort of position? That made me sad and sort of sick in a way, like, shes making out with 5 guys, and then they are acting like "well, she only loves me". It's just so odd, and all but 2 of the Bachelor/Bachelorette couples have failed, and one other person from the show got married with someone else.

Jake and Vienna are both just total fame whores, completely and utterly separated from reality, and not worth my time. Supposedly Jake is gay anyway, and Vienna wants to be an actress. It just adds to my opinion that the show now is about publicity only.
 

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Re: What are your thoughts on committed, exclusive relationships?

Sad state of affairs seeing those divorce stats etc. Says more about how people have changed as to opposed to relationships changing. Folks appear to me to be more self involved and unwilling to compromise to make something work.
Anyway still married after 20 years and still very much in love. And all I have to do is look at our kids and :hearts: think how all is right in my little corner of the world. Thankfully though I have a great career that gives me lots of positive feedback and reinforcement too and makes life easier.
As always, my dear, a sane post in the MTF world of insanity.

Like you, I married later in life...but am still madly in love with my :hearts: after 13 years (~9 married) together. There are bumpy spots, no doubt...but I've never ever had a twinge of wanting to part ways.

I do think that marrying young is much, much harder. You haven't really had a chance to figure out who you are, what you want and so, in that vein, I think experimentation is both good and necessary. Some, as we grow older, find we want the stability of a permanent relationship. Some don't...and, accordingly, shouldn't get married (my sister is one of those, I suspect).

It's an extremely personal choice. :)
 
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