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I hate myself when I'm like that. This isn't new. But the more I struggle to not be or show, the less I succeed. Example, yesterday, at work, it has been really tough all morning long. For various reasons. And, of course, when I came back home, I cried for 1 hour. Stupid me!! This is the sign. I mean, in other circumstances, I would never ever have cried after some shit at work. On the contrary. Would have been so pissed off that I would have been able to slaughter some ppl. But no. Not when I'm down. I'm exhausted. Not that much physically. But mentally. Don't wanna fight any longer. No more strength to do it. And fighting all the time isn't healthy. Just have a look at myself now and you'll easily get why...

Anyway, I know I sound scary but I'm trying to cope. It was the Fête de la Musique yesterday (Music's Day). Of course, there was no way for me to go out and have fun, enjoying all the activities linked to this event. But I decided I would celebrate it my own way. I went to a store and bought not less than 5 CDs. Came back home and spent all evening long with headphones and very loud music on. This is another sign. I hardly ever do that when things are ok for me.

I so much lack self confidence. And that IS scary. I'm appalled myself. Something that doesn't go the way it should and I'm convinced it is my fault and I'm hopeless. A conflict with a colleague and I automatically give up. I have such a low opinion of myself that I simply can't let show to others. And, logical consequence, every other girl or person around is better, far better....Deep inside I know it isn't true. But I just can't persuade myself right now.
 

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c'mon Choupi u 're strong ;)and u have ppl around u who love u :hug:
"conflict with a colleague " are in every work, i know it's hard but try don't take care about them..more ppl are and will be always bad but....there are things more important outside..like ...Wimbly :p ;) take care :hug:
 
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