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ok,i have to calm down.

i'm stupid. i really am stupid. i thought someone could love me despite my principes ,despite what i tryed to convince myself during 17 years. i still don't know how i fell inlove with him. but if i will still have a heart after these days i promiss i won't make that error again. they say capricorns never fell inlove or if they do,it's forever. it's true. but he couldn't see that.he couldn't see how much it took me to say "i love you". i never said that to anyone before,not even to my mother.because i never did. i never let anyone to get to my heart in that way,that deep.he couldn't see how humiliated i felt to say "i want you back". he just stepped over my heart as i was trash. maybe i am. i have to get used again with the thought i don't deserve anyone's love.
i feel i shouldn't have told him we should broke out. i didn't feel we should,but i had to make him listen to me. i was feeling so unimportant. i guess that was. i was too easy to get. what can i say ,i liked him and i'm not the type who plays just for fun. if i had something to say,i told him. maybe it was too much. or maybe i was getting old..u know,the feeling i-have-to-get-it dissapears when the object is not new anymoe. maybe i should accept he just got bored. but waht makes me sad it's that he never told me that. he never said yes or no,he always said maybe. and i'm a straight mind person,for me it's not between yes and no for long time. i like to know where i'm standing. damn it,if only i would have been strong enough not to listen to him when he told me he doesn't want to lose me. if only i didn't do so much to have him back.if only i didn't dream as a silly girl.
is there a feelings hospital? this is an emergency. i can't afford to cry myself out when i have so much to study. but i feel i have no goal. i'm empty. can anyone tell me how do i erase something ? how can i miss something never existed? how can i still wake up in the morning imagining he's holding me into his arms. my imagination helped me to break trough the space bariers,but now i pay the price. i can't help it, i can't not think at him. i can't pull him out my mind and my heart. i can't just delete his image as i could delete his messages. maybe i should try....even i wasn't able to push away not even the messages,i couldn't press that delete button neighter on my cellphone or my pc. i'm just...weak. and empty.

ok,enjoy another entry from "moke miru's patehtic life".
 

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Miru
Things will get better my vfriend :hug:

Just take a breather and give hem sometime :kiss:
 

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Miss Fabray
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:hug:
 
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