The British Strategy Book

Jeremy Bates 3 simple rules to bring the gold davis cup to the mother country:

1. Once you find out the tie against switzerland is on the red clay quickly gather up a welsh man and 2 scots to proudly play under the St George flag. None of them are English you say? no problem, stick henman on the bbc to analyse the match at every opportunity and give the team a true "English" feel.
Bates logic was obvious of course, the tie is on clay so they must pick a clay court specialist team to travel to Switzerland regardless of nationality. And with a grand total of 1 win on clay over the past 4 years between the 3 of them who could argue with such a team.

2.A captain must come up with tactics. A team that is superb on clay isnt enough. You need tactics. Here Bates came up with a masterstroke that will be talked about for years. The man bamboozled his hapless Swiss opposite number, and the worlds best player, by nominating Mackin to play the first match. Federer admitted under interrogation from Sue Paxman-Barker earlier that the team was expecting him to be playing Andy Murray first-up today, and he was completely non-plussed as a result. Federer was then mentally battered further by young Macadder who resolutely refused to win a single game until midway through Set 3, and deliberately refused to take any of the various break-points Federer lamely offered him. It was obvious to this viewer that Federer was shaken to the core by all this, and I now doubt he will be taking part in Sundays reverse dead rubber singles as a result.

3. A captain must motivate his team. Bates got the absolute best out of the notoriously difficult to handle young ASBO chav Murray Mint. It was a tactical masterstroke for Bates to just peel Murray's bananas for him and let him get on with losing in straight sets.


It is foolish to second-guess Bates now, but I suspect he will be lining up a further surprise tomorrow. My guess is that he'll go with himself against Federer to further soften up the Swiss robot, leaving Murray Mint to bring home the Davis Cup Trophy in the last match with an easy win over Ford Allegro.