Weekend time, tears time. As I make a very big effort at work so that I'm safe with those silly questions like "what's wrong?"...of course, when I come back home, finally feeling free to let it all out, I spend hours crying. I keep on sleeping a lot. The house is the only place I feel safe. I don't wanna see anybody. Cutting myself from the outside world, when I don't need to go to work. Been offered to go to Noah's show tonight. I've refused. In other circumstances, I would have jumped of joy. Not now. I'm frightening myself. I'm used by now, to those spleen periods. I mean it's 10 years now. But I've never felt so down. This morning, when I opened my eyes, I thought about how relieving it would feel to not open them anymore. Then, I thought about who would gonna miss me in that case. The only answer coming to mind was my cat...I'm unable to control my thoughts, and that's freaking me out.