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14,645 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My best friend, Lauren. We've been friends for nearly 2 years now. I started getting feelings for her back in 2004. She knew about it as I told her - she didn't feel the same. We have so much in common, we're so alike in many aspects and we share the same birthday. It's freaky how much alike we are.

Now, I thought my feelings for her was over when I got a girlfriend early last year. But I realised that my feelings still were for her. Which presented one major problem. Anyway I was holding onto hope that we will get together eventually. My fears were realised early last year that she will never feel the same way despite the likeness and despite everything else. She has had feelings for other guys the last 12 or so months but nothing ever happened out of it. She complains that she doesn't have a boyfriend. However, she would have one if only she had feelings for me.

I realise I can't make her have feelings for me, but here we are in 2006 and I still have strong feelings for her and the thought of her talking about other guys makes me insanely jealous. I know I can't make her have feelings for me. She is a confused girl - she's going through a lot at the moment in her life. She says she has standards. And she thinks she likes a guy who is about 9 years older than her who doesn't even meet half of those standards. So I don't know if it's confusion or if she will ever feel the same.

I know I can't match the standards as things in the past I can't change. But surely if she can have feelings for someone who doesn't even meet half her standards, she can have feelings for me?

It's driving me crazy. I've had feelings for her for 18 months. And I can't get them to go. We've almost lost our friendship over it many times.

Here are the standards she has. I have yes to the ones I match and no to the ones I don't match.

Intellectual - No (I'm not that intellectual unless it comes to fitness and sports)
Funny - Well yes I'm funny
Caring - Yes
Phyisically Active - Yes
Not overweight - Yes
Not more than 3 inches shorter than her. - Yes - I'm taller by a few cm
Mentally stable - At the moment, No!
Not married - Yes.
No history of drug or gambling - Well I gamble so that rules me out so we'll say No.
Likes dogs - Yes
Romantic - Yes
No police charges - Yes
Not married to their job - Yes
Likes the beach - Yes
Cultured - Yes
Non smoker - Yes
Not a player - Yes
Likes AFL - Yes
Appreciates her for her - Yes
Supportive - Yes
Thoughtful - Yes
Adventurous in more ways than sexual - Yes
Lives in Australia - Yes
Good listener and communicator - Yes - I'm always there for her.
Although it's not important - good looking. - No.

Lets see.

Out of all those standards, 25 of them, I don't match 3 of them.

I'm not mentally stable at the moment - I admit that.

I have a history of gambling and I gamble at the moment - So I understand where she's coming from incase I developed a problem then there would be all sorts of trouble.

Even though it's not important - I'm not good looking.

Yet, I match all the other ones. Yet she doesn't have feelings for me and yet she says she has standards and that I don't meet them and that she will never feel the same for me.

I will be mentally stable in the future and I can stop gambling. I can stop gambling right now if it means I can be with her. So I would meet all of her standards.

It's bullshit I say. Fucking bullshit. Excuse the language. :(

I've totally fallen for her and I can't let go. Yet she is falling for other guys who don't even meet near enough of those standards that I meet and that always hurt her and she is always complaining about guys not wanting to be with her and that I'm the only one ever who has wanted to be with her.

It hurts, it hurts big time.

It's getting to the stage where I can't talk to her anymore. She's basically said that we will never be together, ever, and she says why. Yet I still want to be with her.

I don't want to lose my best friend, but if I somehow don't get over her very quickly, it may come to that stage :(

What the fuck do I do?

:( :( :( :(

Excuse my language.

12,421 Posts
Excuse my language. You're a fucking amazing guy. Excuse my language. You rock BECAUSE you gamble. I feel a bit sorry for you because you sound soooooo sad. :hug: Are you leaving her alone now and then? I'm sure a girl wouldn't like it if you're like a shadow to her. If you leave her alone for a few weeks, I swear she'll miss you! Take a look at the standards. Damn Chris, you're perfect. You're not bad looking... it's rather cute and helpless. Some like it. vLove? If you need more help, ask me in a PM. I'm there for my friend.
If she doesn't feel anything for you, though... then you have to accept it. I know it's hard. :hug:

14,645 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I'm almost tempted to say to her that I'd want us to leave each other alone for a few weeks.

Coz I can tell you right now, even our friendship is on rocky grounds.
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