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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is the one Marie and I did back in April? I think :eek: Long time a go here it is: KEEP IN MIND THIS WAS CREATED BEFORE we found out Lucy Henman was pregnant :eek:

Lleyton: Tim, Tim, Tim.... hasn't anyone told you that you are a complete shitbag and stop cheaking out my arse.... I ain't got no blue shorts and your shit at doubles and u ain't gonna win Wimbly m8 C'MON HENMAN....... Too shit scared to fight back huh

Tim: BUT I LIKE YOUR ARSE, and not only will I win Wimby I will win RG too!

Lleyton breaks out in laughter

Lleyton: You are taking the piss right?! God how much have the BBC paid you to say all this shit?! £1 million £2 million? Go and have someone else's arse like your bitch Lucy, Mines taken... like you would of had it anyway.....

Tim: Lucy won't put out... and sides who is it taken by? Kim? I don't think she cares she seems to fansy your friend Hayden more.

LLeyton is now filled with rage...

Lleyton: OMG! FUCK YOU!!! You are soo jelous Timmy boy... just cos u ain't getting no satisfaction from your missus.... or that old bag Sue "tme and timmy are in lurvveee" Barker and accually Kim gave me head on last nite so u can fuck right off u wanker

Tim: gave you head picturing you were Hayden, or better yet Jason

Lleyton: Yeah Yeah.. Kimmie told me she loves me NOT Hayden...ME!!!! Just give it up Henboy... your nothing but a sad old lonley toffee nosed tosser who's just jelous cos I got what you havent got M8!

*Hayden walks in*

Hayden: Good day m8s!

Chickenboy: O ball of piss I think Hayden will have somethin to say about kimmy!

both look at Hayden...

Lleyton: Alright m888888!!! That tim bull shitter has being sayin' shit bout u and Kimmie.. what a wank!

*Hayden has an uncomfortable look*

Hayden: M8 his a wanker thats all, sides kimmy and I haven't done anything since.....I MEAN EVER!!!

Lleyton: Ah cool.. thats a beauty m8.. good u and Kimmie ain't got up to nothing... U know that Kimmie means the world to me.... in fact look at what I brought her today....
*Gets a box out of his pocket nd opens int to reveal a rather large diamond ring*
Lleyton: Pretty Bling Bling dontcha think Hayd?!

*Hayden bites his lip*

Hayden: O yeah its a beaut but you might want to wait till you guys get to know each other more, or atleast while I'm on my gap year

Tim: I dun think thats a good idea for you 2 getting married... before we got married Lucy use to want me so badly each night...and now...I get nothing...

Hayden and Lleyton both *roll eyes*

Lleyton: Henman, who said u were in this convo so shut up ok! Hayden m8, me and Kim have know eachother for u know, ages, remember before no chick would even look at me... she's the one.. I think we know eachother pretty well.... why till after that gap year m8? something u ain't telling me!

*Hayden looks rather nervous, Kim walks in*

Kim: Hey lleyton hunni *gives him a little kiss* Hiya Hayden ;)

Tim starts feeling insignificant

Lleyton: Hi Kimmie *hides the ring* where do you want to go out today?

Kim: O I don't know you decide

Hayden: Ah yes actually you guys I have a gift for you! I have concert tickets ! they are in my room... Kimmie you want to come with me and get them?

Kim: Yeah Hay.....

*Lleyton butts in*

Lleyton: Hayden, whydon't we go and collect the concert tickets cos I need to get something frm my room so....

Hayden: But....

Lleyton: C'mon Hayden! Lets go otherwise me and Kim won't be going anywhere and You know..I wanna make this date special

*Hayden and Lleyton both walk out while Kimmie is left alone with Henman*

Kim: Hi Tim, hows it going? your neck feeling better?

Tim: yes actually... whats with you and Hayden?

Kim: what do you mean?

Tim: I mean when me and Lleyton played against eachother at the IW final, u2 were looking pretty cosy....

Kim: Ugh! Shut up! I was being F.R.I.E.N.D.L.Y duh! I mean I am the nicest girl on the tour and stuff

Tim: But what about the other day......

Kim: Look I was joking around! Me and Hayden got a bit tipsy... promise you won't say anything to Lleyton...please?! *flutters eyelids*

Tim: Awwww how can I resist that cute look... I won't tell if u.....

Kim: Ewwwww nooo!!! Anyway, I've heard your in the small department so I think I'll pass!

*Meanwhile Lleyton and Hayden are walking to Hayden's room*

Lleyton: So why don't you want me to ask her yet?

Hayden: O you know I just want to spend more time with you guys, you are such great friends to me...and I just couldn't bare to see Kim....and you getting heartbroken...yes

Lleyton: heartbroken? why?

Hayden: O you know...drinking....

Lleyton: WHAT???... there something you aren't telling me about Kimmie?

Hayden: Look Lleyton.... I dunno how to say this... but please don't be mad with Kim.....

Lleyton: Just fucking tell me Hayden

Hayden: Ok Ok, well the other day, when you were off down the pratice courts with Jason....Kimmie was looking kinda sad cos of her injury and stuff

Lleyton: yeah cut the crap and get onto the story buddy!

Hayden: Well I asked her if she wanted to get trashed and she said yea, so we went intomy room, drank pratically everything in the mini bar so we were pretty drunk


Hayden: errr no.... We told eachother we loved eachother and we kissed.... but cos we left the door open someone saw us, dunno who but I think it's better if it came from me so that u get the truth

Lleyton: You fucking bastard....*Punches his fist* C'mon!!

*Kimmy and Tim hear screams of C'mon and both run to see Lleyton beating the living crap out of Hayden*


*both stop*


Kim: Lleyton I'm sorry Hayden doesn't mean anything to me, it was just a mistake, you know that I love you very much *acts cute*!

Lleyton: Agrahh!!! Tim you can fuck off for starters..don't want you selling this to the BBC so that I get slated when it comes to Wimbledon! Kim......U know I love you too.... please don't dump me for Hayden... look I'll do anything.. please just don't leave me

Kim: Awwwwww Lleyton hunni.... I love you sooooo much too.... regret getting drunk with Hayden... I don't love him.... it was the alchohol ok!

Hayden: No Kim No!!! But I love you!!!!

Tim: Look guys, Kim and Lleyton want eachother.... Hayden.. you got any blue shorts? I bet you have a nice tight arse

*everyone looks at henman*



Lleyton: Ok thats it *pumps fist and screams c'mon*

*Kim runs in between the two*

4,984 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
LoL that's not all we have more lol :eek:

2,252 Posts
post it please

4,984 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·

*Hayden punches Lleyton in the face and Lleyton falls to the floor*

Kim: LLEYTONNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awww babe c'mon, off the floor! (Screaming) Look what you've done Hayden!!!!!!

Tim: (To Hayden) You got me baby.... let me look at that eye of yours.....

Hayden: Get of me Tim!! Kim! No! please! don't go off with Lleyton! He was such a geek at school, u don't want a geek you want a me!

Lleyton: Fuck off! Hands off her! Shes mine!

Kim: C'mon Lleyton we are leaving right this minute! I don't EVER want to talk to you again Hayden!

A few hours pass, Hayden is being comforted by Tim in his room, Kim and Lleyton get ready for their date..... Meanwhile Lleyton is waiting for Kim down at the lobby

Lleyton: (Looking at watch) C'mon Kimmie hurry!!!!

*Lleyton puts his head up and sees Kim looking gorgeous walking towards him*

Lleyton: Kimmie about today...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have over reacted.

Kim: Awww thats ok

Lleyton: C'mon lets go or else we gonna be late


Hayden: Kim! Kim! Look Im not stopping you going on this date but just don't say the words "Yes I will" ok..?!

Tim: Accually do!! C'mon Hayden lets go play chess!!!

Lleyton: Yeah you go take Hayden and while your at it, shoot the guy! Look Hayden...Kim chose me, like she i going to listen to you ok?!

Kim: C'mon Lleyton...Lets go...I don't even want to look at Hayden's face no more

Hayden: But Kim......!!!!

*kim looks at Hayden, but turns away and walks out with Lleyton. Hayden breaks downs and cries... Henman conforts him..*

Hayden: Its like Its like I thought she liked me??? The first time I saw her I wanted her...and then yesterday I thought that if I could get her trashed she would like me...but she chose that RUNT....UGH...what does he have that I don't?

Tim: Blue shorts But I can get you some if you want

Hayden: EWWWWWWwwwwww god

Tim: You know you want it baby

*meanwhile Kim and Lleyton are on their date*

On the date....

Kim: Lleyton where are you taking me?!

Lleyton: It's a suprise but you'll love it!!!

They walk about for 15 minutes untill Lleyton takes her onto the beach where he has laid a little picnic under a palm tree....

Kim: Awwwwww Lleyton this is so beautiful.... I don't deserve this... I've been such a bitch to you....

Lleyton: No worries Kim, U havent, it's that Hayden thats done wrong... Only the best for my fave Belgian diamond

Kim: (goes all cute on him, Hewitt smiles sweetly) Awww this is so beautiful.... But why have you gone to all this trouble?!

Lleyton: Kim ummm there's something I have to ask you...

Kim: Yes?

Lleyton: Kim will you marry me *pulls out the ring*

Kim: (in total shock) OMG! *with tears running down both Lleyton and Kim's faces* Of course I will!!!!!!

Lleyton: *Puts ring onto Kim's finger* Awwww that looks so perfect, you are perfect...

Kim: *blushes* I love you Lleyton

Suddenly two people come up behind the newly engaged couple

Mrs Hewitt: Hi guys! We've come to stay with you!!! We cant be leaving you two on your own!!!

Mr Hewitt: Come on guys, lets go back to the hotel! It's far too late to be out here at your age!!


Mr Hewitt: We haven't raised you for 21 years so you can talk back like that!

Mrs Hewitt: Thats it Lleyton your grounded, You can't go out for a week

Lleyton: MOM!!! I just asked Kimmy THE bloody questions DAMN IT CAN I HAVE SOME PRIVACY HERE!

Mrs Hewitt: O? our Lleyton is getting married awww thats great!
but your still grounded!

*both mr and mrs hewitt leave*

Lleyton: BLOODY HELL! I'm sorry Kimmy!

Kim: know...ummm thinkin about it...maybe we should wait untill you move out???

Lleyton: Yeah I think we should....!!!

Kim: Wow! our first house together!!!! Australia or Belgium tho?

Lleyton: Both! I mean wern't exactly poor... only the best for my Kimmie!!!

*A month later...Kim and Lleyton are househunting in Australia......*

Kim: I thought you said we are going to get houses in both Belgium and Australia???

Lleyton: Well you see??? ummm that stupid Henman and his inability to play actual tennis in doubles.....and bloody hell Haydne wasted soo much of my money...bastard couldn't buy his own damn plane ticket....GOD DAMN IT!

Kim: Erm what did you do with my money?


Kim: right...O this house looks gorgeous, you think we'll be able to afford it?

Lleyton: ......erm.....I dun think so


Lleyton: Look Kimmie, we can get the house!!! We just need someone stupid enough to lend us money which we will not need to pay back....

Kim: Who's gonna be that stupid and desperate?! Oh No!!!

Lleyton: Oh C'mon!!! He's got a few bob in the bank! It's not like he's gonna be living with us......

Kim: Yeah I guess so.... Look Lleyton if we get this house, we will be needing a nurcery...

Lleyton: Eh?! Why?!

Kim: Shit... ermm nothing!!

Lleyton: Kim.... tell me.... OMG!

Kim: Yep, and don't's yours!!!!!

22,537 Posts
Kim has just arrived in Rosmalen where she and Lleyton are trying to spend some Quality time alone...........

Lleyton:Aw Kimmy, I'm so happy we're both in Rossie, I really missed you over these last weeks

Kimmy: Aww that's so sweet Lley Lley I've missed you too.....

Lleyton and Kim go in to kiss one another when Jelena Dokic arrives........

Jelena: Hi Kimmy!

Kim:Oh hey Jelly

Lleyton looking pissed off mumbles

Lleyton:Oh great it's the Aussie, I mean Yugoslav, I mean Brit.....

Kim nudges him in the back

Jelena: Very funny Lleyton, see me laughing you're just soooo hillarious it must be the Aussie Charm :rolleyes:

Lleyton Scowls

Kim:So what's up then Jelly,

Jelena: Oh I was just wondering whether you wanted to play doubles tommorow

Kim:I'd love to.......

Lleyton:What the fuck!! I haven't seen my girlfriend for weeks and you already wanna rob me of my time with her....Why don't you just do one rankings thief...

Jelena:How dare you.......I earned that ranking.......

Lleyton:Like fuck you did everyone knows that my Kimmy is superior to you Doughnut girl.....If you're teling me you deserve that Ranking then Justine Henin's boobs are the biggest in the WTA!

Jelena:You know you're a complete ass Lleyton, how can you go out with this piece of dirt Kimmy

Lleyton:That's not what you were saying when you tried to shove your tongue down my throat in the lobby last night!

Kim:What the hell.....



27,194 Posts
Jelena: I was drunk! I must've been! Otherwise, what would I be doing trying to kiss that asshole?

Kim: Jelena, you're not helping yourself by calling my boyfriend an asshole.

Jelena: Well, I can only tell the truth, Kimmy, and the truth is you're dating a jerk.

*Kim is starting to get annoyed. She looks back and forth from Lleyton to Jelena.*

Kim: All right, I want to know EXACTLY what happened.

Lleyton: I was downstairs in the hotel lobby, waiting for Jason to come down so we could go to dinner, when this tosser showed up and started hitting on me!

Jelena: Kim, that's not true at all! Who are you going to belive--me, your friend and doubles partner since juniors, or this screaming, hyperactive bag of crap?

Kim: Gee, what a hard decision. See you later, Jelly.

*She and Lleyton begin to walk about, but don't get very far before Kim turns around.*

Kim: And just for the record, you'd be nowhere near my ranking if I wasn't hurt. Next year, it's mine, and your doughnut-eating ass is going down in flames!

*Jelena is speechless. She runs off to find her father.*

Lleyton: Sorry about that, baby.

Kim: *sigh* It's not your fault. *grins* You can't help it that you're irresistible to the opposite sex.

Lleyton: I wouldn't say that. *blushes* Just as long as I'm irresistible to you.

Kim: No problems there.

Lleyton: Right then. How about you and I head up to the room, and I give you a proper welcoming?

Kim: I thought you'd never ask.

*Lleyton and Kim get into the elevator and go into their room. Unbeknownst to our favorite couple, a drunk and angry Damir Dokic is heading right for them*


2,252 Posts
really good

22,537 Posts
Lleyton and Kim are canoodling in the elevator as the elevator door opens.
They begin to walk down the hall when the hear a rumbling noise


Kim:What was that

Lleyton:I dunno.........shhhhhh


Lleyton:Strike me roan what the hell is that

Kim: Lleyton……I’m scared

Lleyton puts his arm around Kim

A big,dark gloomy shadow ermerges over Lleyton and Kim, Both look up


Lleyton: The wilderbeast......

A drunken Damir Dokic stumbles in front of them with an empty Vodka bottle in his hand. He slurrs his words

Damir: *hic* Which one of you is……..*hic* Lleyton Hewitt

Lleyton: Are you as idiotic as your pathetic daughter....*Cough* are you blind, dumb and STUPID that would be m….

Kim:Me! I’m Lleyton!

Lleyton and Damir:WHAT!

Kim whispers to Lleyton

Kim:play along babe, yeah I’m Lleyton Hewitt, mate, yeah C’monnnnnn!!!

Lleyton Whispers to Kim

Lleyton:I so do NOT sound like that!

Kim sniggers

Damir:I hear you took advantage of my *hic* daughter

Kim;Yeah about that Damir, I dunno if you realised but your daughter is a skanky, nasty, cheap little rankings thief and I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole.......yeah......erm.....C’mon!

Kim clenches her fist as Lleyton slaps his forehead in dispair

Damir:You, you, how dare you talk about my Jelena like that I kill you with one look, I beat you so hard that you....... *thump*

A drunken Damir fals to the floor

Kim looks triumphant

Kim: A job well done I must say

Lleyton shakes his head and laughs

Lleyton:You’re really something Kimmy…..Now it’s REALLY time for my.erm..SUPRISE for you...

Kim: C’MON!!!! ;)

2,252 Posts
it's getting better and better!!!!!!!!

165 Posts
this izz funny guys

nice story's

keep it up goin'

27,194 Posts

I'll continue in a bit.

4,984 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Poor Jelly but it's funny as hell, thnx for posting :)
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