[Scotso]

Associated Press


Scottsdale, AZ -- After arriving in Scottsdale today, last week's singles champion, Legolas Thranduilion, was forced to undergo drug testing at the direction of FMTT director Scott Miles.

"Legolas' less than normal behavior and an anonymous tip prompted us to force the tests," stated Miles.

The tests were negative for all banned substances. Miles refused to comment on where the tip came from, only admitting that it was a player who alerted the Anti-Drug Committee.

Thranduilion was shocked at the accusations but would not offer a statement immediately following the tests, he said he would speak to the press in a later conference.

The FMTT is harsh in it's stance on banned substances, and as of yet there have been no affirmed drug abuses cases in FMTT history.

 

[Puss-in-Boots]

Dammit... you beat me to it .... this came through while I was writing mine in the Dubai thread... now I'll have to edit mine a bit .... arh... never mind.. I'll move mine here after I edit.

 

[Puss-in-Boots]

Thranduilion cleared after being made to undergo drugs testing

SCOTTSDALE Mar 02 (AP) -- Not long after his arrival for a tournament here, tennis player Legolas Thranduilion had his stocks of lembas and miruvor confiscated, and was made to undergo drugs testing, by Tour doping officials. He was completely cleared four hours later.

Thranduilion has won his last three singles tournaments, including last week's International Series Gold event in Dubai. While he had never previously failed a drugs test, Tour officials were concerned over fresh rumors that lembas and miruvor were performance enhancing.

"Well, I'm glad people are reading the books, that's where those descriptions come from... but I can't make THAT sort of lembas and miruvor. I don't have Elvish ingredients, and these recipes are simple improvisations. For example, real lembas is supposed to be wrapped in mallorn leaves... where am I supposed to get those? Mellyrn no longer grow in mortal realms!"

Nevertheless, Thranduilion did not get his pseudo-Elvish delicacies back. Apparently, after confirming that his victuals did not contain anything sinister, testing officials decided to taste them, and ended up eating the whole lot.

"By Elbereth and the stars! What cheek!" exclaimed a furious Legolas, "They hauled me in for all these tests, and then to add insult to injury, they ate up all my lembas! Now I'll have to go shop for ingredients and make more before play starts this week!"

Tour officials have confirmed that Thranduilion is no longer under any suspicion of taking performance-enhancing substances. However, an official, who requested anonymity, added that the Tour Director, Scott Miles, was contemplating arranging a psychological examination for Thranduilion.

 

[Puss-in-Boots]

Legolas, just after he found out he's not getting his lembas back.