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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Tear filled my eyes today. I wasn't hurt at all.

When I was a small child, I used to cry quite often. I always thought boys shouldn't cry. For me crying only meant that you are not strong enough, but,, I couldn't help... I often cried when my mom dropped me off at the kindergarten in the morning, cried often when I felt alone, and etc... I had never seen adults cry even when they were hurt. *Adults are strong and not kids. That's why they don't cry,* that was my thought back then... I was 9 years old when my grandmother of my father's side passed away of a natural cause. It was the first death in my family I had to face. When I think about it now, I guess I couldn't really understand the fact, being a 9 year old kid, that she was gone forever. But, at the funeral when I saw her coffin being carried away, surrounded by the family members, the relatives, and her loved ones, I understood it clearly. There she lay peacefully in the white wooden open coffin filled with flowers. I can't see her again, I can't hear her voice again, She won't hug me again. She is leaving forever... The emotion was rising up in my chest and face, and I felt that I was about to cry. I told myself not to do so, as I wanted to show the others that I am strong even in that kind of situation.. Then I began to hear some sob. They were adults. This beat me. Tear couldn't find enough room in my eyes, so it had to go out of them. As long as I remember, I noticed for the first time that strong emotion caused my tears to fill and flow.. It was also the first discovery for me that grownups also shed tears.

There often is a situation when some emotion grows in you, although you didn't command it to. And it sometimes leads to tear shedding, depending on the person. Roger Federer is a good example. Many people must still remember his on court interview after his first victory at Wimbledon 2003 and his victory speech at this year's Australian Open. When I saw him then live on TV, I shared his feelings and cried, too. When my dear girlfriend departed, I cried (reference: my blog entry:The lonely bitten chocolate). We had this kind of departure 5 times so far in our 7 year relationship, and I cried everytime. Some movies make me cry, too.

Today tear filled up in my eyes in a concert hall. At a classical music concert. The Cleveland Orchestra under Franz Welser-Moest performed Bruckner's Symphony No.5, one of my absolute favorite pieces. I was lucky that there were still tickets left when I arrived at the box office one hour before the concert. The tickets are very expensive, but when you are a student and there are still tickets remaining on that day, you can buy them for a massively discounted price. I listen to this piece at home or on the way to somewhere a lot, so I know this symphony quite well, but when you listen to this wonderful music in a concert hall played by a live orchestra, it is not the same thing which comes from a compact disc at all. The symphony was at its climax, and I sat tall there, being innerly moved deeply. The last note was played... *BRAVO!!* A man somewhere in the balcony shouted loudly. Then immediately warm and loud applause and Bravos from all over the audiences followed. By the time the first bravo came, my eyes were already watery. I am not a person to say bravo at the concert, but I can asure you that I was as deeply touched as the first BRAVO!!-man. Now I begin to think of some reasons why I pay money and keep coming to concerts. Of course I want to hear music. But, now I rather think like this: I want my heart to be touched. listening to wonderful music-----being touched. I had never thought like this, but I think that's why I keep visiting concerts. On the other hand, how were the musicians feeling on the stage in front of the loud applause and bravos, which lasted for quite a while? If you don't know, I am a music student, and I often play in orchestras, too... Actually, I enjoy the moment and am touched when I am on the stage and receiving warm applause... I do music because I love it. That's true. Plus, today I have realized more that I do music because I enjoy not only the feeling of achievement and accomplishment (Yeah!! We/I did it!! feeling) after the last note was played but also the realization that the audiences enjoyed the concert. It is a great feeling for you that you gave people a wonderful feeling. That's exactly why I do music.

Well, actually I went to listen to this Bruckner Symphony No.5 around this time one year ago as well.. I have also written a blog about this and about how I was deeply moved there...

I had a great evening. Being moved tonight actually brought me in front of the computer to make a blog entry as well.

SP

P.S. You think I cry a lot, huh.. I admit... I am a bit sensible...
 

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Hey SP.
I think i always agree with you in the most of times, but this time i have to say that i disagree with you.

Why couldn't a man cry? Cry releases you from your suffering. When you feel sad, Cry, it sets you free. There is no relation between boys and girls. coz we are all human beings.

is that right Yukio? :hug:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hey XY! :wavey:

Thanks for your comment. :) Actually I am not ashamed of this anymore. When I was a small boy I used to think boys shouldn't cry,, but now I feel something like what you have said. Look at Agassi the other day.. I shared his feeling.. I cried (although what I watched was not live but a video..) with him...
 

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Hey Y!

yep, i stayed up for his match, and i cried too. i can't resist when i see a man is crying. Im glad you are not a small boy anymore. and i always cry after i watched a sad film. the lastest is, when i watched Untied 93, oh, can't help myslef.

and i have the same feelings about you said when you were facing death.

you know Y, i love your blog your articles. :kiss:

have a nice day
xxx

have a nice day
 
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