[TennisHack]

We've decided to repost the story in its own thread, now that the other thread is getting chatty Please feel free to comment on any of the installments! If you'd like to read the original comments readers had on the story, please feel free to look in the chat thread.

Thankies!!

And Hackie thanks you, too

PS A little background: Layla wrote in a different thread that she was going to marry Juan Carlos, and there were a few other posters battling for a kiss before he was taken

 

[TennisHack]

::warble, warble::

:ahem:

A song I think's appropriate for this thread.

<bad Marilyn Monroe impression> For Juan Carlos </bad Marilyn Monroe impression>

For a long time I was in love :angel:
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife :angel:

I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love :angel:
You came along, I'm hunting you down

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life :angel:

If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?

I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life :angel:

::is dragged away in a straitjacket as Layla tries to protect JC's ears::

 

[TennisHack]

OH NO! SHE ESCAPED!, Pt 1

They call me "Hackie" at the mental hospital! But since the little wifey is gonna let me sing again, I prepared a REAL SPECIAL SONG!


You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission

And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another :angel:
I can't help it . . . you're my kind of man :lick:

Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I'm diving into my own destruction

So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me? (Layla screams, "He doesn't!")
And I know I can't tame you . . .but I just keep trying

 

[TennisHack]

OH NO! SHE ESCAPED!, Pt 2

'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another :angel:
I'm on your list with all your other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it . . .you're my kind of man :lick:

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another :angel:
Share a toothbrush . . .you're my kind of man :lick:
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it . . .you're my kind of man :lick:

No I can't help myself
I can't help myself
I still love to wash in your old bathwater

::Becca tries to tackle me with the second strait jacket, but HACKIE ESCAPES AGAIN!::

*How perfect is it that my desktop wallpaper right now is Juan Carlos at the Australian Open, water falling from his head? *

 

[TennisHack]

I have to remind myself to set up an alarm system and a bucket of cold (bath)water. Hackie is no longer content to sing @ the karaoke, she wants to go serenading now. *looks around suspiciously*

Hackie takes offense, she thought she was already serenading her love Juan Carlos. :fiery: She is determined to be back (hahahahaha!) with a great song.

And she will not fall for your alarm system. ::kicks over Layla's bucket of cold bathwater::

 

[TennisHack]

Ok, I have to go to bed no, so night night everyone.

No funny business while I'm unconscious now, Hackie! *waving her finger in the unknown direction*

Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!

Nighty night, Layla. Better hold your husband close, you never know what creepy crawley things can get in at night

 

[TennisHack]

HAAAAACKIEEEEE!!!! Where's Juan Carlos???? When I woke up this morning he was gone! :fiery:

Did you have something to do with this? GUARDS!!!!

Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!

 

[TennisHack]

Hackie lures away Juan Carlos, Pt 1

Juan Carlos & Layla are in their bed, in their bedroom. Layla is sound asleep, but Juan Carlos is having problems sleeping, tossing and turning, etc. Their window is open, breeze wafting in.

Outside, Hackie the Mental Hospital Escapee lurks around the grounds on their home. She spots Juan Carlos.

I see I my chance, I'll have to turn on the real charm now! Before the "helpers" come back!

She moves closer to the window.

I'm hanging out with me
And you're a vacant chair
A chosen compromise
This space we rarely share

<best siren voice> And if you lived here you'd be home now </best siren voice>

So what you givin' up for me?
And what shall I give up for you?
Aimless expectations passing by

If you lived here you'd be home now
If you lived here you'd be home now

And to make it real
I need to have you here
I need to have you
I need to hold you

 

[TennisHack]

Hackie lures away Juan Carlos, Pt 2

Juan Carlos sits up, trying to figure out what he's hearing.

Barren wasted heart
Neglect of normalcy

And if you lived here you'd be home now
Oh if you lived here you'd be home now

And to make it real
I need to have you here
I need to have you
It can't be sincere
Unless you spend time here
I need to see you . . .

Juan Carlos decides to go outside to find this mysterious voice.

Supervision is what I need
Some consistence, tangibility
Some casual light days
Part of the furniture
I want to take you for granted
And see you regular

Hackie sees her chance and tackles Juan Carlos as he wanders around the grounds. She won't let him call for the security or Layla.

So what you givin' up for me?
And what shall I give up for you?
The separations tired, it's been too long

And to make it real
I need to have you here
I need to have you
It can't be sincere
Unless you spend time here
I need to see you
I need you . . .

Come home now.

Juan Carlos, mesmerized, relaxes against Hackie's grip and agrees to go with her.

Hahaha, you'll never find him now! Bathwater wasn't enough this time, little wifey!!! He's come home with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

[TennisHack]

I'm not talking to you. It's past midnight and Juanqui hasn't come home yet. I know you're hiding him somewhere. :fiery:

Tsk, just a few minutes longer and you would have known what happened, why you woke up screaming, ALONE

 

[Layla]

Layla is shocked over the contents of Hackie's message and can't speak for hours. Seeing that she's good for nothing on this tragic day, she heads for the Heartbreak Creek to ponder over life's cruelties and weep for her lost love. She sits by the softly murmuring water and sings herself a sad song:

Sun comes up, it's Tuesday morning
hits me straight in the eye *ouch*
guess you forgot to close the blind last night
Oh, that's right, I forgot, it was me

I sure do miss the smell of black coffee in the morning,
the sound of water splashing all over the bathroom, *bathwater *
the kiss that you would give me even though I was sleeping,
but I kind of like the feel of this extra few feet in my bed
Telephone's ringing, but I don't answer it
'cause everybody knows that good news always sleeps till noon *like me *

Guess it's tea and toast for breakfast again
maybe I'll add a little T.V. too
No milk! God, how I hate that
Guess I'll go to the corner, get breakfast from Jenny
She's got a black eye this morning, `Jen how'd ya get it?'
she says, `Last night, Bobby got a little bit out of hand' :fiery:

Lunchtime. I start to dial your number
then I remember so I reach for something to smoke *cough*
and anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane
than go through all that shit again *hell yeah*

There's something about an afternoon spent doing nothing *amen*
Just listening to records and watching the sun falling
Thinking of things that don't have to add up to something
and this spell won't be broken
by the sound of keys scraping in the lock *phew*

Maybe tonight it's a movie
with plenty of room for elbows and knees
a bag of popcorn all to myself,
black and white with a strong female lead
and if I don't like it, no debate, I'll leave *you go girl*

Here comes that feeling that I'd forgotten
how strange these streets feel
when you're alone on them
Each pair of eyes just filled with suggestion
So I lower my head, make a beeline for home
Seething inside

Funny, I'd never noticed
the sound the streetcars make as they pass my window
Which reminds me that I forgot to close the blind again
Yeah, sure I'll admit there are times when I miss you
Especially like now when I need someone to hold me
but there are some things that can never be forgiven
and I just gotta tell you
that I kinda like this extra few feet in my bed :angel:

Oh, who is she kidding. Layla hates these stupid feet in her bed.

 

[TennisHack]

Hackie has a lucid moment

Hackie & Juan Carlos are hidden in the population of Layla's huge city. Hackie has a small apartment (that she had previously cleaned of the markings of her obsession with her love Juan Carlos).

I hope you don't mind the old standard.

Hackie produces an acoustic guitar and proceeds to play.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping :kiss:
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know why
Nobody told you
Have to unfold your love
I don't know how
Someone controlled you :fiery:
They bought & sold you :fiery:

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how
You were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know
You were inverted
No one altered you :kiss:

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all . . .
Still my guitar gently weeps.

Juan Carlos smiles and takes Hackie's hand.

 

[TennisHack]

NOT HER!

Later that day, Hackie goes out to buy a few necessities. She sees Layla wandering around.

My eyes are so rootless
They wander, I follow
I keep staring, I can't stop it
I know I shouldn't
But I can't stop it

Such a cute girl
I'm so jealous
I wish I looked exactly like her
What's it like to have that body?
I'm gawking while I wonder

S-T-A-R-I-N-G
I can't stop staring
S-T-A-R-I-N-G
I can't stop staring

With my envy I steal glances
Resentful fault finder :fiery:
This peek-a-boo's become a problem
Predisposed cat fighter :fiery:

S-T-A-R-I-N-G
I can't stop staring
S-T-A-R-I-N-G
I can't stop staring

 

[TennisHack]

Meanwhile, back on the tour

As Juan Carlos warms up for his first match on tour since Roland Garros, Cliff Drysdale & Patrick McEnroe take a moment to gossip.

Cliff: Well, Patrick, this is Ferrero's first match since his win at Roland Garros, and what an incredible win that was.

PMac: Yeah, Cliff, let's watch some highlights of that final match. Juan Carlos came out storming, taking the first set from the resurgent Guga Kuerten with one break of serve !, 6-4. The second set was much the same, 7-5 in Ferrero's favor. Guga came back, taking the next two sets, but it was all Ferrero as he broke Guga and served for the match.

Cliff: And we all remember that kiss, don't we? (Next video tape is of Layla falling over the panelling at the bottom of the stadium as she goes to kiss Juan Carlos--it's one of those "America's Funniest Home Video" moments)

PMac (laughs): Yes, we do. I heard she was just fine afterwards. I guess the red clay broke her fall.

Cliff: Besides winning Roland Garros for the first time, Juan Carlos also got married to that lucky girl. He spent Wimbledon on his honeymoon, the first Wimbledon he's missed since he began playing the full tour.

PMac: Well, you know those Spaniards! They don't like to play on those lightening fast surfaces.

Cliff: Would you say this is a hard match to come back on? He's playing Greg Rusedski, whom he's never won against.

PMac: Ferrero has been on fire since the French, but Rusedski's a tough opponent on these hard courts. But Juan Carlos has some pretty good passing shots and a lot of firepower frm the ground, especially that forehand. If he can get through this match, I'd say he's a favorite it win the whole tournament!

--------------------------------------------------
later in the match
--------------------------------------------------

PMac: Wow, Cliff, Juan Carlos has surprised even me with his excellent play here!

Cliff: He has broken Greg 4 times in the match. I suppose that big lefty serve isn't working for him today.

PMac: Oh, no, Cliff, it's those passing shots of Ferrero's. (Juan Carlos hits a gorgeous backhand passing shot as he says this.) See, there's another one! Hard to believe this guy's Spanish, eh? He should have played Wimbledon!!

Cliff: I'm sure Tim Henman is glad he didn't (laughs). And he has this woman to thank . . . wait . . .

PMac: Well, Cliff, I don't see the new Mrs. Ferrero anywhere. That's strange. I wonder what happened? No matter. Andy Roddick has just started his match over on Court 3, so we're going to take you there.

 

[Layla]

Layla is wondering around dazed, not knowing where she is or how she got there, barely able to see through the veil of tears. Suddenly she feels a fierce, piercing gaze that burns through her skin like a laser. She turns around and there she is. The devil. :fiery: There is no time to think of a perfect thing to say, something that would shut this snake up for good, so she resorts to cliches. She approaches Hackie as menacingly as possible and screams: "Take this message to that rat bastard! And while you're at it, listen to it yourself!" Then she proceeds to scream this song:

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both :angel:
An older version of me *hag*
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother :angel:

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive *not for long*

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me :fiery:
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

To be continued.

 

[Layla]

Part 2:

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me :fiery:
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it :fiery:

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me :fiery:
You, you, you oughta know

The cops show up at the scene and drag poor Layla, foaming at the mouth like a rabid rabbit, to the nearest phsychiatric institution.

 

[TennisHack]

Trouble on Stadium Court

at the end of Juan Carlos's match:

(score flashes onscreen)

PMac: Wow, Cliff, that was quite a performance by Juan Carlos Ferrero.

Cliff: Indeed, Patrick.

PMac: We're going to take you back to match point as soon as Andy finishes up here--what? We should go back now?

Cliff: Apparently something has happened on court, let's take a look.

Cliff: It appears to be Juan Carlos down there on the court, but who is that screaming person? How did they get down there, through the air-tight tournament security?

PMac: This is probably scaring the fans, they remember when Monica was stabbed by a fan.

Cliff: But this person doesn't appear to have a weapon--what a minute, that's his wife! What's going on?

The cameras close in on Layla as she shoves, punches, and screams at Juan Carlos.

Cliff: She appears to be singing some sort of song . . . .

 

[TennisHack]

Hackie loses it

Hackie returns from her juant in the street, still shaking from Layla's message.

I never should have left him!!

She hugs the small TV, where she had been watching the match, then notices the commotion on screen.

OH, NO!

Hackies hurries out.

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun
She's got herself a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder threatens everyone :fiery:

And I feel like I just got home
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel

Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one

Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of light

And I feel
Quicker than a ray of light
Then gone for
Someone else shall be there
Through the endless years

She's got herself a universe
She's got herself a universe
She's got herself a universe

And I feel
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel

Quicker than a ray of light she's flying
Quicker than a ray of light I'm flying

I'M going to be the only mental hospital escapee in his life!

Hackie begins to flap her arms as she runs down the street.

 

[Layla]

In a stunt worthy of MacGyver, Layla escapes the cops and makes her way to the stadium where her beloved Juan Carlos is about to serve for the match. Wild with rage, she starts hitting him and kicking him and, oddly enough, scratching his back, all the while singing the chorus of an unknown song like a broken record, as Juan Carlos just stands there limp, too shocked to move or speak.

WHY DON`T YOU WEEP
WHEN I HURT YOU
WHY DON`T YOU WEEP
WHEN I CUT YOU
YOU DON`T BLEED
AND THE ANGER BUILDS UP INSIDE :fiery:

But then she collapses at his feet in tears and completely changes her tune:

Lazarus wasn’t grateful for his second wind
For another chance
To watch his chances fade like the dawn
And me, I can barely tell you just how pale I get
Without you

I’ve been a mess since you’ve been gone

What were the first words that the crowd heard him speak
I bet he was cursing at the sky
I bet he wasn’t turning no other cheek
And was there still hope and desire left in his heart
For the last word in love :kiss:

I’ve been a mess since you’ve been gone

Your beauty is just a slap in the face *ouch*
That’s gonna bring me back to life
Back to another sky that’s blue :angel:
It’s gonna turn me into another great American zombie

So hungry for you

I’ve been a mess since you’ve been gone

Juanqui is moved to tears. And even though she is ruining the greatest moment in his life, he is overwhelmed by his love for Layla :angel: and vows never to break her heart again. After he has consoled her, he resumes his serve, but just at that moment there is another commotion...

 

[TennisHack]

Cliff & PMac get in the middle of it all

PMac (to station manager): This is why we cut away from the Roddick match?!

Cliff: We're live, Patrick.

PMac: Well, folks, it appears Juan Carlos is not going to call for the trainer, or the police. But wait--

Cliff: It appears the tournament director himself has brought along security to detain Ferrero's wife. Have you ever heard of such a stunt on court, Patrick?

PMac: Only the streakers at Wimbledon, Cliff.

Security detains Layla and takes her to the players entrance. She insists on watching Juan Carlos finish the match. Rusedski is looking on, visibly shaken yet amused.

Cliff: Juan Carlos serving for the match. He just toweled off as much blood as he could . . . I'm sure the ladies got a kick out of that, eh, Patrick? The torn shirt look is very 'in' this year.

There is a commotion in the commentator's booth.

PMac: What's the meaning of this?! Cliff?

Hackie grabs the microphone that is audible on court. She pushes Patrick out of the way and presses herself against the glass.

All right, boys!

Patrick and Cliff try to grab Hackie away from the glass, but she pushes both of them into their seats and across the room.

On court, Juan Carlos serves his first double fault of the match. 40-15.

In the booth, Hackie is gathering all of the sanity that she possibly could. She remembers Juan Carlos's gentle smile after she serenaded him in the apartment.

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still :kiss:
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to--I will. :angel:

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name ("Huh?")
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart :kiss:
Love you whenever we're together :kiss:
Love you when we're apart

And when at last I finally find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you ("Huh?")
Make it easy to be near you :angel:
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will.

I will . . .

Juan Carlos hits a slider ace out wide to win the match. He sends a kiss to heaven, then smiles the same gentle smile at Hackie in the ESPN booth.

Layla seethes with anger as she is led off the court. Juan Carlos accepts the crowd's bewildered accolades and even signs a few autographs behind his chair before leaving the court, tournament assistant whispering furiously in his ear as he carries the racquet bag.

Hackie touches the glass and smiles. She has calmed down enough to carefully replace the microphone and let a suspicious Patrick & Cliff get back to their places. She calmly leaves the booth, surprised to not be met by security as she leaves.

PMac: Well, Cliff, this has been quite a match.

Cliff: Indeed, Patrick.

PMac: I'm getting word that play has stopped on all of the other courts, so we can get right back to Andy's match, resuming play where we left off! We'll be back, after this.