[GOAT = Fed]

So I dumped my GF of five months today. MTF you decide was I alpha af or just an insecure man. It's a long read ahead guys so you are been warned.

So I met my GF at a friend's house 10 months ago and we got each other's numbers. She was out of the country for the next five months so we talked a lot and established a very tight knit connection; a connection I hadn't felt with any girl before ever. Moreover she was a moral girl and an innocent one from what I could tell.

About two months into talking she told me that one day she went out drinking and was alone with this guy who picked her up and she felt unvomfrotable about it and locked him out of his room but she was lonely and he was telling her to come out with him. this kind of distorted my view of her since I didn't think she was such a girl but I told her; You can go but I won't be here to talk with you. Obviously I wasn't in any right to stop her but I also don't want to talk to a girl and take one seriously when she's a sloot. She said no I won't go etc etc. Fast forward 3 months we met again and instantly hit it off in real life too and became official.

Yesterday however she confided in me, 8 months after the fact, that she actually went out and met him despite me saying no. I dumped her right there but said I don't want to burn bridges we can be friends, just don't expect me to be there as emotional support when you need it [which I was always there for her]. she's actually changed a lot now due to me. At the time she was suicidal but now she no longer was, she used to drink a lot of alcohol back then due to her depression and now she didn't drink any. I know I've made a genuine difference in her lufe and a positive one which she acknowledged yesterday when she was crying she told me how much I've done for her [which I have I guess].

But I for one cannot take a girl seriously when she told me how close we were and how great our connection was while also going out with other guys to get drunk with them. I know we weren't official but it's a trait I strongly dislike in girls.

So was I in the right to end the relationship over something which happened 8 months ago and weren't even official yet?

Is it alpha or beta?

She told me today that she'll contact me every week and won't give up and I told her well don't give it much hope it's very very unlikely I'll get back together with you. Once I am set in a decision I'm very stubborn. I live by the sword, I die by the sword.

Also to add a month after having to lock the guy out of the room incident I went to Germany for a few days and met a girl there who showed very obvious interest and invited me out for the night. I told her about it and she started crying and told me to go with her but leave her alone. At this time I had forgotten about the incident which she was involved or else I would definitely have called her out on it. Remember at this point we weren't official yet either.

So to me it seems like she wanted her cake and to eat it too.

What do you think MTF? Was I alfa as fuck cuz? I really do think if men took a stronger stand against such behaviour from women they wouldn't be walked over by women. It's just that a lot of men become pussy whipped at the first sign of a girl giving them interest. I know my value and I know I won't be played around like this. Gona make a tinder profile today and see what's happening.

PS: Spoof your GPS to Russia on tinder and watch the matches from 10/10 HBB's roll through even if you're average looking. Makes me wanna move to Russia so bad mane LOL.

 

[Mong Mong]

Out with a GF, and in with a BF.

 

[Fatima]

Weak from you.

 

[MichaelKrep]

Leaning towards insecure. You hadn't slept with her at that point and she was going to be away for 5 months. Owed you nothing at that point.

 

[T.C]

Well, I wouldn't have gotten involved with anyone that unstable/suicidal in the first place. But you did and she got better and your reason for dumping her is downright petty. You are far from alpha.

 

[GOAT = Fed]

Leaning towards insecure. You hadn't slept with her at that point and she was going to be away for 5 months. Owed you nothing at that point.

Hmmm this is true.

But I had told her; you can go with guys if you want I'm not going to stop you but I won't speak with you which she understood.

Yeah she didn't owe me anything hence why I gave her the free will to go out and meet that guy but the fact that she went behind my back to do it infuriates me.

Well, I wouldn't have gotten involved with anyone that unstable/suicidal in the first place. But you did and she got better and your reason for dumping her is downright petty. You are far from alpha.

It's alpha because most men ben backwards to accomodate women and go back on their values whereas I am stern in my beliefs even in front of women, that's a true alpha in my opinion one who doesn't let a woman sway him.

 

[BlackeyeVuk]

Do you even know what Alpha , Beta and Gamma means?

Alpha people are aggressive
Beta people are charming
Gamma people are pragmatic

Which basically means nothing because that can equally appease . Differential about that categorisation is the moment in which they are used. Alpha stance is often appealing when decisive act is needed, to show power to resolve. Similar stuff goes with other two. For example Gamma. Pragmatism often relies on logical perception of the problem. So what the stance one should use is heavily based on one perception. Which is very subjective. And all of them have pros and cons. Aggressive = Impulsive, Charmer(also likes others to charm him) = Naive , Pragmatic = Cold

Im not gonna get too much into this.

Your problem for example. Its good thing that you tried to described your past experience with her, however, I don't really have a clue whatever that you wrote is genially objective.

So in a way through your perception, we(audience) have to examine your stance.

Well if you humbly ask , I will do.
But firstly to say. I don't believe a single fuck what you wrote there until I hear her side of the story.

She called you to probe your reaction and in reality she already did with the guy.
You said you are not "officially" BF-GF. But in reality she was holding you as second chance.
That can be hurtful. Especially if you are younger and full of ego, and very bad move of hers. But I do believe that she stayed truthful to you after that accident and made you as her choice.

Now after all that she mustered the straight to be honest with you because she cares, and you went full retard and dumped her. Sorry not alpha or beta or gamma , just stupid.

About two months into talking she told me that one day she went out drinking and was alone with this guy who picked her up and she felt unvomfrotable about it and locked him out of his room but she was lonely and he was telling her to come out with him. this kind of distorted my view of her since I didn't think she was such a girl but I told her; You can go but I won't be here to talk with you. Obviously I wasn't in any right to stop her but I also don't want to talk to a girl and take one seriously when she's a sloot. She said no I won't go etc etc. Fast forward 3 months we met again and instantly hit it off in real life too and became official.

Also to add a month after having to lock the guy out of the room incident I went to Germany for a few days and met a girl there who showed very obvious interest and invited me out for the night. I told her about it and she started crying and told me to go with her but leave her alone. At this time I had forgotten about the incident which she was involved or else I would definitely have called her out on it. Remember at this point we weren't official yet either.

And a hypocrite .

 

[MichaelKrep]

Yeah she didn't owe me anything hence why I gave her the free will to go out and meet that guy but the fact that she went behind my back to do it infuriates me.

She is in a different country. She is not going to see you for 5 months and you guys are not even in a relationship. Nothing she does can be considered "behind your back" in my book.

I get that it is quite infuriating when she tells you afterwards that she fooled around with other people. I would rather not know actually, especially if she is not seeing other people any more. A possible reason for her telling you is to make herself feel less guilty about it, at the cost of hurting your feelings.

Whatever her reason for telling you, you overreacted, especially if you really cared about her. If you didn't, then I guess you wouldn't be starting this thread.

 

[MichaelKrep]

Do you even know what Alpha , Beta and Gamma means?

Alpha people are aggressive
Beta people are charming
Gamma people are pragmatic

So much no to this. Where are you getting this from?

 

[BlackeyeVuk]

So much no to this. Where are you getting this from?

Dude, i have degree in psy. Only good thing in explaining stuff like that to people is to keep it simple. Other way they might not read rest of the explanation.

Might ask myself why you kept your thought on that. [sarcasm]But then again you didn't so hey.[/sarcasm]

 

[MichaelKrep]

Dude, i have degree in psy. Only good thing in explaining stuff like that to people is to keep it simple. Other way they might not read rest of the explanation.

We are working with very fuzzy concepts in "alpha", "beta" etc so any attempt to define them will probably take about 10 pages in itself.

But still I am quite baffled why you think a beta is more "charming" than an alpha or a gamma is more "practical" than an aplha? In biology the concepts of alpha males and females refer to the sexual desirability of the individual. So one would imagine that an alpha would be both more aggressive and more charming than betas. I have no idea why you bring "practicality" into it as that has very little to do with sexual relationships and attractiveness.

Anyway, all of this is more or less off-topic. I think we all roughly understand what OP means by alpha in this context.

 

[BlackeyeVuk]

We are working with very fuzzy concepts in "aplha", "beta" etc so any attempt to define them will probably take about 10 pages in itself.

But still I am quite baffled why you think a beta is more "charming" than an alpha or a gamma is more "practical" than an aplha? In biology the concepts of alpha males and females refer to the sexual desirability of the individual. So one would imagine that an alpha would be both more aggressive and more charming than betas. I have no idea why you bring "practicality" into it as that has very little to do with sexual relationships and attractiveness.

Anyway, all of this is more or less off-topic. I think we all roughly understand what OP means by alpha in this context.

Concept of alpha,beta,gamma(omega whatever) does not exist in practical psychology. Its actually pseudo psychology.

Those are used as type of categorizing for easier explanation, in practical use its nothing more then a generalisation. But for the sake of the topic lets stay on that. What i mention are predominant forms of stances. What you talk about are concept of instinct. Which holds little value in conversation, because we humans can manipulate other humans behavior through interaction alone.

And we humans do not go Alpha(instinct) EVER, because our interaction is complex for such narrow term. if we do, he would probably beat the crap out that guy and furiously mated with his exgf.

 

[MWW]

I can understand the case from both sides. She was lonely at that time and hadn't committed. I think if you ask a lot of ppl they would have had up to 3 previous relationships of varying lengths. She made her mind after that she did not want to be with that man after their initial meeting (like a date if you will). Also she was a heavy drinker then so I assume that had an influence. Up to you, but if she's been faithful to you since the official relationship, I'd give her a second chance.
She had the guts to tell you about something that bothers her from the past and has tried to make it up to you. In any relationship one starts by talking and I feel you were a bit harsh with your decision having not fully talked over. In my view relationship is a compromise from both parties, it is unrealistic to assume every aspect of a bf or gf is perfect. She certainly has her flaws but so does everyone and there are far worse issues to warrant breakup. I would suggest discussion on how you feel, why she went ahead with her action and her thoughts afterwards. She cared enough to be honest with you even if not initially.

I think you assume the worse, but that's how social psychology works... We tend to have a bias that attributes causes of other's actions to their personality and not consider external circumstances. Surely while she is at fault, there are reasons which may have appeared rational to her at the time given her circumstance especially the depression. That's why I say give benefit of the doubt this once.

 

[MichaelKrep]

Concept of alpha,beta,gamma(omega whatever) does not exist in practical psychology. Its actually pseudo psychology.

My point exactly. It is a concept in biology and refers to the leader of a group of animals and invariably the most desirable sexual mate. So this rather made up classification you give based on character traits is irrelevant in a topic discussing a sexual/romantic relationship.

And we humans do not go Alpha(instinct) EVER, because our interaction is complex for such narrow term. if we do, he would probably beat the crap out that guy and furiously mated with his exgf.

Two points on this:

a) you have not demonstrated that alpha = instinct. It is true that in human society we perhaps compete for sexual mates and power based on a wide array of characteristic such as looks, wealth, power, humour, sociability, etc. This in no way means that in human society the concept of alpha males is not applicable.

b) even in human society sexually motivated violence is still very common.

P.S. Again, all of this is way outside OP's question.

 

[robbery47]

You dumped her, because you lost interest in her and prefer dating other girls. Your explanation is just a fake excuse. Anyway she is better off without you. Hopefully she finds someone serious

 

[MichaelKrep]

You dumped her, because you lost interest in her and prefer dating other girls.

If that were the case, why come on here and write a thesis about it?

I have been in a situation where I have ended relationships at various stages because of a similar reason. Whenever the real reason was that I simply was not into the girl very much, I never wasted any time thinking about it, certainly not enough to warrant a thesis on a tennis forum.

 

[Forehand Of Doom]

 

[Wolmas]

So to me it seems like she wanted to eat her cake and have it too.

There, I fixed that for you.

 

[Kowchi]

M'lady I have yet to slay your being and will let you explore other men for 5 months. One condition, we need to be friends the whole time!

A while later.

How dare you go behind my back... I was loyal to you while we were across countries. I am breaking up with you....

GOAT=Fed, this is your most beta MTF post to date. What happened to you?

 

[Floki]

1. You were not together at the time.
2. She didn't have sex or anything with him, didn't even kiss him if I understood correctly, just was alone away from home and went out.
3. You are making a big deal out of nothing. Looks to me you are looking for excuse to break up.

Conclusion: She is too good for you. You don't deserve her. Two options:
1. If you really like her and she still wants you, go back crawling to her and hope she forgives you.
2. If you don't like her and are looking for excuses to end the relationship, just do that. Tell her the truth and move on. Don't make up silly excuses about some meaningless thing that happened 8 months ago when you were not even together.