*The press conference room in the Crown Towers Hotel, Melbourne, is packed with seated reporters. Allan Vandecaetsbeek enters, and is accompanied by his coach, Igor Khachaturian, and his manager, Guido Pappadopolis.*
Pappadopolis: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. We have called this press conference to announce that my client, Allan Vandecaetsbeek, will no longer be playing for Australia. Instead, he will be playing under the Canadian flag from this point forward.
*An audible murmur breaks out amongst the reporters*
Pappadopolis: My client will now answer questions.
Reporter 1: What is behind your decision to change your representation, Allan?
Vandecaetsbeek: It is essentially a personal matter.
Reporter 1: Can you please elaborate?
Vandecaetsbeek: I am a huge fan of figure skating and Canada televises more figure skating than Australia. I also prefer the taste of Canadian bacon.
Reporter 2: Since you are travelling on the tour most of the year, does it really matter?
Vandecaetsbeek: Of course! I could import the bacon I like and subscribe to cable TV whereever I live, but it is a matter of principle.
Reporter 3: Principle?
Vandecaetsbeek: Definitely. I find figure skating inspiring, but Australians do not share this bond with me. Also, haven't you ever experienced ruining soups by using inferior bacon? It's infuriating!
Reporter 4: Your father is Belgian, your mother is Australian, and you are a citizen of both countries. How is it possible that you can represent Canada?
Vandecaetsbeek: I was born there, weren't you aware of that?
Reporter 4: We weren't. Why not represent Belgium then?
Vandecaetsbeek: I have already spent many years in both Belgium and Australia. I now feel a need to get close to the land of my birth, you know, bond with the people and all that.
Reporter 5: Allan, is it true that the real reason for your defection is that you want to play doubles for the Canadian Davis Cup team with your partner, Angelo Espinosa?
Vandecaetsbeek: Of course not! That is a lie! Where on earth are you getting such silly rumors from?
Reporter 5: According to my source, --
Pappadopolis: I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time we have. My client has a prior engagement with a sponsor, and we must end now. Thank you for coming.
*Vandecaetsbeek and his party leaves*
*Further details will be forthcoming*
(Vandecaetsbeek - file photo)