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Old 03-23-2004, 03:05 AM   #31
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Ah, these jokes are so stupid! Keep 'em coming! The dumber the better!
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Old 03-26-2004, 08:14 PM   #32
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterQ
Ah, these jokes are so stupid! Keep 'em coming! The dumber the better!
yea, you stole one and didn't site the author Q!!
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Old 03-26-2004, 09:52 PM   #33
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Default Re: send your jokes please

But it was perfect for the situation, don'tcha think?
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Old 03-28-2004, 01:24 AM   #34
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Teenage boy in chemists......

Boy: "ere miss give us two packets of condoms please"

Assistant: "Dont you "miss" me !!!

Boy: "ok then better make that three"
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Old 03-28-2004, 02:06 PM   #35
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Thieves last night stole the toilet from the local police station...........

Police say they have an idea of the suspects but have nothing to go on.
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Old 03-31-2004, 10:28 PM   #36
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Two unemployed Irish men down on their luck are walking past a farm when they see sign at gate "Tree fellers wanted"

"ah bugger" says Paddy to Connor "bloody shame theres only 2 of us"
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Old 04-05-2004, 04:31 PM   #37
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Conan is going to have a go in this thread...

One of a regular golfing foursome was ill so they asked a new member called George to step in for their regular Sunday fourball. As it turns out, George was a solid player and great company so they asked him to join them again next Sunday at 9:30. "OK," says George, "but if I'm 10 minutes late, wait for me" The following Sunday George turns up at 9:30 on the dot, plays left handed and beats them all. "Same time next week, George?" asks one of the players. "sure, but if I'm 10 minutes late, wait for me."

The next Sunday comes around and George is as punctual as ever, plays right handed and dishes out another sound thrashing. "You on for next week George?" asks one of the golfers. George replies, "Absolutely, but if I'm 10 minutes late....".

"Hey, wait a minute," interrupts one of the foursome, "you say the same thing every week - if you're 10 minutes late, wait for you. But you're always on time and you always beat us whether you play left or right-handed. What's that all about?"

"Well, I'm very superstitious," said George. "When I wake up, if my wife is lying on her left side, I play left handed and if she is lying on her right side I play right handed."

"And if she is lying on her back?" asked a golfer.

George answers, "That's when I'm 10 minutes late!!"
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Old 04-05-2004, 04:43 PM   #38
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Default Re: send your jokes please

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Old 04-06-2004, 03:53 AM   #39
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Red face Re: send your jokes please

Some swedish jokes I found on a Norwegian site a few years back. I guess there are a lot of blondes in Sweden, but feel free to switch "Swede" for Kiwi or other My favourite (because I feel the opposite way!) is:
Q. Why don't they play 'Hide and See' in Sweden?
A. Who wants to find a Swede?
=====================================
The Russians have found a new easy way to sink Swedish subs. The method is very simple, they just send a diver down to knock on the sub's hatch. Upon which the Swedes reply, "Kom inn" (Come in). After the diver has waited awhile he knocks again, and then the Swedes will open the hatch to see who it is.

After travelling through Sweden last summer, I noticed that they had something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "Åpnas på andra sidan" (Opens on the other end).

A swede was asked if he had lived in Stockholm all his life. "Not yet," he answered.

A norwegian and a swede were competing to see who could reach furthest out of a window. Quite suddenly the swede won.
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Old 04-08-2004, 03:56 AM   #40
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Default Re: send your jokes please

and welcome to this years bogey olympics

my name is melvin spritely and we here at nostril tv are delighted to bring you live uninterupted coverage of this world spectacle.

competitors are down on the warm up track for the 100 metre flick as you can see, our own medal hope darren honk is excercising his thumb and finger and twitching his nose too.

the current world number one from Germany, Heinz Hooter is reknowned for producing big green footballs so should be amongst the medals.

later on in our schedule we will bring you the field events where swinging the hanky round the head and letting it go has become an art form for local russian favourite Sergi Sneezekov.

so without further a do lets hand you back to our studio of panel experts who can surely pick you a winner or two.
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Old 04-08-2004, 03:00 PM   #41
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Default Re: send your jokes please

The Buddha's Vacuum Cleaner:


Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?

A: Because he didn't have any attachments.
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Old 04-26-2004, 09:12 PM   #42
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Default Re: send your jokes please

A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"

The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.

The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."

The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"

The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."
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Old 04-26-2004, 09:38 PM   #43
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Hmmm....
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Old 04-28-2004, 07:37 AM   #44
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Default Re: send your jokes please

Why do blonde women fail more driving tests than brunettes?

They are not used to being in the front seat
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Old 05-05-2004, 01:28 PM   #45
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Default Re: send your jokes please

The bunny one is quite sweet Mrs. B.

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An American family who were touring Spain decided to stop at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, the father noticed a sizzling scrumptious-looking plate being served at the next table. Not only did it look good but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah, señor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull-fight this morning. An absolute delicacy." The American, though momentarily daunted said, "What the hell! I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I'm sorry señor, there's only one bull-fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only delicacy of the day. After a few bites and inspecting the contents of his plate, he called to the waiter and asked, "These are delicious, but they're much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Sí señor, sometimes the bull wins!"
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