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Old 11-16-2005, 11:05 PM   #301
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Mais je la connaissais déjà Je ne voulais pas en parler pour ne pas révéler mon coup tordu
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:07 PM   #302
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

oh! c'est comme ça que tu te payes tous ces voyages au Canada? je comprend tout maintenant
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:26 PM   #303
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun


Zut je suis démasqué
Enfin les voyages Erasmus sont toujours moins chers que si on devait faire la même chose en dehors de ce cadre
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Old 11-28-2005, 08:06 PM   #304
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Consignes du Service Informatique (ou de "doigts carrés" dans leur jargon) d'une Entreprise...

1. Quand vous nous appelez pour déplacer votre ordinateur, rappelez-vous toujours de le recouvrir préalablement d'une demie tonne de cartes postales, de photos de bébés, d'animaux empaillés, de fleurs séchées, de trophées de fléchettes et de dessins d'enfants. On n'a pas de vie personnelle et on apprécie grandement de voir la votre exposée ainsi.

2. Quand une personne du service informatique vous dit qu'il arrive de suite, allez prendre un café. De cette façon, vous ne serez pas la quand on aura besoin de votre mot de passe. Ce n'est rien pour nous de retenir 300 mots de passe...

3. Quand vous avez un problème avec votre P.C. à la maison, déposez-le en vrac sur un siège au service informatique, sans surtout indiquer votre nom, votre numéro de téléphone et la description du problème. On adore les énigmes.

4. Quand un membre du personnel informatique vous dit qu'il arrive bientôt, prenez une voix blessante et dites : "Vous voulez dire combien de semaines, par bientôt ?" Ca nous motive.

5. Si l'imprimante n'imprime pas, recommencez l'impression au moins 20 fois. Les travaux d'impression tombent souvent dans des trous noirs.

6. Si l'imprimante n'imprime toujours pas au bout des 20 tentatives, envoyez l'impression à toutes les 68 imprimantes de l'entreprise. L'une d'elles doit marcher.

7. N'apprenez jamais la dénomination correcte pour quoi que ce soit de technique. On sait exactement à quoi vous vous référez par " mon bidule a foire " ou " mon pc plante ".

8. N'utilisez jamais l'aide en ligne pour répondre aux plus simples de vos questions. L'aide en ligne, c'est pour les lopettes.

9. Si le câble de votre souris n'arrête pas de renverser le cadre de la photo de votre chien, soulevez l'ordinateur et fourrez le câble en dessous. Ces câbles ont été conçus pour résister à la pression de 10 kg de matériel informatique.

10. Si la barre d'espacement de votre clavier ne marche plus, accusez la mise à jour du client de messagerie. Les claviers sont en fait très heureux avec une demie tonne de miettes de gâteaux dedans.

11. N'hésitez surtout pas à dire des choses comme "Je comprends rien à toutes ces conneries d'ordinateurs". Ca ne nous gène pas du tout d'entendre que notre domaine d'expertise professionnelle est une connerie.

12. Si vous avez besoin de changer le toner d'encre dans une imprimante, appelez le service informatique. Changer le toner est une tâche extrêmement complexe et les constructeurs recommandent qu'elle soit effectuée par un ingénieur professionnel avec une maîtrise en physique nucléaire.

13. Si votre ordinateur ne s'allume pas, venez vous plaindre à nous avant de vérifier s'il est correctement branché.

14. Quand vous recevez un film de 30 Mo, envoyez-le à tout le monde dans l'entreprise en pièce attachée. On a plein d'espace disque sur ce serveur de messagerie.

15. Quand vous tombez sur une personne du service informatique le samedi au supermarché, posez une question à propos d'ordinateur. On travaille aussi le week-end et les jours fériés.

MERCI....
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Old 11-28-2005, 08:15 PM   #305
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

trop drôle
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Old 11-28-2005, 09:37 PM   #306
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

On ne dit pas : Hélène Segara, mais Hélène s'est perdue !
On ne dit pas "POLÉMIQUER" mais "Paul et sa souris"
On ne dit pas "Le Massif Central" mais "Le gros du milieu"
On ne dit pas mon corridor, mais mon corps se repose.
On ne dit pas c'est l'Amazone, mais c'est là que j'habite.
On ne dit pas un ouvre-boîte, mais un portier de night-club.
On ne dit pas il est chétif, mais il est chez le coiffeur.
On ne dit pas la maîtresse d'école, mais l'institutrice prend l'avion.
On ne dit pas jerrycan, mais je rigole.
On ne dit pas le ton monte, mais la fille moche prend l'ascenseur.
On ne dit pas javelliser, mais j'ai lu.
On ne dit pas un ingrat, mais un nain gros.
On ne dit pas le petit poucet, mais le gosse était constipé.
On ne dit pas mine de rien, mais gisement épuisé.
On ne dit pas démanger, mais vomir.
On ne dit pas un poète, mais un klaxon.
On ne dit pas un enfoiré, mais une année de perdue.
On ne dit pas une biroute, mais une route à deux voies.
On ne dit pas dégâts des eaux, mais des marins.
On ne dit pas je suis paniquée, mais je cherche un mec.
On ne dit pas adéquation, mais y a-t-il des questions.
On ne dit pas je suppute, mais je suis péripatéticienne.
On ne dit pas je suis très sain, mais j'aime les gros nichons.
On ne dit pas un conquistador, mais un imbécile narcissique.
On ne dit pas j'ai vaincu, mais je suis pluri-anal.
On ne dit pas faire des vendanges, mais péter comme un Dieu.
On ne dit pas barbecue, mais poils aux fesses.
On ne dit pas la bonne paella, mais la femme de ménage est absente.
On ne dit pas mélodie en sous-sol, mais gare la voiture au parking
souterrain.
On ne dit pas le processus de paix est enclenché, mais je vais lâcher
une caisse.
On ne dit pas c'est alligator, mais c'est Mouloud qui a raison.
On ne dit pas un pinailleur, mais un mari infidèle

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Old 11-28-2005, 09:41 PM   #307
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

en forme pour poster des blagues?
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:11 PM   #308
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoltan83
en forme pour poster des blagues?
je fais le vide sur mes boites mail
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:31 PM   #309
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Ah toi aussi, tu as des amis qui t'envoient des mails intérressants?
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:36 PM   #310
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoltan83
Ah toi aussi, tu as des amis qui t'envoient des mails intérressants?
dans le cas du dernier (les 'on ne dit pas'... assez lamentables il faut bien le dire ), ça vient de ma mère
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:47 PM   #311
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by Damita
dans le cas du dernier (les 'on ne dit pas'... assez lamentables il faut bien le dire ), ça vient de ma mère
J'aurais honte à ta place
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Old 11-28-2005, 10:58 PM   #312
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoltan83
J'aurais honte à ta place
de ma mère? mais oui c'est le cas
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:02 PM   #313
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by Damita
de ma mère? mais oui c'est le cas
Tant mieux alors
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:04 PM   #314
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoltan83
Tant mieux alors
c'est positif? ...si tu le dis lol
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Old 11-28-2005, 11:08 PM   #315
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Default Re: Blagues, Humour et Fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by Damita
c'est positif? ...si tu le dis lol
d'avoir eu honte, oui très

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