Hello, folks. I'm Professor Johnny Viruz and I am the host of the new segment: "MTF Bios".
Lleyton Hewitt was born in Adelaide in 1981, he's the son of legendary tennis player and doubles specialist Bob Hewitt.
- What the he..? No! He's n...
- YES HE IS. SHUT UP.
His particular name "Lleyton" with two Ls, is a mispell from Bob Hewitt in the Name-Rater. Bob wanted to name his son "Leyton". But this is what happened there.
Accidents could happen. Bob Hewitt wasn't a perfect man.
Since he was a little boy. Lleyton loved to upset people.
His first upset was with his close friend and doubles partner Max Mirnyi, who was in love with a beautiful belgian girl named Kim. But we're gonna talk about that later.
The blondie boy Lleyton wanted to play tennis since he was a little kid. And that was a good relief. Because Kurt Cobain died, the Back-Street Boys disbanded so, the 90s should end as soon as possible.
Tennis in the 90s was something like this:
"PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!"
That was exactly what Lleyton Hewitt thought when he decided to enter the ATP Tour.
Tennis needed a villain, someone who could DICKslap those pretty bitchy faces.
Tennis needed a Darth Vader.
Tennis needed Lleyton Hewitt.
Lleyton RRRRAPED Sampras in 2001, finishing the 90s era. There was no more Guns n Roses, no more Kurt Cobain, no more Michael Jordan.
There was no more 90s. Only Lleyton.
"Right in the ass, Pete!"
But tennis is a bitch (Ask Mahut if you don't believe, he once played like 11 hours for nothing), and tennis would hit Lleyton where it hurts the most.
In his heart.
In his brave Lionheart.
The blonde australian fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world
. A belgian blondie named Kim.
- Wait, wha...? Most beautiful girl? I can name 20 girls prettier than her in WTA.
WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?! That's why you're posting in MTF and Lleyton is spending his million dollars.
They were so in love. During the, let's name it "Clijsters era", Lleyton was the most succesful player ever
. He won Wimbledon and USOpen. The only 2 tournaments that matters in tennis.
Love was in the air.
Yeahhh! Look at those legs! Are you thinking what i'm thinking?
Oh yeah. Lleyton was a lucky guy. If you know what I mean.
But karma is a bitch. And Pete Sampras wanted revenge for that final.
So, when Lleyton was busy winning some millions, Pete seduced his girlfriend giving her the "forbidden fruit" (If you know what I mean... WIIIINK!!!).
<It seems the Clijsters picture isn't avaliable enough and your computer can get infected if you enter the website where the pic was uploaded, so I deleted it, but it was pretty funny, Kim was looking at the camera showing his hand wide open>
"Sampras could last 5 hours".
Lleyton was so sad. His heart was so broken he lost the Australian Open final vs Safin (Yeah, that was the only reason).
Here is a photo of Lleyton crying after the match:
- Wait a sec... That's Roger!
No. That's Lleyton.
- No, dude. That's Roger. Roger Federer.
NO! That's Lleyton, look.
You see? Lleyton.
Lleyton was so sad he couldn't play tennis anymore. (well, he played some crappy matches, but that's not tennis, come on! That is... Let's call it: Wozniacki).
And he was never the same...
What? You expected a happy ending? Fuck you.
Well folks. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter of MTF Bios.
I'm Professor Johnny Viruz and keep enjoying your life.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!
- WHAT?! It's the middle of June!!!