[RonE]

Originally Posted by Lalitha

No Problems RonE.
But, Sorry, I did'nt notice this yesterday.

One from me.

I'm on a 60 day diet. So far I have lost 45 days.

Kewl

[Lalitha]

What is Kewl??

There is a knock at St.Peter's gate.

"What is that?" - he calls out.

"It should be who is that and not what is that".

"Oh, no! Not an English teacher again"

[RonE]

Originally Posted by Lalitha

What is Kewl??

There is a knock at St.Peter's gate.

"What is that?" - he calls out.

"It should be who is that and not what is that".

"Oh, no! Not an English teacher again"

nice one

kewl = cool (if we are already on the subject of correct grammar and spelling )

[tall_one]

found this and thought all of you might like it


I am terrible at tennis but my serve is really hard. The result of which is that balls go over the high fence sometimes, so after a game I change into my normal clothes and leave the club.

I walk around the premises to the other side where there are a few trees and bushes against the high fence. Beyond the bushes is a dry ditch and a road.
I had already found three tennisballs and stuffed them in my pockets. I was walking hunched over, following the edge of the road along the dry ditch looking for more balls in the undergrowth.

A man came along the road and asked me if I was okay? I straigthenend up and said "yeah I'm okay, its just tennisballs you know"

"MAN you are TOUGH!" he exclaimed; "I only had a tennis ELBOW and remember how much THAT hurt!"

[Lalitha]

nice one!

A scence at court room

"Young man, What do you do for a living"?

"This and That".

"Where do you live?"

"Here and There"

"Take him away" says the judge.

Wait a minute, when will I get released?

"Sooner or later"

[Gonzalo81]

Good one Lalitha

[RonE]

I have another one- its a tad crude, so all you young 'uns out there, cover your screen or something Anyway, here goes:

An old farmer living with his son steps out to the backyard and sees the grass has grown considerably.

He turns to his son and says to him "Son, could you please mow the lawn? I'm a tired old man, I have arthritis and I can't do it anymore"

The son obliges and takes the lawnmower.

Some time later the old man comes out to join his son in the backyard. He says to him "you did a fine job, Son. But you left those two patches over there untouched. Why is that?"

"See that patch?" says the son, pointing to one of the patches "That is where I had my first ever sexual experience."

The old man is susrprised and says "really? Then what about that other patch?"

"Oh, thats where her mother stood watching us"

The old man is totally shocked "you mean to tell me you were doing her while her mother watched you?!"

"Yes"

"And what did the mother say?"

To which the son replied: "Baaaaaaaa......"

[tall_one]

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot issensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."

"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

[Gonzalo81]

[Lalitha]

Hope I don't get banned for this.

[RonE]

Great one, Tall-One!

Funny one too Lalitha - if you get banned for it, then I'd probably be serving a prison sentence for some of my jokes.

This is actually a true story but it cracks my dad up every time he remembers it-

You know how here in Britain cars have a sticker which says GB on it (stands for Great Britain). Anyway, my dad was on his way to work and he was in a hurry so he cut accross this truck driver. At the next stop light, the truck driver lowered his window and asked my dad "Mate, what's the GB for? 'Getting Better'?"

[RonE]

A chicken and a horse are playing in the barn. Suddenly, the horse falls into a big hole and can't get out. The horse asks the chicken to help him get out. The chicken goes, gets a big BMW and attatches a rope to the car. The horse grabs the rope and the chicken, driving the BMW hauls the horse out of the hole.

A few days later the chicken and the horse are playing again, when this time the chicken falls into the hole. The chicken says to the horse "get the BMW and pull me out"

The horse says "I don't need a BMW, just grab on to my penis". So the chicken grabs on to the horse's penis and he pulls the chicken out of the hole.

The moral of the story is this: When you have a dick the size of a horse's dick, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[Corey Feldman]

[Gonzalo81]

Great one RonE....

[Corey Feldman]

Rone, i'll never think of my horse in the same way again