[RonE]

Post an original joke which you heard lately. I'll start:

Why did the chicken cross the street? (only kidding )

Seriously:

A middle aged man had just bought a brand new Ferrari and decided to take it out for a test drive to see how fast it can go. Suddenly, he hears sirens and sees a police car behind him.

He thinks to himself "this is a brand new Ferrari, there's no way he can catch me" so he decides to go full speed to get away from the patrol car. After a few seconds he realizes "OMG, what am I doing?!" and pulls over.

The policeman gets out of his car, approaches the man and says to him:
"Listen mate, today is Friday the 13th, this is my last shift before the weekend, and if I give you ticket I'll have even more paper work to do on Monday. If you can give me an excuse for your driving- an excuse that I've never heard before, I'll cut you some slack and let you go without giving you a ticket".

The man thinks for a few seconds and then replies: "My wife left me a week ago for a policeman. I thought you were that policeman and you were chasing me because you wanted to give her back to me".

To which the policeman replies: "Thank you sir, have a nice day."

[CarnivalCarnage]

If you're hearing it second hand, is it really an original joke?

[elroyf]

Here is a good one I found:

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

[RonE]

Originally Posted by elroyf

Here is a good one I found:

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

Nice one

[elroyf]

Cheers - here is another. Come on people post some more! Laughter is good for you!


Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee.

One of the guys says, “I'm so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he's made enought that he just gave away a huge portfolio.”

The next guy said, “I'm so proud of my son. He's a car dealer and he's doing so well, he just gave away a Ferrari.”

The third guy says, “I'm so proud of my son. He's got enough money that he just gave away a million-dollar home.”

Just as the third guy fininshes talking, the fourth guy joins them and asks, “What are you guys talking about?'

“Just about how good our sons are doing,” the three men replied.

“Well, my son is doing very well,” says the fourth man, “He's a male stripper and just last week he got a huge portfolio, a Ferrari and a million-dollar home.”

[RonE]

hahahahaha, pretty good.

Here's one:

Five tourists decide to go by car to Italy. They rent an Audi Quattro, and when they cross the border into Italy, the guard says to them "I'm sorry, but I can't let all of you through. You are driving in an Audi Quattro and quattro means 'four' in Italian- but I see you are five people, one of you has to stay behind."

After a lot of arguing the tourists show the border guard the registration papers, where it is clearly stated that up to five people are allowed to be in the car. They show this to the guard, but he remains adamant and refuses to let them through.

Finally, one of the tourists is fed up, and says to the guard "you sodding idiot! You obviously do not understand anything. I want to speak to your boss!".

To which the guard replies: "He will be with you shortly. Right now he's busy with two people in a Fiat Uno."

[elroyf]

Good one! See if I can match it!

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

[RonE]

Sheesh, tough crowd out there

Ok, it's time to step up the pace a little:

This guy who has a big "instrument" decides to have his girlfriend's name, Wendy, tattooed on it. When it shrinks down to its original size, all you can see is "Wy".

One day, he goes to a public bathroom, looks over to the guy standing at the urinal next to him and notices that on his thingo the letters "Wy" are also tattooed. The man is curious so he asks him: "Tell me, is your girlfriend's name Wendy too?" The guy shakes his head. So the man asks him "then what does 'Wy' stand for?"

"Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice holiday".

[elroyf]

lol - not bad . Here is another from me:

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

[RonE]

hehehehehe...

Ok, I think we need something slightly *stronger* to wake these people up, so I've decided to pull all the stops:

This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been *getting any* from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick.

He puts the video in, and starts masturbating. He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life. Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen.

The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes. He asks her: "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a sudden you come in...... what happened?!".

To which his wife replied: "I just washed the floor this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."

[elroyf]

Hehe - a bit adult for the forum ?
I'll try again:

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

[RonE]

[Gonzalo81]

[RonE]

ok, one last try and then I'm packing it in:

This gay guy walks into a public bathroom and at the urinal next to him sees this guy with a huge (you know what).

He asks the guy "How much for you to screw me in the ass?"

The guy responds: "I take $10 for every cm that goes in".

The gay guy fumbles in his pockets and produces a $10 note. "This is all I have"

They go into the booth and the guy carefully puts it in one cm as agreed. Suddenly, a third guy comes storming into the booth, and from the impact of the door swinging open the guy is pushed forward and he rams it all the way in.

The gay guy says: "OOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!! What a bill I'm going to get!"

[elroyf]

Nice one! Any more people wanna show their appreciation ?