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Calling Dr Love

6K views 136 replies 21 participants last post by  Bolar Bolabi 
#1 ·
Dr Love,

Bolar needs your help. Where are you?
 
#120 ·
[:lol: ILTB86... I read through this thread the other day...it was bugging me so I had to reply ;) I've been in relationships that involved oppression, manipulation, and made me feel bad about myself, and it's not good. N.B. I am not trying to attack anyone here (particularly the girls/guy I don't know in the story), just need Bolar to wake up to himself and not be taken for a ride by this woman, because he does seem like a nice guy.]

Are you even reading what you are writing? Is this real life or Days Of Our Lives BS? Jesus Christ. There is so much manipulation, immaturity, and abuse going back and forth between those involved. It sounds like an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

You wanted to hook up with her friend/s to make her jealous. What would that prove? That you are willing to potentially contract STDs from her slutty friend who jumps on anything with a penis, to get her attention and make her see what she's missing? Stupid idea. At least her friend tried to get it into your head that this girl is more trouble than she's worth “doesn’t love you…loves him” Sleeping with her friends would only make you look like a whore, and she [or at least I, in this position] would be embarrassed to have wasted so much time with you. Your idea of getting pics with other girls would only confirm her suspicions of you cheating on her, and you would lose anyway. People talk. Kudos to you for turning the girl down, btw.

Messages about fake head injuries? Yeah...get back together based on lies. She broke up with you a month ago because of what others said. Good trust in the relationship!

She broke up with you because you were annoyed she brought her friend with her all the time? What is she, 17? “her friend had her phone that afternoon” Did she really. Oh shit. It’s Bolar…here, you take it.

she went to pick her ex up and he was actually going to spend the night there in her bed instead of her cleaning.” If that is true, why would you want to get back with her…or is it because you are just a dick with legs? Either you are better off without her, or as you said the nympho behaviour benefited you. There are nice girls out there who will be all over you. Look for them.

It is obvious this girl has psychological problems, and is easily swayed by those around her.
-She denies what you did together.
-One day you feel you mean jack all to her, the next she loves you.
-She sends a text saying she gave the guy head/sex and was happy to have him back.
-He broke up with his gf earlier in the week? She sounds like the cheap slut her friend is. “They got back together about 12 hours after she broke up with me.“ What a coincidence that she broke things off with you so suddenly!?

Do I say that there was another girl that I was sleeping with the last few weeks and play her game back at her for a little while making her feel bad about herself.” That is crap. I think you need to do a bit of growing up and try not to stoop to ‘her level’, by actually TRYING to make her feel bad about herself. Doing things to someone you care/cared for will only make you feel bad about YOURSELF in the end.

The right thing is to ring her. Tell her I'm happy they are together and that even though she hurt me, I may be here for her as a friend if she needs me. Will that get me the necessary closure to put the bitch in the past?” Not at first, but yes. Put on a brave face, and eventually you will get over it. I don’t know that I’d offer friendship, personally, as that may offer her an opportunity to abuse your friendship yet again. I've been cheated on, in one of my very first relationships. At first I thought I wanted to get back at him, but I ended up just telling him to f*ck off, and now, many years later, we are good mates.

“A part of me wants to get back at her someway. She shoudln't have done the dirty on me. But will that help me get over her? Should I just do the decent thing and wish her well?”
No, she shouldn’t have done this, if what you have heard is all true. Getting back at her is a waste of your time and energy. She isn’t worth it. It might be tough to get on with life without her, but it will help you in the end. Imagine spending your whole life dealing with this crap! If you still want her to feel bad, then not being in contact with her for a while could give her time to reflect. People sometimes come to realise how pathetic they are, all by themselves. If you genuinely cared for her as you say you did/do, she will come to realise that, and knowing she can’t have you back will be enough punishment. She called you, regretting what she had said and done...but she still said those things, and treated you like crap. How much longer would you have put up with it?

On the other hand, you both sound similar in a few ways, so perhaps you could just use each other for sex :p At least it would be completely superficial, since it sounds like neither of you really know what you want from each other [or, maybe it just seems that neither of you are going to get what you want from each other?].

Any of the questions I've made in here, were rhetoric. I don't expect answers, just thinking aloud. Good luck Bolar.
 
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#122 ·
[:lol: ILTB86... I read through this thread the other day...it was bugging me so I had to reply ;) I've been in relationships that involved oppression, manipulation, and made me feel bad about myself, and it's not good. N.B. I am not trying to attack anyone here (particularly the girls/guy I don't know in the story), just need Bolar to wake up to himself and not be taken for a ride by this woman, because he does seem like a nice guy.]

Are you even reading what you are writing? Is this real life or Days Of Our Lives BS? Jesus Christ. There is so much manipulation, immaturity, and abuse going back and forth between those involved. It sounds like an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

You wanted to hook up with her friend/s to make her jealous. What would that prove? That you are willing to potentially contract STDs from her slutty friend who jumps on anything with a penis, to get her attention and make her see what she's missing? Stupid idea. At least her friend tried to get it into your head that this girl is more trouble than she's worth “doesn’t love you…loves him” Sleeping with her friends would only make you look like a whore, and she [or at least I, in this position] would be embarrassed to have wasted so much time with you. Your idea of getting pics with other girls would only confirm her suspicions of you cheating on her, and you would lose anyway. People talk. Kudos to you for turning the girl down, btw.

Messages about fake head injuries? Yeah...get back together based on lies. She broke up with you a month ago because of what others said. Good trust in the relationship!

She broke up with you because you were annoyed she brought her friend with her all the time? What is she, 17? “her friend had her phone that afternoon” Did she really. Oh shit. It’s Bolar…here, you take it.

she went to pick her ex up and he was actually going to spend the night there in her bed instead of her cleaning.” If that is true, why would you want to get back with her…or is it because you are just a dick with legs? Either you are better off without her, or as you said the nympho behaviour benefited you. There are nice girls out there who will be all over you. Look for them.

It is obvious this girl has psychological problems, and is easily swayed by those around her.
-She denies what you did together.
-One day you feel you mean jack all to her, the next she loves you.
-She sends a text saying she gave the guy head/sex and was happy to have him back.
-He broke up with his gf earlier in the week? She sounds like the cheap slut her friend is. “They got back together about 12 hours after she broke up with me.“ What a coincidence that she broke things off with you so suddenly!?

Do I say that there was another girl that I was sleeping with the last few weeks and play her game back at her for a little while making her feel bad about herself.” That is crap. I think you need to do a bit of growing up and try not to stoop to ‘her level’, by actually TRYING to make her feel bad about herself. Doing things to someone you care/cared for will only make you feel bad about YOURSELF in the end.

The right thing is to ring her. Tell her I'm happy they are together and that even though she hurt me, I may be here for her as a friend if she needs me. Will that get me the necessary closure to put the bitch in the past?” Not at first, but yes. Put on a brave face, and eventually you will get over it. I don’t know that I’d offer friendship, personally, as that may offer her an opportunity to abuse your friendship yet again. I've been cheated on, in one of my very first relationships. At first I thought I wanted to get back at him, but I ended up just telling him to f*ck off, and now, many years later, we are good mates.

“A part of me wants to get back at her someway. She shoudln't have done the dirty on me. But will that help me get over her? Should I just do the decent thing and wish her well?”
No, she shouldn’t have done this, if what you have heard is all true. Getting back at her is a waste of your time and energy. She isn’t worth it. It might be tough to get on with life without her, but it will help you in the end. Imagine spending your whole life dealing with this crap! If you still want her to feel bad, then not being in contact with her for a while could give her time to reflect. People sometimes come to realise how pathetic they are, all by themselves. If you genuinely cared for her as you say you did/do, she will come to realise that, and knowing she can’t have you back will be enough punishment. She called you, regretting what she had said and done...but she still said those things, and treated you like crap. How much longer would you have put up with it?

On the other hand, you both sound similar in a few ways, so perhaps you could just use each other for sex :p At least it would be completely superficial, since it sounds like neither of you really know what you want from each other.
Good post, glad I waited til you posted it because mine could easily have been as long. Pretty much agree with the above plus what I said above :rocker2:
 
#121 ·
This thread is ridiculous.

Bolar, are you really 25? You clearly don't have a clue when it comes to affairs of the heart.

That girl, assuming this is all genuine is not worth knowing, let alone being with, or getting back at either. Learn from your fucking mistakes mate, and she sounds like a big mistake. Move on and find someone worth being with.

Sort your head out as well. Jeezo. Posting about it on MTF can't exactly be helping.
 
#123 ·
Good post Kristin!

No, I don't want to get back with her. And no I'm not trying to get back with her based on lies.

She's parading around the place that she didn't do anything wrong. And that's not right. She did a lot wrong and she should realise taht what she did was wrong.

You really think I'm going to listen to Jim and sleep with her friends? No. I'm not like that. I can't do that. Even if I do something that would make someone upset in the slightest, I would feel guilty! Jim gives good advice most the time, but not this time around.

We are talking, every now and then and she has said she wants to get back with me. But I do not wnat to get back with her. The same thing will happen over and over again.

I did call her and wish her well but that's when she apologised and realised she made a mistake.

As much as I would like to get back at her, I'm not doing it. She can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. She was a mistake that I made.

She wants to get back with me and sort this out. I'll sort it out with her but I won't be getting back with her.

The last point you made was good. Sex buddies would work. The sex was awesome! She never complained. She wanted it more and more from me and was screaming like crazy. So I did something right!

Would I get back in a relationship with her? No

Would I consider being sex buddies? Yes
 
#124 ·
Yeah Kristen. Thanks also for the advice again.

Regarding friendship. I don't think that will happen. I will be taken for a ride again.

Like I say, if she agrees to it I'm open to the occasional root and blow job and that's it. She gave great head aswell as the sex being awesome.
 
#125 ·
If you can't find anyone in the next month, i'd go back, i mean you should go back to the lunatic and live a miserable life. It maybe the best you can get.
 
#126 ·
I'm not going back to the lunatic. Even if I can't find someone, i'll stay on the market. I was single for 28 months before I got with her after my ex. I'm prepared to wait.

Maybe next time I won't fall for a fucked up girl.

Actually, all my exes have been fucked up.

I just go for the wrong women.
 
#128 ·
If it's true she wants to get back with me I was going to catch up with her and end things on a high note and get closure that way. I would see her, talk to her and then the last time I remember her was a farewell hug.

The way I was going to do it was give her hope we would get back together (that's if she's serious), then say that it won't work.

But I can't bring myself to do it. She will be devastated. I can't do that to her.

I'm soft.
 
#129 ·
:haha:

what's happened since

i caught up with her when she came back, kissed her, hugged her, she licked my dick. wouldn't do anything other than that. He was still there controlling her so she said and yelling at her. We caught up a few times, but again nothing happened.

Lately we've just been playing mind games with each other. Nothing will progress again. She's playing mind games with me, I'm playing them back! Havn't seen each other for a while and I don't know when we'll see each other again, if we do.
 
#133 ·
She's beating me on the mind games at the moment. You don't want to know what she's saying. It's disturbing.

I'm over her, I just want her to tell the truth for the first time in her life, but it's not going to happen. Deep down I do feel sorry for her though that she's like the way she is. It's sad!

But again, I always choose women like this :haha:. Trust me, I've had some psycho bitches in the past. Suffice to say, this one takes the cake.
 
#137 ·
:haha: 8 months on she is a liar who plays games. I don't even talk to her that much as I don't believe a word she says....she's trying to suck me in but I'm not going back there, not even if you paid me.

Her friend doesn't want to hook up with me as she has a boyfriend. What a shame. I'm actually trying to get into bed with another one of her friends.

I'm about to change my number so she doesn't contact me anymore.

I should have taken Jim's advice.....
 
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