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Old 11-29-2013, 11:59 AM   #271
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

so, I need a consensus

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Do you think it's right to become angry with someone as dear to you as your mother because she made a mistake? Isn't it possible to not "flip out" and still express your displeasure?

I fear Mr. O would not approve.
Actually, he had all he reasons to be angry. Obviously not aggressive but angry, absolutely. Moms have no right to open their kids letters or mail when they are George or Joe's or Katja's age! :shrug; Don't you agree?


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Here is my life as a turkey.

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Old 11-29-2013, 01:14 PM   #272
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Yes, I certainly did not get agressive
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And, Roger Federer ranks 5th.
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Old 11-29-2013, 01:54 PM   #273
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Lets just do ecards this time then
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Old 11-29-2013, 02:22 PM   #274
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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so, I need a consensus



Actually, he had all he reasons to be angry. Obviously not aggressive but angry, absolutely. Moms have no right to open their kids letters or mail when they are George or Joe's or Katja's age! :shrug; Don't you agree?




Need to watch this
Privacy between a mother and a child is a difficult thing. The mother grows accustomed to caring for her child's most intimate needs for many years. Certainly as the child grows older the child gains more and more autonomy, but the mother is still providing for the child and responsible for the child's safety. As the child becomes a teen, the child is most likely going to attempt to conceal dangerous behavior from the mother. I don't think the mother needs to turn a blind eye to that and say that privacy trumps safety. All things considered, I think that it is best not to open letters or read diaries, and surely many children act responsibly and maturely and have earned that respect. I do think that if anyone leaves a letter out of an envelope in a common area, it might be expected that another member of the family is going to pick it up an look at it. I also think a child might get upset about that. I think that an adult would have enough respect for a parent not to "flip out," but to make a request that it not happen again, and then to make sure that his or her private correspondence is kept in a private place and not left out for others to see. And if the child relies on the parent to clean up the room and do laundry, the child really can't complain about a lack of privacy.

That's just my take on it, and every family is different and handles things in different ways, if a parent has established that mail is going to be read until the child leaves the house, I don't have a problem with that either. I know that parents are extremely irritating to a child as the child grows older and I certainly experienced that irritation, but now I've had the opportunity to see both sides, and I have more sympathy for the parent and the parents' reasons for what they do. Not that they are always right, but that most parents are trying to do the best they can in a very difficult job.
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Old 11-29-2013, 02:36 PM   #275
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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Privacy between a mother and a child is a difficult thing. The mother grows accustomed to caring for her child's most intimate needs for many years. Certainly as the child grows older the child gains more and more autonomy, but the mother is still providing for the child and responsible for the child's safety. As the child becomes a teen, the child is most likely going to attempt to conceal dangerous behavior from the mother. I don't think the mother needs to turn a blind eye to that and say that privacy trumps safety. All things considered, I think that it is best not to open letters or read diaries, and surely many children act responsibly and maturely and have earned that respect. I do think that if anyone leaves a letter out of an envelope in a common area, it might be expected that another member of the family is going to pick it up an look at it. I also think a child might get upset about that. I think that an adult would have enough respect for a parent not to "flip out," but to make a request that it not happen again, and then to make sure that his or her private correspondence is kept in a private place and not left out for others to see. And if the child relies on the parent to clean up the room and do laundry, the child really can't complain about a lack of privacy.

That's just my take on it, and every family is different and handles things in different ways, if a parent has established that mail is going to be read until the child leaves the house, I don't have a problem with that either. I know that parents are extremely irritating to a child as the child grows older and I certainly experienced that irritation, but now I've had the opportunity to see both sides, and I have more sympathy for the parent and the parents' reasons for what they do. Not that they are always right, but that most parents are trying to do the best they can in a very difficult job.
I don't agree, but probably because this is not the way I was raised. My mother would never dare read my letters from age 10 up at least. Like I never felt the need to have a password on my phone scared that she would read my text messages. Parents need to know that, yes, kids and teens are going to do stuff that they don't want their parents to know. But most of it is out of shame and the basis of a parent/child relationship. I just think that if you don't give a teen privacy you're only going to make things a lot worse. I never had any kind of "flipping out" problem with my mom or dad, or any other very big argument because they always treated me with the respect any adult deserves. And that includes privacy. My mom and dad trusted me and I trusted them. If ever I had spotted my mom looking through my stuff, I wouldn't trust her as much as I did then or as I do know. Because trust is really easy to break, you know that. And there is also one thing that we can't deny, a relationship between a parent and a child is never "equal". And it goes both ways. A parent can't say "if I do your laundry, you're not acting like and adult, so I won't treat you like and adult, and therefor I have the right to read your mail". That wouldn't work at all.

I believe that the best way to raise a teenager is to treat them like an adult. Obviously, I don't mean let them go out and get drunk or not check on them and what they are doing and where you're going. It's a difficult balance but it is possible, I should know. . My mother always had everything under control, yet she gave me all the freedom I could ever ask for. As a teen I traveled without her, I was allowed to go out at night and come back at 5am or later (I had to make sure I had a safe way to get home) and she was always aware what was going on in my life without being too nosy.

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Old 11-29-2013, 03:17 PM   #276
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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I don't agree, but probably because this is not the way I was raised. My mother would never dare read my letters from age 10 up at least. Like I never felt the need to have a password on my phone scared that she would read my text messages. Parents need to know that, yes, kids and teens are going to do stuff that they don't want their parents to know. But most of it is out of shame and the basis of a parent/child relationship. I just think that if you don't give a teen privacy you're only going to make things a lot worse. I never had any kind of "flipping out" problem with my mom or dad, or any other very big argument because they always treated me with the respect any adult deserves. And that includes privacy. My mom and dad trusted me and I trusted them. If ever I had spotted my mom looking through my stuff, I wouldn't trust her as much as I did then or as I do know. Because trust is really easy to break, you know that. And there is also one thing that we can't deny, a relationship between a parent and a child is never "equal". And it goes both ways. A parent can't say "if I do your laundry, you're not acting like and adult, so I won't treat you like and adult, and therefor I have the right to read your mail". That wouldn't work at all.

I believe that the best way to raise a teenager is to treat them like an adult. Obviously, I don't mean let them go out and get drunk or not check on them and what they are doing and where you're going. It's a difficult balance but it is possible, I should know. . My mother always had everything under control, yet she gave me all the freedom I could ever ask for. As a teen I traveled without her, I was allowed to go out at night and come back at 5am or later (I had to make sure I had a safe way to get home) and she was always aware what was going on in my life without being too nosy.
I think your mother is an admirable woman and had admirable children. I am sure that she did the right thing, and I hope you are able to raise your children in the same way. In general, I agree that parents should treat their children with great respect and in so doing teach them how to respect others.

There are parents who don't have that luxury. There are parents whose children grow up in dangerous circumstances who have to be extremely vigilant and what others might call controlling. I think a light parenting hand is best in general, but there are difficult and challenging children who need to be handled differently. I'm not going to second guess a good parent.

I never said that doing the laundry and cleaning a room gave a parent the right to read mail. My point was that if a child does not behave maturely and relies on the parent for basic care, the child is not going to have the same privacy. If I have to go through someone's pockets doing the laundry or have to see what's under the bed because I'm cleaning, that's not my fault.

I don't think that an adult should "flip out" period, and particularly not to one's mother.
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Old 11-29-2013, 04:44 PM   #277
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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I think your mother is an admirable woman and had admirable children. I am sure that she did the right thing, and I hope you are able to raise your children in the same way. In general, I agree that parents should treat their children with great respect and in so doing teach them how to respect others.

There are parents who don't have that luxury. There are parents whose children grow up in dangerous circumstances who have to be extremely vigilant and what others might call controlling. I think a light parenting hand is best in general, but there are difficult and challenging children who need to be handled differently. I'm not going to second guess a good parent.

I never said that doing the laundry and cleaning a room gave a parent the right to read mail. My point was that if a child does not behave maturely and relies on the parent for basic care, the child is not going to have the same privacy. If I have to go through someone's pockets doing the laundry or have to see what's under the bed because I'm cleaning, that's not my fault.

I don't think that an adult should "flip out" period, and particularly not to one's mother.
Thanks I am a lucky kid!

The part in bold, I totally agree. It just didn't seem like what happened in George's and his mom case. Obviously I am only hearing George's side, but based on that, and what i know about George, he action doesn't seem correct to me.

And as for growing up in dangerous circumstances, I should add that I was "exposed" to all kind of things as a tenn and I had all kinds of friends. Inclding ones who did drugs or a girl who got pregnant at 15. But my parents taught me to be tolerant and learn to live and wnjoy time with everyone. They also taught me not to follow their example whenever it is a bad one. But they never forbade me from hanging out with anyone. I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I do realize that some parents have to raise their kids in different situations and circumstances, often a lot tougher than mine did, it is still mostly down to education and parent/kid relationship. IMO of course. Obviously there are exceptions.

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Old 11-29-2013, 05:24 PM   #278
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

I should learn to calm down I guess... but I cannot help being born an angry person.
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And, Roger Federer ranks 5th.
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Old 11-29-2013, 07:13 PM   #279
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:01 PM   #280
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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If I did the same she would flip out at me. I am an angry person, and she knows this.
Even your mother knows you're an angry person, "flipping out" at her is still not quite acceptable. If you can express your disagreement concerning her reading your mail in a quiet and mature manner, I can guarantee your mother will pay more attention to what you're saying than you yelled at her.

I have been on the receiving end of my son yelling at me and it hurts.

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I am constantly being raged at her for making mistakes, which I cannot help due to clumsiness, i.e knocking over a glass of water. Stuff like that.
Let her know you tried and her raging at you is not going to make it better.


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Actually, he had all he reasons to be angry. Obviously not aggressive but angry, absolutely. Moms have no right to open their kids letters or mail when they are George or Joe's or Katja's age! :shrug; Don't you agree?
I think you earned your parents trust but not every children and teenagers are. I don't know about George's or Joe's or Katja's situation. They are all great kids to me but that's between them and their parents.

For me, my son never bothered to open his letters although he knows none of his friends will send him letters If I did not open them, they would sit forever on whatever surfaces in the house

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Yes, I certainly did not get agressive
Well, if you got agressive, you crossed the line already
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:04 PM   #281
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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I should learn to calm down I guess... but I cannot help being born an angry person.
Being born an angry person is not an excuse. There is always anger management methods. It depends on whether you're determined to try. e.g. when you're angry, close your eyes and count backward from 10 to 1 before you open your mouth to say something.
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:06 PM   #282
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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That was kind of a bogus study wasn't it? I don't know any dog who will run to a disembodied voice of an owner. Must be kind if a dumb dog because most dogs are going to rely on their noses to detect the presence of an owner or anybody for that matter. The dog might perk up and show curiosity, but I don't think that is so much different from a cat,

Anyway, my cat will come when i call on a semi reliable basis. Sometimes I mistake that she is outside when she is really in the house, and when I renter the house after calling her, she is sitting there looking at me -- so she came to my call even though there wasn't much in it for her. But, probably most dogs aren't all that reliable when being called either even though owners spend a lot of time on this basic command and give treats as a reward. I've never rewarded my cats for coming to my call or even spent time training them, and all of them have been good about responding even from a distance.

This was the most puzzling part.

What? These people are clueless in general about animals. How ridiculous can they be? People get attached even to snakes, and believe me, that is a creature that interacts very little. For instance right now both the cat and the dog are lying close to where I am sitting even though there are more comfortable places for them to be. When I move to another room, they both will follow. The cat likes to cuddle up to me more than the dog does. I find both dogs and cats have individual tastes for physical affection. Some cats like very little, and some like lots and lots. Dogs are the same although dogs are pretty much interested in including me in most of what they do while cats like to have time on their own doing cat things -- exploring, stalking, killing, etc. Probably that is because dogs in town aren't allowed to roam around on their own.

There's a great film-- My Life As A Turkey -- that I just saw. Our awareness of other species is so limited by our own shortcomings.

Too long.

I know.
It seems to me the people doing the study never has any pet in their lives
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:08 PM   #283
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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Even your mother knows you're an angry person, "flipping out" at her is still not quite acceptable. If you can express your disagreement concerning her reading your mail in a quiet and mature manner, I can guarantee your mother will pay more attention to what you're saying than you yelled at her.

I have been on the receiving end of my son yelling at me and it hurts.




Let her know you tried and her raging at you is not going to make it better.




I think you earned your parents trust but not every children and teenagers are. I don't know about George's or Joe's or Katja's situation. They are all great kids to me but that's between them and their parents.

For me, my son never bothered to open his letters although he knows none of his friends will send him letters If I did not open them, they would sit forever on whatever surfaces in the house



Well, if you got agressive, you crossed the line already
A lot of the time when we have disagreements, we resolve it in mature and responsible manner. Just some times there is moments when one of us shouts at the other, and then it extends into an argument.
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And, Roger Federer ranks 5th.
But any problem cannot be found?

argument.
Quote:
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http://marekfurjan.blox.pl/2014/11/S...lczy-o-AO.html
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:16 PM   #284
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

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A lot of the time when we have disagreements, we resolve it in mature and responsible manner. Just some times there is moments when one of us shouts at the other, and then it extends into an argument.
See, that's why shouting won't help and remembering this, you won't shout at each other the next time. And when you managed to not shout at your mother, you can try not shouting (including on internet) at other people.

I conserve all my aggression and let it out during Nole's match in the match thread here
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Old 11-29-2013, 08:26 PM   #285
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Default Re: Nole Chat Part 6 - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

I have to say I am a lot calmer lately, even my Mum commented on that lately. We have had disagreements of course, but not shouting or arguments, and we did resolve properly.

I think the only angry moment I had in last few weeks was over sports when Manchester United drew with Cardiff in the last minute of the game and blew the chance to go to 4th place in the League .

BTW it's great to be able to write about a topic I love and know about for my Uni work.



For this particular module my teacher said that none of our opinions are wrong, we just have to argue the reasonings of our opinions .
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And, Roger Federer ranks 5th.
But any problem cannot be found?

argument.
Quote:
"Janowicz is a little crazy, but off the court very nice and humble." - Jurgen Melzer

http://marekfurjan.blox.pl/2014/11/S...lczy-o-AO.html
^^^ suck it ill informed JJ haters.
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