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Old 12-02-2012, 11:15 PM   #61
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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Originally Posted by Mark Lenders View Post
Welcome

Ah so they had sex during the first three months, but she didn't enjoy it because it seemed forced from his side and then they stopped, I see.

Their problem seems to be a clear lack of communication/honesty, from the very beginning; I mean, when sex isn't enjoyable, couples are supposed to talk about it and find ways to 'spice things up' and not keeping quiet about it and just stopping sex altogether.

From what you said, outside the bedroom things seem to be going alright, they love being with each other, have a great time together... but they need to be more honest with each other if their relationship is ever to work. This is true between friends, let alone boyfriend and girlfriend. How long did they think their relationship could last if they avoided tackling a big issue like this one?

I didn't mean you should talk to him about his problem, but rather encourage him to open up with his (ex)girlfriend. He needs to do it for his own sake; whatever his problem might be, it's obviously a big issue; he can't expect to ever get into a serious and successful relationship with anyone if he can't be open and honest about it. If he really loves your friend, he needs to trust her; sure, talking to a professional could be an option too, but opening up to those who love you us always bound to bring better results.

As I said, part of the reason why he might be so reluctant to open might be because he doesn't exactly know what's wrong himself, but he must learn to share his doubts, insecurities... he needs to let go of his fears and let people, namely his girlfriend help him. Everyone needs help at some point or another, it's no shame; you should try and make him realize that letting his girlfriend in can only be beneficial for him.
thank u (again) i think i will try evetything u and everyone said.

i will Translate it (thank u gg) and let her read b/c their meeting on the weekend.

one think i learn, when i couple look so happy and full of joy, it sometimes a way to hide great sorrow.

ppl should talk more, esp about things that hurt then and now my Ex look so great in my eyes..
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:16 PM   #62
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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they are a year and a half together, they do not live together or see each other every moment
i didnt think its normal and she told me they stop having sex more then a year ago, he was 27 and she was 25.5


thats very young.
I married @ 26

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i tent to think he is impotent...

is it normal at 27 (he was 27 when they stop) to be impotent?
No

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Originally Posted by Punky View Post
the truth is, b/4 this post i really thought and wanted them to get back together, now after reading all of u (smart ppl in here i swear) i think the best for her is to break up with him, she need and should be love, she deserved better but i think i will take 2 steps back and just listen, i really cant tell her anything b/c i dont get it..
Yup, if they were married with kids, loans and whatnot, then it should be worth doing everything possible, but in their situation it seems best not to force it. If it's not working now, it can only get worse later.
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:20 PM   #63
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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thank u (again) i think i will try evetything u and everyone said.

i will Translate it (thank u gg) and let her read b/c their meeting on the weekend.

one think i learn, when i couple look so happy and full of joy, it sometimes a way to hide great sorrow.

ppl should talk more, esp about things that hurt then and now my Ex look so great in my eyes..
No problem, glad to be of some help. You can't really solve their problems for them, no one can, but I guess you can help/encourage them to be more honest with each other, which goes a long way towards solving things.

Agree that people should talk more, no relationship or friendship can survive if people aren't open and honest with each other. Trust and honestly are usually the foundations of any successful relationship.

Sorry about your ex btw
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:39 PM   #64
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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the truth is, b/4 this post i really thought and wanted them to get back together, now after reading all of u (smart ppl in here i swear) i think the best for her is to break up with him, she need and should be love, she deserved better but i think i will take 2 steps back and just listen, i really cant tell her anything b/c i dont get it..
I know you want the best for her.But you really have no way to know for sure what's best, and trying to advise her to do this or that could be very unfair and have bad consequences.

If I were you, I would listen to her and advise her to figure out what she wants to do and understand everything. But you need to let her come to her conclusions and decisions alone. And then support her no matter what.

GL
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:03 AM   #65
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

thank u all, really really.

i used the Wisdom of the crowd.
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Old 12-03-2012, 07:53 PM   #66
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

I know an odd number of asexual people. Some I think genuinely are, others have been scared away from sexual contact or are just uncertain.
I think asexual people exist but probably a third of those who claim to be genuinely are
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Old 12-19-2012, 03:15 PM   #67
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

Of course!! Im unwillingly asexual for a past few years!
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Old 12-19-2012, 04:34 PM   #68
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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Of course!! Im unwillingly asexual for a past few years!
Lol well I'm sure this will end pretty soon


Tell a nice girl that u like that the end is near and if she wanna have some fun bc she goes
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Old 12-19-2012, 05:08 PM   #69
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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Lol well I'm sure this will end pretty soon


Tell a nice girl that u like that the end is near and if she wanna have some fun bc she goes
There is no one like that but I might ask random chicks around
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Old 12-19-2012, 05:14 PM   #70
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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There is no one like that but I might ask random chicks around
tell her

howwwwwwwwwwww u doingggggggggg
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Old 12-19-2012, 05:16 PM   #71
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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Originally Posted by Punky View Post
tell her

howwwwwwwwwwww u doingggggggggg
"Joy Tribbiani approach" never fails
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Old 12-19-2012, 05:19 PM   #72
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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"Joy Tribbiani approach" never fails
works on me
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Old 12-19-2012, 06:08 PM   #73
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

I believe in asexuality, but I have noticed a lot of people don't. I heard about it for the first time from a friend who had a blog about asexuality. Since I'm interested in gender studies and all this, I thought this was very interesting.

But what I've noticed is that in today's society, where sex is everywhere, and magazines, films, series and even everyday conversations seem to imply that if you're not having sex, your life is a failure, the very idea of asexuality is extremely subversive and disturbing for many people. It has become so popular nowadays to believe that everything anyone does is in some way motivated by a desire to get laid, that for many people it seems impossible to imagine that some people might just not care that much about sex.
I was especially surprised to find a lack of understanding among people who are studying gender studies, and who are extremely open about sexual orientation (that's to say, they would strongly advocate acceptance of gay, bisexual, transexual, or queer people - but in a way, they seem to be unable to accept the absence of sexual orientation as a possibility).

I know that my friend's blog talked a lot about how difficult it was for asexual people to be constantly confronted with the disbelief of other people. For them, someone who was not interested in having sex was deficient in some way, they must have been ***** or traumatized when their were children, or they had not "met the right person", etc... Yet I think that there are far more people who are to some degree uninterested in sex, than we think.

I was also shocked to see sometimes how people reacted when faced with a story of a guy whose girlfriend was asexual. The old idea that woman "owes" sex to her man is still very much present. Many people even seemed to advocate marital ****, by telling the guy that her girlfriend was a "bitch" if she refused to have sex with him, because she owed him that and should just "force" herself somehow (I didn't see many cases where the man was asexual, don't know if the reactions were similar or not).

I'm sure it must be difficult in a relationship when a person is asexual and the other isn't... But at the same time, I think it also should make us reflect about the huge importance we give to sex in relationships. Nowadays, people expect to find someone who is attractive both in terms of appearance and personality, who is compatible with them so they can live together for years without hating each other, and then they're also supposed to have great sex and never lose the "passion", or else, they are mocked as an "old couple" who has been trapped in the "routine". I think that's one of the reasons why there are so many divorces... I have never had a long-term relationship, but I'm sure that sex is only one aspect of a relationship, and maybe not necessarily the most important.
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Old 12-19-2012, 08:49 PM   #74
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

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I was also shocked to see sometimes how people reacted when faced with a story of a guy whose girlfriend was asexual. The old idea that woman "owes" sex to her man is still very much present.
I would kick her ass out of the flat if that was the case!
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Last edited by Brick Top : 12-19-2012 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:40 AM   #75
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Default Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?

My friend thought she was also asexual because she has been with this guy for 7 years or so and they have barely had sex and she never felt she needed it from him.. However, I always thought, how could they not have sex because she is hot as hell, or at least definitely out of his league. They started dating when she was in a really bad emotional time during high school and right after she got out of an abusive relationship, so I always felt she only dated him because she was desperate in that point in of her life. Because this guy never talks, they never do anything together, and they certainly don't have sex. She told my wife that in the past 7 months they had sex one time, and then finally this week they had sex again.. Really? I've been with my wife for 5 years and some days we have sex 3 or 4 times a day still (granted I'm a sex machine and my sex drive is a little abnormally high, or at least that is what I've been told by my shrink - I see a shrink once in a while just to get things off my chest and have my thoughts analyzed, nothing serious if you wanted to know).

Anyways, so I think in a way being with this rather really boring guy for so many years kind of shut her emotions down because similarly she became a recluse and rather mellow. However, in the past several months, she has been hanging out with us going out to clubs and actually doing things and she has all of a sudden had a sexual drive now and she actually socializes..while her boyfriend just complains about what she is doing. I mean this guy is seriously clueless. He talks about how he thinks drinking and stuff is pointless, yet he goes out and spends his money and buys Magic the Gathering playing cards and buying virtual game items she says that when they go to a restaurant together, they don't even talk, they just eat. When they are at home, they only talk when it is necessary like "do we need to shop." What kind of shit is that.. Plus, no wonder she doesn't feel in the mood to have sex with him, according to her he is kind of small and isn't good in bed, and he doesn't like to talk about anything sexual (ironically he may the asexual one, but I think he just extremely introverted and idiotic..) I talked to the guy many times she he comes over with her ocassionally and he believes that the relationship he is having with her is the ideal way people should strive for, where it isn't necessary to talk with each other, or to have sex all the time, or to share money, nor is it necessary to do things with each other, all those are apparently superficial and extra to him... so then what the fuck is a relationship..? They have never used each other's money In short, he practically bored her to death at a vulnerable time for her and she became too used to it and she ended up just settling. She even pointed out last week the only reason why should stays is because he won't ever leave.

Bit of a rage post, just makes me facepalm some of these people. I played tennis with this guy, and he is one lazy bastard on court.. He seriously lacks any motivation unless he is going to get negatively affected then he actually does something about it. Oh well, I'm sure she is going to finally end it by this month honestly.

Well, my point being, certainly there are asexual people out there, but I think there are a lot of people like this guy who are just plain boring and haven't really developed anything mentally for the real world.. He was an only child, his parents divorced when he was younger and he just stayed inside playing Magic the Gathering and video games. Literally his whole life. When they dated, it was seriously a winning lottery ticket that he didn't know what to do with, and with the girl being how she is just stayed.
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