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View Poll Results: Does love rule over any sensible age gap? Is age just a number?

Yes, love comes out on top. 11 24.44%
No. People should only date very close to their age. 9 20.00%
As long as it confines to the laws of sexual consent, any age gap is fine. 25 55.56%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 11-19-2011, 02:26 AM   #106
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
A teenager while you're in your late 20's. Why am I not surprised?
You are not surprised because you are astonishingly insular, with your every view being religiously motivated.

Feel free to explain why you have a problem with relationship age gaps between consenting adults. Start by deconstructing my earlier post, rather than snipping it and responding with an ad hominem.
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:39 AM   #107
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold
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Old 11-19-2011, 10:20 AM   #108
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold
fresh meat
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Old 11-19-2011, 06:29 PM   #109
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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You are not surprised because you are astonishingly insular, with your every view being religiously motivated.
I am not surprised that you would seek out someone who is very much your inferior in terms of intellect and maturity. You don't handle being challenged very well.

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Feel free to explain why you have a problem with relationship age gaps between consenting adults.
I don't have a problem with large "age gaps" in relationships so much as large maturity and development gaps. I made my thoughts on this clear in this thread one year ago, and they actually apply quite well to your situation. Note especially the bolded paragraph.

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Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
I think that the age gap issue is much more about maturity and development than about some arbitrarily established number.

However, it is precisely for that reason that I think a 21 year old and a 16 year old is an extremely inappropriate match. All of the teenage years and the very early 20's are highly formative years. These years tend to contain enormous development and maturation, both physically and mentally. I would think that virtually anyone who has lived through these ages can vouch for this. This means that the difference in maturity between, say, a 19 and a 21 year old tend to be much greater than the difference in maturity between a 31 and a 33 year old. If a 21 year old feels on the same level as a 16 year old, there is something seriously messed up in the development of the 21 year old. My own development over that period of time was enormously significant.

While a huge gap in development and maturity is arguably somewhat unsettling in itself, I think the greater problem is that it creates a situation wherein one of the members of the relationship can be easily taken advantage of. It seems to promote inequality and selfish manipulation. I would have trouble trusting the motives of anyone who was intent on seeking out someone much less developed and mature than they are.
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Old 11-19-2011, 06:49 PM   #110
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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I am not surprised that you would seek out someone who is very much your inferior in terms of intellect and maturity. You don't handle being challenged very well.
First of all, you are making an assumption. She actually pursued me initially. More importantly, age and maturity are not interchangeable terms. When I was 23 I dated a 17-year-old who wasn't mature. I simply would not do it again. My current girlfriend is very mature.

Quote:
I don't have a problem with large "age gaps" in relationships so much as large maturity and development gaps. I made my thoughts on this clear in this thread one year ago, and they actually apply quite well to your situation. Note especially the bolded paragraph.
It is abolutely clear why someone would be skeptical of the future of such a relationship, but you cannot assume that age and maturity always go hand in hand. It isn't that simple. Moreover, you are not describing a moral objection. There is no moral line being crossed when consenting adults are involved. Certainly, a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old may not be compatible and the relationship will likely fail, but that has nothing to do with ethics.
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Old 11-19-2011, 07:36 PM   #111
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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First of all, you are making an assumption. She actually pursued me initially.
Fair enough, but this does not make a material difference. I am happy to modify my original statement to "not surprised that you would date etc." and the point remains.

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More importantly, age and maturity are not interchangeable terms.
I nowhere suggested that they are. My point was clear enough from my post of last year. It is indisputable that teenage years are highly formative and that people tend to be undergoing a great deal of physical/intellectual/spiritual development during that time and into their early 20's. Is this a controversial claim?

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When I was 23 I dated a 17-year-old who wasn't mature.
Bolded portion is redundant. While a person can have maturity relative to their age (that is, mature for a 17 year-old or immature for a 17-year-old), the plain fact of the matter is that 17 year-olds are categorically not yet mature and developed. (Bear in mind that our yippy young Scot will be 17 next year.)

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My current girlfriend is very mature.
See above. For a 19 year-old, she may well be. But you would have to be extraordinarily immature and underdeveloped as a 29 year old to be on a level with her, which would be somewhat pathetic and suspicious in its own right.

Quote:
It is abolutely clear why someone would be skeptical of the future of such a relationship, but you cannot assume that age and maturity always go hand in hand. It isn't that simple.
Of course, I don't think that they go strictly hand-in-hand, as I mention above. However, it is equally true that age and maturity are closely linked, especially in childhood and teenage years, i.e. years of tremendous development and growth. This is a biological given (excepting cases involving retardation, of course).

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Moreover, you are not describing a moral objection. There is no moral line being crossed when consenting adults are involved. Certainly, a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old may not be compatible and the relationship will likely fail, but that has nothing to do with ethics.
And I did not present my objection as such ("moral"). Of course, it is not morally wrong in itself for two consenting adults of differing levels of maturity to engage in a relationship. However, I think that the motivation for this kind of unequal relationship can be and indeed often is morally wrong. Again, see my bolded paragraph above for elaboration on this point.
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Old 11-19-2011, 07:58 PM   #112
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
I nowhere suggested that they are. My point was clear enough from my post of last year. It is indisputable that teenage years are highly formative and that people tend to be undergoing a great deal of physical/intellectual/spiritual development during that time and into their early 20's. Is this a controversial claim?
It isn't controversial, but I assumed this thread intended to address the ethics of these relationships. Perhaps I misinterpreted the OP.

Quote:
Bolded portion is redundant. While a person can have maturity relative to their age (that is, mature for a 17 year-old or immature for a 17-year-old), the plain fact of the matter is that 17 year-olds are categorically not yet mature and developed. (Bear in mind that our yippy young Scot will be 17 next year.)

See above. For a 19 year-old, she may well be. But you would have to be extraordinarily immature and underdeveloped as a 29 year old to be on a level with her, which would be somewhat pathetic and suspicious in its own right.
I'm not suggesting that she is as mature or as developed as I am. The point I am making is that it isn't like dating a teenager. It is a fulfilling relationship for many reasons, one of which is the freedom to be a little more immature at times. I wouldn't enjoy a relationship that demanded I operate at this level constantly.

Quote:
Of course, I don't think that they go strictly hand-in-hand, as I mention above. However, it is equally true that age and maturity are closely linked, especially in childhood and teenage years, i.e. years of tremendous development and growth. This is a biological given (excepting cases involving retardation, of course).
They are often closely linked, yes. However, it is a mistake to simply assume that a maturity gap exists. I don't disagree that these relationships will likely fail far more often than they will succeed. Again, I thought this discussion was about ethics.

Quote:
And I did not present my objection as such ("moral"). Of course, it is not morally wrong in itself for two consenting adults of differing levels of maturity to engage in a relationship. However, I think that the motivation for this kind of unequal relationship can be and indeed often is morally wrong. Again, see my bolded paragraph above for elaboration on this point.
It may sometimes be. People are still fairly impressionable in their late teens, but they do have the capacity and, crucially, the freedom to make their own choices. The problem comes when the older person has sinister intentions. But again, that depends on what you define as sinister.
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:35 PM   #113
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:38 PM   #114
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

I've had 15 and 16 year old kids virtually ask me for sex. But unless a kid is approaching 18 and over 18, I couldn't do it. I'm 22. I'm not into 16 or 15 year olds, not even thinking about it being pedophilia, but because I'm just on a totally different level physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't understand the attraction towards a kid, because that's what they are, kids.
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:40 PM   #115
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Default Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

With that being said, when I was 18, 19, I was having sex with older guys in their 30s and 40s. I was already totally corrupted by then, though.

Anyway, the limit is about really not the gap in age but the ages specifically. A 18 year old dating a 51 year old, to me, that's iffy. I've seen stories of kids as young as 13 and 14 with adults. But like, a 25 year old with a 60 year old, that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
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