Try this one Rebel :
But bear in mind it's 'machine translated',but you can understand it.It does make the odd mistake,but they're so funny it's worth it
I once used it to find out why Sebastien wasn't playing a certain tournament when he should have been,and it said he'd gone 'to buy an almond'!
It turned out he'd got a bye into the second round
Oh and he is referred to as 'it'