Re: Do you believe in Asexuality?
I believe in asexuality, but I have noticed a lot of people don't. I heard about it for the first time from a friend who had a blog about asexuality. Since I'm interested in gender studies and all this, I thought this was very interesting.
But what I've noticed is that in today's society, where sex is everywhere, and magazines, films, series and even everyday conversations seem to imply that if you're not having sex, your life is a failure, the very idea of asexuality is extremely subversive and disturbing for many people. It has become so popular nowadays to believe that everything anyone does is in some way motivated by a desire to get laid, that for many people it seems impossible to imagine that some people might just not care that much about sex.
I was especially surprised to find a lack of understanding among people who are studying gender studies, and who are extremely open about sexual orientation (that's to say, they would strongly advocate acceptance of gay, bisexual, transexual, or queer people - but in a way, they seem to be unable to accept the absence of sexual orientation as a possibility).
I know that my friend's blog talked a lot about how difficult it was for asexual people to be constantly confronted with the disbelief of other people. For them, someone who was not interested in having sex was deficient in some way, they must have been ***** or traumatized when their were children, or they had not "met the right person", etc... Yet I think that there are far more people who are to some degree uninterested in sex, than we think.
I was also shocked to see sometimes how people reacted when faced with a story of a guy whose girlfriend was asexual. The old idea that woman "owes" sex to her man is still very much present. Many people even seemed to advocate marital ****, by telling the guy that her girlfriend was a "bitch" if she refused to have sex with him, because she owed him that and should just "force" herself somehow (I didn't see many cases where the man was asexual, don't know if the reactions were similar or not).
I'm sure it must be difficult in a relationship when a person is asexual and the other isn't... But at the same time, I think it also should make us reflect about the huge importance we give to sex in relationships. Nowadays, people expect to find someone who is attractive both in terms of appearance and personality, who is compatible with them so they can live together for years without hating each other, and then they're also supposed to have great sex and never lose the "passion", or else, they are mocked as an "old couple" who has been trapped in the "routine". I think that's one of the reasons why there are so many divorces... I have never had a long-term relationship, but I'm sure that sex is only one aspect of a relationship, and maybe not necessarily the most important.