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Old 12-04-2012, 11:29 PM   #23
country flag Orange Wombat
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Default Re: Motivation for Tests/ Papers. For all Uni/College/Highschool students.

Ah...you have a lot to learn, young Kowchi.

First of all, there is no such thing as stress. Stress is merely a scapegoat of your mind created to divert your attention from the actual problem. You must solve your work using your mental strength, inner power, only. Above all, do not let your desire for progress or grades interfere with your gaining of knowledge.

Therefore, I have arranged for you a list of hints that may help you achieve wisdom:

1.Always sign your name in extravagant cursive. Add plenty of middle initials to make yourself look sophisticated. Preferably, also tag your name with a label that says “Man of Mystery” or “Future Billionaire”. It will impress your professors. If they are young and female, it is advisable to put “Future Porn Star” instead.
2. You know that girl who always asks personal questions to the professor? Listen to them. They are always right.
3. There will come a time when you will be too lazy to do your homework assignment. Do not argue, it will happen. When the prof asks you in class why you did not finish it, reply that you were busy with other things. When they ask what, simply raise your eyebrows and give them a mysterious smile. They will not question you again.
4. You have an exam tomorrow, yet you do not have enough time to study. What do you do? Simply place the textbook under your roommate’s pillow as they sleep and whisper random passages from the book into their ear. When they wake up, Voila!, they have it all memorized. Voodoo magic? I do not know, but it works every time.
5. If you have a question, ask the girl who always talks about her personal life with the professor. She is always right.
6. Citing your work for research projects can be difficult. Therefore, just make up bullshit citations containing lots of fancy names and “.edu” for websites. (Hint: the article/book is always published in New York). It is rumored that having a quote from MTF gives you an extra 10 points.
7. When writing essays, the title should always be named after your eldest aunt. Furthermore, the text should always be triple-spaced and the font should be Wingdings. When your professor will inevitably blow up over the “nonsensical craps students come up with”, chide him by saying “We’re in the 21st century bro. It’s not my fault I’m more hi-tech than you!”
8. Above all, keep in mind that your inner thirst for knowledge is a stronger force than your outer feelings about grades. Try your best to learn, and you can achieve anything.
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