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Certinfy 04-29-2012 10:05 PM

Need Help With This Girl...
 
Seeking help from the love gurus Bilbo, Johnny Groove, 2003 and everyone else. :tape:

My love life is a mess and I totally suck with asking girls out, especially in places like uni, just seems a lot more awkward with other people you know around you and what not. It's harder considering the place I see her the most is full of like 50 girls and only me and around 5 other guys.

Anyway back in like November time I noticed this girl and couldn't take my eyes off her, was just so beautiful, beautiful voice, everything about her was beautiful but I just left it like that as she was with her friends and I didn't want to embarrass myself or anything by going and saying hi.

So I'm in a room with her and 2 girls I know and I ask them what her names is and they tell me and tell me she's from the same ethnicity as me and that they think she's single and that's she's really nice and everything else, and they also tell me they'll speak to her about 'this'. I didn't disagree but I guess that was the wrong decision? I mean I doubt she even knows who I am.

So all this happened before Christmas and from then onwards I just thought of her a little but didn't even do anything as I was just too afraid as she's always with her friends. Then last week this other girl I know mentions her and if I've done anything and I was like no, then while walking out she was walking out of the library and my friends told me to pretend to bump into her. Seeing she was in a rush I didn't bother and just saw her walk by me and I guess I wasted a massive chance considering she was alone. Then yesterday she was telling me just to go be friends with her, but I'm way to shy and scared of doing that.

The thing here is I don't even know why exactly I like her but I just do and I'm really not interested in anyone else the way I am about her. Really I would like to get knowing her a shot but I can't get her alone when she's free or I would even like to forget about her, just causing me too much stress. Never really felt like this about someone I don't know and it's just fucking pathetic. Also we've both got exams in May, so I assume if I were to do anything it should be after them?

I know I'm fucking pathetic. :o

Li Ching Yuen 04-29-2012 10:08 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Just put your finger in there and jiggle it.

Certinfy 04-29-2012 10:14 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Li Ching Yuen (Post 11943924)
Just put your finger in there and jiggle it.

:facepalm: I'm not even that kind of guy, just want to get to know her, not do things like that!

Li Ching Yuen 04-29-2012 10:22 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
You're obviously not familiar with that meme.

Anyway, you seem a bit naive with girls and suffering of that too nice attitude. My advice: ditch both.
Girls are not as precious as you think and not as unapproachable either. Just go out there, strike up a conversation, if the nerves are too high just blab about some college stuff and just go from there. I once approached a girl with "So, can I ask you out?...if the answer is no just don't say anything so we can pretend we're still talking about algorithms"...or smth like that. And if it goes bad, just laugh it off and go on, she will too.

If there's anything I can guarantee it's that a lot of girls are not plain mean bitches that will ruin your confidence altogether. The rejection and how it affects you is a pretty internal thing actually, and think about the upside of it, you might end up with a girl that you have the butterflies for. That one is totally worth it.

You know what to do. Be a man.

Certinfy 04-29-2012 10:25 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Li Ching Yuen (Post 11943961)
You're obviously not familiar with that meme.

Anyway, you seem a bit naive with girls and suffering of that too nice attitude. My advice: ditch both.
Girls are not as precious as you think and not as unapproachable either. Just go out there, strike up a conversation, if the nerves are too high just blab about some college stuff and just go from there. I once approached a girl with "So, can I ask you out?...if the answer is no just don't say anything so we can pretend we're still talking about algorithms"...or smth like that. And if it goes bad, just laugh it off and go on, she will too.

If there's anything I can guarantee it's that a lot of girls are not plain mean bitches that will ruin your confidence altogether. The rejection and how it affects you is a pretty internal thing actually, and think about the upside of it, you might end up with a girl that you have the butterflies for. That one is totally worth it.

You know what to do. Be a man.

I'm not. :(

Wow, both those points relate to me so damn much. :eek: Okay, will try to follow this advice tomorrow, but how can I ditch the nice attitude, it's just who I am?

Thanks so much. :D

cobalt60 04-29-2012 10:27 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Jase - if you are that shy how about asking the 2 girls to bring her over to strike up a conversation? Have them introduce the two of you and see what happens.

Corey Feldman 04-29-2012 10:31 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Li Ching Yuen (Post 11943924)
Just put your finger in there and jiggle it.

:haha::haha:

Johnny Groove 04-29-2012 10:34 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Li Ching Yuen explained it well, I will add to his quality advice.

Chances are, since her friends have been trying to hook you up all year, that she likes you too. You know that feeling you get when you see her? Channel it. Use it to your advantage. She feels it too.

It doesn't matter so much what you talk about, as how you say it. If you speak in an audible voice, deep, confident, but not trying too hard, slowly, and enunciate words, look into her eyes, you could be talking about the weather and she'll be turned on.

Then, take it from there. Ask about her, figure out what she's all about, and see if there is a future there. If she is cool, you wanna hang out, or if she's crazy and you need to run away :shrug:

Li Ching Yuen 04-29-2012 10:40 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Certinfy (Post 11943964)
I'm not. :(

Wow, both those points relate to me so damn much. :eek: Okay, will try to follow this advice tomorrow, but how can I ditch the nice attitude, it's just who I am?

Thanks so much. :D

I'm a nice guy too (despite however I might seem in here).

The truth about being nice and just being shy and timid is that it's pretty big difference. A lot of younger folks just resort to be quiet and nice only because it's their only choice(again this is a personal thing), resulted either from the environment they grew up in, the way they grew up or just their character that hasn't had any experience to mature a bit. It's ok, it's very common.
And it can change voluntarily or simply life will do that for you sooner or later.

Don't think of her as the girl you're mad over, just do a bit of an imagination exercise where she "drops" down to your level, almost where your sister might be (bad example, but you get the idea), do this to get yourself out of that day dreaming state and just plant your feet on the ground and get to the reality of it, which so far is only you "sort of" asking about her to some friends and posting a thread about it on a random internet forum. Think about it, is this your best effort?

The tricks are as plain as it gets, get in contact with her, preferably in real life then maybe start off some sort of platonic relationship before you ask her out, see how she sees you, she might indicate you some signs towards liking you, doesn't have to be anything striking either. Students are students man, you're on the same level, which is a precious thing, shitloads of stuff to talk about, age-related stuff and whatever else...

This is not hard, want to imagine having to ask a girl that's 12 years older than you in a public setting? You have it easy, pal.

Deep breaths and an injection of a more active personality and you'll be fine.

clandis 04-29-2012 10:44 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
You just need to remember, she is just another person. You don't know her, she doesn't know you. She will probably be flattered that you want to talk to her. Take your chances.

v-money 04-29-2012 10:58 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
I won't lie to you and tell you that I'm good at getting girls, because I'm honestly not, but being comfortable enough around them to strike up a conversation is essential. You have to take your friends' advice and man up enough to talk to this girl. This has at least helped me to meet a lot of interesting people and make new friends, and once in a while I get lucky enough where they do want to have a deeper relationship.

I actually have never ditched the nice guy act, which is probably why my conversion ratio is so low, but I feel like putting on an act of this badass persona may be difficult to pull off in the long run. Sure, girl go for the badboys, but girls like confidence even more. There is nothing to say that a person can't be nice and confident at the same time. You just have to approach her and strike up a conversation about something simple like school. Also don't feel hesitant to throw in a compliment, because as long as you say it with confidence and in an honest manner, the girl will be flattered and it will get across the message that you find her attractive.

My other go to move lately with girls has been to ask if they happen to have similar interest to me. Besides watching tennis I also play tennis and I have talked to girls about whether they follow or play tennis. Most of the time they give you the answer of "I've played with my family on a few occasions, but I'm not very good...ets, ets" and this is the perfect opportunity to invite her to play some tennis with you. I have done this with several girls and they are usually willing and we end up having a lot of fun (although this does require that you are relatively good at tennis and can chase arrant shots and hit them back fairly close to her, preferably to the forehand). If tennis doesn't happen to be your thing you can invite her to go on an walk or out for a lunch. I recently invited a girl to go on a hike through the mountains here in upstate NY and we had a really nice time.

You just have to make some kind of move and preferably about something that you feel very comfortable with. I won't guarantee that this will get you a new girlfriend, but it has at least made me some good friends.

Certinfy 04-29-2012 10:59 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Firstly thanks so much to everyone here, much appreciated. :awww: :hug: :)
Quote:

Originally Posted by cobalt60 (Post 11943970)
Jase - if you are that shy how about asking the 2 girls to bring her over to strike up a conversation? Have them introduce the two of you and see what happens.

That's a good way, but then wouldn't she feel awkward that I needed them for us 2 to meet?
Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Groove (Post 11943984)
Li Ching Yuen explained it well, I will add to his quality advice.

Chances are, since her friends have been trying to hook you up all year, that she likes you too. You know that feeling you get when you see her? Channel it. Use it to your advantage. She feels it too.

I feel like she doesn't even know me at all though, but yes I'll try to use it to my advantage.

Quote:

It doesn't matter so much what you talk about, as how you say it. If you speak in an audible voice, deep, confident, but not trying too hard, slowly, and enunciate words, look into her eyes, you could be talking about the weather and she'll be turned on.
I've never been confident my whole life though, but I mean now would be a good time to start.

Quote:

Then, take it from there. Ask about her, figure out what she's all about, and see if there is a future there. If she is cool, you wanna hang out, or if she's crazy and you need to run away :shrug:
:lol: I'm sure she's not crazy, but even just having her as a friend would make me feel better.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Li Ching Yuen (Post 11944000)
I'm a nice guy too (despite however I might seem in here).

You seem nice. ;)

Quote:

The truth about being nice and just being shy and timid is that it's pretty big difference. A lot of younger folks just resort to be quiet and nice only because it's their only choice(again this is a personal thing), resulted either from the environment they grew up in, the way they grew up or just their character that hasn't had any experience to mature a bit. It's ok, it's very common.
And it can change voluntarily or simply life will do that for you sooner or later.
Well it's weird because around certain groups of people I'll either be really nice or an asshole, just depends on who they are. But it just seems assholes are the ones who get the girls.

Quote:

Don't think of her as the girl you're mad over, just do a bit of an imagination exercise where she "drops" down to your level, almost where your sister might be (bad example, but you get the idea), do this to get yourself out of that day dreaming state and just plant your feet on the ground and get to the reality of it, which so far is only you "sort of" asking about her to some friends and posting a thread about it on a random internet forum. Think about it, is this your best effort?
Will do that then, and well I'm far too scared of doing anything else. :(
Quote:

The tricks are as plain as it gets, get in contact with her, preferably in real life then maybe start off some sort of platonic relationship before you ask her out, see how she sees you, she might indicate you some signs towards liking you, doesn't have to be anything striking either. Students are students man, you're on the same level, which is a precious thing, shitloads of stuff to talk about, age-related stuff and whatever else...

This is not hard, want to imagine having to ask a girl that's 12 years older than you in a public setting? You have it easy, pal.
Never really thought of it that way, guess it could be far worse, but now I will.

Quote:

Deep breaths and an injection of a more active personality and you'll be fine.
Yeah I definitely need a more active personality, going to hope I have that tomorrow. :D
Quote:

Originally Posted by clandis (Post 11944004)
You just need to remember, she is just another person. You don't know her, she doesn't know you. She will probably be flattered that you want to talk to her. Take your chances.

Never thought of this either, will think like that. :D

Certinfy 04-29-2012 11:06 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by v-money (Post 11944032)
I won't lie to you and tell you that I'm good at getting girls, because I'm honestly not, but being comfortable enough around them to strike up a conversation is essential. You have to take your friends' advice and man up enough to talk to this girl. This has at least helped me to meet a lot of interesting people and make new friends, and once in a while I get lucky enough where they do want to have a deeper relationship.

I actually have never ditched the nice guy act, which is probably why my conversion ratio is so low, but I feel like putting on an act of this badass persona may be difficult to pull off in the long run. Sure, girl go for the badboys, but girls like confidence even more. There is nothing to say that a person can't be nice and confident at the same time. You just have to approach her and strike up a conversation about something simple like school. Also don't feel hesitant to throw in a compliment, because as long as you say it with confidence and in an honest manner, the girl will be flattered and it will get across the message that you find her attractive.

Thanks, I guess I'll keep away my badass side from this then, no need to even get into that then if this will work every now and then, just want to be myself. And I can definitely be confident about compliments as she really is beyond beautiful.

Quote:

My other go to move lately with girls has been to ask if they happen to have similar interest to me. Besides watching tennis I also play tennis and I have talked to girls about whether they follow or play tennis. Most of the time they give you the answer of "I've played with my family on a few occasions, but I'm not very good...ets, ets" and this is the perfect opportunity to invite her to play some tennis with you. I have done this with several girls and they are usually willing and we end up having a lot of fun (although this does require that you are relatively good at tennis and can chase arrant shots and hit them back fairly close to her, preferably to the forehand). If tennis doesn't happen to be your thing you can invite her to go on an walk or out for a lunch. I recently invited a girl to go on a hike through the mountains here in upstate NY and we had a really nice time.

You just have to make some kind of move and preferably about something that you feel very comfortable with. I won't guarantee that this will get you a new girlfriend, but it has at least made me some good friends.
That's actually really good! Never even though about getting tennis involved because no one I really know likes it, but definitely worth a shot it seems then. :D

Well I suppose I need good friends more right now, so many of my good friends from last year aren't really my good friends anymore, I really do just need to start fresh.

Li Ching Yuen 04-29-2012 11:10 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
No, I'm not saying be the asshole. Never. There's a huge difference here.

Never go there, even though it may seem like there are some guys that are assholes and still pull girls like crazy it's mostly just because of their great looks (remember that girls are after aesthetics just as much as guys are). If it seems like those guys are the only ones that are successful, you're just experiencing tunnel vision. Snap out of it. Quick.

Find the right balance and in your way into doing this don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just relax and when the nice girls come around you'll even have some funny stuff to talk about regarding asking girls out.
Be smart about it, and also be friendly enough. Other than looks, girls love confidence and a friendly boy with connections and aspirations. (more on that latter part when you grow older)

Lee 04-29-2012 11:18 PM

Re: Need Help With This Girl...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Certinfy (Post 11944033)
That's a good way, but then wouldn't she feel awkward that I needed them for us 2 to meet?

She may actually feel more comfortable with her friends as a buffer.


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