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2003 10-12-2011 10:16 AM

Being Single
 
Myself ive always personally associated loneliness with being single and/or not having many or any friends, but I understand one can feel lonely even when these things are present.

For me, I reckon my life would be as close to complete as I could hope for if I didnt have to battle loneliness all the time. I think it's one of those unique things that both males and females feel there is a lot of stigma to admitting or you feel weak admitting to it.

But what do you associate it with and how do you deal with it? Alcohol? Drugs? Hobbies? Sport? Work? Do you keep so busy you dont have time to think about it or what?

Does anyone associate it with rejection? Fear of never being able to find a life partner? I wish I could be like some people who just dont give a crap whether they have a girlfriend/boyfriend but I just cant, as hard as I try, I simply have to have one to feel content.

Its a hard thing to cope with because you feel like a loser for even mentioning it. You feel weak. Yet one assumes everyone feels it. Do you just soldier on or?

How do you cope with being single - not by choice.

pray-for-palestine-and-israel 10-12-2011 10:26 AM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
this may sound strange

you will never find love looking for it- STOP LOOKING FOR THE ONE

just be yourself- itll happen- i went for a few years thinking i'd settle for someone less than the one
but when i met her i knew

Filo V. 10-12-2011 11:39 AM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Find a hot guy and have sex with him.

Filo V. 10-12-2011 11:52 AM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 2003 (Post 11422283)
Myself ive always personally associated loneliness with being single and/or not having many or any friends, but I understand one can feel lonely even when these things are present.

For me, I reckon my life would be as close to complete as I could hope for if I didnt have to battle loneliness all the time. I think it's one of those unique things that both males and females feel there is a lot of stigma to admitting or you feel weak admitting to it.

But what do you associate it with and how do you deal with it? Alcohol? Drugs? Hobbies? Sport? Work? Do you keep so busy you dont have time to think about it or what?

Does anyone associate it with rejection? Fear of never being able to find a life partner? I wish I could be like some people who just dont give a crap whether they have a girlfriend/boyfriend but I just cant, as hard as I try, I simply have to have one to feel content.

Its a hard thing to cope with because you feel like a loser for even mentioning it. You feel weak. Yet one assumes everyone feels it. Do you just soldier on or?

Loneliness ultimately isn't a sign of weakness, and it's sad that global society has attributed things like loneliness, depression with being weak. That also is relatable but not directly so, with the fact that people with emotional/mental disorders and other comparable issues, are looked down upon. The stigma is because most people are emotionally guarded. We're supposed to be tough and just "get over it" if we feel down about something. People don't want to talk about their issues because it raises insecurities they can't handle, so they reject them instead, and do things like extra work or extra sex as a defense mechanism.

You're not a loser, in fact the opposite for being open and honest, that makes you stronger than those who shove their issues aside and lead eternally painful lives. Ultimately, it's about how much you love yourself. If you love yourself, you won't feel reliant on others to feel whole in your life. If you love yourself, that means you put yourself first. It means your company should be the company you enjoy most. Just soldiering on when you feel like shit almost always leads to depression, which leads to a whole host of issues, emotional, psychological and physical. You need to be able to look in the mirror and love what you see and love who you are, and everything will fall in place from there.

How do you get to that point? I'm not sure. Everyone has their own ways to motivate ones' self. But that's something that hopefully you work on, because as I said, if you like who you are, then people will see that and attract themselves to you.

JolánGagó 10-12-2011 11:52 AM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
I compulsively masturbate.

Filo V. 10-12-2011 11:56 AM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Masturbation is probably the most unfulfilling thing to do. I mean, if you're going to do it, at least do it with someone or have someone do it with you. It's just so boring otherwise, and it's like, why not include someone else if you're feeling horny!

fast_clay 10-12-2011 12:06 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
i used to feel like i needed something, and that feeling was pretty constant... but now, i enjoy my own time and space... pretty much can't live without that... so, best to stop being discontent about something that will most likely stay the same for some time...

but to be honest, sounds to me like you need to save some money, get a few work visas done, buy a plane ticket and go live somewhere else... follow the backpacker path, do a contiki... and for sure you will catch a few sexually transmitted diseases in no time... and as you lay back, after spending 5 minutes applying cream to your genitalia for the 3rd time that day, you will come to wonder: 'i wish i stayed home alone that weekend...'

Li Ching Yuen 10-12-2011 12:35 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Find that other thing other than human companion (of any kind) that you love, grip it and make it part of your life to such an extent that everything else pales in comparison.

Also:

"Life is change, don't be afraid"

JolánGagó 10-12-2011 12:42 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
or, "be water, my friend".

Dmitry Verdasco 10-12-2011 12:50 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JolánGagó (Post 11422455)
I compulsively masturbate.

This, but I cry afterwards.

tennizen 10-12-2011 12:51 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
I try and understand other people's feelings about loneliness and realize I am not alone in my loneliness, after all. Then solidarity abounds.

pray-for-palestine-and-israel 10-12-2011 12:55 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
i thin the best advice i heard is "don't settle"

dont accept if you dont think its makking you happy

shit- 6 years ago i was training to be an accountant and the boss of the company personally offered me a lifetime job with the company- with perks and everything

mentally i was so gone i had a nervous breakdown almost lost it- i quit (at the time scariest thing i ever did) and moved away for a while- always had an olive branch to come back when i felt right again- and this travelling did me so much good- because i've lived it- i dont feel the need to go out there again

sometimes you have to just trust God (or fate if you want) and do something that makes you happy

its strange because i didnt know i was unhappy untill i was happy- and i didnt kow just how happy i was untill i didnt have it- and now i appreciate everything so much more

women are complex creatures- i dont have a clue how they work or think- all i know is when a woman you really care about says she loves you- your whole world feels just a bit more complete

the best advice i can give about women is- they can smell desperation a mile off and it stinks to them- make female friends first (without any kind of strings- just friendship) and after you feel more comfortable then be more open- your soul mate is out there- she's probably single right now and wondering why her special someone hasn't come for her- its all about when its the right time

pray-for-palestine-and-israel 10-12-2011 01:06 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
if i may add oen point to the "dont settle"

don't let others expectations of settling be yours

if being a dustbinman makes you happy then be that-
if volunteering in a soup kitchen makes you happy then do that

5 years ago my mother got diagnosed with the big C- after shedding more tears then i could remember and feeling worthless i decided to volunteer at a cancer research uk charity store-
the manager asked me if i minded working 2 days a week- after a week i was working 5-6 day weeks there-
it was and always will be the happiest job i ever had- i never made a single penny (in fact i spent money in the store- it all went to a good cause)

mom (touch wood and pray to God) beat it-

i miss that store- the manager woman and i didnt see eye to eye- she was a paid manager who didnt give a damn about anyone but herself- and would pay her daughter to do shifts at the shop: using the till to pay her- she didnt like the fact i was working for free and offereing to do more

the people i met there i wil always treasure their friendships and stories

Nekromanta 10-12-2011 01:11 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Going to a gentlemen's house or ordering a girl is never that expensive but in case ordinary people don't satisfy you turn into a holy person and you can have fun with angels and devils all the time...

Johnny Groove 10-12-2011 04:03 PM

Re: How do you personally deal with loneliness?
 
Some good stuff in here.


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