After looking through MTF since the beginning of the year, i've noticed some trends. Feel free to criticize, flame, and degrade the theories
1. Making sense is optional
2. The probability of a thread on MTF becoming about Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal or both approaches 1 with respect to time (Mandoura’s Law)
3. Speculation can be treated as fact, as can fact be considered speculation
4. Injuries are always faked, especially if the sufferer is Roddick, Hewitt, Djokovic, or Nadal (Deb's Law)
PHM can cause serious damages to your health (Julie's Law)
6. Everyone loves Safin. There are 2 groups of people, Rafa fans and Fed fans, and they don’t like each other too much. And everyone hates (or, at least dislikes) Roddick (Jenanun's Law)
2008 Addendum: With the success of Djokovic, his new fans have been added to the list (ironically enough, the word "Djokotard was first used in this thread, just scroll down a little) Djokotards have an irrational persona, an overwhelming Serbian majority, and appear to have just begun watching tennis in January.
7. (Insert noun or random Argentinian here) is on the juice
8. Lose=Choke, and vice versa
9. Everyone loves BYE
10. Tennis coverage in the USA is a joke, and the commentators are all tools.
11. You do not talk about the WTA in a positive light
12. Just because a thread begins as “A” topic, doesn’t mean it cant translate to “B”, “C”, and “D” topic. Also, most topics turn to slash and/or sex after the unimportant things have been discussed. I.E. tennis.
13. Safin= Top 10 killa, Safin= Safin Killa, Whole ATP Tour= Donald Young Killa, Fed= Whole ATP killa, Rafa= Fedkilla,
= Rafa killa, 5th set= Blake Killa, Berdych= 5th set killa, Berdych=Rafakilla, Fat Asses= Fed Killa etc.
14. If you make a post, expect to be criticized, flamed, and degraded by someone else by use of personal insults. Also, threads based on a quote from an idiot tennis figure head MUST be flamed to no end. Also, going off on off-topic tangents, namecalling, and use of the
smiley are good ways of showing that you have run out of bullshit to spew, and have lost the argument.
15. EVERYTHING gets blown out of proportion. An example is whenever a player gives an interview or says some little Mickey Mouse controversial comment, expect someone to say something about speaking OUT LOUD.
And any quote made by a player disliked by any particular poster can, will and must be taken out of context as a means of bashing the player in question. This will result in pages of arguments where half the posters have actually read or listened to the particular quote and the other half are making assumptions. (Stebs' Addendum)
16. Whenever a combination of journeymen, formerly suspended dopers, and one-dimensional players win a tourney on the same day, tennis is officially proclaimed DEAD.
17. Horrible spelling, grammar misuse, and other butcherings of the English language are mandatory. Also, expect to be corrected for every single misspeeling
18. Double standards, stereotypes, and generalizations are a must, as well as fan fickleness.
19. Signatures must contain either a quirky tid bit of wisdom or a laundry list of the players you support. Quotes from random movies, TV shows, or other posters are a plus. Of course 10,000 smilies are firmly required, as is a cheap shot to one or more posters.
20. MTF is a perpetual cyclone of the exact same ideas and thoughts and can be discussed ad nauseum and yet no one ever gets bored or leaves
21. Infamous posters change their usernames as often Puff Daddy does his, if not more so
22. Every time an ATP player does a blog, the GM thread to announce it can't go without mention of the famous and legendary Dima blog of Estoril 2006. Usually, to say that said blog wont be near as good as Tursunov's. Conversely, every time there is a blog, there is also always a mention of the infamous "Fat Dave" blog of Madrid
23. Useless threads, random stupidity, and smiley overuse is mandatory
24. Good ways to earn vcash are creating threads that are either a quote from a person calling someone else out, a thread meant for bashing someone, threads proclaiming yourself to be the next federer when in fact, you eat bagels all day, or, more specifically, a thread that calls out Federer's dominance or demise; each of these will elicit tons of posters from both sides of the issue, with flamewars, namecalling, and hilarity to ensue, while the thread creator swims in vriches
25. Anyone supporting a tennis player should be assumed to have some kind of sexual infatuation with said player, even if they don't recognize it themselves. (Joe's Law)
26. All player's fans are called -tards. Fedtards, Rafatards, Safintards, Djokotards, etc. These radical groups of people always believe their player to be superior and any player that beat him is a joke, on the juice, cheating, ugly, fat, a fluke, and will never beat him again. Also, stupidity and bias are prevelent in their posts and signatures. Tardism also carries over to nationalism, with rival country players and fans bashing away. And, anytime that anyone (but 99% of the time, Nadal) has been given any type of luck, his anti-tards claim that Uncle Toni is behind it all with his magic wand.
27. The number of supporters of a given player increases proportionally with the players' rate of success but the number of haters increases exponentially with the player's rate of success. Also, if a relatively low-ranked and little known player upsets [insert top-ranked player here], that player's bandwagon fills with haters of [insert top-ranked player here]. And, the number of fans a player has can also explode with the quality of his blog.
28. The bigger the 'i'm leaving' announcement is, the less likely that a user will actually leave MTF. People who do leave here never give notice, they just disappear. (Tall One's Law)
29. Whining and complaining are mandatory. Whenever a draw comes out, It is obviously fixed against Player A, while Player B has a cakewalk. Probably done by under-the-table deals and knife to throat backroom bargains. Also, complaining about the surface of a tournament months in advance and saying THAT is also fixed falls under this category. As are the conspiracies of that it is a clown era and whoever plays in this era can't possibly be considered anything close to the GOAT.
30. This forum is not a REAL men's tennis forum without a whole horde of separate threads discussing such earth-shattering topic as who's dick is the biggest, who has the best ass, best bulge, or who is the hooooooooteeetesssstttt! threads. And of course, numerous threads dissolving into slash and perv topics, with the
, etc. smileys being used.
31. In order for one to be recognized as a troll, at least 1% of one's posts must be considered some form of funny. The other 99 can be a combination of brown-nosing, bullshitting, posting pure crap, starting (or attempting to start) flamewars, or basically some other stupid act.
32. Tennis is run by a bunch of clowns with $ signs in their eyes, and every new idea that the leadership comes out with must be bashed
33. In Davis Cup, whenever a player fails to play an away tie (or even a home tie!) it is because he is afraid of losing
34. Whenever a young player loses they must immediately be deemed as "overhyped." If possible, while deriding said player bring Donald Young into the mix. In addition if anyone is a fan of a young player they are a) bandwagon jumpers b) teenyboppers or c) (if they are over 30) creepy oldster pedophiles. (Clara Bow's law)
35. Any poll about players will have the standard "xristos" joke answer and be sure to see GWH mention Oscar Hernandez among others, this one is especially prevalent in polls regarding Wimbledon. Also, any 'match winner' poll will surely have an option saying 'tennis is the winner'. This is made all the more likely in matches which are deemed to be bad to watch. This poll option will invariably win. There will also be the inevitable suggestion of players that have NO CHANCE of winning the tourney as well as players not even playing. (Stebs law)
36. The penultimate proof of success for a player is NOT winning a major, reaching top 10 or getting past the RR stage of Las Vegas. Instead, it is when in GM someone creates a thread dedicated to celebrate said player's losses, and in which the player gets a nick that is either the name of an animal, a food product, or both. (oz_boz's law)
37. Any idiot who comes and starts trolling with a very recent join date, less than 500 posts, and/or red negative rep bars is an obvious multiple accounter. (Mistaflava's Law)
38. For every Fedtroll, there is an equal and opposite Rafatroll (and vice versa) (J'torian's Law with ClayBuster's addendum)
39. Every match is fixed (GWH's Law)
40. MTF logic is legendary. Player A gets bashed for making comment towards Player B while Player B gets praised for doing essentially the same thing. This type of logic, irony, and downright stupidity can be seen all over MTF.
41. The MTF user "mediter" had a revelation from a higher being that 6-3 6-3 6-3 is the highest form of multiple bagel, being a triple bagel. 6-3 6-3 is the true double bagel, and all other indentical set scores are lesser double bagels. That's the holy law as set down on MTF. (TankingTheSet's Law)
42. If somebody makes a prediction and says, "you heard it here first," it has already been posted by someone else. (uglyamerican's law)
43. Everytime either Federer, Djokovic, or Nadal loses a match a new level of trolling outbreak is reached on MTF. (elessar's law)
44. Anytime a player you don't like is ranked in the top 5 or 10, or anywhere above where you as the hater believes he should have been ranked, or had a result you don't like, it is perfectly acceptable to simply remove said time frame or tournament from your mind entirely. (Nathii's law)
45. Players can be mugs, the GOAT, an average player, lucky, or the worst player ever to play the game from tournament to tournament, match to match, or even point to point! (Nathii's other law)
46. All players are gay, regardless of how many women they sleep with, it is all just a cover up. (r2473's law)
47. Inside jokes are all over. The word mug, true meanings of triple bagels, multi headed hydras, topspin cyclones of death, the Roger/Rafa love affair, etc. etc. etc. Outsiders usually sound stupid when they try to combat it, while regulars tend to laugh. (Johnny Groove's law)
48. Whenever a player had an injury, everyone on MTF is a doctor. Whenever a player is in legal trouble, everyone is a lawyer. Everyone now suddenly is from Serbia or is an expert on mono. Also everyone turns into a meteorlogist when there is a rain delay. (Johnny Groove's other law)
49. All injury time-outs are fake, cheating, gamesmanship, etc. Unless it happens to be your
favourite taking one. (Bonnie the Cat's law)
50. Fat/Fit Dave is his own parallel universe. (sigmagirl91's law)
51. Everyone's a mug (BGT's law)
52. When having a debate with somebody who is reasonable and rational, make sure that whilst losing your futile argument, you continue to make abusive and deragortory posts to that person, especially if they are arguing in quite an articulate manner and if deepdown you know that they are probably right. If they are using words which are quite difficult to spell, you always have the MTF "trump" card, (If I tell you I may have to kill you) but it's the word "Mug", the power of this word knows no bounds and must be used with extreme caution as rumour has it, if it is used just once too often, the whole world will come to an abrupt end. (reggie1's law)
53. Any post from Heya is incomprehensible. The only conclusion you might be able to derive from her yapping, is that she apparently hates Roddick and Federer. (Bonnie the Cat's other law)
54. EVERY member of MTF (yes, every single one of them) would make a better TV commentator than anyone who actually gets paid to do this job right now, except Darren Cahill. Gilbert, Goodall, Koenig, both McEnroes, Courier, Robinson, Gimelstob, Fowler, Castle, Shiras, Davenport, Adler, Henman, Carillo, etc should all step aside in favor of the ACC winners. (Fee's other law)
55. New members are frequently bad repped despite not writing anything that really deserves it. I think this is because posters love turning other posters' lights red and there's a greater chance of that happening with newer members. I know I had red lights last year and it's not a nice welcome to MTF.
56. Use a nickname, wrong name or even no name in match prediction and result threads thereby confusing people who don't know the lingo. (StatRacket's other law)
57. Overpraise tv commentators & Federer's apologist Roddick. They're paid to be be asses. Make loyal fans of all these people happy. (heya's law)
58. If you disagree with Filo V., you are in a good place in your life. (Hewitt=Legend's law)
59. Mods will lock, delete or move humorous threads with no explanation (see the Novak celebration thread, Tard Davis Cup, etc) (slumpdasco's law)
60. Forget Melbourne, Paris, Wimbledon, and Flushing Meadows. The real 4 slams are Houston, Newport, Delray Beach, and Casablanca. (Mateya's law)
61. An "epic" match will regularly crash MTF servers. (Taejin's law)
62. Posters rate the Davis cup as high as the occasional exo, until their country gets a shot at the semis in the World Group, when it suddenly becomes a renaissance of the good old tennis spirit. (tnosugar's law)
63. All matches are simultaneously brilliant and terrible quality, depending on what posts you read from the match thread. (Smoke944's law)
64. Something that is coined and approved here at MTF gets immediate attention by the whole tennis community (e.g. mug, tard, GOAT/cheese, NID...) (janko05's law)
65. All Gasquet related threads will end up with a cocaine joke (Grassquet's law)
66. The exo is a great indicator to see who's in good shape, especially the legendary Abu Dhabi tournament, and wins from your favourite player over his biggest rivals will be celebrated more than a win in a real tournament ('it's only a 250/500/masters nobody cares about') (GSMNadal's Law)
Did I miss any?