last ditch effort -
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last ditch effort

Posted 09-08-2007 at 06:40 AM by

here goes nothing: i got kicked out 2006 for reasons i regret and moved here 2006 by the advice of the vice-dean saying crediting my subjects would be easier. i have to learn the hard way that here, i mean, not all, have certain prejudices against people from where i come from. so it's better not to tell anything. just my luck that someone blabbered about me to my roommates and since then they've been on my case.

when i feel sad, i like to reminisce a lot, like i always do. i live for missing and regretting so don't ever think i am without remorse.

i sometimes treat the radio as an escape like online forums. i don't expect people to care or react to anything as long as i let out what i want to say. maybe i request songs more in your time because you always play them immediately and mostly whenever i am listening. but this definitely got me listening MORE than the usual and knew more about you (someone who would know about "it.")what i explained before is true. it's hard to believe someone would fall for someone you do not know for sure. maybe i got carried away a whole lot and sometimes i wished there really was that girl for you. i know, i'm sick.
i like songs not only for identifying with some of the lyrics but also for the sound. and that party blog meant hesitating to go to parties with judgmental people who i know where i have to constantly explain myself. i can't help but be ironic so these seemingly double entendres doesn't have to mean more than what it says. i'm not a slut like you think or whoever. sorry may not be enough but still i am sorry and i deserve all this scrutiny about my life however true or false. but it's not all sad like you think. dorm life is only one part of it.
i do not think of you guys as my peers. i barely have enough faith in myself. i'm just a listener who got caught up in a situation where i handled it incorrectly and self-destructively as usual.
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