is it that I have such a hard time with death? I know no one likes it, but I can't seem to get a grip on my emotions. I freak out at the thought of people dying...whether it's my mum or one of my friends...I have no idea how to deal with it.

When I see someone dying on tv I'll be up half the night thinking about it. I think about my dad, my gran......

Yesterday I was at my grandad's place and I hadn't seen him for a while so I saw he's changed so much....he's lost weight, his memory is failing him... it broke my heart to see him like this. Of course he's 85.....so stuff like this happens when you're 85.....but still.....

I wish I could find a way to deal with it more easily this is affecting my mood way too much!

blah