MTF suggestions to reform the ATP and tennis in general [Archive] - MensTennisForums.com

MTF suggestions to reform the ATP and tennis in general

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Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 12:55 AM
Apart from dumping Round Robin to the cesspool where it came from and since our Fearless Leader of the ATP Mr Disney Etienne de Villiers cares really what the fans think.

It's time for some suggestions that Mr Disney should listen to, since he wants to make tennis more interesting for the masses.

- Instead of a TB, they should have a serving contest where they place a cone in the service box and the person who hits it the most will win. (GWH)

- It should be decided on a round of Greco-Roman wrestling. Labadze will then proceed to become the marketing dream of the ATP. (Merton)

- If Tursunov is playing, then he must be allowed to have a blog off against his opponent except if it is Federer or Nadal, cause they have to be in the final. (GWH)

- As for the clay they have to do as many 360s while sliding laterally and forwards within a minute and have a tennis ball balanced on their head. (GWH)

- Instead of hitting a cone, they should bring out a lion in a cage on the service line - most balls served into the lions mouth wins. Bring on the Spectacle, Disney boy... and serve that cotton candy... (TenHound)

- Another idea to replace the tie-break: they pick 2 random spectators in the crowd (one for each player). The 1st player who gets his serve returned by the spectator loses.

OR

No spectator involved but they can do something like the penalty kicks in football (since Mr. Disney loves the WC system). If the opponent can't return the serve it counts as a goal. (Saumon)

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 12:56 AM
Since Rafa believes in the circus act of RR.

I figure there are some other tricks he could do. He could grab a coconut or a walnut and put them between his butt cheeks and see if he could crack them by flexing.

SwissMister1
10-28-2006, 12:59 AM
The three players in the RR group try to pick up the most phone numbers at a bar, highest total goes through.

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 01:00 AM
5-set matches will not disappear, but the player may ask any other player to replace him (except for Federer on all surfaces and Nadal on clay).

NYCtennisfan
10-28-2006, 01:00 AM
Somebody's gonna mention it so why not me: dick size decides TB'ers.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 01:02 AM
5-set matches will not disappear, but the player may ask any other player to replace him (except for Federer on all surfaces and Nadal on clay).

That is known as the James Blake solution.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 01:03 AM
If the player argues with the umpire over a line call or Hawkeye then that player gets an electric shock for showing dissent against the ATP.

MisterQ
10-28-2006, 01:03 AM
Somebody's gonna mention it so why not me: dick size decides TB'ers.

:lol:

Towards that end, players refuse to play in cold conditions.

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 01:06 AM
If the player argues with the umpire over a line call or Hawkeye then that player gets an electric shock for showing dissent against the ATP.

Right from Orwell's 1984, the new motto of ATP:
TWO AND TWO MAKE FIVE.
DE VILLIERS IS WATCHING YOU.

NYCtennisfan
10-28-2006, 01:24 AM
:lol:

Towards that end, players refuse to play in cold conditions.

:lol: According to some other threads on MTF, even the cold wouldn't stop certain players in TB sich-e-ations. :eek:

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 01:27 AM
For events in the States.

- Both players have to ride a bull and whoever lasts longest wins the match.

NYCtennisfan
10-28-2006, 01:30 AM
If a player hits more than 5 double faults in a match, a lucky fan is picked who gets to

a) slap the player
b) spank the player
c) fellate the player for encouragement

atheneglaukopis
10-28-2006, 01:57 AM
When players shout in their own language, they don't get penalized as long as they translate for the benefit of the audience, who thereby get free lessons in obscenities. This will increase not only audience entertainment, but also participation, because once audience members learn these new words, they can start yelling back.

Example 1: Berdych swears in Czech, translates, Madrid audience now equipped to cuss him out in his own language every time he hits a winner.
Example 2: Safin plays well, then starts to choke, and fans who are now fluent from previous matches yell at him in Russian.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 02:05 AM
Ljubo should do a striptease after he wins or start abusing umpires and come onto court wearing a robe with "Ivan the Terrible" on the back.

MisterQ
10-28-2006, 02:08 AM
Ljubo should do a striptease after he wins .

That's a good way to get the spectators out and on their way quickly.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 02:10 AM
That's a good way to get the spectators out and on their way quickly.

Get them out and bring them in for the next match.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 02:12 AM
When chubby Chela wins a match, he should rip of his shirt and do a Hulk Hogan impression.

http://sportsmed.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/hulk_hogan.jpg

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 02:14 AM
Everytime Volandri aces his opponent, ATP donates 1000000 dollars to poor people.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 02:16 AM
Everytime Volandri aces his opponent, ATP donates 1000000 dollars to poor people.

The same amount should be done everytime Karlovic hits a groundstoke winner.

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 02:20 AM
The same amount should be done everytime Karlovic hits a groundstoke winner.

Fair enough.

Everytime Gaudio and Daniel win a match on grass, ATP eliminates 2 random players from the main draw of that tournament.

Ernham
10-28-2006, 02:36 AM
Who is the true evil on the ATP tour?
Satan versus Nalbandian IV versus Mr. Disney
http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/3048/maratnalbdisneyao6.jpg

~*BGT*~
10-28-2006, 04:40 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

This thread is great guys. Keep it up.

alelysafina
10-28-2006, 04:45 AM
Ljubo should do a striptease after he wins or start abusing umpires and come onto court wearing a robe with "Ivan the Terrible" on the back.

:lol: :lol:

wcr
10-28-2006, 04:56 AM
Apart from dumping Round Robin to the cesspool where it came from and since our Fearless Leader of the ATP Mr Disney Etienne de Villiers cares really what the fans think.

It's time for some suggestions that Mr Disney should listen to, since he wants to make tennis more interesting for the masses.

- Instead of a TB, they should have a serving contest where they place a cone in the service box and the person who hits it the most will win. (GWH)

- It should be decided on a round of Greco-Roman wrestling. Labadze will then proceed to become the marketing dream of the ATP. (Merton)

- If Tursunov is playing, then he must be allowed to have a blog off against his opponent except if it is Federer or Nadal, cause they have to be in the final. (GWH)

- As for the clay they have to do as many 360s while sliding laterally and forwards within a minute and have a tennis ball balanced on their head. (GWH)

- Instead of hitting a cone, they should bring out a lion in a cage on the service line - most balls served into the lions mouth wins. Bring on the Spectacle, Disney boy... and serve that cotton candy... (TenHound)

- Another idea to replace the tie-break: they pick 2 random spectators in the crowd (one for each player). The 1st player who gets his serve returned by the spectator loses.

OR

No spectator involved but they can do something like the penalty kicks in football (since Mr. Disney loves the WC system). If the opponent can't return the serve it counts as a goal. (Saumon)

I vote they can-can de Villiers and supplant him with none other than our very own George WHitler. As long as the ATP installs a screwball who wants to emphasize the E in Entertainment value of the sport, might as well make the entertainment a laugh riot.

You're on a roll. Whatever you do, don't stop now. Although, I must add, I seem to have lost my taste for walnuts.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 05:02 AM
Who is the true evil on the ATP tour?
Satan versus Nalbandian IV versus Mr. Disney
http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/3048/maratnalbdisneyao6.jpg

:haha: :haha:

NyGeL
10-28-2006, 05:04 AM
When chubby Chela wins a match, he should rip of his shirt and do a Hulk Hogan impression.

Every side change, both players are able to spit his opponent once. The one who fail is penalized with a game.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 05:10 AM
Anytime LaLo hits a topspin backhand winner he automatically gets through to the semi finals.

soraya
10-28-2006, 07:04 AM
The new double revolution which finally will attract American fans: Roger Rabbit/federer versus Mowgli/Nadal.

Purple Rainbow
10-28-2006, 08:19 AM
The audience should be allowed to vote people out of the tournament Big Brother-style. The two most popular players remaining can play the final.

Or..

We could have an idols-like jury consisting of a former mediocre female tennis player, a tennis coach and a tennis official to criticise the players after every unforced error. This jury could consist of Jana Novotna, Brad Gilbert an Mr. Disney himself.

MariaV
10-28-2006, 09:28 AM
If the player argues with the umpire over a line call or Hawkeye then that player gets an electric shock for showing dissent against the ATP.

Marat would be like electrecuted in that case already.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 09:33 AM
Any journalist asking a dumb question like for example to Marc Rosset. Are you happy you lost? Yes, delighted will have their accreditation denied for 10 years.

Any player who says you know more than 15 times within a 4 minute interview will be suspended for 2 months and forced to take language lessons.

Naranoc
10-28-2006, 09:35 AM
Any player who says you know more than 15 times within a 4 minute interview will be suspended for 2 months and forced to take language lessons.

Guess that would be part of Mr Disney's plan to stop Federer voicing his opinions on Round Robin :tape:

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 09:43 AM
- Xristos is automatically given the #1 spot because he says he's better than Federer :)

- Only televise matches where both players have hot girlfriends. Spare us the sight of Monster Mirka :scared:

- Uncle Toni is officially placed in charge of draws.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 09:46 AM
When there is a rain delay the match that must be shown on TV is Irakli Labadze vs David Nalbandian, one wearing a leopard skin g-string and the other clad in hot pink.

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 09:54 AM
- Irakli Labadze to undergo an obesity test.

- Bald players to be banned from tennis.

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 09:55 AM
- Tennis to never be shown in Croatia (it might spare us the Croats on here :rocker2: )

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 09:55 AM
- Irakli Labadze to undergo an obesity test.

- Bald players to be banned from tennis.

Irakli is big boned.

Those bald guys have such an advantage at altitude.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 09:57 AM
- Tennis to never be shown in Croatia (it might spare us the Croats on here :rocker2: )

That is against the ethos of Mr Disney and since we are Mr Disney's loyal subjects, we must show respect to this man.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 10:03 AM
There will be an ATP event played in La Paz at 3700m above sea level, where there is an actual benefit and problem with the altitude.

At the change of the ends the ballboys will give the players oxygen masks, then after the match, they will get drug tested and they will fail cause they had too much CO2 in their system.

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 10:08 AM
This is called the LaLo rule.....

- During doubles, all players must hold hands during the course of a point. If their hands become loose, the point is lost.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:25 AM
This is called the LaLo rule.....

- During doubles, all players must hold hands during the course of a point. If their hands become loose, the point is lost.

:lol:

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:26 AM
This is called the Safin-rule:

Each time a player hits a clean winner, they must pull their shorts down around their ankles for 30 seconds.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:28 AM
The home-run rule:

Each time a player hits a ball outside the barriers surrounding the court, he must do a lap of the court before playing the next point.

scarecrows
10-28-2006, 10:29 AM
Have midgets instead of ballboys

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 10:31 AM
The Russian mafia must be official bookmakers, since most of the gamblers here think the matches are fixed.

scarecrows
10-28-2006, 10:31 AM
Any player who says you know more than 15 times within a 4 minute interview will be suspended for 2 months and forced to take language lessons.

Sampras would have had a hard time playing a single week with that rule

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 10:32 AM
- Jaap is placed in charge of all match fixing investigations.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:33 AM
Each time a player serves a double fault, or if a player is aced, they receive a letter.

Once they have received enough letters to spell out M-R-D-I-S-N-E-Y, they are automatically defaulted.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:34 AM
Dylan is given the job of being the ATP accountant.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 10:35 AM
Annoucement

Hot off the presses since the ATP takes all these match fixing allegations very seriously there have been two positions created for Special Investigators to make sure every thing is as it should be.

Jaap and dylan24 have been appointed into these jobs.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 10:40 AM
Jogy becomes Universal commentator for all Federer-Nadal matches.

That tennis kid
10-28-2006, 11:58 AM
Bye should be given ranking points.
If a player wins a set they need to play the next set with their racquet in the other hand.
Doubles matches should be best-of-three TBs to ten. Best-of-five at Wimbledon.
Uncle Toni and Mirka should wrestle before every Master Series and Grand Slam. The winner may hand pick the draw.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 11:59 AM
tennis kid, I like those suggestions.

Mr Disney get one of your minions to read this thread.

its.like.that
10-28-2006, 12:35 PM
There should be a tournament played in Australia where the court is half rebound ace, half water - just like in the Todd Reid Uncle Toby's commerical.

:D

scarecrows
10-28-2006, 12:39 PM
to my Robotic Monkey should be given a WC in every tournament next year

fabolous
10-28-2006, 12:39 PM
koellerer, waske, stepanek, hewitt and almagro should automatically be seeded #1-#5 for every tournament. jeff tarango should make a comeback, too.

Action Jackson
10-28-2006, 12:42 PM
tangerine_dream should be employed as crowd liason officer in France.

adee-gee
10-28-2006, 01:31 PM
The Igor Kunitsyn rule.....

- All ATP tournaments should be played in Russia.

neenah
10-28-2006, 05:54 PM
This thread is hilarious! :lol:

Fedex
10-28-2006, 06:52 PM
That's a good way to get the spectators out and on their way quickly.

:lol:

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 09:47 PM
Everytime a player picks his underwear out of his butt he loses a game.

GlennMirnyi
10-28-2006, 09:48 PM
Everytime an American win a match on clay in a big tournament outside US that player gets straight to the final with a 6/0 5/1 lead.

Via
10-28-2006, 11:40 PM
now this one should please gwh ;)

the arnaud clement rule:
any player who insults a ballboy/ballgirl, should be made to do community service, by becoming a ballboy for the rest of the tournament, regardless of his progress in it. this is another way to see more of a player in an entertaining role.

note: insulting an umpire does not bring about a similar outcome. umpires do get paid so that is not community service.

Via
10-28-2006, 11:52 PM
The audience should be allowed to vote people out of the tournament Big Brother-style. The two most popular players remaining can play the final.

Or..

We could have an idols-like jury consisting of a former mediocre female tennis player, a tennis coach and a tennis official to criticise the players after every unforced error. This jury could consist of Jana Novotna, Brad Gilbert an Mr. Disney himself.

:lol: i've been laughing at a lot of suggestions but this one takes the cake for me. it is a scary scenario, because i can just see it happening. some desparate tourney might want to try it :rolleyes:

question is, would any pro be game enough to enrol with the tournament ??? lol

Johnny Groove
10-29-2006, 01:39 AM
All tournaments will be played under an enourmous circus tent, John McEnroe will ump every tennis match, and the rankings system will be thrown out and replaced with a magic 8-ball

Johnny Groove
10-29-2006, 01:40 AM
Once the round-robins are completed and eight players (or so) remain in the tournament, Tyra Banks takes provocative photos of the final eight in various model poses and, along with a panel of annoying fashion has-beens and random gay men, votes the players with the weakest photos out of the tournament. Numerous rounds of photos are taken, with a player being sent home after each round is judged.

In less than a year, Feli becomes the new world number one after surpassing Roger's highest point total some time midway through the season.

The winner of a tournament gets their name engraved on a beautiful silver trophy, a small replica of the trophy to take home, a fashion spread in Seventeen magazine, and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl.

Lopez already has all those rewards, so he might tank some tournaments by gaining some weight and not putting on any makeup

Johnny Groove
10-29-2006, 01:55 AM
Lopez is the type of number one who can still win those matches even when he's not at his best. :angel:

I dunno, there might be some young Swiss hottie to try to pry the spaniard's stranglehold on #1 ;)

PamV
10-29-2006, 01:57 AM
Why do they think they need to change the game to make it more interesting. It already is interesting. Changing rules won't draw in the masses who never watched tennis before.

I find it less exciting when they try to shorten the matches as they have in doubles.

ufokart
10-29-2006, 02:51 AM
:haha: :haha:

This thread is hilarious, if i had just a little bit of imagination i'd post here :lol:

Ernham
10-29-2006, 02:52 AM
WTA ball girls.

Johnny Groove
10-29-2006, 02:53 AM
WTA ball girls.

:eek: :scared: :bolt:

atheneglaukopis
10-29-2006, 03:34 AM
I dunno, there might be some young Swiss hottie to try to pry the spaniard's stranglehold on #1 ;)Or some Russian. He also btw likes the earlier suggestion of getting phone numbers in bars, thinks he could make #1 with that in record time too. ;)

Metis
10-29-2006, 03:37 AM
Instead of a tiebreak the crowd will decide the winner of a set in a "HOT or NOT" contest, where the 2 players strip to their underwear (got to keep it decent, there are kids in those events after all) and strut around the court to be judged by the spectators. The hotter of the 2 will win the set.

That will make even Nalby sweat every day in the gym and cut down on those burgers! As for Ljubicic, Stepanek, etc, they will have to make sure they break, or have plastic surgery, or play against each other. :p

artlinkletter
10-29-2006, 03:39 AM
You just want Marat to win. :p Love it!

atheneglaukopis
10-29-2006, 03:42 AM
Whichever player can consume the most *insert alcoholic beverage of choice* at the changeovers and still ace his opponent wins the game.

Whichever umpire can consume the most *iaboc* and still keep track of the score...wait, they already instituted this one. :o My bad.

Ernham
10-29-2006, 04:14 AM
Those were some sad attempts to tit my tat on the ball girls comment, ladies.

Action Jackson
10-29-2006, 05:39 AM
now this one should please gwh ;)

the arnaud clement rule:
any player who insults a ballboy/ballgirl, should be made to do community service, by becoming a ballboy for the rest of the tournament, regardless of his progress in it. this is another way to see more of a player in an entertaining role.

note: insulting an umpire does not bring about a similar outcome. umpires do get paid so that is not community service.

:haha: :haha: :haha:

I have seen the little troll Clement in action with the ballkids, he is one of the worst in this regard.

Tommy Haas would be an excellent ballboy, though along with Clement, there are a few others who'd do well in this situation.

World Beater
10-29-2006, 07:02 AM
24 second shotclock. if the point is not over by then and if the ball has not crossed the net on your side, you lose the point.

Action Jackson
10-31-2006, 04:25 AM
To implement a system of apartheid where the top 10 players can only mix with other top 10 players and that they can only leave through certain doors, whereas the others have to go through numbered doors like 11-30 depending on ranking.

Oh I forgot de Villiers is from South Africa and he would be used to apartheid.

Action Jackson
11-01-2006, 02:22 AM
From Lee

There will be an armwrestling competition held in Las Vegas between tournament directors to decide who will get the players they wanted to play.
Fucking brilliant. That must be why he gets the big bucks.

http://www.menstennisforums.com/showpost.php?p=4384795&postcount=21

Action Jackson
12-04-2006, 03:30 PM
There is a rumour that Ebeneezer Scrooge has been appointed as the treasurer for the ATP.

Action Jackson
12-11-2006, 05:08 AM
This is the car that they will win and travel around in.

http://z.about.com/d/hotels/1/0/G/G/mickey_car.jpg

For winning MM events, the winners will be awarded.

http://www.entertainmentearth.com/images//AUTOIMAGES/MRDS107lg.jpg

Merton
12-11-2006, 05:14 AM
:haha: :haha: :haha:

Action Jackson
12-12-2006, 02:53 AM
Players must wear this underwear.

http://www.webundies.com/images/kncb0501.jpg

Pfloyd
12-12-2006, 06:25 AM
Give Mr.Disney a chance, at best, he will make tennis more popular for the masses.

At worst, he sucks and will get his ass kicked out eventually.

Action Jackson
12-12-2006, 10:39 AM
Give Mr.Disney a chance, at best, he will make tennis more popular for the masses.

At worst, he sucks and will get his ass kicked out eventually.

Not surprising you'd come up with a statement like this and there are more than enough reasons as to why Disney is a problem and not an asset to the ATP.

If you like cheap gimmicks then be my guest.

Sunset of Age
12-12-2006, 03:59 PM
Replace the ugly players with models.
After all, who's interested at looking at UGLY guys hitting a ball?

GlennMirnyi
12-12-2006, 04:23 PM
On clay, the third set should be replaced by a "who slides longer" contest.

GlennMirnyi
12-12-2006, 04:24 PM
Another one: the player that gets a BH winner from Lalo is automatically disqualified from the tournament. If the BH is DTL, he's also disqualified from next week's tournament.

virex
12-12-2006, 04:44 PM
Another one: the player that gets a BH winner from Lalo is automatically disqualified from the tournament. If the BH is DTL, he's also disqualified from next week's tournament.

that!!!!!!!
the best one so far!

madmanfool
12-12-2006, 04:59 PM
new rule: beer tennis

you have to drink a beer ad fundum(=all at once) after every game you win. Grand slams count double :)
If you try to get the other drunk by tanking a set, the crowd can decide if they want to give you a full round of 5 or 10 beers.
French people are allowed to drink wine and Russian wodka.

Metis
12-12-2006, 05:57 PM
new rule: beer tennis

you have to drink a beer ad fundum(=all at once) after every game you win. Grand slams count double :)
If you try to get the other drunk by tanking a set, the crowd can decide if they want to give you a full round of 5 or 10 beers.
French people are allowed to drink wine and Russian wodka.

That's a very interesting suggestion. Although in my opinion, only drinks of the same alcohol content should be allowed, to keep it fair. The player who wins the coin toss will decide the type of drink.

This idea gives a whole new dimension to tennis, including endorsement deals, off-season training practices etc...

It also gives a whole new meaning to 5-set matches. And in the end, no matter who wins, both players will be happily singing and laughing together, who knows, even treat the spectators to a strip-tease dance... :D

I nominate madmanfool for ATP president. :lol:

Saumon
12-12-2006, 06:04 PM
how will they do in France? :scratch: you can't advertise for alcohol on tv here :shrug: :awww:

Black Adam
12-12-2006, 06:44 PM
*The Anti-Dave Law: Balls should have the same colour as the court.
*Only players with Six packs are allowed to take of their shirts.
*Bring a Dressing table plus mirror and Make-Up on cort each time Feli plays.
*To ruin Dave's career, bring a buffet for the losers on the court :devil:
*Federer plays with Wooden racket.
*Monfils should be allowed to bring his Laptop with Internet access on the court.

Pfloyd
12-12-2006, 07:23 PM
Not surprising you'd come up with a statement like this and there are more than enough reasons as to why Disney is a problem and not an asset to the ATP.

If you like cheap gimmicks then be my guest.

You'r criticizing the Round-robin tournaments without even giving them a chance. Please, we are not prophets.

I have no opinion whatsoever on "Mr Disney" - and he may suck - but I cannot know with certainty that his ideas will fail completly.

Deboogle!.
12-12-2006, 07:57 PM
You'r criticizing the Round-robin tournaments without even giving them a chance. Please, we are not prophets.

I have no opinion whatsoever on "Mr Disney" - and he may suck - but I cannot know with certainty that his ideas will fail completly.I see what you mean and I respect him for the sole reason that at least he has the balls to try to make changes. It's easy to sit back and criticize someone's decisions and it's a hell of a lot harder to go into a situation where there's a problem and try to fix it - there are bound to be mistakes that are made and not all of the decisions are going to be perfect; we are all just humans after all. But at the end of the day, at least he is trying and I respect that.

But with that said, I still think that the round robin one is particularly misguided for the reasons that so many of us have discussed on here ad nauseum. Some of the other changes that are less extreme like sunday starts and all best of 3 finals in ATP events, I think those changes can potentially help even if they are unpopular to some. But the round robin for regular tournaments is not tennis for me and I think it will only create more problems, not fewer.

adee-gee
12-12-2006, 09:46 PM
- Expand the dimensions of a tennis court to the size of a soccer pitch :rocker2:

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 12:56 AM
Another one: the player that gets a BH winner from Lalo is automatically disqualified from the tournament. If the BH is DTL, he's also disqualified from next week's tournament.

:haha: :haha: :haha:

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 01:01 AM
You'r criticizing the Round-robin tournaments without even giving them a chance. Please, we are not prophets.

I have no opinion whatsoever on "Mr Disney" - and he may suck - but I cannot know with certainty that his ideas will fail completly.

I have more than enough reason to criticise Round Robin events and the thing is I still don't have respect for Mr Disney at all cause he is making cosmetic changes and gimmicks without thinking it through properly.

If he just wants to cater to the top 10, then he should take a big circus tent and travel the world in it and stuff the rest.

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 01:04 AM
They should play in circus tents.

http://thrillbomb.com/france_pics/circus%20tent%20at%20ile-d'yeu.jpg

croat123
12-13-2006, 02:07 AM
exactly...put the courts in circus tents

and if we are already trying to make every round robin tournament a federer vs. nadal final, we might as well save the other players the trip and only have one match each week

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 02:32 AM
Anyone who gets beaten by a clean winner by Karlovic from the baseline.

They have to be shot out of a cannon into shark infested waters.

GlennMirnyi
12-13-2006, 02:33 AM
Anyone who gets beaten by a clean winner by Karlovic from the baseline.

They have to be shot out of a cannon into shark infested waters.

Add that for players taking a dropshot from Ferrer on clay. :p

LaTenista
12-13-2006, 04:03 AM
Resign immediately.

Henry Chinaski
12-13-2006, 04:40 AM
Commentators should be ordered to refer to all Russian players as evil communists. The masses will clamour to watch good do battle with evil and ratings will go through the roof. It'll be Rocky IV on a tennis court every week. People will be too engrossed in the action to bother checking if Russia has indeed reverted to communism.

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 04:48 AM
BALCO should be official supplier of suppliments to the players.

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 07:50 AM
They have to wear these shoes.

http://www.pickyourshoes.com/images/shoes/superstar35_disney_10.jpg

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 08:16 AM
The ATP have released little wind up Nadal dolls that will arse pick on command and go for 3 minutes and scream "Vamos" at the end.

adee-gee
12-13-2006, 08:17 AM
The ATP have released little wind up Nadal dolls that will arse pick on command and go for 3 minutes and scream "Vamos" at the end.
Can I pre-order some?

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 08:24 AM
Can I pre-order some?

I want you to be the distributor for Europe. Go to the ATP and ask for that job.

Action Jackson
12-13-2006, 09:38 AM
Or we could have this.

http://disney.jbug.net/mvdata/data/Computer_Wore_Tennis_Shoes.jpg

Saumon
12-13-2006, 04:10 PM
http://www.cuddlycollectibles.com/Disney/Mickey%20Mouse/Key%20Chains/APKCGoldMinnieTennis.jpg

new bling bling for safin :rocker2:

Merton
12-13-2006, 04:17 PM
The ATP Tour will be renamed the "ATP Heroes and Villains Disney Tour".

Action Jackson
12-14-2006, 03:50 AM
http://www.cuddlycollectibles.com/Disney/Mickey%20Mouse/Key%20Chains/APKCGoldMinnieTennis.jpg

new bling bling for safin :rocker2:

:worship: :worship:

jocaputs
12-14-2006, 04:11 PM
The ATP Tour will be renamed the "ATP Heroes and Villains Disney Tour".

:haha: :haha:

scarecrows
12-14-2006, 04:17 PM
exactly...put the courts in circus tents

and if we are already trying to make every round robin tournament a federer vs. nadal final, we might as well save the other players the trip and only have one match each week

I doubt Federer and Nadal will play many RR events

and I dont think GS and Masters Series will be RR

jocaputs
12-14-2006, 04:23 PM
ruin nalbandian by forcing him to eat no more Big Macs- only happy meals!!!:devil: :devil: :devil:

Action Jackson
12-16-2006, 04:18 AM
ruin nalbandian by forcing him to eat no more Big Macs- only happy meals!!!:devil: :devil: :devil:

Hahaha

16681
12-16-2006, 04:49 AM
Resign immediately.
:yeah:

Action Jackson
12-17-2006, 12:43 PM
Resign immediately.

That would be too easy.

Action Jackson
12-23-2006, 01:47 PM
I got this suggestion from Michelleg.

There will be Federer or Nadal plastic figures in our McDonalds Happy Meals for the US market.

Fedex
12-24-2006, 06:10 AM
Anyone who gets beaten by a clean winner by Karlovic from the baseline.

They have to be shot out of a cannon into shark infested waters.
:lol: :haha:

Fedex
12-24-2006, 06:13 AM
The ATP have released little wind up Nadal dolls that will arse pick on command and go for 3 minutes and scream "Vamos" at the end.
:lol: I hope I am getting one for Christmas. :yeah:

Saumon
12-25-2006, 06:06 PM
Tournament winners are decided by MTF polls.
The top 3 becomes:
1/ Safin
2/ Federer
3/ Tursunov

Action Jackson
12-28-2006, 07:07 AM
Tournament winners are decided by MTF polls.
The top 3 becomes:
1/ Safin
2/ Federer
3/ Tursunov

:worship:

MariaV
12-28-2006, 07:31 AM
Tournament winners are decided by MTF polls.
The top 3 becomes:
1/ Safin
2/ Federer
3/ Tursunov

WHERE CAN I VOTE??????!!!!!!!! :yeah: :worship: :bowdown:

Action Jackson
12-28-2006, 07:31 AM
WHERE CAN I VOTE??????!!!!!!!! :yeah: :worship: :bowdown:

Perfect for you isn't it?

MariaV
12-28-2006, 07:34 AM
Perfect for you isn't it?

Ahh, you know me well enough, don't you? :D :wavey:

Action Jackson
03-02-2007, 01:27 AM
With the latest ATP farce with changing the rules in the format to allow Blake to make the QFs, when he lost against Korolev and under the rules Korolev should be in the QFs.

Mr Disney decides the tournament winners, but whether they support his ideas or not.

Action Jackson
03-02-2007, 01:31 AM
Which ever player knows the words to the Mickey Mouse theme song will make the semi finals at least and will have a sing off to win the event.

Merton
03-02-2007, 01:34 AM
Hulk Hogan, the wrestling legend, will become the executive ATP director for match transparency.

Merton
03-02-2007, 01:36 AM
Hwakeye system will be followed unless popular players disagree with the system verdict. By definition, popular players must be more accurate. (Credit to atheneglaukopis for this excellent idea)

sigmagirl91
03-02-2007, 10:24 AM
ruin nalbandian by forcing him to eat no more Big Macs- only happy meals!!!:devil: :devil: :devil:

No...he should only be allowed to eat the fruit salad.

Action Jackson
03-02-2007, 11:36 AM
Courtesy of TBE

* All top players will be issued a get of jail card or joker card to use during a tournament if they lose in the early rounds, so they can come back in at the quarter final stage.

TheBoiledEgg
03-02-2007, 11:45 AM
does pleasuring Mr Disney for a few hours count ?
seems it worked for Blake.

scarecrows
03-02-2007, 11:46 AM
Hawkeye should be replaced by rafitoeye, which is invented, designed and produced by david23

Action Jackson
03-02-2007, 11:48 AM
does pleasuring Mr Disney for a few hours count ?
seems it worked for Blake.

See the irony here with the above statement? This is Mr.Disney's way of appreciating the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

Björki
03-02-2007, 11:55 AM
GWH do you have Mr Disneys email addy? :p

Action Jackson
03-02-2007, 11:56 AM
Sorry Peggy, I don't have it.

Björki
03-02-2007, 11:58 AM
it's pity. I would like to send him some nice words.

Saumon
03-02-2007, 12:16 PM
GWH do you have Mr Disneys email addy? :p

I must have it somewhere :angel:

Saumon
03-12-2007, 09:39 AM
Yesterday I was sick of the scoreboard that wouldn't work and sent a rant to a few ATP representatives and guess who replied :angel: :spit:

Obviously the ATP is doing its BEST to be fan friendly. First they have the wonderful Round Robins (a great success!!! NOT!!!), then they have the Masters Series TV that is unfortunatly not available for live matches where I live and now they have a scoreboard that does not work! How great is that! How am I supposed to follow the matches of my favorite players now?!?! Challengers have better scoreboard than that! The Indian Wells scoreboard is a joke. It has been stuck for most of the day today. And it's not just my computer, it's like that for everyone! Can you explain me why you can't even do that for us? Having a scoreboard that works? Are we, tennis fans, too demanding?

I hope you'll answer for once. Because it's not the first time there's such a problem with the scoreboard of a Masters Series tournament, the tournaments that are supposed to be the biggest events in the ATP calendar! That's not something I can deal with. To quote Mister Safin "it doesn't fit in my brain"

Best regards,
DS

Dear DS,
I am very sorry that you are not able to get Masters Series TV in your area and I hope that is just a matter of time before it is available. We will certainly look into the defective scoreboard and get back to you. That is troubling , not just to you but to us as well. I value feedback like this and hope we will be able to show you over time that we are improving this great sport and making it better for you and all our devoted fans. Once again, we apologise for letting you down.
Et

Etienne de Villiers
Chairman and President, ATP

Notice how he doesn't say a word about RR :devil: :rolls:

I hope he'll value our feedback of the RR and our petition as well. :)

TheBoiledEgg
03-12-2007, 12:39 PM
Yesterday I was sick of the scoreboard that wouldn't work and sent a rant to a few ATP representatives and guess who replied :angel: :spit:



Notice how he doesn't say a word about RR :devil: :rolls:

I hope he'll value our feedback of the RR and our petition as well. :)

:rolls:
did you tell him he's an idiot as well :wavey: :angel:

tangerine_dream
03-21-2007, 07:58 PM
At least the players feel more confident about speaking out against deVillain's evil plans to destroy tennis:

From tennis-x:

James Blake, one of many players bucking ATP Chairman Etienne de Villier's desire to force the top players to play all eight of the Masters Series events on the new ATP calendar: "To make us play eight out of eight will be a very tough ask, especially all over the world. This all seems really harsh, we'll have to talk about it in Miami. It's still our tour, we're the players and we need to make the decisions that are going to benefit us. We need to make sure that we find a compromise, a middle ground."

And Andy Roddick on the proposed penalization for players missing events under the new system, even with injury: "The whole goal is to keep top players in events. If they don't show up for one, you suspend them from another? I don't see how that's keeping your top players in events, we'll see how that works. You can't set it in stone, there are a lot of grey areas. You're gonna get suspended because you have a sprained ankle and they want an MRI as proof? You can't take injuries out of the equation when you're playing a sport."

Tennisreporters.net's Matt Cronin on the decision-making process at the round robin debacle in Las Vegas: "ATP CEO Etienne de Villiers actually called [Roger] Federer in Dubai during the controversy to get his take on the situation and the Swiss didn't appear sympathetic. de Villiers had first decided against ATP rules that [James] Blake should get through and then reversed himself. "Your problem, you know," Federer told the CEO. "I'm over here. He apologized. I think it's terrible what happened. I didn't decide anything, I was just listening."

Castafiore
03-21-2007, 08:41 PM
Mr. Disney got an earful at the mandatory players meeting yesterday

http://blogs.sun-sentinel.com/sports_tennisblog/2007/03/nadal_robredo_s.html

uglyamerican
03-21-2007, 10:08 PM
Mr. Disney got an earful at the mandatory players meeting yesterday

http://blogs.sun-sentinel.com/sports_tennisblog/2007/03/nadal_robredo_s.html

Fascinating read. What would have to happen to remove Disney? How do they hire these guys in the first place?

zadle69
03-21-2007, 11:46 PM
1). shorten the season. it is too long. march-october is fine. baseball, basketball, football, hockey, swimming, and hockey all have their seasons and that is it

2). Limit more master series event. it is way too many now. reduce it down to 7or 8 events per calendar year.

3). Limit the appearance fees money. Paying a prize money and appearance fee are too much for events. If you dont make your ticket sales, you will come up with a loss with everything else you have to pay out.

4). Promote more youth and older players in events. I think tennis needs more diversity.

5). Bring back 5 set finals for ATP players. I think it is important while it gives fan more to watch. I think spreading out the schedule this would be possible.

6). Decrease prize money for more events If you are going to pay appearance fees then the prize money should decrease. Too much money going out and less going in if you dont have the seats filled

Malul
03-22-2007, 12:54 AM
Here are somemore suggestions to do it more watchable;
before every match the umpire throws a dice,if it shows:

1:
The highest ranked player automatically wins by 7-5 3-6 6-2

2:
Both players gets a free video of "Oscar Hernandez sings ABBA"
Then the audience get free ice cream and forget about the match.

3:
The lowest ranked player has to do an omelette a la Jackass-style.
And looses the match by 4-6 4-6

4:
Both players go through to the next round.Stepanek will be removed from the next round.If one of the two are Stepanek,the other one will move on to the next round alone.

5:
One of the player has to play with a superman dress and he has to serve every serve faster than 145 mph or he looses the match by 1-6 3-6.If
seat 34,row 12,is taken by Mr Earl Robert from Portland than the highest ranked player will wear the dress,if not Mr Robert than the lowest ranked will be the one with the superman dress.

6:
This can actually be changed from tournament to tournament but in lets say Miami both players have to choose between playing the match or go for the black box.The highest ranked player will begin to choose,if he chooses the box the other player advance to the next round.If he chooses not to take the black box,he advances to the next round.For example the box can contain an apple or maybe even a toy,lets say a Barbie.

This really should make it more interesting!:wavey:

Action Jackson
03-22-2007, 04:11 AM
Great suggestions Malul.

Action Jackson
04-11-2007, 04:54 AM
Now Mr.Disney has decided to double the points of the TMS events to 1000, while the Slams will be 2000.

Maybe there could be an auction for each tournament to bid for what amounts of points they can hand out for their event. The highest 7 or 8 bidders will get TMS status.

Merton
04-11-2007, 05:06 AM
Now Mr.Disney has decided to double the points of the TMS events to 1000, while the Slams will be 2000.

Maybe there could be an auction for each tournament to bid for what amounts of points they can hand out for their event. The highest 7 or 8 bidders will get TMS status.

I suggested that for a quick laugh here http://www.menstennisforums.com/showthread.php?t=98715 but with Mr. Disney we might wake up one day and see it as part of the ATP restructuring plan. :scared:

Action Jackson
04-11-2007, 05:09 AM
Yes, he would see that.

Maybe there could be a boxing match between Ricci Bitti and Mr.Disney.

Metis
04-11-2007, 05:12 AM
I suggested that for a quick laugh here http://www.menstennisforums.com/showthread.php?t=98715 but with Mr. Disney we might wake up one day and see it as part of the ATP restructuring plan. :scared:

I suggest you hurry up and patent this idea. You might get rich one day. ;)

Merton
04-11-2007, 05:13 AM
Here is a good suggestion: The ATP will just allocate points to events that it runs, so slams get zero points. In addition, it will try to organize anti-slams at the same time that the slams happen. That will be the "super-duper slam 2000 series".

Merton
04-11-2007, 05:16 AM
Yes, he would see that.

Maybe there could be a boxing match between Ricci Bitti and Mr.Disney.

Perhaps Mr. Disney has a secret crash for Ricci Bitti and all this noise is an attempt to get some attention :awww:

Action Jackson
04-11-2007, 05:18 AM
Perhaps Mr. Disney has a secret crash for Ricci Bitti and all this noise is an attempt to get some attention :awww:

I don't think alfonso would take them both on as we know he loves Mr. Disney, but not sure if would have a threesome with Ricci Bitti and take one for the team.

W!MBLEDON
04-11-2007, 05:47 AM
De Villain steps down from his position. All members of MTF are knocked out and wake up several hours later on ATP Island. There is a ritual. A new method of deciding who runs the ATP: THE SHORTEST MEMBER OF MTF MUST BE THE LEADER! Naturally, I win, being 4'6". I deem all current rules and regulations invalid. In fact, I trash tennis. A new sport is created — Teacher Tennis. This game is played in school hallways everywhere. Two teachers are put into large plastic bubbles with scalding hot cups of tea. The spectators begin to roll the teachers around. The teachers attempt to stop the scalding hot tea from spilling. 99.9999999999999999999999999% of the time, the teacher fails. The tea is spilt everywhere. The end result is that both teachers are badly burned and one teacher strongly desires to hurt the other.

The_Nadal_effect
04-11-2007, 06:15 AM
Here's a suggestion: Davydenko must be allowed to give a 'Putin-esque' speech at the end of every grand slam QF he makes it to. By addressing Marxism to the masses, slowly but surely, ATP will yield to the ways of the fans, thats us! Vamos!

Saumon
04-11-2007, 06:18 AM
Cancel the grasscourt season and play beach tennis instead! :yeah:

Action Jackson
08-18-2007, 06:01 PM
Mr.Disney has done it again. He has decided that tournament Entry Lists can't be published anywhere before the tournament site gets around to it.

Of course he would be against something that is helpful to fans and media alike.

- People who can guess 4 players on the Entry List will get a 10% discount on tickets.

- Draw will be done by playing pin the tail on the donkey.

dijus
08-18-2007, 06:02 PM
vamos mr.disney

Action Jackson
08-18-2007, 06:08 PM
- Jaap is placed in charge of all match fixing investigations.

He would be doing more than the ATP at the moment.

dijus
08-18-2007, 06:16 PM
-Forbid showing oop into public places, fans should go blindly on courts

-Livescores from any event (except top10 players matches) should be not allowed

-Any TV coverages/livestreams (except top10 players matches) should be forbidden

stebs
08-18-2007, 06:17 PM
- Instead of deuce and advantage each player must carry a paintball gun in their pocket. When the score reaches deuce they must draw and the first to get a hit wins the game.

- The E4 (Tv station) concept of second chance Sunday is created for Roger Federer. If he loses before the final of a tournament he gets a second chance on Sunday evening, whoever is the tournament winner must immidiately beat Federer to be crowned true champion.

- Hurdles are placed on the service lines so that when a drop shot is hit the player must jump them to get to the ball.

- The tennis ball is replaced by a small bomb, last player left alive after the explosions is the winner.

- A new format for tournaments. ATP players have to form partnerships and play doubles, at the end of each match the crowd chooses one player from each team to advance into the next doubles match. When it comes to the final doubles match the crowd pick just one player to be the winner.

- Andy Roddick serves bombs next to the lines and players each guess whether the ball landed in or out. Hawkeye is used to show who was correct.

Frederick16
08-18-2007, 06:20 PM
to who did the atp said this? so there is an entrence at the atp for us? maybe someone can start an discussion with them? last year i went to italy all the way, for some challengers, based on entry lists!

shotgun
08-18-2007, 06:20 PM
- People who can guess 4 players on the Entry List will get a 10% discount on tickets.

Instead of the $1,000,000 Penn bracket challenge we'll have the $ 1,000,000 Penn entry list challenge. Whoever guesses all the players in a certain entry list will get the million.

Action Jackson
08-18-2007, 06:28 PM
- Davydenko, Volandri and Vassallo Arguello should be allowed to set their own betting odds.

- Norm Chryst will be conducting eye tests for future umpires.

- Anyone who beats Federer, they have to play their next match with a balaclava, ice hockey helmet and sandbags on their feet.

TheBoiledEgg
08-18-2007, 07:32 PM
next thing....... banning of all media except the ones who bought the TV rights

Carlita
08-18-2007, 07:34 PM
Mr.Disney has done it again. He has decided that tournament Entry Lists can't be published anywhere before the tournament site gets around to it.

Of course he would be against something that is helpful to fans and media alike.

- People who can guess 4 players on the Entry List will get a 10% discount on tickets.

- Draw will be done by playing pin the tail on the donkey.:tape: :spit:

how does he come up with this crap? :sobbing:

ChinoRios4Ever
08-18-2007, 08:38 PM
- No more 2nd serve...
- No tv for the final matches

Nathaliia
08-18-2007, 08:49 PM
Dear gosh, I swear these people are as lunatic as my nation's government members.

Lucinda
08-18-2007, 11:21 PM
If a set reaches a tiebreak, each player must select a FAN to compete for them in the tiebreak. The same FAN cannot be chosen to compete for two different set tiebreaks in one match. All the FANS will love it!

Tennis Fool
08-18-2007, 11:23 PM
Well, hell, at least there is an MTF. Remember Atpworld :tape:

Tzar
08-18-2007, 11:27 PM
The three players in the RR group try to pick up the most phone numbers at a bar, highest total goes through.

Radek loss for sure!

Radek :hug:

JBdV
08-18-2007, 11:42 PM
- Instead of deuce and advantage each player must carry a paintball gun in their pocket. When the score reaches deuce they must draw and the first to get a hit wins the game.

- The E4 (Tv station) concept of second chance Sunday is created for Roger Federer. If he loses before the final of a tournament he gets a second chance on Sunday evening, whoever is the tournament winner must immidiately beat Federer to be crowned true champion.

- Hurdles are placed on the service lines so that when a drop shot is hit the player must jump them to get to the ball.

- The tennis ball is replaced by a small bomb, last player left alive after the explosions is the winner.

- A new format for tournaments. ATP players have to form partnerships and play doubles, at the end of each match the crowd chooses one player from each team to advance into the next doubles match. When it comes to the final doubles match the crowd pick just one player to be the winner.

- Andy Roddick serves bombs next to the lines and players each guess whether the ball landed in or out. Hawkeye is used to show who was correct.

:haha:

BlakeorHenman
08-18-2007, 11:51 PM
I know it's fun to complain... but all we really need to do in order to be heard is stop buying tickets to the events. That'll teach Ol' Disney a lesson.

NaDALiTa
08-19-2007, 12:50 AM
Each MTF member will decide who's gonna be in the entry list by voting with his mobile:

For federer send 1,if you want Rafa to be in the entry list send 2,if you don't want Stepanek in the tournament don't send a message,if you love Mr Disney you can also send a message "Mr Disney marry me" etc....(1$/message)
Then the one who brings ATP the more money will be in the entry list,the money gained with this vote will be given to the winner as the prize money.I think it's fair enough to the players!

Additional rule so that the fans could take part in this new concept: every week the most moving support letter to Mr disney is picked up by a profesional jury,and this lucky person would be given the opportunity to be in the entry list and would automatically be ranked in the ATp ranking!Mr Disney make your dreams come true!

Action Jackson
08-19-2007, 10:48 AM
- Instead of deuce and advantage each player must carry a paintball gun in their pocket. When the score reaches deuce they must draw and the first to get a hit wins the game.

- The E4 (Tv station) concept of second chance Sunday is created for Roger Federer. If he loses before the final of a tournament he gets a second chance on Sunday evening, whoever is the tournament winner must immidiately beat Federer to be crowned true champion.

- Hurdles are placed on the service lines so that when a drop shot is hit the player must jump them to get to the ball.

- The tennis ball is replaced by a small bomb, last player left alive after the explosions is the winner.

- A new format for tournaments. ATP players have to form partnerships and play doubles, at the end of each match the crowd chooses one player from each team to advance into the next doubles match. When it comes to the final doubles match the crowd pick just one player to be the winner.

- Andy Roddick serves bombs next to the lines and players each guess whether the ball landed in or out. Hawkeye is used to show who was correct.

:haha: :haha: :haha:

Action Jackson
09-13-2007, 01:31 PM
These are the heads of marketing at the ATP.

http://www.vam.ac.uk/images/image/27204-large.jpg

Action Jackson
09-13-2007, 03:51 PM
To make indoor events more interesting, the crowd must be allowed to through smoke flares on court.

If a player losing to Volandri on indoors. "They must sing na na na hey hey goodbye" before they can leave the court.

Action Jackson
10-04-2007, 08:03 PM
Now the TMS winners will be called he won the "1000" tournament, fuck that's good.

marcRD
10-04-2007, 08:41 PM
We need to get the old legends back to save tennis from the bunch of uncharismatic, nonamerican, 5 meters behind the baseline ballbasher clowns who are ruining the sport.

If you are over 35 you should start every set with a 1-0 lead, 40+ year olds start every set with 2-0 leads, 45+ year olds with 3-0, 50+ 4-0 and if you are over 60 you start every set with 5-0, 80 year olds start with 5-0 and 40-0 in every game. Also if an old guy comes to the tennis court with a wood raquet younger players will be forced to also use wood raquets.

scarecrows
10-04-2007, 08:59 PM
- After each set the umpire will conduct a 'Simon Says' game between the players. Who wins starts the next set 1-0 up

- Hawk Eye will be replaced by public voting. Every seat will have buttons where spectators can vote 'in' or 'out' whenever a player makes a challenge

- Hip-hop music will be played during matches (note: during Robredo matches will be played classical music for obvious reasons)

- Final set will be replaced by a burping contest. To facilitate the players a beer tank will be put at the seats so players can help themselves during changeovers

Caio_Brasil
10-05-2007, 12:26 AM
If both first and second serves are faster than 200 km/h but out, the player will have 2 additional serves. If this persists, he will have as much serves as he needs to put the ball in.

LoveFifteen
10-05-2007, 03:09 AM
Somebody's gonna mention it so why not me: dick size decides TB'ers.

Yes yes yes! :hearts: :hearts: :drool:

Merton
10-05-2007, 07:07 AM
Players who don't have direct entry in the "1000" events will not be in the same locker room as those who have. They will have a separate locker room that will be gated and guarded.

Frooty_Bazooty
10-05-2007, 12:13 PM
-The ball will be replaced with a national emblem of the country in which the tournament is being played. So in the Nethersland, players must hit tulips at each other and in India, the players must both hit a cow at each other.

-Sockcam - at break, set and match points, the camera must switch to Sockcam and focus only on the players socks so that we can see what the players socks look like in vital situations

-instead of prize money, players shall be given 5 virgins and a strip of land in the local park

-Instead of tiebreaks, the players must get their grannies to come onto the court and mud wrestle while the spectators throw their countries national emblem at the grannies (tulips for holland, cows for india)

Frooty_Bazooty
10-05-2007, 12:32 PM
new grand slam court surfaces-:

Australian Open - Water. The players must swim around the court as fast as possible, attempting to hit the ball before it gets wet. In the final set, sharks will be introduced into the court/pool to make the set more interesting.

French Open - In a cave. The players must play in a cave with no light, umpires or spectators.

Wimbledon - Ice. Players must play bare foot and run around the court trying to pick up the most amount of injuries possible. The player with the most injuries moves onto the next round where they withdraw. Therefore the ATP solves its problem with sceduling in SW19 cos there is only one round. Hernandez is deemed champion if its a Tuesday and Henman if its any other day.

US Open - Glue. Players are lowered onto court by a crane with fireworks and loud music. Then they must stand there for 3 hours. In the case of a tiebreak, the players must make macaroni pictures of their favourite animal and show them to their moms. Whoevers mom is happier, wins the tiebreak.

Royal Rumble SLAM!!! - all 128 players must stand on the court and hit balls at each other until only 1 person is left standing

GrosjeantheGreat
10-05-2007, 03:50 PM
Hurdles are placed on the service lines so that when a drop shot is hit the player must jump them to get to the ball.
Unfair on Rochus.
The tennis ball is replaced by a small bomb, last player left alive after the explosions is the winner.
Djokovic has an unfair advantage because he iz used to dodging bombz.
- After each set the umpire will conduct a 'Simon Says' game between the players. Who wins starts the next set 1-0 up
What if Gilles Simon iz playing? It'll get confusing.
Somebody's gonna mention it so why not me: dick size decides TB'ers.
Unfair on my opponentz.

amierin
10-05-2007, 04:56 PM
Players who don't have direct entry in the "1000" events will not be in the same locker room as those who have. They will have a separate locker room that will be gated and guarded.

Just so I'm clear here - the players with direct entry will be in the locked and guarded locker room?

GrosjeantheGreat
10-08-2007, 12:29 PM
1. Quicksand to be ze only surface. Last player to hit ze ball over ze net before sinking and dying iz declared ze winner.

2. Gunter Parche to be let loose with a knife at ze change of endz. Playerz need to avoid being stabbed until ze umpire callz time.

3. Sumo wrestling to decide tiebreakz. If Nalbandian iz playing, then just award him ze tiebreak to save ze spectatorz ze horror.

4. Elvis impersonators instead of umpires.

5. Stilts and G-strings mandatory.

6. Ballboyz and ballgirlz to be replaced by Oompa Loompas.

7. Instead of prizemoney and a trophy, winners are given a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

VolandriFan
10-08-2007, 12:40 PM
Unfair on my opponentz.

:scared: Sometimes I wonder if you actually are the real Seb :lick:

Action Jackson
10-09-2007, 03:19 AM
Just so I'm clear here - the players with direct entry will be in the locked and guarded locker room?

Yes, they will have personalised rooms and the ones who don't have direct entry have to stay in a tent.

MisterQ
10-09-2007, 04:00 AM
new grand slam court surfaces-:

Australian Open - Water. The players must swim around the court as fast as possible, attempting to hit the ball before it gets wet. In the final set, sharks will be introduced into the court/pool to make the set more interesting.

Australian officials covertly chum Hewitt's opponents.

French Open - In a cave. The players must play in a cave with no light, umpires or spectators.

The French Tennis Federation approves, as it is easier than building a roof.

Wimbledon - Ice. Players must play bare foot and run around the court trying to pick up the most amount of injuries possible. The player with the most injuries moves onto the next round where they withdraw. Therefore the ATP solves its problem with sceduling in SW19 cos there is only one round. Hernandez is deemed champion if its a Tuesday and Henman if its any other day.

Officials are shocked when Tonya Harding skates across the court and takes down Maria Sharapova.

US Open - Glue. Players are lowered onto court by a crane with fireworks and loud music. Then they must stand there for 3 hours. In the case of a tiebreak, the players must make macaroni pictures of their favourite animal and show them to their moms. Whoevers mom is happier, wins the tiebreak.


Sticky-footed players yearn for rebound ace.

Action Jackson
11-09-2007, 01:04 PM
Bercy is trying to reduce the field to 32 for a TMS event, this is one Mr. Disney should agree with.

Increased ticket prices as well.

Mateya
11-09-2007, 01:27 PM
Still waiting for a 64 player field in some challengers, possibly with a challenger grand slam on the end of the season. Prize money: 9990$
:retard:

Beforehand
11-09-2007, 02:38 PM
Gunter Parche to be let loose with a knife at ze change of endz. Playerz need to avoid being stabbed until ze umpire callz time.

:rolls:

This really should not have been as funny as it was.

US Open - Glue. Players must stand there for 3 hours. In the case of a tiebreak, the players must make macaroni pictures of their favourite animal and show them to their moms. Whoevers mom is happier, wins the tiebreak.

:spit:

Too big.

Saumon
11-30-2007, 07:03 AM
I know it's the wrong thread but...

http://www.atptennis.com/5/photos/2007/other/uni2.jpg

http://www.atptennis.com/1/en/2007news/atp_uni.asp


Many of tennis' brightest young stars are going back to school this week at the ATP University, being held this year at the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. Gael Monfils, Benjamin Becker, Evgeny Korolev, Sam Querrey and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga are among 35 players attending.

Administered by the ATP's Player Relations department, the ATP University features classroom presentations made by ATP staff members and outside experts specializing in the fields of communications, finance, and medicine. The three-day workshop being held November 27-30, 2007 includes presentations, which are translated into Spanish and English, on the following areas:

- History and the creation of the ATP
- Organizational structure and goals of the ATP
- Rules and officiating
- Tennis anti-doping program
- Anti-corruption
- Player Relations & Medical Services programs
- Personal finance
- Communication and media skills training

And yes, there is still time after class for players to get their thrills at the Magic Kingdom.

A fundamental concept of the ATP is that the players have an integral role in the direction, image and destiny of the men's game. In 1990 the ATP Player Council recognized that for the long-term growth of the game, it was essential to educate young players as they came onto the circuit. The ATP University is designed to make players more responsible tennis professionals.

Recognizing the long-term benefit to the players, the ATP and to the game, the ATP is firmly committed to the University program. All Division 1 ATP player members must pass through the University.

:help:

Action Jackson
04-03-2008, 03:37 AM
new grand slam court surfaces-:

Australian Open - Water. The players must swim around the court as fast as possible, attempting to hit the ball before it gets wet. In the final set, sharks will be introduced into the court/pool to make the set more interesting.

French Open - In a cave. The players must play in a cave with no light, umpires or spectators.

Wimbledon - Ice. Players must play bare foot and run around the court trying to pick up the most amount of injuries possible. The player with the most injuries moves onto the next round where they withdraw. Therefore the ATP solves its problem with sceduling in SW19 cos there is only one round. Hernandez is deemed champion if its a Tuesday and Henman if its any other day.

US Open - Glue. Players are lowered onto court by a crane with fireworks and loud music. Then they must stand there for 3 hours. In the case of a tiebreak, the players must make macaroni pictures of their favourite animal and show them to their moms. Whoevers mom is happier, wins the tiebreak.

Royal Rumble SLAM!!! - all 128 players must stand on the court and hit balls at each other until only 1 person is left standing

:worship::worship::worship:

Vamos Royal Rumble Slam.

Metis
04-03-2008, 04:02 AM
Given the huge popularity of the recent Youzhny tantrum (Youtube, CNN etc.. :worship: ) a new rule will be introduced in the ATP:

- Every tennis match will have at least one bloody incident; the players will have various props at their disposal for that purpose :)

GrosjeantheGreat
04-09-2008, 03:26 AM
- Every tennis match will have at least one bloody incident; the players will have various props at their disposal for that purpose

1. Tennise matchez must follow ze example of wrestling, with steel chairs, ring bells, tables, two-by-fours and high flying body slams and moonsaults off of ze umpire's chair a common occurrence henceforth.

2. Doubles teamz must be referred to az tag teams from hereon in, with cool monikers, e.g. Bob and Mike Bryan become The California Wildcats.

3. Valets must accompany players to ze court at all times, wearing as little as possible. These valets can be local prostitutez, stripperz or playerz from the WTA.

4. Each player must have his own theme music. Examples:

Roddick: Loser by Beck.
Grosjean: Simply The Best by Tina Turner.
Davydenko: Mmmbop by Hanson.
Murray: The theme tune from Happy Days.

scarecrows
04-09-2008, 06:30 AM
stitutez, stripperz or playerz from the WTA.

4. Each player must have his own theme music. Examples:

Roddick: Loser by Beck.
Grosjean: Simply The Best by Tina Turner.
Davydenko: Mmmbop by Hanson.
Murray: The theme tune from Happy Days.

I think for Davydenko would be more appropriate Fix You by Coldplay

FedFan_2007
04-09-2008, 07:15 AM
Federer's theme song - "I Feel Fine" by The Beatles.

Turquoise
04-09-2008, 07:21 AM
Any audience member who takes time taking their seats and delays play/distracts the players, must do 10 push-ups during rest time. They must further be promptly seated before the next service game, otherwise the penalty is repeated.

There will be statistics to reflect quality of commentaries, e.g. level of irrelevant rambling, player bias… Commentators who perform below par during a tournament, will have cream pie thrown in their faces by J-Block look-alikes after the final trophy ceremony.

Ball-kids will be replaced by bouncers whenever Clement plays.

Players must live up to their nick-name. Some players may have to impersonate ducks, knock out their opponents or perform God-like miracles.

elessar
04-09-2008, 07:23 AM
Or "Help" by the Beatles would be more appropriate

Action Jackson
04-09-2008, 07:26 AM
Any audience member who takes time taking their seats and delays play/distracts the players, must do 10 push-ups during rest time. They must further be promptly seated before the next service game, otherwise the penalty is repeated.

Or they could do what Rosset did at the Kremlin Cup one year. This clown spectator was taking his time, sitting down, so Rosset got the ball hit at him and he scored a direct hit.

Spartan
04-09-2008, 11:46 AM
I have to air my disgust here and I see there are many who share my thoughts, but reducing the Masters finals to 5 sets is one of the most harmful things to true tennis people that this man has sanctioned. I'm under the impression that 90% of tennis followers would prefer a five set battle that truely tests ones physical condintioning and mental strength over an extended period. Since this decision was implemented, I have got quite angry each time I watch a final and realise there is no longer a 5 set match. I hope this decision is one day revoked and we can get to see the true length of matches.

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:37 PM
What would you do to make the game more appealing? This can be any kind of a change. even room for some humor here so what strikes your fancy? The sport is losing its appeal at an accelerated rate here in the States.

Are there changes that can be made with the game itself like dropping the first serve as Lendl has suggested? And how about the tour? How can it be altered so that it benefits the players and the fans both?

I like the idea of a one serve. I would also extend the grass and clay season. This will reduce injuries as well as force players to become more well-rounded. Now that is a win-win situation. Both grass and clay seasons are compressed and it really imposes significant hardships on the players.

thoughts? suggestions? Can you improve the game and the sport?

Jaap
04-22-2008, 09:38 PM
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:43 PM
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


at 85, that is about all you can do. what do you have left anyway? maybe 4 brain cells at best or what. how often do you rock yourself right back to sleep trying to get up?

hra87
04-22-2008, 09:44 PM
What a novel thread idea!

Let me ponder the question a bit and I'll get right back to you...

l_mac
04-22-2008, 09:45 PM
I'm pretty sure this thread has been done before, CD.

PiggyGotRoasted
04-22-2008, 09:48 PM
I would ban the two handed backhand

Muwahahahaa

scarecrows
04-22-2008, 09:50 PM
put another net that hangs above the regular net leaving a 1 meter and a half space to avoid moonballs

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:51 PM
What a novel thread idea!

Let me ponder the question a bit and I'll get right back to you...

thanks hra87. i always look forward to your posts.

i think we can allow room for humor and smart remarks here as well to satisfy the appetite of some of the mtf clowns.

r2473
04-22-2008, 09:52 PM
First, tennis would be on clay only (the battlefield of the gods).

Second, I would only use Monte Carlo "phantom balls".

Timbo
04-22-2008, 09:53 PM
Ban two-footed tackles

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:54 PM
I'm pretty sure this thread has been done before, CD.


everything has been done before woman. even nature is best characterized by the repetitious mechanisms of the universe.

i am every single thread idea has been discussed here but it should not keep us from discussing things. what else would we do?

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:55 PM
First, tennis would be on clay only (the battlefield of the gods).

Second, I would only use Monte Carlo "phantom balls".

:drink::drink::drink::drink::drink::drink::drink:: drink:

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 09:57 PM
put another net that hangs above the regular net leaving a 1 meter and a half space to avoid moonballs


more mature ball girls in string bikinis.

PiggyGotRoasted
04-22-2008, 10:23 PM
Invent the "Offside rule"
Your opponent can not hit the ball if it goes behind the last player(You hit a lob over their head for example)

Touch down
If you can get the ball to stay on your racquet without bouncing you can walk to the other side of the net and smack it at the other player.

Ban of the backhand
Everyone from now on is only allowed to play forehands due to fans arguing on internet forum about what is a better backhand.

Kitty de Sade
04-22-2008, 10:27 PM
Start at the top, and get the right marketing team to make some decent decisions.

I'd worry less about the game itself, because if marketed correctly, you can sell the masses ANYTHING.

As for the idea of mature chicks in bikinis, I'm all for that, provided you've got the flip side worked out. That brings the boys to the yard, but what about the girls? :shrug:

It's a sinking ship if you piss off the gf's of the guys who will buy up the tickets and merch. :p

Vida
04-22-2008, 10:29 PM
would not change anything in the game itself, but something has to be done to tour schedule. don't know if there are any 'surviving' three-set MS finals, but it has to be though about properly.

apart from the schedule, i like it as it is. its been the same for ages, and that should be kept the same.

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 10:51 PM
Start at the top, and get the right marketing team to make some decent decisions.

I'd worry less about the game itself, because if marketedly correctly, you can sell the masses ANYTHING.

As for the idea of mature chicks in bikinis, I'm all for that, provided you've got the flip side worked out. That brings the boys to the yard, but what about the girls? :shrug:

It's a sinking ship if you piss off the gf's of the guys who will buy up the tickets and merch. :p

i was not serious about the chicks in string bikinis. it would work for me but it is not practical. when i go to football games, the cheerleaders enhance the atmosphere for my money.

i would agree that marketing and the promotion of the sport is pathetic.

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 10:53 PM
would not change anything in the game itself, but something has to be done to tour schedule. don't know if there are any 'surviving' three-set MS finals, but it has to be though about properly.

apart from the schedule, i like it as it is. its been the same for ages, and that should be kept the same.


i prefer the epic nature and possibilities of those 5 setters at masters finals. best of 5 sets foremat has been done away with completely. i think it was a massive miscalculation.

ATP needs to bring the best of 5 sets foremat in the finals of masters events back. it is also good preparation for those out to win slams.

gnaz
04-22-2008, 10:54 PM
TWO MS on grass!

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 11:04 PM
TWO MS on grass!

at least one is badly needed.

i would also allow courtside coaching. it makes for a better product which is a win-win situation for all, the players, the fans, and the sport. every other sport on the planet has coaching except for tennis.

Aloimeh
04-22-2008, 11:10 PM
Upgrade Queens to an MS. Space out things a bit better throughout the year with not much regard to the US *college* basketball schedule. Indian Wells could follow AO sooner. Switch the USO 5th set to a win by two games rather than a tiebreaker (tiebreaker is too random). Push USO back a little bit during Olympic years. 5 set MS finals. Relax MS demands, e.g. make 6(or 7) out of 9 (or 10 if Queens upgraded) mandatory. YEC not round-robin but standard elimination.

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 11:16 PM
Upgrade Queens to an MS. Space out things a bit better throughout the year with not much regard to the US *college* basketball schedule. Indian Wells could follow AO sooner. Switch the USO 5th set to a win by two games rather than a tiebreaker (tiebreaker is too random). Push USO back a little bit during Olympic years. 5 set MS finals. Relax MS demands, e.g. make 6(or 7) out of 9 (or 10 if Queens upgraded) mandatory. YEC not round-robin but standard elimination.

ms demands are 8 next year so that is a move in the right direction.

they do need to try to save the masters cup. it will go to London next year in order to try to incease its exposure and popularity. standard elimination works for me.

Henry Chinaski
04-22-2008, 11:30 PM
better mics on court and in the crowd. improve the atmosphere for tv viewers and hear all the swearing from players.

Clay Death
04-22-2008, 11:35 PM
better mics on court and in the crowd. improve the atmosphere for tv viewers and hear all the swearing from players.

i dont know about that. not good for overall public consumption. kids are watching too.

JediFed
04-22-2008, 11:44 PM
I think players should only be allowed to use the edge of their rackets to hit the ball.

With the exception of Youzhny.

yarina
04-22-2008, 11:49 PM
shorter season, less tournaments: they play too often, I think that's the main reason why the sport is loosing its appeal, both for the spectators and for the players since they become less motivated to fight for a match out of so many they play during the season.

heavier balls (?) to discourage brainless ball bashing and encourage strategic game plans.

attract more showmen to the game :)

Pigsarestupid
04-23-2008, 12:47 AM
How about unlimited serves, that is you can miss your serve how many time as you need to get that serve bomb in. Would Karlovic be the GOAT using this rule??

Clay Death
04-23-2008, 12:56 AM
How about unlimited serves, that is you can miss your serve how many time as you need to get that serve bomb in. Would Karlovic be the GOAT using this rule??


worst idea so far. who would watch?

GlennMirnyi
04-23-2008, 01:14 AM
R=FK is back I see.

JimmyV
04-23-2008, 01:19 AM
I would remove the heads of the racquet's and only allow players to use extended handles.

GlennMirnyi
04-23-2008, 01:23 AM
I would remove the heads of the racquet's and only allow players to use extended handles.

Roddick will be #1 then. :D

Henry Chinaski
04-23-2008, 01:33 AM
i dont know about that. not good for overall public consumption. kids are watching too.

yeah and kids LOVE swearing.

buddyholly
04-23-2008, 02:38 AM
STRIP TENNIS. Every time a player loses a game he/she has to remove an item of clothing.

Mixed doubles would have universal appeal.

Albop
04-23-2008, 02:40 AM
CD:

http://www.caveyourtrolls.com/img3.jpg

JimmyV
04-23-2008, 02:48 AM
STRIP TENNIS. Every time a player loses a game he/she has to remove an item of clothing.

Mixed doubles would have universal appeal.

What happens when Labadze plays Baghdatis?

Clay Death
04-23-2008, 02:55 AM
R=FK is back I see.


i see you continue to live under a rock. how many times will the posters here need to tell you that i am not rfk.

W!MBLEDON
04-23-2008, 02:55 AM
thanks hra87. i always look forward to your posts.

i think we can allow room for humor and smart remarks here as well to satisfy the appetite of some of the mtf clowns.

such as yourself?

Albop
04-23-2008, 02:56 AM
i see you continue to live under a rock. how many times will the posters here need to tell you that i am not rfk.

LOL

GlennMirnyi
04-23-2008, 02:59 AM
i see you continue to live under a rock. how many times will the posters here need to tell you that i am not rfk.

All posters here know you're R=FK. :)

Well, doctors say you shouldn't ague with crazy people, so it's okay. :p

Clay Death
04-23-2008, 03:03 AM
All posters here know you're R=FK. :)

Well, doctors say you shouldn't ague with crazy people, so it's okay. :p


moron go to t4u dot com and meet rfk for yourself. he and i have been posting at that site.

Alomeih has explained to all of you--in no uncertain terms--that i am not rfk.

also go ahead and ask bgt and alex.

now get back to posting and stop worrying about rfk. he is out minding his own business.

ClaudiuS
04-23-2008, 03:04 AM
Hot Cheerleaders :D :drool: with those tight mini-skirts.

GlennMirnyi
04-23-2008, 03:07 AM
moron go to t4u dot com and meet rfk for yourself. he and i have been posting at that site.

Alomeih has explained to all of you--in no uncertain terms--that i am not rfk.

also go ahead and ask bgt and alex.

now get back to posting and stop worrying about rfk. he is out minding his own business.

Why do you refer to yourself in the third person? :lol:

Clay Death
04-23-2008, 03:08 AM
Hot Cheerleaders :D :drool: with those tight mini-skirts.


now that would work.