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NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:00 PM
This guy who is in his 30's asked me out and I don't know what to do. He's 21 years older than me and he has kids too:eek:. I don't know how to tell him no without hurting his feelings.

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:01 PM
easy tell him u're not a nurse for old man;)

btw difference of age is a good exuses..

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:02 PM
easy tell him u're not a nurse for old man;)

btw difference of age is a good exuses..

I don't want to make him feel bad about his age. I also want to remain friends. Do you think it would be OK to tell him.

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:03 PM
yes he'll understand it for sure:)

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:05 PM
at the end he knows that 21 years are not few...plus a responsability of a kids..c'mon u are all yr life to live..dont fall in his trap hun:hug:

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:06 PM
at the end he knows that 21 years are not few...plus a responsability of a kids..c'mon u are all yr life to live..dont fall in his trap hun:hug:

OK then I'll tell him. His son is only like 4 years younger than me too.

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:09 PM
wise words;) good luck!

Corey Feldman
12-01-2008, 06:09 PM
Hmmmmm

I have a better plan for him

http://www.milanmania.com/images/smilies/nunu.gif

the biscuit
12-01-2008, 06:11 PM
Hmmmmm

I have a better plan for him

http://www.milanmania.com/images/smilies/nunu.gif

That's what I thought!

He would be in his forties while you wouldn't even have turned 20 yet.

Clydey
12-01-2008, 06:12 PM
This guy who is in his 30's asked me out and I don't know what to do. He's 21 years older than me and he has kids too:eek:. I don't know how to tell him no without hurting his feelings.

Tell him the truth. You can't go out with someone purely to prevent hurting their feelings.

JolánGagó
12-01-2008, 06:13 PM
He can't be in his 30s and be 21yrs older than you.

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:14 PM
but nina do u want his friendship?

Corey Feldman
12-01-2008, 06:14 PM
Nina is 18

so he can be 39 :p

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:16 PM
18? 39? forget him nina

Stensland
12-01-2008, 06:17 PM
why would you want to remain friends with someone like that? there's something wrong with him if he "needs" to hit on teen girls if he's in his 30s, to make it bluntly. i say screw him, you shouldn't be around a guy like that, sorry.

JolánGagó
12-01-2008, 06:17 PM
Yeah OK, I thought Nina was 19.

39 is more in his 40s already anyway.

the biscuit
12-01-2008, 06:17 PM
Nina is 18

so he can be 39 :p

I know, but now when she turns 19. :p

Either way, it's still weird.

Iván
12-01-2008, 06:19 PM
yep be careful nina, this smells dodgy.

if he tells you to meet up with him,dont!

Corey Feldman
12-01-2008, 06:19 PM
i'm agreed with Rrrainer

stick within a 10 year radius :p

finishingmove
12-01-2008, 06:21 PM
do u know this guy?

u should definitely ditch him, and forget about the friendship unless u already knew him well.

JolánGagó
12-01-2008, 06:22 PM
Yep, 10yrs is the reasonable limit, specially when one of the two is so young. I mean, Nina, you're a teenager honey, he's a middle age man with kids and dog.

Kitty de Sade
12-01-2008, 06:22 PM
but nina do u want his friendship?

There's a concept that works- platonic friendship between the sexes when the man is attracted to the woman.

Lying gets you burned- tell the guy directly and don't get into a long explanation about it.

For some, hesitation implies you might change your mind. If he thinks he has a shred of hope to have you, you'll never get rid of him. :tape:

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:22 PM
but nina do u want his friendship?
Yeah, you're right. Now I'm a little creeped out. I think I'll try to ignore him.

Clydey
12-01-2008, 06:26 PM
Yeah, you're right. Now I'm a little creeped out. I think I'll try to ignore him.

Nina, not to worry. You always have me...and Andy.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00521/biceps_280x390_521277a.jpg

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:29 PM
There's a concept that works- platonic friendship between the sexes when the man is attracted to the woman.

Lying gets you burned- tell the guy directly and don't get into a long explanation about it.

For some, hesitation implies you might change your mind. If he thinks he has a shred of hope to have you, you'll never get rid of him. :tape:

a true friendship with oppost sex can happen if the both are :inlove: to another person....

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:37 PM
i know i suck with my english in that post..sorry

Kitty de Sade
12-01-2008, 06:39 PM
i know i suck with my english in that post..sorry

No, no. Your English is just fine. :hug:

I meant it is easier for women to be friends with the opposite sex.

Betty
12-01-2008, 06:41 PM
No, no. Your English is just fine. :hug:

I meant it is easier for women to be friends with the opposite sex.

i think when u can have a man as a friend is the best friendship, coz u can know also a male point of wiev..it's hard find this friendship but it's cool when happens

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:41 PM
i'm agreed with Rrrainer

stick within a 10 year radius :p

;):angel:

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 06:52 PM
Thanks guys for your advice. I was kind of scared though. I have no luck with guys though, I don't like any of the guys that ask me out.

the biscuit
12-01-2008, 06:55 PM
^I think that's so for many girls tbh. But it's not like you're 35 and you desperately need a man bc your biological clock is ticking. :p There's still plenty of time to find someone. :D

scoobs
12-01-2008, 07:04 PM
Thanks guys for your advice. I was kind of scared though. I have no luck with guys though, I don't like any of the guys that ask me out.
Even so, that's no reason to wind up in an icky mess by default.

21 years - that's an age gap I am dubious can realistically be overcome, unless you are talking about, like, 40 vs 61 - the life experience gap is much less of an issue at that stage of life than it is at 18 vs 39. I think it takes two extraordinary people to overcome such a gap at that stage of life.

And what's his motivation, to be blunt? Is it liking you for you or are there more base things going on here? Mid-life crisis, proving to himself he can still pick up attractive young women, possibly just looking for some of the nasty with someone young enough to be his daughter. There don't *have* to be icky motivations here but there could well be and should be taken into account.

If you're not interested in going there, honesty is the best policy - and avoid leaving a get-out clause where he thinks he still has a chance. Close it down unequivocally, and if he can't take being just friends, wave buh-bye.

Burrow
12-01-2008, 07:16 PM
He's hardly a reasonable guy if he is going for somebody of your age, dirty bastard, "don't want to hurt his feelings" are you kidding? This guy's practically a fucking paedophile.

~*BGT*~
12-01-2008, 07:54 PM
This guy who is in his 30's asked me out and I don't know what to do. He's 21 years older than me and he has kids too:eek:. I don't know how to tell him no without hurting his feelings.

Yeah, I got asked out by a coworker the same day I met him. :eek: Besides, he wasn't too cute. :angel:

Stensland
12-01-2008, 07:55 PM
He's hardly a reasonable guy if he is going for somebody of your age, dirty bastard, "don't want to hurt his feelings" are you kidding? This guy's practically a fucking paedophile.

no he's not. he's probably just a loser. there are tons of guys like that out there.

Bascule
12-01-2008, 08:22 PM
Did he maybe mention the adoption?:confused:

Nina, even 10 years is too much when you are so young. Don't listen to Miky.:p

You can't even be his friend, so don't insist on it.
What would you talk about with him anyway?

By some researches, the best for the relationship is if the difference is <= than 3 years.

adee-gee
12-01-2008, 09:41 PM
Sounds like an improvement on Clydey, I say go for it :p

psichogaucho
12-01-2008, 09:44 PM
A guy 39 years old is still a young man :tears:

Arkulari
12-01-2008, 09:52 PM
I totally agree with scoobs, too much gap between the two of you, I dated a guy who was 13 years older than me (I was 16 back then) and it was not easy and at the end we realized we were in different stages and wanted different things from life :shrug:

Henry Chinaski
12-01-2008, 10:05 PM
You shouldn't date a guy that much older than you.

I think you should suck him off just to be polite though

Sunset of Age
12-01-2008, 10:27 PM
I totally agree with scoobs, too much gap between the two of you, I dated a guy who was 13 years older than me (I was 16 back then) and it was not easy and at the end we realized we were in different stages and wanted different things from life :shrug:

Yes , I agree as well - 20 years of difference should not be a problem if you are, say, 40, and your partner is 60 - both plenty of 'life experience', so it might well work out (that said, I still question certain men who think it's appropriate to leave their old dear wifey for their twenty-years younger secretary in the office :(, but that's besides the matter here), but it's most definitely very different if you're barely in your twenties and the fellow is nearing his forties!

You two are in different 'stages of life' - it might work out, but it is most definitely an exception to the rule.

Ask yourself what YOU want yourself - are you 'interested' in this fellow, or would you rather just have him as a normal friend (in contrary to popular belief, it is very well possible to have just friendship between opposite sexes - 98% of my friends are guys, and the last time I looked in the mirror I concluded that I was still a girl :p)? Do you feel flattered because of his 'interest' in you? Do you feell you 'need' to be in a relationship by now (it's ridiculous, but I well remember myself when I was an insecure 19-year old...)? Those are all wrong reasons to hook up with somebody, anybody.

I'd say, it looks best to me to keep your distance for a bit. Make clear that you don't (yet) want a relationship (not per sé mentioning 'with him' ;)) - you're young, and you need to 'experience LIFE' a lot more!

Ah, just some stupid advice from some Old Hag who's gone through it all ;). Wish you the best with your decision, Nina. :hug:

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 10:48 PM
I definitely don't feel the "need" to be in anything. I was kind of creeped out because I just turned 18 2 months ago. I just didn't know how to tell him no. I have no desire to be in a relationship with him. I think it's gross that he even asked me.

scoobs
12-01-2008, 10:49 PM
I definitely don't feel the "need" to be in anything. I was kind of creeped out because I just turned 18 2 months ago. I just didn't know how to tell him no. I have no desire to be in a relationship with him. I think it's gross that he even asked me.
Leave him in no doubt about how you feel - yes, it's hard to do, you don't want to hurt feelings, but it's easier in the long run to leave no confusion about things.

Corey Feldman
12-01-2008, 10:55 PM
:hug: Nina

here just for you, since you are my fave Murray fan of all time

cOm1goFR4bc

Sunset of Age
12-01-2008, 10:56 PM
I definitely don't feel the "need" to be in anything. I was kind of creeped out because I just turned 18 2 months ago. I just didn't know how to tell him no. I have no desire to be in a relationship with him. I think it's gross that he even asked me.

Hey, I didn't mean to be offensive to you. Not at all. :hug:
I just remember myself at your age, when I saw all those people around me already 'having someone', and it made me feel very insecure at that time. :)

From what you just posted, I think it's very clear which direction you should take: Tell him that you ARE NOT INTERESTED in him, his feelings be damned! Sorry it sounds harsh, but that's the best thing to do.
Be as clear as possible. Even break the contact if that's what it takes.

If he'd be interested in 'just friendship', time will tell. Believe me. I've had to turn down quite a few 'interested' people, but the 'sincere ones' have always remained friends, even if it took quite a while - sometimes, even years.

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 11:40 PM
OK I told him over email. I gave him my email before:scared:. I told him it was just too big of an age difference, I also told him I had a boyfrend just for safe measure. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I just wanted to make it really clear it wasn't going to happen. He said he didn't want to make me uncomfortable but yeah I'm unsure if I should still be "friends" with him:rolleyes:.

Sunset of Age
12-01-2008, 11:45 PM
OK I told him over email. I gave him my email before:scared:. I told him it was just too big of an age difference, I also told him I had a boyfrend just for safe measure. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I just wanted to make it really clear it wasn't going to happen. He said he didn't want to make me uncomfortable but yeah I'm unsure if I should still be "friends" with him:rolleyes:.

Good move, Nina! :yeah:

NinaNina19
12-01-2008, 11:46 PM
Good move, Nina! :yeah:Thanks. I feel better now, although I'm nervous about seeing him tomorrow. He was telling me things like, "I'm sorry I had to leave, I could talk to you all day" so yeah, I hope he doesn't go all psycho and start to stalk me.

Sunset of Age
12-02-2008, 12:00 AM
Thanks. I feel better now, although I'm nervous about seeing him tomorrow. He was telling me things like, "I'm sorry I had to leave, I could talk to you all day" so yeah, I hope he doesn't go all psycho and start to stalk me.

Just stand your ground, I know it's hard, but you really have to! :rocker2:

I trust you'll be able to do so Nina. Do what is good for YOU! :D :hug:

TMJordan
12-02-2008, 12:01 AM
Yeah, stay away from this clown.

Clydey
12-02-2008, 12:03 AM
He's hardly a reasonable guy if he is going for somebody of your age, dirty bastard, "don't want to hurt his feelings" are you kidding? This guy's practically a fucking paedophile.

Get a grip on reality. Nina isn't a child.

Sunset of Age
12-02-2008, 12:07 AM
Get a grip on reality. Nina isn't a child.

That depends on one's perspective.
Of course, Nina isn't a 'child' - but just talking from my own perspective - I well remember what a complete insecure DORK I was myself when I was 19 - it's not that wrong to give some well-meant advice, inspired from one's own stupid mistakes of old. ;)

I thought I was 'wise' at that time, don't we all? :angel:

Clydey
12-02-2008, 12:12 AM
That depends on one's perspective.
Of course, Nina isn't a 'child' - but just talking from my own perspective - I well remember what a complete insecure DORK I was myself when I was 19 - it's not that wrong to give some well-meant advice, inspired from one's own stupid mistakes of old. ;)

I thought I was 'wise' at that time, don't we all? :angel:

I was objecting to the man being compared to a paedophile.

Sunset of Age
12-02-2008, 12:15 AM
I was objecting to the man being compared to a paedophile.

Yep, that is indeed uncalled for. It's 'biology' for a man to be interested in younger women - and 18, 19 years old is most definitely not 'being a child'.

Bascule
12-02-2008, 12:50 AM
That depends on one's perspective.
Of course, Nina isn't a 'child' - but just talking from my own perspective - I well remember what a complete insecure DORK I was myself when I was 19 - it's not that wrong to give some well-meant advice, inspired from one's own stupid mistakes of old. ;)

I thought I was 'wise' at that time, don't we all? :angel:

True.:lol: I was full of myself.:o

Sunset of Age
12-02-2008, 12:56 AM
True.:lol: I was full of myself.:o

That's a mistake all of us make I think. :angel:

Byrd
12-02-2008, 01:51 AM
This is so fuckin stupid, I expect this to be an Eastenders plot in 2 weeks time.

Aloimeh
12-02-2008, 04:40 AM
OK I told him over email. I gave him my email before:scared:. I told him it was just too big of an age difference, I also told him I had a boyfrend just for safe measure. Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I just wanted to make it really clear it wasn't going to happen. He said he didn't want to make me uncomfortable but yeah I'm unsure if I should still be "friends" with him:rolleyes:.

Don't lie. Not if it's to deter him or "let him off easy" or make yourself feel better. This is part of being a mature adult. Let him know the real reason: he is too old for you. You are a young woman who's just out of puberty. He's a middle aged man with children. And about friends - there's really no real friendship that can exist between someone like you and someone like him, unless perhaps you share something deeply personal, like your faith. You live in different spheres and I wouldn't worry about not having this guy for a friend.

Saumon
12-02-2008, 09:11 AM
Don't lie. Not if it's to deter him or "let him off easy" or make yourself feel better. This is part of being a mature adult. Let him know the real reason: he is too old for you. You are a young woman who's just out of puberty. He's a middle aged man with children. And about friends - there's really no real friendship that can exist between someone like you and someone like him, unless perhaps you share something deeply personal, like your faith. You live in different spheres and I wouldn't worry about not having this guy for a friend.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

It is alive!!! I thought it was Jolan at first but the signature didn't fit.

What brought you back here? :wavey:

Byrd
12-02-2008, 12:12 PM
:lol: @ Jolan and Aloimeh having the same avatar, no suspicions there.

Iván
12-02-2008, 12:20 PM
imagine the guy is reading this thread....

Mimi
12-03-2008, 01:11 AM
:lol: is this poor guy you?

imagine the guy is reading this thread....