Masters Cup Limericks [Archive] - MensTennisForums.com

Masters Cup Limericks

MisterQ
11-22-2004, 07:55 AM
I was bored... :lol: ;)


There once was a man from Nebraska
Who wanted to be Tennis Mastah’
But he lost his good form
His strokes were lukewarm
And his serve was as hot as Alaska.

There once was a player named Hewitt.
Who tried very hard to renew it.
He shouted “Come On!”
With fervent élan
But alas, he still couldn’t do it.

There once was a man with no hair
Who struck every ball with great flair
But his play on clay
Ensured that he’d stay
Far from the Texan affair.

There once was a man who could wow
All greatest of players and now
With his power and finesse
And a mind that plays chess
He has won with no coach and a cow.

Aphex
11-22-2004, 09:08 AM
:hatoff:

RonE
11-22-2004, 09:14 AM
Q :worship:

Nikki♥
11-22-2004, 11:03 AM
:haha: Keep ´em limericks coming. They´re amusing.

Mrs. B
11-22-2004, 11:06 AM
great thread, Q! :worship:

:)

Doris Loeffel
11-22-2004, 11:09 AM
Good one Q!!

Mrs. B
11-22-2004, 11:11 AM
there once was a man named Roger
who played tennis like no other
he arrived in Houston, injured on his thigh
but when played, i only could sigh...

Vass
11-22-2004, 11:19 AM
:lol: Great limericks

Artemis
11-22-2004, 11:22 AM
It is very interesting.

Mrs. B
11-22-2004, 11:24 AM
and there's this guy named Marat
he's tall and moves like a big cat
he plays quite well, but then again
sometimes he just couldn't find his brain.

Doris Loeffel
11-22-2004, 11:47 AM
There was this guy from Switzerland
soon to be called Federerland
he's not only brilliant
but also very elegant
and sent everybody to nowhereland

CooCooCachoo
11-22-2004, 11:56 AM
:hatoff: MisterQ :hatoff:

Release it :p Get it posted on Roger's official site ;)

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 12:12 PM
There once was a young Argentine
Who thought everything would be fine
"I'll whine and I'll vamp
And pretend to have cramp
And the Masters' Cup will be mine."

merle
11-22-2004, 12:14 PM
Great limericks everybody!! :hatoff:

novanora
11-22-2004, 12:19 PM
:haha:Q, Mrs.B and buddyholly:worship:

funny TMC guys list :lol:

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 12:20 PM
There once was a guy took a bet
That Gaston would not win a set
The Fed almost blew it
But then there was Hewitt
Hitchhiker now lives in Phuket

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 12:31 PM
A young tennis player called Duck
Eventually ran out of luck
His serve couldn't do it
Against Lleyton Hewitt
Said Andy "I don't give a f**k".

novanora
11-22-2004, 12:40 PM
buddyholly :worship:

i try myself a little :lol:

There was a gentleman from Great Britain
Who is seeking his whole life for the Wimbledon
Now he comes to Houston with his elegant volleys
But suffering from blood disorder, the man was ill
Nothing was brought back but magnesium pill

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 12:45 PM
The Masters' Cup is real nice
But it's just a roll of the dice
It would really be dinky
Outdoors in Helsinki
If the playing surface was ice.

Mrs. B
11-22-2004, 12:46 PM
:lol:

old MacIngvale had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
and on his farm he had a duck
E-I-E-I-O
and a quack quack here
and a quack quack there
here a quack, there a quack
everywhere quack quack
old MacIngvale had a farm
E-I-E-I-O

Rogiman
11-22-2004, 12:48 PM
MisterQ is easily one of the smartest posters I've ever come across! :worship:

*Ljubica*
11-22-2004, 12:49 PM
It isn't often I have occasion to laugh out loud at work - but reading these in my lunch-break was one of them! Buddyholly - your Coria one is :haha: Thanks for the laughs guys!

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 12:56 PM
Novanora's a revelation
His limerick is quite a sensation
But I'm damned if I can
Get a grip on the scan
Something's been ''Lost in Translation".

*Ljubica*
11-22-2004, 01:00 PM
Novanora's a revelation
His limerick is quite a sensation
But I'm damned if I can
Get a grip on the scan
Something's been ''Lost in Translation".

Ah - but could you write one in Chinese as well as she can write in English :angel:

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 01:05 PM
Ah - but could you write one in Chinese as well as she can write in English :angel:

No way, I applaud his/her efforts, but I needed rhymes for ''translation''.

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 01:15 PM
So, with acknowledgement to NOVANORA for the theme:

Tim thought he had never been fitter
And ''the cat'' was the runt of the litter
But Marat had his day
And Tim could just say
"That magnesium pill was so bitter".

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 01:30 PM
Last one:

If Alfonsojose had his way
Houston would have Rainer play
On revealing his ass
While attempting a pass
Jose would shout "More Rain Today!''

novanora
11-22-2004, 01:43 PM
Novanora's a revelation
His limerick is quite a sensation
But I'm damned if I can
Get a grip on the scan
Something's been ''Lost in Translation".
first, i am "she" and "her"
second, :bigcry:
well, i am not good at English rhymes :p
last, thanks for your final acknowledgement

Wednesday Addams
11-22-2004, 01:57 PM
:lol: :worship:Q

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 02:06 PM
first, i am "she" and "her"
second, :bigcry:
well, i am not good at English rhymes :p
last, thanks for your final acknowledgement

You can probably rhyme in Chinese
And feel completely at ease
I couldn't and wouldn't
And know that I shouldn't
So accept my apology, please

novanora
11-22-2004, 02:53 PM
You can probably rhyme in Chinese
And feel completely at ease
I couldn't and wouldn't
And know that I shouldn't
So accept my apology, please
i accept your sorry
so don't feel guilty
your limericks are great
that is no doubt
Only rhymes are fussy.

ehh..... i am head :timebomb: to these rhymes!! i mean i enjoy them, but it's quite hard for me to try :lol: so thanks again for your great set of TMC limricks

Lynne
11-22-2004, 03:46 PM
Great limericks everyone!! :)

khyber
11-22-2004, 03:50 PM
first, i am "she" and "her"
second, :bigcry:
well, i am not good at English rhymes :p
last, thanks for your final acknowledgement

I studied Mandarin as my language at university since I was getting a degree in Asian Area Studies ( a million years ago, btw). After I graduated I went to Taiwan for a year and trust me, even after being there for a year I couldn't compose poetry in Chinese!

I still remember (23 years later) confusing the words for military parade and Moon festival cake and how hard my Chinese friends were trying not to laugh at me :eek:

lsy
11-22-2004, 04:24 PM
I still remember (23 years later) confusing the words for military parade and Moon festival cake and how hard my Chinese friends were trying not to laugh at me :eek:

:lol: :tape: now that's a tough one, so you really don't need to feel bad about it ;)

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 04:55 PM
And now for something completely different:

When Che and Fidel won the doubles
Mattress Mac said, ''No cheque for your troubles,
For, with heads in the sand,
The dollar you've banned
So go home to your big pile of roubles.''

Lee
11-22-2004, 05:01 PM
Great thread everyone :yeah:

naiwen
11-22-2004, 05:08 PM
I still remember (23 years later) confusing the words for military parade and Moon festival cake and how hard my Chinese friends were trying not to laugh at me :eek:

:haha:

jmp
11-22-2004, 05:25 PM
To all you rhymers, Well done!! :D I think you are all very clever and funny. ;)

Thanks for sharing. :)

tangerine_dream
11-22-2004, 05:26 PM
Brilliant again, Q! :lol: :rolls: :worship:

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 05:47 PM
A tennis player called Mo-ya
Along with Glaston and Cor-ya
Could not win a match
On that damp Houston patch
So that's the Latinos for-ya.

Roger-No.1
11-22-2004, 05:52 PM
There once was a man with no hair
Who struck every ball with great flair
But his play on clay
Ensured that he’d stay
Far from the Texan affair.
:sad:

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 06:23 PM
It surely was no precedent
George and Babs were at the event
There was no Win for Andy
But everything's dandy
Their W's still president.

RogiFan88
11-22-2004, 07:14 PM
A tennis player called Mo-ya
Along with Glaston and Cor-ya
Could not win a match
On that damp Houston patch
So that's the Latinos for-ya.

:D liked this one!

MisterQ
11-22-2004, 07:19 PM
You can probably rhyme in Chinese
And feel completely at ease
I couldn't and wouldn't
And know that I shouldn't
So accept my apology, please


very classy limerick! ;) :hatoff:

Great rhymes buddyholly, and everyone else! :woohoo:

MisterQ
11-22-2004, 07:20 PM
:sad:

I agree. :sad: :bigcry:

buddyholly
11-22-2004, 10:02 PM
Here I sit, alone in this thread
Regretting the fact that nothing gets said
Everybody's in mournin'
On that other forum
'Cos Rosset is Tall has been pronounced dead.

SAtennis
11-22-2004, 11:04 PM
Great Job, everyone!! :worship:

Is there any way someone can introduce the limericks to Roger's official site?

lunahielo
11-22-2004, 11:14 PM
All of the limericks are great. Thanks to everyone.

Sjengster
11-22-2004, 11:32 PM
There was an event held by Jim
Where unbiased cheering was slim.
With the keys to the Merc
Fed thanked Mac for his work
And thought "Thank God, no more of him!"

tennischick
11-22-2004, 11:52 PM
OK guys move over, it's the Chick's turn. :kiss:

Mattress Mac apologised with great flair
For the cock-ups he made late last year
And this time with to be honest
He did try his darndest
To kiss Roger Federer's rear

Mandy Moore said "Just cut me some slack
I am through and I'm not going back!
Would you be with a guy
Who's always ready to cry
And when he comes actually starts to quack?"

"I am young and I know how to split!"
Announced La Clijsters one day in a fit
My website I'll grow
Cuz my fans need to know
That I refuse to become Mrs. Hewitt!!"

Blaze
11-23-2004, 02:57 AM
Here I sit, alone in this thread
Regretting the fact that nothing gets said
Everybody's in mournin'
On that other forum
'Cos Rosset is Tall has been pronounced dead.

:worship: :haha: :worship:

alfonsojose
11-23-2004, 04:24 PM
Last one:

If Alfonsojose had his way
Houston would have Rainer play
On revealing his ass
While attempting a pass
Jose would shout "More Rain Today!''
:hug: that was :awww: lovely :tears: :)

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 05:41 AM
Theres a player named Ferrero
He's my comic book superhero
He's super nice,
He's eyes entice
and no he doesn't have lice

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 05:44 AM
Federer was the player nobody could beat
Except in the hot Australian heat
Ferrero came along
Took off his top
And sent federer crying off

novanora
11-24-2004, 06:21 AM
I still remember (23 years later) confusing the words for military parade and Moon festival cake and how hard my Chinese friends were trying not to laugh at me :eek:
:lol: great, khyber. I don't know you even study Mandarin! :yeah: well, it's too difficult to prounce accurately "cake" in Mandarin :hug:

I found more genius limericks today!! :worship: Great, everyone!!

chocc0
11-24-2004, 07:21 AM
There once was a big Russian stud
Who hit the ball with a mighty thud
Although he did not win
We could not get enough of him
And he showed everyone he was no dud!

merle
11-24-2004, 08:00 AM
Great limerick Sarah! :yeah: I hope you're enjoying your holidays! :wavey:
Ahh, and I wish I was as good in English. :o

chocc0
11-24-2004, 08:05 AM
Great limerick Sarah! :yeah: I hope you're enjoying your holidays! :wavey:
Ahh, and I wish I was as good in English. :o

Thanx Merle i personally think you are pretty damn good in english!!!!:D

PennyThePenguin
11-24-2004, 09:46 AM
i'm pathetic at this so i'll keep quiet...great limericks though everyone....

Nikki♥
11-24-2004, 10:13 AM
and no he doesn't have lice


:o Lol, this one was funny as hell.

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 10:19 AM
lol, thanks princesa

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 10:21 AM
Mighty Juan Carlos
The ball, in the air he tossed
Slammed down an ace
At such a fast pace
and then he had to tie his shoelace

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 10:33 AM
The king of clay
Went out to play
The great spanish warrior
Defeated Guillermo Coria
and then he went off and cried (i can't think of anything, lol)

Ferrero Forever
11-24-2004, 10:53 AM
oops, i just realised these are supposed to be about the masters cup, sorry for the JC ones then

PennyThePenguin
11-24-2004, 01:08 PM
it's ok JL. doesn't make them any less interesting

buddyholly
11-24-2004, 02:00 PM
It's OK Janqui, but the last line should rhyme with the first two. But you can have poetic license.

buddyholly
11-24-2004, 02:09 PM
There's no hope for our Janqui lover
At rhyming she just couldn't bother
But as for Juan Carlos
She thinks he is marvelous
And on clay he is just like no other


OK, it is easier when English is your first language. I hope you are not offended. Maybe I can do one in Spanish for you.

buddyholly
11-24-2004, 02:20 PM
Tres Latinos llegaron a Texas
A los gringos se levantaron las cejas
Como juegan Moya
Glaudio y Coria
Deben estar detras de las rejas.

jmp
11-24-2004, 03:52 PM
I'm having fun reading your JCF love poems, JL. :)

O.K. I'm taking the plunge...

There once was a man named Safin
Whose efforts were only half in
He won China and Paris
And thoroughly prepared us
To cheer for him in rainy Houstin

Yonge
11-24-2004, 05:00 PM
My Henman in Houston limericks:

Tim barely made it to Houston
He held on to the eighth position
Thanks to the Bald One
And also Nalbandian
Their injuries helped out the Briton

In Round Robin he pushed Andy to his limit
Still in straight sets he lost to the favourite
Marat brought him to his demise
But even if he made the semis
He still would have lost to Hewitt

His terrific season’s over already
And to January he looks forward gladly
Because of the Aussie Open
Where he loses early often
And also because of his new baby

jmp
11-24-2004, 09:47 PM
Yonge :)

Come on, MTFers! Give it a try!

tennischick
11-24-2004, 11:36 PM
Tres Latinos llegaron a Texas
A los gringos se levantaron las cejas
Como juegan Moya
Glaudio y Coria
Deben estar detras de las rejas.

muy bien! excelente! :worship: :worship:

Fedex
11-25-2004, 01:30 AM
I was bored... :lol: ;)


There once was a man from Nebraska
Who wanted to be Tennis Mastah’
But he lost his good form
His strokes were lukewarm
And his serve was as hot as Alaska.

There once was a player named Hewitt.
Who tried very hard to renew it.
He shouted “Come On!”
With fervent élan
But alas, he still couldn’t do it.

There once was a man with no hair
Who struck every ball with great flair
But his play on clay
Ensured that he’d stay
Far from the Texan affair.

There once was a man who could wow
All greatest of players and now
With his power and finesse
And a mind that plays chess
He has won with no coach and a cow.
:lol: Great Stuff, Q. :) I seem to remember GWH doing a smilar thing last year, after the MC.

Ferrero Forever
11-25-2004, 07:02 AM
There's no hope for our Janqui lover
At rhyming she just couldn't bother
But as for Juan Carlos
She thinks he is marvelous
And on clay he is just like no other


OK, it is easier when English is your first language. I hope you are not offended. Maybe I can do one in Spanish for you.

English is my first language, lol. I just can't think of stuff to rhyme, i'm no good at poety

chocc0
11-25-2004, 07:15 AM
as much as i love Juan Carlos i think there is a lack of Marat Limericks and i plan to fix that

Marat Safin is one cool dude
He's really nice and never rude
Sometimes his brain drifts away
It would be nice if it would stay
I wouldn't mind seeing him nude! :drool:

Fedex
11-25-2004, 07:20 AM
English is my first language, lol. I just can't think of stuff to rhyme, i'm no good at poety
I think people are decieved by the Spainish flag you have by you're username. ;) You're really from 'Down Under', aren't you?

Ferrero Forever
11-25-2004, 10:26 AM
yep, i'm from the land down under, is my english that bad that people don't think it is my first language though, lol. I'm just not very good at rhyming

Lalitha
11-25-2004, 11:12 AM
Great limericks from everyone, especially MisterQ :yeah:

RonE
11-25-2004, 12:09 PM
Awesome limericks by everyone :worship:

Mt turn:

In Houston we had so much rain
And Jim tried not to be a pain
But despite it all
No task was too tall
For the Federer Express Train

Horatio Caine
11-25-2004, 04:02 PM
Can I put my rap in here? I know it isn't quite a limerick but it took me about 20 minutes to write! :)

Balls flew at the Tennis Masters Cup,
And all the while Federer was on the up,
He took care of them all,
And hit the covers off every ball.

Roger - the best player around on the tour,
He hit the ball at will,
He tackled and brought his opponents down to the floor,
By the end of the week, they'd all had their fill.

Roddick - he stood no chance,
After all he was a Duck,
And all the other players when they saw him,
Were like "What the f***?"
Why aren't you back in your pond?
Roddick replied "This is a venue of which I am very fond."

Lleyton - how can a potato stand up to anyone?
There again, he breezed through the draw,
And peeled poor little Gaston raw,
But when the final came round - he was no match for Roger,
And all he could say was "I lost to a codger."

Marat - now there's a funny man,
An animal too - a Hippo,
But everyone's a fan.
His shots seemed to flow,
And he made it far,
But Roger sabotaged his mud bath,
And filled it with tar.

Then there was Carlos - the most careless player of them all,
He'd hit out, into the net, into the stands, slip over, and fall,
He did give Hewitt a scare,
But ultimately Fed ran away with his underwear.

Coria - now there's an under-age player,
He cries, hates his pram, throws his rattle and hates wearing a nappy,
This made the Duck, Hen and Hippo very happy,
They used him as their whipping boy,
And all Coria could do in retaliation was shout "Oy!!!"

An English gentleman in Texas - how spiffing!
All Coria could do was continue sniffling,
Tim thrashed him but found the two animals hard to bear,
Hippo charged at him and Duck attacked from the air.
The Englishman ran them down to the wire,
But Hippo finished him, drowning Hen in his mire.

Finally there was poor little Gaston,
Nobody really knew where he came from,
He didn't put up much of a battle,
Which is strange in that he didn't face any cattle.
Indeed he was up against men,
But they proved too much for him again!

The tournament organiser was an idiot called Mac,
He spent most of the tournament with his head up his crack,
He didn't like the foreign players or the fans of them at his venue,
And he pushed away a Russian fan complete with flag,
Who had the audacity to try to sit next to him,
Saying "Get away - I don't like you.
You should support Andrew with life and limb."

But there again he did a good job to get the matches completed in time,
Which the Hen thought was a real crime,
After all, he brought the rain with him thinking it would help,
But instead the Hippo bit him making him yelp.

Mattress - thank you for a great week,
We all enjoyed seeing the players do battle,
Many liked the champion's new do' - it was sleek,
But remember next time - don't invite the cattle!

Thank y'all.

Sincerely.

Slim Spady.

buddyholly
11-25-2004, 07:43 PM
yep, i'm from the land down under, is my english that bad that people don't think it is my first language though, lol. I'm just not very good at rhyming

OOPS! :o :o :o
No, your English is fine, it was the suspect rhyming that put me off, I can't think of any excuses for that. And the flag. Anyway, it gave me a chance to try my Spanish.

Ferrero Forever
11-26-2004, 11:12 AM
OOPS! :o :o :o
No, your English is fine, it was the suspect rhyming that put me off, I can't think of any excuses for that. And the flag. Anyway, it gave me a chance to try my Spanish.

lol, i thought that the limericks were supposed the have the last three lines all rhyming, god i'm an idiot. Am i the dumbest poster on this forum? :o

chocc0
11-26-2004, 11:15 AM
lol, i thought that the limericks were supposed the have the last three lines all rhyming, god i'm an idiot. Am i the dumbest poster on this forum? :o

No your not
you rock ...you just had a moment...my life is full of them:D

Ferrero Forever
11-26-2004, 11:18 AM
No your not
you rock ...you just had a moment...my life is full of them:D
lol, thanks :D