Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work? [Archive] - MensTennisForums.com

Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

2003
11-17-2011, 12:31 AM
Ive dated a variety of different girls from different backgrounds, myself being a city guy, have dated country girls, city girls, girls who were more like tomboys who liked sports and a lot of the things I liked, girls who liked the same kind of music as me (rare indeed), and conversely, girls who I had little in common with.

Needless to say they all failed as im single!

Quite frankly all the relationships went similar and from my experience, having more in common didnt save or prolong any of them. Infact some of the ones that failed quickly/specatcularly were actually the ones I had a lot in common with and had a big spark with.

What do you feel? When looking for your life partner, do you think you have to share a lot of common interests/views? Or do you think it makes no difference? Obviously someone who you disagree with all the time will just piss you off, but is a happy medium best?

I personally liked dating the country girls, experiencing horse riding, things id never done before. Although I didnt massively enjoy them I did enjoy pursuing new interests id never tried, rather than just doing the same things as always but with a new person.

Stories?

Also some cultres have arranged marriages and im sure some of them work out. I guess those are a huge lottery. Likewise are blind dates that work out. Similarly I guess relationships that are based largely on convenience, financial arrangements or looks might not be impacted too much.

EddceLLent
11-17-2011, 01:41 AM
Having personality traits in common is a great thing, like if you share the same sense of humour obviously that's going to help you.

Conversely I think having hobbies and interests in common isn't really helpful at all. In fact, I think it can be unhelpful sometimes because if you have all the same interests then you don't have things that you can do on your own, and whatever anyone says I think people need space and to be able to hang out with their friends away from their partner occasionally.

shiaben
11-17-2011, 03:10 AM
It's like how you put it 2003. It depends on the situation, and it's quite unpredictable. Guess that's life.

In regards to arranged marriages, this depends mostly on the culture/religion of that society. If both genders have mutual respect toward each other, it will work out most of the time. But if one of the men or one of the women, breaks that trust or doesn't believe so much in the culture/religion of that society, then that could lead to breaking up, divorce, etc.

In today's world, I still believe, money, careers/status, and looks are all important. I even think if you have all 3, then you probably maximize your chances for whatever you want.

I think if it comes down to strict looks (without a career or decent living) vs. a guy who lacks looks, but has career/money, I think most women would prefer that ugly guy instead, at least from what I'm noticing.

Times have changed a bit.

Sophocles
11-17-2011, 10:58 AM
Having personality traits in common is a great thing, like if you share the same sense of humour obviously that's going to help you.

Conversely I think having hobbies and interests in common isn't really helpful at all. In fact, I think it can be unhelpful sometimes because if you have all the same interests then you don't have things that you can do on your own, and whatever anyone says I think people need space and to be able to hang out with their friends away from their partner occasionally.

Yeah, this. You need superficial differences to add spice & fundamental similarities to avoid resenting each other in the long run. Superficial attributes in this context are things such as political outlook, cultural background, race, nationality, interests, & hobbies. These can be as different as you want. Fundamental attributes include need for pleasure (sex, drugs, sleep, food, etc.), ambition in the broadest sense, degree of openness & honesty, level of individuality, & attitudes to others' faults. Big differences in any of those and the relationship is doomed in the long term.

Johnny Groove
11-17-2011, 11:36 AM
More imortant than this, I think, is that spark, that magic that is in the air when you are with someone you really dig.

You know it when you feel it and know it when you don't.

Sophocles
11-17-2011, 11:40 AM
More imortant than this, I think, is that spark, that magic that is in the air when you are with someone you really dig.

You know it when you feel it and know it when you don't.

I should have added - fancying each other kinda helps too.

Nikki♥
11-17-2011, 11:59 AM
Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.

Bilbo
11-17-2011, 09:49 PM
commonalities and demographics are very powerful in seduction and lead to more healthy relationships.

fast_clay
11-17-2011, 09:52 PM
commonalities and demographics are very powerful in seduction and lead to more healthy relationships.

hmm... yes... hmmm where have i heard that before...

oh yes... Chapter 5, paragraph 22 of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...

an apt and timely recital... one of your best...

Time Violation
11-17-2011, 10:05 PM
If we are talking about married life here, then definitely yes, having a lot in common is very important. 'Sparks', 'magic' and similar :bs: are good enough for dating I guess, not going to cut it for the real thing ;)

Filo V.
11-17-2011, 11:04 PM
There needs to be a sexual attraction, first and foremost. If you don't feel an intense desire to fuck with that person, it wont last.

It's really all about a spark. A person can be your total opposite in appearance and personality, but if there is a spark, then there is a spark.

Time Violation
11-17-2011, 11:21 PM
^^Yea, sure. :) For example, if you stumble on a problem, you will fuck/spark your way out? Good luck with that :)

Mae
11-17-2011, 11:34 PM
Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.

I had never heard that before. I said it depends because what works for some people isn't necessarily going to work for other people.

Filo V.
11-17-2011, 11:38 PM
^^Yea, sure. :) For example, if you stumble on a problem, you will fuck/spark your way out? Good luck with that :)

Angry sex is some of the best sex there is.

Sunset of Age
11-17-2011, 11:40 PM
Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.

This is the way it works for me. My BF is clearly an 'opposite' when it comes to our characters, but it's our common interests, morals, and general feeling about 'what truly matters in life' that has kept us going for over ten years now. :)

BTW, how many of your folks have actually been in a long-term relationship?
Meaning, not just a couple of months, but actually a decade or so? ;)

Time Violation
11-18-2011, 12:34 AM
Angry sex is some of the best sex there is.

So, to repeat what Sunset of Age said, what's your longest relationship? 2 weeks? 3 weeks? :p

Filo V.
11-18-2011, 01:40 AM
I've been in a lot of beneficial relationships that have lasted a long time. And am glad to say I still am.

Bilbo
11-18-2011, 12:06 PM
This is the way it works for me. My BF is clearly an 'opposite' when it comes to our characters, but it's our common interests, morals, and general feeling about 'what truly matters in life' that has kept us going for over ten years now. :)

the power of emotional connection. this is what truly connects. the core of each relationship.

Sunset of Age
11-18-2011, 10:43 PM
the power of emotional connection. this is what truly connects. the core of each relationship.

:yeah:
Indeed. I'd like to just elaborate a bit further on this.

You tell your BF/GF something funny/stupid/embarrassing you've done/happened to you that day (which I think happens to most of us most of the times), and the first reaction from said BF/GF is something like - :scratch: :o :( :rolleyes:

Next stage - mutual :shout: :boxing: :smash: :sad:

Thereafter - :hug: :smooch:

And finally - both together: :haha: :lol: :rolls: :p

The whole point of true emotional connection is being able to reach that final stage over-and-over again. ;)

leng jai
11-18-2011, 10:55 PM
I love myself

Certinfy
11-18-2011, 10:59 PM
I love myself
So you have a lot in common with yourself? :scratch:

BodyServe
11-18-2011, 11:02 PM
I love myself

Me too ... and it's reciprocal at least.

EddceLLent
11-20-2011, 01:10 AM
You need superficial differences to add spice & fundamental similarities to avoid resenting each other in the long run. Superficial attributes in this context are things such as political outlook, cultural background, race, nationality, interests, & hobbies. These can be as different as you want. Fundamental attributes include need for pleasure (sex, drugs, sleep, food, etc.), ambition in the broadest sense, degree of openness & honesty, level of individuality, & attitudes to others' faults. Big differences in any of those and the relationship is doomed in the long term.

Agree. I'd bet that most couples who see themselves as "opposites" actually share most of the fundamental attributes as stated. Either that or they're just insecure people who are stuck in an unhappy relationship because they're worried they can't do any better :).

Naudio Spanlatine
11-20-2011, 01:33 AM
you need to have a balanced relationship, take things slow, dont rush into a relationship, try to get comfortable and get to know a person more, the more you feel right with that person most likely you will get into a deeper relationship, if the person wants to get married to you after less than a year, then thats a problem, you dont want to get married right away, it ruins the mood of the relationship and it puts pressure on you and your partner, so jus take things slow and moderate, its better that way, no one will have a perfect relationship everyone will have their flaws, just be sure to stay well connected and love thyself and your partner:)

Lopez
11-20-2011, 02:32 AM
hmm... yes... hmmm where have i heard that before...

oh yes... Chapter 5, paragraph 22 of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...

an apt and timely recital... one of your best...

:D

:worship:

Naudio Spanlatine
11-20-2011, 02:54 AM
:yeah:
Indeed. I'd like to just elaborate a bit further on this.

You tell your BF/GF something funny/stupid/embarrassing you've done/happened to you that day (which I think happens to most of us most of the times), and the first reaction from said BF/GF is something like - :scratch: :o :( :rolleyes:

Next stage - mutual :shout: :boxing: :smash: :sad:

Thereafter - :hug: :smooch:

And finally - both together: :haha: :lol: :rolls: :p

The whole point of true emotional connection is being able to reach that final stage over-and-over again. ;)

:spit: :haha: genius

Topspindoctor
11-20-2011, 03:28 AM
Not necessarily, but a female companion should be roughly your intellectual equal, or the relationship will fail.

BodyServe
11-20-2011, 11:31 AM
Not necessarily, but a female companion should be roughly your intellectual equal, or the relationship will fail.

Agreed and that's where it hurts, hard to find someone pretty, intellectualw who shares your opinions etc ... and single ...
Not to mention intellectual females don't go out.

Naudio Spanlatine
11-20-2011, 01:57 PM
I've been in a lot of beneficial relationships that have lasted a long time. And am glad to say I still am.

:hug:

im happy for you:D

safin-rules-no.1
11-20-2011, 03:11 PM
I've only ever been in one serious relationship that lasted 8 years - we had a lot in common, but were also close to beating the shit out of each other towards the end. I still voted yes.

Filo V.
11-20-2011, 04:11 PM
:hug:

im happy for you:D
Thank you :hug:

My rotation of hot guys are happy for me too :)

JolánGagó
11-20-2011, 05:13 PM
I've only ever been in one serious relationship that lasted 8 years - we had a lot in common, but were also close to beating the shit out of each other towards the end.

For what you've told us about the state of your anus, shit should fall out of you without any beating, by simple gravity.

Orka_n
11-20-2011, 05:43 PM
Common interests aren't very important. Comparable intelligence and similar values are.

safin-rules-no.1
11-20-2011, 06:22 PM
For what you've told us about the state of your anus, shit should fall out of you without any beating, by simple gravity.

If only. It feels like I've been shitting glass lately, but thats another thread...

Seingeist
11-20-2011, 07:23 PM
Common interests aren't very important. Comparable intelligence and similar values are.

Truth! :yeah: