Developing feelings for a friend [Archive] - MensTennisForums.com

Developing feelings for a friend

Grinder
11-03-2011, 01:53 AM
So there's this girl who I've been really good friends, probably my best friend that's a girl, for at least 4-5 years. I've had a few girlfriends, a lot of hookups, etc. in that time period and she's the only girl I've felt comfortable enough to confide in about relationships and personal problems. Lately, I feel like she's getting jealous when I get with other girls and I try to avoid hearing about her getting with other guys...there's definitely a physical attraction and I know she wants me...but I don't want to make a move because I value our friendship too much to ruin it over a few hookups. Anyone ever been in a situation like this?

Filo V.
11-03-2011, 01:57 AM
I've had sex with like half of my circle of friends.

I've never been in situations like this because I know to cut off that potential in my head, unless it just happens organically, than otherwise, you can't push it. When I put you in friend zone than you stay in friend zone. But, others are different, so really it's up to you to decide if she's really feeling you or not, and if so, then asking her on a casual date or something light like that and going from there.

Hewitt =Legend
11-03-2011, 02:12 AM
So there's this girl who I've been really good friends, probably my best friend that's a girl, for at least 4-5 years. I've had a few girlfriends, a lot of hookups, etc. in that time period and she's the only girl I've felt comfortable enough to confide in about relationships and personal problems. Lately, I feel like she's getting jealous when I get with other girls and I try to avoid hearing about her getting with other guys...there's definitely a physical attraction and I know she wants me...but I don't want to make a move because I value our friendship too much to ruin it over a few hookups. Anyone ever been in a situation like this?

I'm in pretty much the same situation right now as well mate. The difference with me is that I met this girl at uni and now the year has finished and she's now on the other side of the country. To me it sounds that you've definitely got feelings for her if you don't like hearing about other dudes she's got with. Of course it's hard to predict if it will work out in the long run and you don't want to do anything that puts your friendship in jeopardy. To me, at the end of the day, I like to look at things plain and simple... black and white... She likes you, you like here... give it a go, you only live once :) That's what I wish I did before summer break this year... I just didn't want to make things weird over the holidays before we see each other next year...

TMJordan
11-03-2011, 04:59 AM
I've had sex with like half of my circle of friends.

Monkey-like.

fast_clay
11-03-2011, 05:04 AM
i say get your lads mag out, get your blue vein junket pumper in hand and head straight to the toilet for a bit of the old Han Solo... bit of the old Grinder quality time alone...

Orka_n
11-03-2011, 05:41 AM
So there's this girl who I've been really good friends, probably my best friend that's a girl, for at least 4-5 years. I've had a few girlfriends, a lot of hookups, etc. in that time period and she's the only girl I've felt comfortable enough to confide in about relationships and personal problems. Lately, I feel like she's getting jealous when I get with other girls and I try to avoid hearing about her getting with other guys...there's definitely a physical attraction and I know she wants me...but I don't want to make a move because I value our friendship too much to ruin it over a few hookups. Anyone ever been in a situation like this?I have, and I told the girl how I felt. :) It didn't work out in the end but I'm still happy I told her. Because here's the deal (if you haven't already realized it): your relationship with this girl changed the moment you developed some feelings for her. Even if you don't make a move now it probably won't go back to what it was anyway. And if you hesitate because you don't want to ruin the friendship "over a few hookups", what do you think about dating her more seriously?

Bilbo
11-03-2011, 02:26 PM
Usually it's very difficult to come out of the friend zone. You've to get physical with a girl right at the beginning when you met her for the first time. Otherwise she will see you as a pussy and think you are not interested in her sexually.

In my opinion you should give it a go but you shouldn't wait too long. The most important thing is to give a shit what other people think of you when it comes to women. Even if it doesn't end good for you, you have shown that you are not a pussy and even she knows that.

Johnny Groove
11-03-2011, 02:53 PM
Just go for it and see what happens, dude.

No shame.

out_here_grindin
11-03-2011, 03:25 PM
Usually it's very difficult to come out of the friend zone. You've to get physical with a girl right at the beginning when you met her for the first time. Otherwise she will see you as a pussy and think you are not interested in her sexually.

In my opinion you should give it a go but you shouldn't wait too long. The most important thing is to give a shit what other people think of you when it comes to women. Even if it doesn't end good for you, you have shown that you are not a pussy and even she knows that.

or that you are just a friend.

Bilbo
11-03-2011, 03:35 PM
or that you are just a friend.

exactly, this would be the consequence.

Filo V.
11-03-2011, 03:37 PM
Monkey-like.

I don't consider that an insult, it's called getting it in, Jordan.

Time Violation
11-03-2011, 03:46 PM
So there's this girl who I've been really good friends, probably my best friend that's a girl, for at least 4-5 years. I've had a few girlfriends, a lot of hookups, etc. in that time period and she's the only girl I've felt comfortable enough to confide in about relationships and personal problems. Lately, I feel like she's getting jealous when I get with other girls and I try to avoid hearing about her getting with other guys...there's definitely a physical attraction and I know she wants me...but I don't want to make a move because I value our friendship too much to ruin it over a few hookups. Anyone ever been in a situation like this?

Lol, if she wants you and there is mutual attraction, then consider your friendship ruined already :p

http://www.accphotos.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/elephant_in_the_room.jpg

Grinder
11-03-2011, 04:15 PM
Haha, I should have mentioned the reason we never hooked up when we first met and nothing ever happened is because she had a boyfriend for 4 years who she recently broke up with. I was in college, in a frat, and when I wasn't in a relationship, I was going wild enjoying the single life.

Now I'm insanely busy in med school, don't go out anywhere near as often as I used to and don't have much time to meet girls so I end up talking to this girl a lot more. I'd love to have a no strings attached type of physical relationship with her because I have absolutely no time for a girlfriend right now. I feel like putting in her in that kind of situation is disrespectful to her and would ultimately lead to ruining our friendship, which is sort of my dilemma.

nadejda
11-03-2011, 04:17 PM
I have, and I told the girl how I felt. :) It didn't work out in the end but I'm still happy I told her. Because here's the deal (if you haven't already realized it): your relationship with this girl changed the moment you developed some feelings for her. Even if you don't make a move now it probably won't go back to what it was anyway. And if you hesitate because you don't want to ruin the friendship "over a few hookups", what do you think about dating her more seriously?

this

You got to give it a try, especially if you feel she is attracted to you as well.

nadejda
11-03-2011, 04:23 PM
Haha, I should have mentioned the reason we never hooked up when we first met and nothing ever happened is because she had a boyfriend for 4 years who she recently broke up with. I was in college, in a frat, and when I wasn't in a relationship, I was going wild enjoying the single life.

Now I'm insanely busy in med school, don't go out anywhere near as often as I used to and don't have much time to meet girls so I end up talking to this girl a lot more. I'd love to have a no strings attached type of physical relationship with her because I have absolutely no time for a girlfriend right now. I feel like putting in her in that kind of situation is disrespectful to her and would ultimately lead to ruining our friendship, which is sort of my dilemma.

no time? really?
If there is a fealing who cares about time.:rolleyes:
Why do you think you have the right to dictate what your relationships will develop into?
The best strategy is to have no stategy. Just go the way you feel it in the moment you feel it and that's it.:) Enjoy :)
I find people trying to protect themselves and to describe the way the relationships will go in the beggining delusional. No offense :)

Johnny Groove
11-03-2011, 04:46 PM
Haha, I should have mentioned the reason we never hooked up when we first met and nothing ever happened is because she had a boyfriend for 4 years who she recently broke up with. I was in college, in a frat, and when I wasn't in a relationship, I was going wild enjoying the single life.

Now I'm insanely busy in med school, don't go out anywhere near as often as I used to and don't have much time to meet girls so I end up talking to this girl a lot more. I'd love to have a no strings attached type of physical relationship with her because I have absolutely no time for a girlfriend right now. I feel like putting in her in that kind of situation is disrespectful to her and would ultimately lead to ruining our friendship, which is sort of my dilemma.

Perhaps she has reached a point in her life where she is also looking for a no strings thing with you?

The only way to know is to go for it.

Time Violation
11-03-2011, 04:48 PM
no time? really?
If there is a fealing who cares about time.:rolleyes:


Big mistake :) Feelings are not enough and the point about time indeed is a very important one. For example, if she wants/expects to go out and he's dead tired/busy and expects to stay at home, you have a problem.

Perhaps she has reached a point in her life where she is also looking for a no strings thing with you?

The only way to know is to go for it.

Good point. Maybe both want the same. Or maybe not. Only one way to find out ;)

rocketassist
11-03-2011, 04:53 PM
I've certainly experienced it.

One of my good female friends likes another guy who screws her over quite a bit, but I love her more than anything, but we're too much in the friend zone. It's just the way life is :lol:

Vida
11-03-2011, 11:58 PM
a hard core approach is only thing I can advise.

Henry Chinaski
11-04-2011, 01:09 AM
don't really feel qualified to offer advice but i will say that if my best female friend ever breaks up with her current bf, I'm totally going to bang her, no doubt about it

Johnny Groove
11-04-2011, 02:07 AM
don't really feel qualified to offer advice but i will say that if my best female friend ever breaks up with her current bf, I'm totally going to bang her, no doubt about it

Only thing is, you gotta wait 6 months.

X4J3o_--6Ow

@Sweet Cleopatra
11-04-2011, 02:25 AM
Tell her you love her, what's the problem.

star
11-04-2011, 03:22 AM
don't really feel qualified to offer advice but i will say that if my best female friend ever breaks up with her current bf, I'm totally going to bang her, no doubt about it

How thrilling romantic.

Hope for her sake she hangs on to her current boyfriend.

Henry Chinaski
11-04-2011, 04:47 AM
oh it will be, don't worry. my real life self is a hell of a lot more charming than my crude online persona (which wouldn't be hard)

Orka_n
11-04-2011, 05:31 AM
Tell her you love her, what's the problem.:lol: Excellent advice in its simplicity. :worship:

Kat_YYZ
11-04-2011, 05:45 AM
Haha, I should have mentioned the reason we never hooked up when we first met and nothing ever happened is because she had a boyfriend for 4 years who she recently broke up with. I was in college, in a frat, and when I wasn't in a relationship, I was going wild enjoying the single life.

Now I'm insanely busy in med school, don't go out anywhere near as often as I used to and don't have much time to meet girls so I end up talking to this girl a lot more. I'd love to have a no strings attached type of physical relationship with her because I have absolutely no time for a girlfriend right now. I feel like putting in her in that kind of situation is disrespectful to her and would ultimately lead to ruining our friendship, which is sort of my dilemma.

This is so confusing to me as a female. Why would you want to have a no-strings physical relationship with a friend? :confused: Isn't this what strangers are for? Friendship is about actually caring about the other person's happiness and well-being, not about liking them for how useful they are as a mere prop in your life. You worry about ruining a 'great friendship' but it sounds pretty one-sided to me; you use her for emotional support and now you want to use her physically.

But what do I know? :shrug: go ahead, do what these other guys are suggesting. Say "Gee, I'd like to shoot my load into you when I feel like it and toss you aside like used kleenex when I don't have time for you. I hope that wasn't disrespectful. Is tonight at 8:30 good for you?"

Horatio Caine
11-04-2011, 05:36 PM
don't really feel qualified to offer advice but i will say that if my best female friend ever breaks up with her current bf, I'm totally going to bang her, no doubt about it

:lol:

Bilbo
11-04-2011, 05:43 PM
Tell her you love her, what's the problem.

sounds pretty needy

Commander Data
11-05-2011, 11:04 AM
Lol, if she wants you and there is mutual attraction, then consider your friendship ruined already :p

[IMG]

Lol... +1

Go for it. it might all end well with kids and marriage, the full package etc. if not, at least you have something to talk about.