Reasons that Nole lost [Archive] - MensTennisForums.com

Reasons that Nole lost

Lee
02-21-2009, 03:36 PM
Since the fans of Novak Djokovic in this forum have a great sense of humour, here we go:

1. He grows into a Slavic hunk-god.
2. He was not wearing black.
3. Jelena showed up in the middle of a tournament.
4. Rose did not go to Marsielle.
5. Miljan was wearing green.
6. Marian was wearing green.

Feel free to add to the list :p

*Ljubica*
02-21-2009, 03:40 PM
(7) I was also wearing green :awww: :o So it's all my fault!!!

Lee
02-21-2009, 03:42 PM
I was also wearing green :awww: :o So it's all my fault!!!

Put in a number. Let's see when we reached 100. :lol:

*Ljubica*
02-21-2009, 03:55 PM
Put in a number. Let's see when we reached 100. :lol:

Ok done - and now I have another-

(8) Because Raine could not find a working livestream :awww:

Thanos
02-21-2009, 03:59 PM
his new hair style is not sexy enough

*Ljubica*
02-21-2009, 04:00 PM
That was Number 9 ^^

Herdwick
02-21-2009, 04:10 PM
10) Our Fortuna has deserted us :bigcry:
11) Jelena has severely depleted his fluid levels. (:hatoff: Kalisita)

I think this thread may become an ever-present...:D

kalisita
02-21-2009, 04:17 PM
12. MTF is so freaking slow that we can not properly cheer him, thus preventing our positive energy from reaching him

jchuabh
02-21-2009, 04:44 PM
13. His longer hair is weighing down that already big head of his and thus messing with his aerodynamics (I don't even know what that means, but it sounds good to me, so yeah...)

14. Seriously, I think he's taken the criticisms about his ball bouncing to heart and is trying to cut it down to the extent that it's affecting his game. Should take another leaf out of the still-asspicking Nadal's book, "Developing a thick skin for Dummies".

jchuabh
02-22-2009, 06:13 AM
15. He's got Murray breathing down his neck (as at least one commentator likes to remind us ad nauseum), and the Scot's halitosis is stinking up his game big-time.

16. Having the squattest coach on the ATP tour doesn't help any, either.

kalisita
02-22-2009, 06:45 AM
17. His recent shouts of "Show Me The Money" resulted in his Head mucking up his FH.

pica_pica
02-22-2009, 08:36 AM
(18) His white shirt diminishes his dark power.
(19) He is still in that filthy, sickly-looking green that has put off his red-hot passion (green and red are contrasting colors). He'll do good again in clay season by wearing that perfect blue.

pica_pica
02-22-2009, 08:40 AM
(20) He feels sorry for Tsonga for denying his chance to get his first slam. Being a nice guy (too nice and a bit naive), he has sworn not to beat Jo again in order to keep their friendship.

*Ljubica*
02-22-2009, 11:19 AM
21) He's saving himself to peak for a win at the inaugeral Serbian Open because he wants to give me a good Birthday present :D

Nice to see fun picks from our new posters btw - welcome jchuabh and pica_pica :wavey:

kalisita
02-22-2009, 03:55 PM
(20) He feels sorry for Tsonga for denying his chance to get his first slam. Being a nice guy (too nice and a bit naive), he has sworn not to beat Jo again in order to keep their friendship.

(22) Same goes for Murray. After beating him 4 straight times he knew Murray was on the verge of insanity and he loved his little Andy bear too much to allow that.

pica_pica
02-22-2009, 04:25 PM
21) He's saving himself to peak for a win at the inaugeral Serbian Open because he wants to give me a good Birthday present :D

Nice to see fun picks from our new posters btw - welcome jchuabh and pica_pica :wavey:

Nice to meet you all Nole fans here!
I've always been posting on Novak's official forum until I found this.
It seems to be much noisier here! :devil: Love it

*Ljubica*
02-22-2009, 04:39 PM
Nice to meet you all Nole fans here!
I've always been posting on Novak's official forum until I found this.
It seems to be much noisier here! :devil: Love it

I post there sometimes too, - but I prefer here. We are indeed noisy - some might say too much so :lol:

jchuabh
02-22-2009, 05:01 PM
23. It's the poodle's fault. Damn canine's sissiness has rubbed off on its owner. No wonder Nole's game has gone to the dogs.

24. He's hoping the Serbian Open will attract a stronger field if his potential rivals don't think he's a shoo-in for the title.

(Ljubica, thanks for the welcome, but I'm not a new poster...just an infrequent one.)

Björki
02-22-2009, 05:55 PM
25: he did not want to win a MM tournament :p

*Ljubica*
02-22-2009, 06:09 PM
(Ljubica, thanks for the welcome, but I'm not a new poster...just an infrequent one.)


Then I hope your posts become more frequent in the future - they make me :D

jchuabh
02-22-2009, 10:57 PM
26. Huge mistake joining the ATP Players' Council. Bad enough he has to sit through the incoherent ramblings of that inarticulate boob from Mallorca. But hadn't bargained on the old Swiss fart repeatedly prolonging proceedings by sobbing uncontrollably at every reference to "Grand Slam finals" and "Best of five". Oh well, the dorky Scot can have the seat along with the 3rd ranking at the next go-around.

27. Been otherwise preoccupied with the Middle East conflict. Was about to deliver a "Gaza IS Israel" speech before recalling that his "Kosovo IS Serbia" message had come back to bite him in the ass at Wimbledon '08.

Spirit_fire
02-22-2009, 11:13 PM
28. He's trying to psych out Nadal and Federer by playing like shit in the MM tourneys and then coming back with force to beat Rafa in the SF of RG. :devil:

kalisita
02-22-2009, 11:19 PM
29. Closed family t-shirt making business too soon

partygirl
02-22-2009, 11:28 PM
30. Big Penis (gets in the way) :o:lol:

Thanos
02-23-2009, 05:42 AM
31. djordje eat the last chicken nuggets during dinner and novak was still hungry during the match.

jchuabh
02-23-2009, 08:07 AM
32. New hitting partner: Jelena Jankovic. Yes, the very same Jelena who's apparently never learnt the first rule of tennis - hold your bloody serve! And who's clearly confused about the second - "Aces good; double faults bad".

33. Had several fingers accidentally pricked by the get-well gift he'd ordered for Federer - a beautiful arrangement of nettles.

jchuabh
02-23-2009, 09:53 AM
34. Still licking wounds sustained at the last ATP Players' Council Meeting, when his suggestion that any top 5 player who didn't meet the standard of Slavic hunk-godhood should have a nominal number of ranking points docked every quarter was viciously and unceremoniously shot down by Federer and the BLTA representative.

35. Still distressed at the news that a recording of all the songs he ever sang in public is now in the hands of interrogators at Gitmo to help them compel confessions from hitherto "unbreakable" inmates.

*Raine
02-23-2009, 11:41 AM
35. Because *Raine didn't watch the final.


:lol: :angel:

jchuabh
02-23-2009, 05:43 PM
36. Too busy negotiating the rights to inaugurate the Serbian Petanque Open and to establish the Djokovic Petanque Academy in Belgrade.

Herdwick
02-23-2009, 06:02 PM
37. He wanted to give jchuabh a chance to demonstrate a uniquely oblique view of events.

*Ljubica*
02-23-2009, 06:04 PM
38. He wanted to give us all the opportunity to earn more vCash by posting in this thread!

Herdwick
02-23-2009, 06:15 PM
39. He has just signed a contract to finance a new factory to manufacture digestive biscuits in Serbia and was devastated to learn that demand is not as strong as he thought.

*Ljubica*
02-23-2009, 06:21 PM
39. He has just signed a contract to finance a new factory to manufacture digestive biscuits in Serbia and was devastated to learn that demand is not as strong as he thought.

:rolls: Who needs digestives when you have plasma keks :drool: :lick:

40) He was feeling altruistic and wanted to give the MTF haters something to make them smile :D

~Maya~
02-24-2009, 03:31 AM
34. Still licking wounds sustained at the last ATP Players' Council Meeting, when his suggestion that any top 5 player who didn't meet the standard of Slavic hunk-godhood should have a nominal number of ranking points docked every quarter was viciously and unceremoniously shot down by Federer and the BLTA representative.

35. Still distressed at the news that a recording of all the songs he ever sang in public is now in the hands of interrogators at Gitmo to help them compel confessions from hitherto "unbreakable" inmates.

:haha:

jchuabh
02-24-2009, 04:16 AM
41. Feeling yet more pressure from the multi-book contract he signed that kicked off "My First Grand Slam".

42. Self-confidence is further eroded by failure so far to secure an endorsement contract from any of the famous hair product companies, all of whom are suddenly wondering: "Is Djokovic really, really the real deal?"

jchuabh
02-24-2009, 06:13 AM
43. Been taking girlfriend's pills thinking they were vitamins. "Thank goodness abortion is legal in Monaco. Catholic principality, my skinny ass!"

Herdwick
02-24-2009, 08:57 AM
44. It's the compression shorts. Occurred to me in the bath last night - he's not been the same since he started wearing them.:sad:

*Ljubica*
02-24-2009, 03:39 PM
44. It's the compression shorts. Occurred to me in the bath last night - he's not been the same since he started wearing them.:sad:

:lol: :rolls: But of course!

kalisita
02-24-2009, 05:08 PM
30. Big Penis (gets in the way) :o:lol:


44. It's the compression shorts. Occurred to me in the bath last night - he's not been the same since he started wearing them.:sad:

:sad: What's the boy supposed to do? A case of just being too blessed in one area weighing down another.

shuhrat
02-24-2009, 05:44 PM
:sad: What's the boy supposed to do? A case of just being too blessed in one area weighing down another.
:rolls::rolls:

*Ljubica*
02-24-2009, 06:08 PM
Which, I guess, brngs us to our next number.........

45) Trying to please all of the people all of the time, and realising it's too stressful, and he can't win tennis matches as well as dealing with all his other assets :)

partygirl
02-24-2009, 08:48 PM
Hey, its not the first time compression shorts have compressed someone's game....happened with Roddick too.
Hate them, Ban them!

kalisita
02-25-2009, 07:29 PM
(46) ATP logo on net is distracting him. He can't stop thinking about how they get it to look the same from both sides.

*Ljubica*
02-25-2009, 08:25 PM
(47) Spending too much time with Ernests Gulbis :angel:

ellen_
02-25-2009, 08:35 PM
(47) Spending too much time with Ernests Gulbis :angel:

:awww: Our Ernie is going through some tough times lately, everything is his fault :p But they obviously broke up now, they just have to get through the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, ... It's a shame though, I wish I could see them together some time :aplot:

*Ljubica*
02-25-2009, 08:44 PM
:awww: Our Ernie is going through some tough times lately, everything is his fault :p But they obviously broke up now, they just have to get through the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, ... It's a shame though, I wish I could see them together some time :aplot:

I guess the strain of the "secret" romance was just too much for them :awww: They're both very young still - but maybe in time they will find each other again :)

«Ivan»
02-25-2009, 09:04 PM
Since the fans of Novak Djokovic in this forum have a great sense of humour, here we go:

1. He grows into a Slavic hunk-god.
2. He was not wearing black.
3. Jelena showed up in the middle of a tournament.
4. Rose did not go to Marsielle.
5. Miljan was wearing green.
6. Marian was wearing green.

Feel free to add to the list :p

number one 'n rose:p
i really think number one without a joke.
in his head he's a star 'n jelena shoud take him back to the ground as soon as possible.

by the way i cant stand gulbis.
ugly,spoilt rich kid who tries to play tennis.
nothing manly in him.

partygirl
02-25-2009, 10:07 PM
(46) ATP logo on net is distracting him. He can't stop thinking about how they get it to look the same from both sides.:rolls:

Lee
02-25-2009, 11:46 PM
(46) ATP logo on net is distracting him. He can't stop thinking about how they get it to look the same from both sides.

He purposely walked to the net to try to figure it out ;)


and thanks to this pic i finally figured out the mystery :lol:

ellewoods
03-06-2009, 02:51 PM
He purposely walked to the net to try to figure it out ;)


and thanks to this pic i finally figured out the mystery :lol:


ohhhhh i get it now too! :lol: though I must admit, the mystery never even occured to me

*Ljubica*
03-06-2009, 03:00 PM
48) The wind was too strong and the stadium collapsed :tape:

Herdwick
03-06-2009, 03:27 PM
49) We can blame this and any IW defeats on the machinations of Spanish municipal politics

Running:Free
03-07-2009, 11:11 AM
50) That FUCKING dropshot. Every single time.

kalisita
03-07-2009, 12:11 PM
50) That FUCKING dropshot. Every single time.

:eek: A legitimate reason? I'm not sure that's allowed. ;)

shuhrat
03-07-2009, 12:42 PM
:eek: A legitimate reason? I'm not sure that's allowed. ;)
:spit:

51) He wanted to give Tipsy the chance of being a hero or in the limelight again after 08 AO.
52 )He wanted to give Filip a lesson, 'You should not try to the damn dropshops at BP or MP. :o

*Ljubica*
03-07-2009, 12:44 PM
53) He wants to get to Indian Wells quickly :)

pica_pica
03-07-2009, 02:01 PM
54) He's sorry for denying Ferrer of his chance to get Dubai title.

55) Ferrer was in horrible form at the end of 2008. Nole treats Ferrer as friend and dun wanna embarrass him in front of his home crowd.

56) He's found his hard court rhythm in Dubai and has no wish of disrupting it. Therefore, he cheats his coach and pretends to try to get used to the clay court while he's actually not.

57) He's tanking for IW as he knows Serbia is hopeless against Spain. Nole's often opportunistic in his thinking, right? He never wastes energy. See his last RR in Shanghai.

58) Filip is there looking upon him as hero and he's got carried away a bit.

59) He is entertaining the Spanish crowd by his clumsiness.

60) He's trying to play sht so that he can go under the radar again in IW.

jchuabh
03-07-2009, 03:11 PM
61. Game's gotten rusty; keeps retiring from practice matches.

62. Concerned about global warming, so blows hot AND cold.

63. Tough to win when his heart's in it, but not his Head.

64. In a Freaky Friday incident with Murray, the Scot got all his mojo...and Nole is now the "miserable git".

65. "I have created a monster." Oh wait, that's the tour's other, even bigger ego's mea culpa.

jchuabh
03-07-2009, 03:18 PM
66. Hears Obama's putative Stimulus Bill is rewarding every loser under the sun.

67. Wastes too much energy applauding opponent's good play.

68. Should've picked an easier battle for victory #200. (Isn't there a Challenger event going on somewhere?)

69. Thought "Mental midget crushed by actual midget" would make a cute headline in the sports pages.

70. Thinks "From Hero to Zero" would make a nice title for his autobiography part deux. (And here we thought there was neither RHYME nor reason for his erratic form. Don't we feel silly now?)

jchuabh
03-07-2009, 03:28 PM
71. Can't fully concentrate on his match when he's champing at the bit over the "horse-faced" tag that some non-fans have saddled him with.

72. Thinks focus is a finite commodity, so uses it sparingly.

73. Misses the adrenaline rush from dodging bombs; now dodges bullets instead.

74. Reckons he should qualify on current form for the WTA so he can "play with the chicks".

75. The dog ate (into) his homework (time).

aeronatasha
03-07-2009, 06:09 PM
76. I didn't watch his match.:sad: Clearly, that spells doom.

Nole_theJoker
03-07-2009, 06:23 PM
77. He looked at Ferrer thinking "David looks like Stich by Lilo&Stich" and then he begun to laugh, he couldn't stop and he had not force for use the raquet!

jchuabh
03-08-2009, 07:43 AM
78. Hurt his back while lifting that OTT Dubai trophy.

79. He's a humanitarian who believes in giving hope to his rivals. Cos, what's humanity without hope?

80. Big mistake to wear red playing a Spaniard in Spain: just brings out the rampaging bull in your opponent.

81. It's tough being a Serbian dude. Finally got dumped by the girlfriend after he'd called out to one wrong "Jelena" too many during their lovemaking.

82. Used to be considered smart; now more like that guy in "Get Smart".

83. He's just not that into winning.

pica_pica
03-08-2009, 10:09 AM
jchuabh...I'm amazed about how many reasons you can make up for Nole's lost...

partygirl
03-08-2009, 10:09 PM
Too many.

jchuabh
03-21-2009, 05:54 AM
Heartache.

84. Has learnt last year's lesson well: gotta rest up for another possible giantkiller a la Kevin Anderson in his first Miami match.

85. Just found out Head is citing him as the reason the racket maker needs an AIG-style bailout.

86. Suffers from carnivoritis: the meat lover's phobia of being the hunted rather than the hunter.

87. Showing signs of BSE - cos too many people are treating him as a cash cow.

88. Used up the last of his nine lives against Simon in Dubai.

89. Thinks everything's hunky-dory just cos he's got the "hunky" part down pat.

90. Enjoys creating breakpoints willy-nilly. But when it comes to converting 'em, he's just a willy.

jchuabh
03-21-2009, 06:04 AM
91. Has this bee in his bonnet about becoming the Houdini of Tennis - to provide fans with a form of escapism in these troubled times.

92. Downsizing his game's arsenal to keep with the economic mood.

93. Distracted all match long by disturbing mental images of Federer out-bawling his baby.

94. Not sufficiently concerned about Nadal or Murray as a long-term threat; thinks premature Male Pattern Baldness will force both into early retirement. Nah, doesn't think the Spaniard has the panache to pull off the second coming of Andre Agassi. As for Murray, bad hair + bad teeth = good riddance. Meanwhile, they're useful to have around - to humiliate Federer on a regular basis.

95. Not trying too hard these days cos he thinks the world's coming to an end soon anyway. How else to explain the "Marry me, Andy" sign in the audience at a recent Murray match?

Running:Free
03-21-2009, 04:23 PM
94. Not sufficiently concerned about Nadal or Murray as a long-term threat; thinks premature Male Pattern Baldness will force both into early retirement. Nah, doesn't think the Spaniard has the panache to pull off the second coming of Andre Agassi. As for Murray, bad hair + bad teeth = good riddance. Meanwhile, they're useful to have around - to humiliate Federer on a regular basis.

95. Not trying too hard these days cos he thinks the world's coming to an end soon anyway. How else to explain the "Marry me, Andy" sign in the audience at a recent Murray match?

:rolls: :lol: :smooch:

ellen_
03-21-2009, 04:57 PM
96. Jelena is not pregnant yet. It's going better with Roger too since Mirka is pregnant, right :shrug: I think it's definitely worth a try.

pica_pica
03-21-2009, 05:56 PM
97. Jelena is not with him. Seriously, can Jelena travel with him after she graduates? He needs support. Now without his family a girlfriend can do well. Personally I think that the responsibility of taking care of Mirka makes Roger more disciplined and mature.
98. On the recent match with Roddick, I think he's still uncomfortable playing Roddick in US after that PR blunder.
99. His coach entered the match after Nole started. And with zero support, Nole was broken right at the start. Vajda wasn't supporting him enough from the start to the end.

(I would leave the 100th one for you all)

jchuabh
03-21-2009, 06:40 PM
100. Too much of a give-and-take kinda guy. Takes a break from his opponent, then gives it right back.

ellewoods
03-22-2009, 02:57 AM
92. Downsizing his game's arsenal to keep with the economic mood.
.
.
.
95. Not trying too hard these days cos he thinks the world's coming to an end soon anyway. How else to explain the "Marry me, Andy" sign in the audience at a recent Murray match?

:haha::haha:

you are king jchuabh :worship:

Noleta
03-22-2009, 09:04 PM
I blame those horrible compression shorts :( been going downhill since he's been wearing them :eek:

Lee
06-22-2009, 06:11 PM
101. The falcon shoes are for flying, not for slip and slide on grass court.

Jade Fox
06-22-2009, 10:32 PM
102. He saw Roger Federer's bag and was briefly blinded by the gold on the sides.

103. He saw an actual Falcon lying dead on the ground and took off his shirt to pay his respects.

jchuabh
08-16-2009, 12:49 PM
Moron must've been partying in Monaco while Murray was practising in Miami.

104. Desperately, desperately needs a new coach. But bravely, bravely holding out for a wise latina with the richness of experience to oversee his training with empathy.

105. Hasn't been quite the same player since being emotionally traumatised by Federer's biopic, The Crying Game.

106. Was playing with his compression shorts in a twist over unflattering references to himself in the book, "The Roger Federer Story: In an era of eunuchs, the poobah is a poofter".

Ruxii
08-16-2009, 03:27 PM
107. He's too nice and wants his opponents' dreams to come true first.
108. He thought losing to Roddick three times in a row is a way of making peace with the American public.
109. He felt sorry for the two consecutive finals lost by Roddick and wanted to give him the chance to win this one, so that he wouldn't lose confidence.
110. This was his late wedding present for Andy.
111. He did not want to leave all the glory to Roger for an early exit.

pica_pica
08-16-2009, 05:31 PM
107. He's too nice and wants his opponents' dreams to come true first.
108. He thought losing to Roddick three times in a row is a way of making peace with the American public.
109. He felt sorry for the two consecutive finals lost by Roddick and wanted to give him the chance to win this one, so that he wouldn't lose confidence.
110. This was his late wedding present for Andy.
111. He did not want to leave all the glory to Roger for an early exit.
:haha: :yeah:

jchuabh
08-16-2009, 11:14 PM
Jelena! :hearts:

112. Instead of training, spends most of his time trying to cash in on the Federer fevah by penning his own tome. The insider's account will include such knee-slappers as locker-room reactions to the Swiss player's Wimbly get-up. For its title, yet to settle on one of the following:
- Federer the Fugly Fogey
- Why the charismatically challenged Federer is an oxygen thief who's sucking the life force out of men's tennis
- Roger Federer's Historic Feat - Making Pete Sampras look Richard-Simmons-frisky
A discarded option: "If this weeping willow is a man, I'm the Queen of Sheba".

113. Already shopping for a publisher for his next book, tentatively titled "Is it just me or does every Andy Murray fan look like Susan Boyle?"

jchuabh
08-25-2009, 08:52 AM
WTF is wrong with the ATP? Gutless goons who can't beat a greying guy with a gut. Nothing but the WTA in compression shorts.

114. The temperature was a nanodegree higher than during his semifinal against Nadal.

115. Someone told him in Obama's America, he could turn in a clunker for cash.

116. It's really getting to him that he's surrounded by dumb jocks with their dumb luck. Just the other day, he told Murray he was an Alexander Pope devotee, and the Scot said, "Oh, you're Catholic?"

117. To supplement his dwindling income, he's started working with the Republicans to defeat ObamaCare. His first contribution: putting up posters of a teeth-baring Andy Murray as dispositive proof that socialised medicine sucks epically. His second: the slogan "Healthcare that Gordon Brown doesn't think is good enough for convicted Libyan terrorists."

118. Screw tennis; he's quitting to run for President of Serbia. Really fancies his chances, too, with the pithy platform, "There's no @#$%&^* way I'm dumber than Barack Obama."

Ruxii
08-25-2009, 05:27 PM
WTF is wrong with the ATP? Gutless goons who can't beat a greying guy with a gut. Nothing but the WTA in compression shorts.

114. The temperature was a nanodegree higher than during his semifinal against Nadal.

115. Someone told him in Obama's America, he could turn in a clunker for cash.

116. It's really getting to him that he's surrounded by dumb jocks with their dumb luck. Just the other day, he told Murray he was an Alexander Pope devotee, and the Scot said, "Oh, you're Catholic?"

117. To supplement his dwindling income, he's started working with the Republicans to defeat ObamaCare. His first contribution: putting up posters of a teeth-baring Andy Murray as dispositive proof that socialised medicine sucks epically. His second: the slogan "Healthcare that Gordon Brown doesn't think is good enough for convicted Libyan terrorists."

118. Screw tennis; he's quitting to run for President of Serbia. Really fancies his chances, too, with the pithy platform, "There's no @#$%&^* way I'm dumber than Barack Obama."
:haha: The 3rd and the last were hilarious. I loved them. :yeah:

119. This was his present for Federer's new-born twins and his thank-you present to getting rid of Murray in SF, so that he would be the only one who have won the most matches so far.

120. He likes to get the funny congratulative loser's speech. He's simply the best at that. He simply likes the posture of the victim better. :shrug:

121. He wanted to release the possible "pressure" that he could get for the US Open in case of winning and we all know that he doesn't like to be in the spotlight.:angel:

jchuabh
09-16-2009, 10:16 AM
Big ups to Delpo from this proud infedal. And anyone that manages to shove that surly Scot's nose out of joint is also mighty fine by me. :kiss:

122. Brilliant idea working with two different coaches. Because, you know, his form hadn't been sufficiently schizophrenic.

123. Got the smackdown from Federer for, well, talking smack about the Swiss. Nole was overheard griping to his agent: "Someone explain to me why Roger is a Rolex spokesman. Wouldn't that ancient galoot be a better fit for Fossil?"

124. Had further enraged the new father when he involuntarily recoiled at his first sight of the Federer twins. Especially when the Serb was overheard telling his coach: "Ugly buggers. Then again, between daddy's fungus face and mommy's fat gene, what chance did the little blighters have, really? Some people are just so hideous they shouldn't be allowed to breed."

125. Neither did he help matters any with another overheard remark: "Don't you think Roger looks uncannily like Popeye the Sailor Man? Of course, instead of Olive Oyl, he's married to Lardy Di-et."

126. He blames the Europeans, as explained in his press statement: "We as a continent should endeavour to keep the Michael Schumachers, the Roger Federers and the Andy Murrays out of the glamour sports. Let them compete in such activities as mud-wrestling and hog-calling. That these grotesqueries are scaring little girls as far away as Singapore is a black mark against us. And goodness knows we Europeans have enough sins to our name already - Sacha Baron Cohen, anyone?"

Noleta
09-16-2009, 05:33 PM
0
Big ups to Delpo from this proud infedal. And anyone that manages to shove that surly Scot's nose out of joint is also mighty fine by me. :kiss:

122. Brilliant idea working with two different coaches. Because, you know, his form hadn't been sufficiently schizophrenic.

123. Got the smackdown from Federer for, well, talking smack about the Swiss. Nole was overheard griping to his agent: "Someone explain to me why Roger is a Rolex spokesman. Wouldn't that ancient galoot be a better fit for Fossil?"

124. Had further enraged the new father when he involuntarily recoiled at his first sight of the Federer twins. Especially when the Serb was overheard telling his coach: "Ugly buggers. Then again, between daddy's fungus face and mommy's fat gene, what chance did the little blighters have, really? Some people are just so hideous they shouldn't be allowed to breed."

125. Neither did he help matters any with another overheard remark: "Don't you think Roger looks uncannily like Popeye the Sailor Man? Of course, instead of Olive Oyl, he's married to Lardy Di-et."

126. He blames the Europeans, as explained in his press statement: "We as a continent should endeavour to keep the Michael Schumachers, the Roger Federers and the Andy Murrays out of the glamour sports. Let them compete in such activities as mud-wrestling and hog-calling. That these grotesqueries are scaring little girls as far away as Singapore is a black mark against us. And goodness knows we Europeans have enough sins to our name already - Sacha Baron Cohen, anyone?"

How do you come up with this stuff?:rolls::haha::spit:

jchuabh
10-27-2009, 08:03 PM
At least Nole lost to the creepy Putin-lookalike after a gruelling QF. What’s the excuse of the glorified ball retriever from Mallorca? Never mind, I just answered my own question.

127. The Nobel Peace Prize Committee’s looking for the next epic failure to give its award to.

128. Couldn’t sleep, so spent the night before sorting through the made-in-China gifts from his fans. “This goes on the lead-poisoning pile…oh, oh, here’s another tainted-milk product…”

129. Got really sick of being asked at pressers what he thought of Chinese girls. Had come thisclose to blurting out his true feelings: “Look, Beijing and Shanghai are great cities, but hotbeds of hot babes they’re not, k? I mean, have you seen Serbian women? Does the name Ana Ivanovic ring a bell? Met my girlfriend, Jelena?”

130. Been boning up for a backup career as psychoanalyst. Here he is expounding on one of his embryonic theories: “I believe Mirka Vavrinec’s suffering from what I call the Orca Winfrey Syndrome. All the money in the world and she can’t help looking like a beached whale parked at every Federer match. Okay, maybe not a whale. Manatee? Nah…beached whale it is!”

131. Has been tasked by the ATP powers-that-be with devising new impressions to help save the tour. Here’s the internal memo explaining their rationale: “We need something, anything, to battle our #1 player’s industrial-strength blandness and weapons-grade ugliness. Just look at our top two guys: one picks his BUTT and plays UGLY tennis, the other’s just BUTT UGLY. Sorry, but we need Novak and his impressions. Hell, bring on the nippular tassels if we have to…we’re that desperate.”

Whaddya mean, Noleta? You don't believe I can actually read my darling Nole's mind? Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Amber Spyglass
10-27-2009, 08:09 PM
:worship:

Noleta
10-27-2009, 08:10 PM
At least Nole lost to the creepy Putin-lookalike after a gruelling QF. What’s the excuse of the glorified ball retriever from Mallorca? Never mind, I just answered my own question.

127. The Nobel Peace Prize Committee’s looking for the next epic failure to give its award to.

128. Couldn’t sleep, so spent the night before sorting through the made-in-China gifts from his fans. “This goes on the lead-poisoning pile…oh, oh, here’s another tainted-milk product…”

129. Got really sick of being asked at pressers what he thought of Chinese girls. Had come thisclose to blurting out his true feelings: “Look, Beijing and Shanghai are great cities, but hotbeds of hot babes they’re not, k? I mean, have you seen Serbian women? Does the name Ana Ivanovic ring a bell? Met my girlfriend, Jelena?”

130. Been boning up for a backup career as psychoanalyst. Here he is expounding on one of his embryonic theories: “I believe Mirka Vavrinec’s suffering from what I call the Orca Winfrey Syndrome. All the money in the world and she can’t help looking like a beached whale parked at every Federer match. Okay, maybe not a whale. Manatee? Nah…beached whale it is!”

131. Has been tasked by the ATP powers-that-be with devising new impressions to help save the tour. Here’s the internal memo explaining their rationale: “We need something, anything, to battle our #1 player’s industrial-strength blandness and weapons-grade ugliness. Just look at our top two guys: one picks his BUTT and plays UGLY tennis, the other’s just BUTT UGLY. Sorry, but we need Novak and his impressions. Hell, bring on the nippular tassels if we have to…we’re that desperate.”

Whaddya mean, Noleta? You don't believe I can actually read my darling Nole's mind? Tsk, tsk, tsk...

:haha::haha::haha::rolls:

Me never say such a thing:angel:You've been sorely missed:worship:

jchuabh
10-27-2009, 08:19 PM
Awwww...Noleta.

pica_pica
10-28-2009, 06:57 AM
the creepy Putin-lookalike

:rolls: :haha:

jchuabh
02-02-2010, 05:15 AM
Laughably weak era continues. :haha: But always good to have Murray thumped like the redheaded stepchild he - in all likelihood - literally is. Hope this persistent failure to land his maiden GS is eating him alive. :devil:

132. Hurt his back the day before while picking up off the locker-room floor hair shed by Nadal.
Plans to sell the strands on eBay cos he thinks there's a Nadal fan born every minute.

133. Skipped training to prepare for an appearance on "Celebrity Jeopardy". Upside: he won, with his
final response "Who is Andy Murray?" - to a clue from the category "First World Country, Third
World Dentistry".

134. Was upset over a falling-out with Nadal before the match. All because Nole had shouted out to
the Spaniard just before the latter's QF against Murray: "Hey Rafa, break a leg!"

135. Was heard muttering during most of the match: "What's the point? What's the point?" This started
after the first time he'd looked up to his oversize entourage and realised: "OMG, OMG...every
red cent I'm making is going towards their salaries! What's the point? What's the point?"

136. Feared facing an out-for-revenge Federer. Seems the Swiss is upset Nole's less interested in
hailing him as G.O.A.T. than in getting his goat. Exhibit A: When asked if he thought Federer had won most
of his GS titles in an unprecedentedly weak era, the Serb said incredulously: "Are you kidding
me? Is the Pope Catholic? Does the sun rise in the east? Is Obama a Marxist?" Exhibit B: When
reminded Federer had earned more prize money than anyone else in tennis, he responded: "Of
course he makes more dough. How else is the crusty crone gonna make up for having the
personality of stale bread, huh?"

Amber Spyglass
02-14-2010, 04:13 PM
137. Nole took one look at the winner's trophy in Rotterdam and decided he didn't want another cookie plate

138. Nole knew that if he made it to the final,he would be crowd mobbed into doing another impersonation.He is more embarrassed than the players he's impersonating at this stage

139.Rosie,Noleta and Ellen did not show Nole enough love and exclusivity in Rotterdam,instead choosing to chase cheap Italian thrills, the inconsiderate B**ches !!

140.Nole was cramping all over after receiving a couple of one-handed massages from clueless stand-in physio Marian,who was using his other hand to prop up the book "Beginners guide to massaging professional athletes"

Noleta
02-14-2010, 05:37 PM
Amber:lol::rolls:

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 05:38 PM
Amber:lol::rolls:

Seems our reputations are irreperable :o

Noleta
02-14-2010, 05:41 PM
Seems our reputations are irreperable :o

You mean yourself and ellen,right?:angel:

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 05:53 PM
You mean yourself and ellen,right?:angel:

But I wasn't the one being chased down a corridor by Florent Serra :p

Noleta
02-14-2010, 06:01 PM
But I wasn't the one being chased down a corridor by Florent Serra :p

Have no idea what you're talking about.:angel:

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 06:06 PM
Have no idea what you're talking about.:angel:

:rolls: Selective memory is sometimes a good thing :D

Lee
02-14-2010, 06:44 PM
:rolls: Amber/ellen/elin....

ellen_
02-14-2010, 07:02 PM
Stop calling our Italians cheap, okay? :armed:

:p

...We did run away when Nole was about to sit next to us at breakfast though :o Sorry.

Noleta
02-14-2010, 09:24 PM
Stop calling our Italians cheap, okay? :armed:

:p

...We did run away when Nole was about to sit next to us at breakfast though :o Sorry.

And i so regret that:bigcry:That could've been my first and last chance tp be that close to him:sad:

ellen_
02-14-2010, 09:27 PM
And i so regret that:bigcry:That could've been my first and last chance tp be that close to him:sad:

I regret it too :awww: But I couldn't eat anymore when Vajda chose THAT table and it would look a bit silly to just sit there listening to Nole talking Serbian and trying not to laugh when looking at you :o :rolls:

Noleta
02-14-2010, 09:29 PM
I regret it too :awww: But I couldn't eat anymore when Vajda chose THAT table and it would look a bit silly to just sit there listening to Nole talking Serbian and trying not to laugh when looking at you :o :rolls:

I could've had more tomatoes,or olives,or even some roasted potato,but you wouldn't let me:(

ellen_
02-14-2010, 09:33 PM
I could've had more tomatoes,or olives,or even some roasted potato,but you wouldn't let me:(

My eyes couldn't handle any more of that :tape:

Noleta
02-14-2010, 09:35 PM
My eyes couldn't handle any more of that :tape:

You could've closed your eyes:shrug:

ellen_
02-14-2010, 09:39 PM
You could've closed your eyes:shrug:

Oh yeah, I would definitely not have looked stupid at all :yeah: :p

Sorry for chit chatting here btw!

Noleta
02-14-2010, 09:42 PM
Oh yeah, I would definitely not have looked stupid at all :yeah: :p

Sorry for chit chatting here btw!

Not at all,you would've looked dreamy and in lonve with him:D

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 10:00 PM
I could've had more tomatoes,or olives,or even some roasted potato,but you wouldn't let me:(

And look what happened the last time you had that for berakfast? :rolleyes: Oh and by the way - that cake with the brown powder you gave me on Thursday at breakfast was gingerbread :hearts: And I realise that has made anyone reading think all sorts of strange things - but we know we are innocent :angel: Just have to accept that everyone wanted to sit near us at breakfast, share our lifts and generally breathe the same air as we did :D

Noleta
02-14-2010, 10:05 PM
And look what happened the last time you had that for berakfast? :rolleyes: Oh and by the way - that cake with the brown powder you gave me on Thursday at breakfast was gingerbread :hearts: And I realise that has made anyone reading think all sorts of strange things - but we know we are innocent :angel: Just have to accept that everyone wanted to sit near us at breakfast, share our lifts and generally breathe the same air as we did :D

I turned green like that bird:lol:

What was that brown powder btw?:lol:

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 10:06 PM
I turned green like that bird:lol:

What was that brown powder btw?:lol:

Ground ginger :drool: I thought the bird was white :confused:

Noleta
02-14-2010, 10:08 PM
Ground ginger :drool: I thought the bird was white :confused:

The big one was white,and the green one was the little one:p

*Ljubica*
02-14-2010, 10:15 PM
The big one was white,and the green one was the little one:p

I thought the little one was blue :o Ah well - how could I concentrate on that when Riccardo and Simone were around? :hearts:

Anyway - think we have derailed this thread long enough :o So best get it back on track, so I'll just say..........

141. Because his fangirls had already checked out of the Hotel when he played Yoizhny and he couldn't cope without us :awww:

Goodnight :wavey:

Amber Spyglass
03-18-2010, 04:40 AM
141. Djokovic has been perfecting his serve for his somewhat controversial switch to the WTA Tour later this year.He is making the switch for sponsorship reasons,with word of a lucrative L'Oreal deal in the pipeline...

jchuabh
04-19-2010, 09:35 AM
141. Djokovic has been perfecting his serve for his somewhat controversial switch to the WTA Tour later this year.He is making the switch for sponsorship reasons,with word of a lucrative L'Oreal deal in the pipeline...

Now you're just making stuff up. When did this thread devolve into a repository for facetious falsehoods? Harrumph!

142. The day before, he'd opened his locker to find a pig's head inside with the message "Remember Bercy? It's payback time! Bwahahahaha..."

143. Can only play passively cos he couldn't find "aggressivity" in his English-Serbian dictionary. (Try dictionary.com, Nole.)

Noleta
04-19-2010, 09:48 PM
143. Can only play passively cos he couldn't find "aggressivity" in his English-Serbian dictionary. (Try dictionary.com, Nole.)

:lol::rolls::lol:

jchuabh
07-06-2010, 10:47 AM
144. Lingering effects of his last injury - dislocation of the brain.

145. Has a running bet with Nadal: "Lessee which gets shed faster - my ranking points or your hair." Loser at season's end has to reprise the Shakira video - opposite a game and eager Radek Stepanek.

146. Lulled into indifferent form by a gypsy fortune-teller's words: "Nadal Schmadal! I don't need no crystal ball to tell you this. Anyone can see that Mallorcan's career is destined to be cut short by injury. Well, injury or unconvincing hair plugs. One or the other. You can take that to the bank."

147. All credit to Berdych for executing perfectly his coach's game plan: "Simply wait for Djokovic to double-fault. With the Serbo Himbo, you just know self-destruction's only one brain fart away."

148. Still waffling about two mutually exclusive options: second Slam trophy OR second daddy?

partygirl
10-16-2010, 05:54 PM
Because Noleta said Novak's hair was better than Roghair. :p
Blasphemous!

jchuabh
10-17-2010, 08:42 AM
149. Ran out of the stuff that's always made China a happy hunting ground for him: tiger penises. (Still, he should go home to Europe with enough residual energy that Jelena can, ah, benefit from. I'm seriously envious :angel:)

150. Let's face it, Federer is simply more comfortable in Shanghai - if only because the city has roughly the same number of Chins as his wife.

151. Did not get enough rest the night before cos of an online quiz. Spent too much time trying to answer this question: Which of the following guys has the fugliest pie-hole in the history of all pie-holes?
a) Radek Stepanek
b) Marin Cilic
c) Roger Federer
d) Shrek

mlle mila
10-17-2010, 03:31 PM
149. Ran out of the stuff that's always made China a happy hunting ground for him: tiger penises. (Still, he should go home to Europe with enough residual energy that Jelena can, ah, benefit from. I'm seriously envious :angel:)

150. Let's face it, Federer is simply more comfortable in Shanghai - if only because the city has roughly the same number of Chins as his wife.

151. Did not get enough rest the night before cos of an online quiz. Spent too much time trying to answer this question: Which of the following guys has the fugliest pie-hole in the history of all pie-holes?
a) Radek Stepanek
b) Marin Cilic
c) Roger Federer
d) Shrek

:rolls:

tiger penises:eek: not familiar with asian culture , i am afraid that Sergio tacchini will work on the idea ;)

Noleta
10-17-2010, 06:35 PM
Because Noleta said Novak's hair was better than Roghair. :p
Blasphemous!

Oh did i really?:angel:

149. Ran out of the stuff that's always made China a happy hunting ground for him: tiger penises. (Still, he should go home to Europe with enough residual energy that Jelena can, ah, benefit from. I'm seriously envious :angel:)

150. Let's face it, Federer is simply more comfortable in Shanghai - if only because the city has roughly the same number of Chins as his wife.

151. Did not get enough rest the night before cos of an online quiz. Spent too much time trying to answer this question: Which of the following guys has the fugliest pie-hole in the history of all pie-holes?
a) Radek Stepanek
b) Marin Cilic
c) Roger Federer
d) Shrek

:rolls:You're baaaaaaaad:lol:

jchuabh
11-25-2010, 09:53 PM
152. Dang cheapskate must've picked up a bunch of made-in-China contact lenses on his last Asian foray.