Elephant vs Amoeba What a joke

04-21-2008, 05:54 PM
hello everyone, i read this on the bbc board and found it really hilarious. thought to share it with u guys. i know there is someone named mediator on this board too who post similar stuff too.
maybe all these guys are same.

An open letter to "Anon"
by Cocteau Twin (U3401392) 18 April 2008

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Whilst scouring the forum for knowledgeable content I came across a somewhat distressing contribution from a frightened poster, who I shall call "Anon". This contribution raises some very serious issues and I feel I should bring it to the attention of the whole board.

Dear Cocteau Twin and Impartial Lion

I do find your posts amusing and the forum would be drier without you.

The trouble is that quite a few people probably share some of your views about the 00's era, and players vs. yesteryear etc but ... no-one can agree to any extent for fear of being labelled a wannabe-troll.


Dear Anon,

I read this message with a great deal of sadness. This should be an open forum where people feel able to contribute without fear of bullying. It sounds as if you wish to speak out against this criminally weak era but are feeling somewhat intimidated by the Fed-worshipping trolls.

I do concede that the mindless ferocity of the fatwa-issuing extremist Fed-worshippers can be very disturbing. For many months I restricted myself to observing the board from the sidelines and would not dare to post.

I have to say that it if it wasn't for the inspiring example set by the outstanding luminaries of the board such as Dr_Sincere, Wise_Analyst, Excelsior, Chairman_of_the_Analytical crew et al, I probably would not have found the courage to do the right thing, join the board and fearlessly speak the truth about this weak, weak era and neutralise the Fed-worshipping poison with exquisitely crafted, logical contributions based exclusively on cold hard facts.

In recent weeks, the atmosphere on the board has improved immeasurably with some of the serial essay-writing trolls (who are no longer able to disrupt the forum without being immediately tackled by the more knowledgeable members of the board) diminishing their output.

New writers including Stephane Rationnale, fantasticbingting, Tetra_Tyger and ZSLAMS have joined the board recently and have already made scores of startlingly original and commendable contributions to the field of objective tennis journalism. Maybe these new wave generation posters could inspire you to do the same?

Anon, I hope this open letter might inspire you to find the courage to express your views about this weak era openly in this forum and I wish you well whatever your decision.

Best regards

Cocteau Twin

Those of you, and you know who you are, who have helped to create the climate of fear that has so intimidated Anon; I hope you are feeling very ashamed of yourselves right now. Mend your ways. Cut out the extremist persecution. There is no place for it any more on this board!

04-21-2008, 05:56 PM
here is anotherone. this was posted last year before TMC semifinal between roger and nadal

International call being made from Shanghai, China to Seoul, South Korea

Ring Ring..

Pete: Hello this is Pete
Roger: Hi Pete, this is Roger
Pete: Roger who?
Roger: Roger Federer
Pete: Roger Federer who?
Roger: You know the tennis player who is no.1 in the world and is 2 short of your 14 slam count.
Pete: Oh you. What do you want?
Roger: I have to ask a favor from you?
Pete: What? One more. Don?t you remember back in March when I triple bagelled you in my house in LA before the Indian Wells Masters? You asked me if you could tell the press that you had beaten me and I accepted. What do you want now?
Roger: I am already shaking in my boots, as I?ll be facing Rafa Nadal tomorrow. I?ll be given a 6-2, 6-1 drubbing. The media will be all over me like crazy. I want you to lose against me in the exho on Tuesday. I need to save my face.
Pete: Now Roger you know that?s impossible. Even if I play at my very worst, still it?ll be enough to beat your A game.
Roger: I beg of you Pete. I am sorry to be so close to your slam count. This era is so weak that everyone chokes and loses the match. I am pretty sure if I had played in the 90s, I?d be lucky to be in the top 50.
Pete: Well as a fellow tennis player I?ll try but I cannot guarantee.
Roger: Thanks.
Pete: So when are you getting here?
Roger: I am all packed up and my jet is fuelled and all ready to go. Just a small formality left tomorrow of me losing to Rafa.
Pete: Good. Can you bring a plate and some sour cream to the stadium?
Roger: OK.Why.
Pete: Even in my sleep, I?ll double bagel you Roger. Bye
Roger: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

04-21-2008, 05:56 PM
In defence of Impartial_Lion
by _ProStaff6-0_85 21 February 2008

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During the period in which I have observed this forum, Impartial_Lion has lucidly argued for a radical re-evaluation of the standard of tennis in this decade. With careful presentation of the factual evidence, and serene intelligence in his reasoning, he has conclusively - nay, irrefutably - demonstrated that we are witnessing a Weak Era, with an extraordinarily mediocre World Number One in Roger Federer. Rightly, Impartial_Lion has contrasted today's pitiful offerings with the golden epoch of the Age of Lions.

If I may humbly develop Impartial_Lion's hypothesis, I would contend that the ruinous state of tennis today can be ascribed to the failure to play an attacking net game. The key determinants in this collective tactical failure in contemporary tennis are a contagion of choking, and an epidemic of poor volleying. As a result, we have an abundance of players who play such uninspired baseline tennis as to allow a truly pitiful player such as Federer to win not only points, but Slams.

Everyone how will remember how Henman swept Federer aside at Wimbledon 2001 with his leonine serve and volley game. But since, volleying standards have worsened. The seeds of decline can be seen here, where Roddick fails to put away an easy overhead, leaving the arrogant Swiss with a simple passing shot even he could not miss:


As the disease spread, even demi-Lions such as Henman found that they became seized by mental and technical fragility, choking with easy volleys, and allowing Federer to win:


As a result, no-one approaches the net, and instead, as with Nadal here, simply gift points to Federer from the baseline. A true Lion would have won this point at the net off the first crisp volley.


I defy any Federer-loving troll to watch the footage and resist the remorseless logic of this argument. I congratulate knowledgeable tennis historians such as Impartial_Lion, and hope this footage contributes to the rigorous case set forth by him and his colleagues.

04-21-2008, 05:57 PM
Years ago, in an era of lions , champions with heroics and slam titles galore participated in the nabisco masters or whatever they were called to cap a dramatic end to the season.

The skills and character displayed in those years have become legendary. Today's champion would be lucky to win a RR match in this type of cutthroat high quality competition.

Today one arrogant man from switzerland turns up on court and all the chokers gift him titles at his command. My blood boils when i see the premier tennis tournaments being reduced to a show of chokers and overrated transitional champs.

There are no heroes left today. there are no lions.Only lambs.Only hyenas. only nalbandian. Only ljubicic. All born to cry mummy at the first sight of adversity. should a tournament be held for these pansies to gift the title to a transitional champ with a noncreative western grip?

Its time to construct a museum with glorious moments from the era of lions. The present day pretenders can play exhibitions and the "winner" can get a kiss from the hot Germaine Greene.

04-21-2008, 05:57 PM
nstead of focussing on real problems like lack of creative talent and the epidemic of choking on the ATP, they talk about match fixing to divert attention just like politicians!

The transitional champ may win titles by fluke but his moonballing game and the infestation of the field by chokers has resulted in dwindling audiences and inthe number of people demanding a refund for being forced to watch sub par talent and dubious results.The ATP lured them with the catchy phrase "masters" and they instead came and consistently saw a
assembly of men giving salutes to the arrogant man from switzerland. is this tennis???

In contrast, one man from the era of lions,the GOAT sampras, inflicted two heavy morals defeats and one complete defeat on the same man ,after five years from retirement! That's how much the quality has deteriorated from his days.

If the atp had any guts, they would establish a anti choking committee consisting of unbiased ,competent tennis analysts (like myself) to identify and penalise choking. Only real results would count.

04-21-2008, 05:58 PM
Who will win the slams next year?

Message 1 - posted by Dr_Sincere (U2021784) , Oct 18, 2006
For the past month since the US Open I have been researching the year's tennis statistics and I have now come to a conclusion on next year's slam winners. When making a successful prediction, the knowledgeable tennis analyst must have a good insight into all of the available facts and not go out on a limb. At the start of 1985, most would have said John McEnroe would clean up all the slams due to his incredible 1984. However, a true tennis expert knows better.

The Australian Open - This one is a no-brainer as the only man in the world with the game to dominate on rebound ace is the young Spaniard, Rafael Nadal. His breathtaking topsin spots will wreak havoc on all his opponents, and his footspeed will be unstoppable. If he were to play Federer in the final, we'd most likely see the poor man's Pete Sampras given the beating of his life in straight sets.
Champion: Rafael Nadal.

The French Open - There is only one previous player who could give Rafael Nadal a challenge at Roland Garros, and that is Bjorn Borg. There has been no player before or since with the weapons to combat a determined Nadal. This is especially true now as Rafael has even more confidence thanks to his thrashings of the world number one in three straight clay matches.
Champion: Rafael Nadal.

Wimbledon - The green, green grasscourts of Wimbledon will see their favourite son make an explosive return to centre court. There are rumours everywhere that the world's greatest ever tennis player, Pistol Pete, will make a one-time comeback at SW19 next year. If this is true then he will be fit and ready to beat all and sundry into oblivion. His supreme serve and volley skills will conquer the baseliners with magnanimous ease and when it is all said and done, the greatest of all time will triumph once more.
Champion: Pete Sampras.

The US Open - After the world has calmed down over the greatest ever sporting comeback in Pistol Pete's Wimbledon glory, it will be time for the final slam of the season. Roger Federer will have something to prove after being whipped like a mule at Wimbledon by Pete, but his determination will prove to be misplaced. We will finally witness the rise of Pete's successor to the throne in the young Frenchman, Richard Gasquet. The talent on display will be sublime and only Rafael Nadal/Andy Roddick will put up any sort of a challenge. Federer won't know what hit him, and he may 'pull a Borg' knowing his John McEnroe (Gasquet) is unbeatable.
Champion: Richard Gasquet.

04-21-2008, 05:58 PM
Its increasingly apparent that the game of the swiss moonballer is getting outdated and younger more enthusiastic challengers are more prepared to discard the dubious legacy of Nalbandian(what is this choker doing on obscure clay courts????) and Ljubicic.

This has raised several questions in the minds of sincere tennis fans as to how the current season will unfold. Several tennis boards on the web are still infested with Fed fanatics who are ready to abuse and stifle the truth at the first opportunity.

But a few courageous individuals of conscience still exist who are prepared to face fire and fight for the sake of truth.This is where an unbiased,excellent judge like myself step in. There are ofcourse individuals like aloimeh(A fan of war criminal arkan) who have copied the transitional champ term from me. But their agenda is dubious since his sole purpose is to promote a serb as champion. Then there are people like hitlerfan who jumps on the latest bandwagon and confuses the fans further.

Here is my verdict, long awaited by really and knowledgeable tennis fans i suppose.

After a thorough factual research and flawless analysis of facts and evidence, and viewing the problem from multiple angles , i think Federer will win only Basel this year. The reason is he has to avoid the wrath of disappointed and frustred swiss fanatics.

I don't see how he can win any other titles this year. He is undoubtedly capable of pulling gigantic upsets (like the huge santoro upset in this year's AO) from time to time.

Ladies and gentlemen,deliverance is coming. the transition will be over.

04-21-2008, 05:59 PM
Pistol's Puzzle
by The_Jekyll_and_Hyde 10 March 2008

Pete Sampras faces a puzzling dilemma in his match against Roger Federer in Madison Square Gardens today. In the light of the Macau Massacre, where a 'peak' Federer was straight setted by the aged lion, the match today against the sickly struggling Swiss could prove to be a tricky prospect.

Outcome 1) Sampras decides to purposefully lose the match to go easy on the floundering Swiss- this will result in accusations of 'not playing in the spirit of the game' and wild claims of Federer's dominance.

Outcome 2) Sampras sticks to his guns and produces the anticipated straight sets smackdown- this will provoke howls of outrage from the blind worshippers, who will claim Federer was 'ill', out of form or even tanked the match so as to give the aged lion some credibility.

It is simply a lose-lose situation for Sampras. Either way, the great lion is in for a hard time and will receive no credit from the worshippers of the Swiss. A truly sorry dilemma to be in for the Pistol. One can only hope that he will make the right choice.

Reasonable debate and opinions are of course welcome, but may I request that the Trolls stay away and play on their own threads, so as to give knowledgeable board members some uninterrupted debate.

04-21-2008, 06:04 PM
cant you just give the links?

04-21-2008, 06:05 PM
cant you just give the links?


04-21-2008, 06:05 PM
That exchange was the funny part of this thread.

04-21-2008, 06:50 PM
That exchange was the funny part of this thread.


Yes, the BBC troll style of writing gets boring to me very quickly

04-21-2008, 06:58 PM
All I have to say is do people actually use the word "whilst" in the 21st century?


I couldn't really get much further.

04-21-2008, 08:17 PM
They're Brits.
I must admit, stopped reading in the middle of the Sampras Federer conversation. ;(.

04-21-2008, 09:09 PM
All I have to say is do people actually use the word "whilst" in the 21st century?


I couldn't really get much further.

Why not?

04-21-2008, 09:11 PM
Why not?

I was reading it whilst whiling away my time at work, and whilst reading that word, I realized working was the lesser of two evils. :devil:

04-21-2008, 09:15 PM
:haha: I suppose I use the word "while", probably never say "whilst", don't really notice. :p

04-21-2008, 09:26 PM
I looked in my dictionary and it said "chiefly Brit."

04-26-2008, 06:46 AM
Elephant vs Amoeba What a joke

For one and a half sets, my prediction was spot on. Gluttonous Bandi was wiping the floor against the transaitional no. 1 but it seems that he got an urgent craving for an extra fat milkshake along with a 30 pound turkey. I've never seen a player tank a match in order to gobb;e up some food.

However this sets up the silliest of all matchups ever known in all of sporting history. This is equivalent to an extremely complex and superlative being (an elephant) compared to a single celled organism (an amoeba). This match is already over before it started.

I strongly advise viewers not to blink during the Djokovic Federer match cos you'll miss the whole match. Thats right this match will be over in a blink of an eye.

Congralutaltions Novak Djokovic for getting to his first MC final.

04-26-2008, 06:49 AM
i need to laugh now