* Hit aces as much as possible. Preferably on every point. Might be tough on return games but try anyway.
* Usually hitting powerful on the line winners is a winning play.
* Distract your opponent by picking your ass in between ground strokes.
* Dead net cords are also a good source of points unless your opponent is at the net.
* Bounce the balls as many times as you like until you feel you are ready to hit an ace.
* If you're losing take a medical timeout. Pretend you're half dead and miraculously recover when your opponent stops trying. If you're still losing after that just quit.
I can understand that your posts mainly consist of pointless "sarcasm", but is it really necessary to write that many words if you don´t have anything constructive to say? This thread is obviously about a serious question, not a normal GM Fed-Rafa thread...
Good posts by Bobby and Trixtah, just have fun, don´t overtry, try to play the game you feel comfortable with, don´t try to exceed your abilities, even if your opponent is better than you. If you lose, don´t be too hard on yourself, there will always be another match!