Kiefer! Fraud And Charlatan! - MensTennisForums.com
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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Kiefer! Fraud And Charlatan!

Fear not Grosjeanites, for though it seemed that I bowed out to dis boring German at
ze last grand slam; thingz are not what they seem...

There I waz, sharing a hot tub with Dementieva and Myskina, sipping from
my glass of chardonnay, when I decided to take a little stroll around ze groundz.

“Hurry back Sebastien!” ze girlz pleaded, and I assured them zat my absence would be
short lived:

“Fear not, my naughty nymphetz. I am only going to breathe ze Australian air.”

I wrapped a towel around my waist and left them there; and proceeded to make my
way outside.

Suddenly, I was grabbed from behind by two masked men, ushered into a dark
warehouse and tied to a chair.

“What iz ze meaning of dis!?” I exclaimed, flustered.

They removed their balaclavaz and sneered.

“Ah! Tommy Haas and Nicholas Kiefer! I should have known.”

“Kin mech ich fins heck cuin minein fach shinack.”

“Kin shak fin mich kin lekinena Grosjean ze Great.”

They laughed and lighted cigarettez.

“English Monsewerz!”

“We're kidnapping you Grosjean. Nicholas here realizes he can't beat you. He may
be dull, but he's not stupid.”

“Yes, Grosjean. I can't compete with you. So that’s why I've hatched a little ploy,
to make sure I won't be playing you tomorrow.”

“A walkover!”

“No, Grosjean. Not a walkover. We've got someone here you might want to meet...”

From ze dark shadowz emerged a mirror image of ze Grosjean. Height, gait, lookz,
hair, smile; everything waz in similitude with ze Great one.

“Ah! You wretched German! You have overlooked one thing! You can never recreate
ze Grosjeanz tenniz strokez!”

“Yes we can. This is a robot Grosjean. We've had the greatest minds in the world
working on this project for years. To recreate the Great one. The ultimate task. So
far, although not quite up to your extraordinary abilities, this is the best model produced.
This should convince the watching audience that it's you. If a you, a little below par.”

“No! No!! You'll never get away with diz !!! They did ze same thing on zat movie Naked Gun
and Frank Drebin came to ze rescue!!!”

“Ah, that’s why we've also kidnapped Frank Drebin, Grosjean.”

Kiefer pointz to another captive nearby.

Ze Grosjean strainz hiz head and spiez Leslie Nielsen in chainz.

“Hi Grosjean!”

Leslie wavez.

“And you may also be interested to note a few other hostages, Grosjean.” sayz Kiefer,
pointing to ze dark corner, where, soaked in their own urine and drenched in their own
fecal matter, starving and gaunt faced, languish Srichaphan, Pashanski, Ferrero and Chela.

“Ah! So zat iz how you got to ze quarter finalz!”

“Indeed Grosjean. Now if you don't mind, I might pop by that hot tub to see how Elena
and Anastacia are coping without you.”

*Sniggers*

“Can I come Nic?” askz Haas.

“No Tommy, I've told you before; your place is here, keeping an eye on the hostages.”

Haas sulkz.

“Now now, Tommy. I've told you before; be a good boy. Cutchee cutchee coo!”

Kiefer startz tickling Tommy.

Tommy startz to laugh.

“There’s a good boy. Now, I'm off.”

Kiefer throwz hiz cigarette on to ze floor and stampz on it. Then he stalkz off.

Ze Grosjean hangz hiz head in hopelezznezz.

“Oh, can thingz get any worse?”

Tommy pullz up a chair.

“Hey Grosjean, how about that Federer guy huh? He thinks he's sooooooo great.
Well let me tell you something...”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Last edited by GrosjeantheGreat; 01-15-2007 at 06:22 PM.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 05:39 PM
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!

this totally cheered me up. you are one of the funniest posters on here. you should share your gift with the masses.

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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!

Ze massez madam?

Whatever do thou mean?

Ze Great one sharez hiz gift with ze massez every tournament, via ze tennise court.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-28-2006, 07:11 PM
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!


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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-29-2006, 05:20 PM
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!

You're one of the best French stereotype parodier ever!

It's so unbelievable and funny it's not even truely low against the poor Haas and Kiwi who didn't do anything to deserve this. LOL

Thx for the laughs!

Last edited by delsa; 02-01-2006 at 08:21 PM.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-29-2006, 05:24 PM
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GrosjeantheGreat
Fear not Grosjeanites, for though it seemed that last nite I bowed out to dis boring German, thingz are not what they seem.....

There I waz, sharing a hot tub with Dementieva and Myskina, sipping from my glass of chardonnay, when I decided to take a little stroll around ze groundz.

"Hurry back Sebastien!", ze girlz pleaded, and I assured them zat my absence would be shortlived.

"Fear not, my naughty nymphetz.I am only going to breathe ze Australian air"

I wrapped a towel around my waist and left them there, and preceded to make my way outside when....

Suddenly!! I was grabbed from behind by two masked men, ushered into a dark warehouse and tied to a chair.

"What iz ze meaning of dis!?", I exclaimed, flustered.

They removed their balaclavaz, and sneered.

"Ah! Tommy Haas and Nicholas Kiefer!...I should have known..."

"KIn mech ich fins heck cuin minein fach shinack"

"Kin shak fin mich kin lekinena Grosjean ze Great"

They laughed and lighted cigarettez.

"English Monsewerz!!!"

"We're kidnapping you Grosjean.Nicholas here, realizes he can't beat you.He may be dull, but he's not stupid."

"Yes, Grosjean.I can't compete with you.So thats why I've hatched a little ploy, to make sure I won't be playing you tomorrow."

"A walkover!!!"

"No, Grosjean.Not a walkover.We've got someone here you might want to meet..."

From ze dark shadowz emerged a mirror image of ze Grosjean.Height, gait, lookz, hair,smile, everything waz in similitude with ze Great one.

"Ah! You wretched German! You have overlooked one thing! You can never recreate ze Grosjeanz tenniz strokez!"

"Yes we can.This is a robot Grosjean.We've had the greatest minds in the world working on this project for years.To recreate the Great one.The ultimate task.So far, although not quite up to your extraordinary abilities, this is the best model produced.This should convince the watching audience that it's you.If a you, a little below par."

"No! No!!! You'll never get away with diz !!! They did ze same thing on zat movie Naked Gun and Frank Drebin came to ze rescue!!!"

"Ah.Thats why we've also kidnapped Frank Drebin, Grosjean"

*Kiefer pointz to another captive nearby*

*Ze Grosjean strainz hiz head and spiez Leslie Nielsen in chainz*

"Hi Grosjean!"

*Leslie wavez*

"And you may also be interested to note a few other hostages, Grosjean", sayz Kiefer, pointing to the dark corner, where, soaked in their own urine and drenched in their own fecal matter, starving and gaunt faced, languish Srichaphan, Pashanski, Ferrero and Chela.

"Ah! So zat iz how you got to ze quarter finalz!"

"Indeed Grosjean.Now if you don't mind, I might pop by that hot tub to see how Elena and Anastacia are coping without you."

*Sniggers*

"Can I come Nic?", askz Haas.

"No Tommy,I 've told you before, your place is here, keeping an eye on the hostages"

*Haas sulkz*

"Now, now Tommy.I 've told you before, be a good boy.Cutchee cutchee coo!!!"

*Kiefer startz tickling Tommy*

*Tommy starts to laugh*

"Theres a good boy.Now, I'm off"

*Kiefer throwz hiz cigarette on to ze floor and stampz on it, then stalkz off*

*Ze Grosjean hangz hiz head in hopelezznezz*

"Oh, can thingz get any worse?"

*Tommy pullz up a chair*

"Hey Grosjean.How about that Federer guy huh? He thinks he's sooooooo great.Well let me tell you something...."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Great stuff. The style seems strangely familiar though... you haven't been reading my stories on Rebecca's Tennis Cult board, have you?

*realises this is probably just a coincidence, but is paranoid*

The Wit and Wisdom of the Tennis Journalist, Indian Wells 2004

ROGER FEDERER: Yeah, I remember this one time when I went on a vacation on the Maldives. That was in the year 2001, I think. I went to this spa. I went to walk around with my girlfriend. I walk in, and we want to book a spa. This guy goes, "AHH, I remember you. You beat Sampras. I saw you on TV." That was like, really, how can you remember me? This guy has probably never been off his island and still knows me. I was a little bit shocked. Then I went to play tennis with him because he was actually the tennis teacher. It was nice.

Q. Were you naked at the time in the spa?

ROGER FEDERER: No. It was at the front desk. I didn't walk in naked.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2006, 05:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!!

I've never heard of Rebecca'z tennis cult board monsewer.

What iz it? And where?

If thy style iz similar to mine then I could only assume thee art a fellow Great.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-15-2006, 08:47 PM
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Re: Kiefer! Fraud and Charlatan!

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