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post #249 of (permalink) Old 12-12-2006, 11:37 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Re: Laws of MTF

Originally Posted by Blaze-2004 View Post
After looking through MTF since the beginning of the year, i've noticed some trends. Feel free to criticize, flame, and degrade the theories

1. Making sense is optional

2. The probability of a thread on MTF becoming about Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal or both approaches 1 with respect to time (Mandoura’s Law)

3. Speculation can be treated as fact, as can fact be considered speculation

4. Injuries are always faked, especially if the sufferer is Roddick or Hewitt (Deb's Law)

5. Supporting PHM can cause serious damages to your health (Julie's Law)

6. Everyone loves Safin. There are 2 groups of people, Rafa fans and Fed fans, and they don’t like each other too much. And everyone hates (or, at least dislikes) Roddick (Jenanun's Law)

7. (Insert noun here) is on the juice

8. Lose=Choke

9. Everyone loves BYE

10. Tennis coverage in the USA is a joke, and the commentators are all tools.

11. You do not talk about the WTA in a positive light

12. Just because a thread begins as “A” topic, doesn’t mean it cant translate to “B”, “C”, and “D” topic. Also, most topics turn to slash and/or sex after the unimportant things have been discussed. I.E. tennis.

13. Safin= Top 10 killa, Safin= Safin Killa, Whole ATP Tour= Donald Young Killa, Fed= Whole ATP killa, Rafa= Fedkilla, = Rafa killa, 5th set= Blake Killa, Berdych= 5th set killa, and Berdych=Rafakilla

14. If you make a post, expect to be criticized, flamed, and degraded by someone else by use of personal insults. Also, threads based on a quote from an idiot tennis figure head MUST be flamed to no end. Also, going off on off-topic tangents, namecalling, and use of the :retard: smily are good ways of showing that you have run out of bullshit to spew, and have lost the argument.

15. EVERYTHING gets blown out of proportion. An example is whenever a player gives an interview or says some little Mickey Mouse controversial comment, expect someone to say something about speaking OUT LOUD.

(16. Former Law of Ducky having never lost an argument, addended and scrapped 10/25/06)

17. Horrible spelling, grammar misuse, and other butcherings of the English language are mandatory. Also, expect to be corrected for every single misspeeling

18. Double standards, stereotypes, and generalizations are a must.

19. Signatures must contain either a quirky tid bit of wisdom or a laundry list of the players you support. Quotes from random movies, TV shows, or other posters are a plus. Of course 10,000 smilies are firmly required, as is a cheap shot to one or more posters.

20. MTF is a perpetual cyclone of the exact same ideas and thoughts and can be discussed ad nauseum and yet no one ever gets bored or leaves

21. Infamous posters change their usernames as often Puff Daddy does his, if not more so

22. Tennis is rigged. It's even more fake than professional wrestling.(GeorgeWHitler's law).

23. Useless threads, random stupdity, and smily overuse is mandatory

24. Good ways to earn vcash are creating threads that are either a quote from a person calling someone else out, a thread meant for bashing someone, threads proclaiming yourself to be the next federer when in fact, you eat bagels all day, or, more specifically, a thread that calls out Federer's dominance; each of these will elicit tons of posters from both sides of the issue, with flamewars, namecalling, and hilarity to ensue, while the thread creator swims in vriches

25. Anyone supporting a tennis player should be assumed to have some kind of sexual infatuation with said player, even if they don't recognize it themselves. (Joe's Law)

26. All player's fans are called -tards. Fedtards, Rafatards, Safintards, Djokotards, etc. These radical groups of people always believe their player to be superior and any player that beat him is a joke, on the juice, cheating, ugly, fat, a fluke, and will never beat him again. Also, stupidity and bias are prevelent in their posts and signatures. And, anytime that anyone (but 99% of the time, Nadal) has been given any type of luck, Uncle Toni is behind it all with his magic wand.

27. The number of supporters of a given player increases proportionally with the players' rate of success but the number of haters increases exponentially with the player's rate of success. Also, if a relatively low-ranked and little known player upsets [insert top-ranked player here], that player's bandwagon fills with haters of [insert top-ranked player here]

28. The bigger the 'i'm leaving' announcement is, the less likely that a user will actually leave MTF. People who do leave here never give notice, they just disappear. (Tall One's Law)

29. Whining and complaining are mandatory. Whenever a draw comes out, It is obviously fixed against Player A, while Player B has a cakewalk. Probably done by under-the-table deals and knife to throat backroom bargains. Also, complaining about the surface of a tournamnet months in advance and saying THAT is also fixed falls under this category. As are the conspiracies of that it is a clown era and whoever plays in this era cant possibly be considered anything close to the GOAT.

30. This forum is not a REAL mens tennis forum without a whole horde of separate threads discussing such earth-shattering topic as who's dick is the biggest, who has the best ass, best bulge, or who is the hooooooooteeetesssstttt! threads.

31. In order for one to be recognized as a troll, at least 50% one's posts must be considered some form of funny. The other 50 can be a combination of brown-nosing, bullshitting, posting pure crap, starting (or attempting to start) flamewars, or basically some other stupid act.

Did I miss any?
That's a wrap!
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