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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 02:37 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Think before you speak...

>
> Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
>
> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
>
> Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
>
>
> FIRST TESTIMONY:
>
> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
>
> and asked loudly,
>
> "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
>
> I turned around and walked back out and never went back
>
> My husband didn't say a word...
>
> he knew better.
>
>
> SECOND TESTIMONY:
>
> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
>
> I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>
> After browsing for several minutes,
>
> I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
>
> who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
>
> Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
>
> "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
>
> My sister and I were at the mall and
>
> passed by a store that sold a
>
> variety of candy and nuts.
>
> As we were looking at the display case,
>
> the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
>
> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
>
> My sister started to laugh hysterically.
>
> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>
> To this day,
>
> my sister has never let me forget.
>

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
>
>
> While in line at the bank one afternoon,
>
> my toddler decided to release
>
> some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>
> I was finally able to grab hold of
>
> her after receiving looks of disgust
>
> and annoyance from other patrons.
>
> I told her that if she did not start behaving
>
> "right now" she would be punished.
>
> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
>
> voice just as threatening,
>
> "If you don't let me go right now,
>
> I will tell Grandma that I saw you
>
> kissing Daddy's ***-*** last night!"
>
> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
>
> Even the tellers stopped
>
> what they were doing.
>
> I mustered up the last of my dignity and
>
> walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>
> The last thing I heard when
>
> the door closed behind me,
>
> were screams of laughter.
>

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
> Mythree-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
>
> and he said "No".
>
> I kept thinking
>
> "Oh Lord, that child has had an
>
> accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
>
> Then I said,
>
> "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
>
> "No," he replied.
>
> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
>
> because the smell was getting worse.
>
> Soooooo, I asked one more time,
>
> "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>
> This time he jumped up,
>
> yanked down his pants,
>
> bent over,
>
> spread his cheeks
> and yelled
> "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
> he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
> An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
>
>
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>
> and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
>
> in the future, likely think before she speaks.
>
> What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
>
> We had a female news anchor that,
>
> the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
>
> turned to the weatherman and asked:
>
> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>
> Not only did HE have to leave the set,
>
> but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Now, didn't that feel good?
>
> Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
>
> and remember
>
> we all say things we don't really mean,
>
> so think before you speak


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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 02:52 AM
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Re: Think before you speak...

i rearly think before i speak...i just dont give a ****

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 04:20 AM
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Re: Think before you speak...

So, what's a ***-***?

Why use asterisks if it's only wee-wee? Hopefully it is something remotely funny.

JOIN THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER TODAY
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 04:41 AM
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Re: Think before you speak...



"it's just farts"


Le Poussin! Faithfully ignoring the haters since 1995.

Le Poulailler de Poussin! (Simontarded.)

Ron Paul for President 2012!
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 06:46 AM
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Re: Think before you speak...

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
hahahaha.

"The state is the great fiction by which everybody tries to live at the expense of everybody else." Frederic Bastiat

RON PAUL: Stop Dreaming

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-30-2006, 11:15 PM
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Re: Think before you speak...

Quote:
Originally Posted by buddyholly
So, what's a ***-***?

Why use asterisks if it's only wee-wee? Hopefully it is something remotely funny.
fuck

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