Originally Posted by Dmitry Verdasco
I hate it.
I have literally 0 friends, I don't get any texts except from immediate family. I don't go out socially. I avoid people alot, if someone looks like coming towards me or knocking on my door - I usually go hide. I did it at school as well, just played on my phone or hid in the toilets - and I actually even had friends then. I think I have a disorder or something - but it could just be no confidence. It's weird because people seem to like me, but I just won't let anyone in - probably because someone eventually asks me why I don't have a girlfriend and what do you even say to that? I'm a fat, closeted gay who thinks vaginas are disgusting! That's why! Ugh. Anyway, I quit a good job with people I genuinely liked to 'explore the world' but really I guess it was because I was avoiding talking to them everyday and making up random stories to sound not entirely socially inept. It's been seven months now and I've gained more weight and explored nothing except takeaway menus! I see people going places, loving people and being loved, experiencing things, meeting new friends - sometimes I wonder if I'll get any of that. All in all my life is a disaster, and I'll probably die not achieving much at all. It's my own fault though, I realize life is what you make it. I'm just having a pity party. I always saw this shit saying 'It gets better!' during high school and I thought life was bad then! It's just gone downhill and 7 years later I've loved nobody.
I even got banned on TF!
Sorry, I'm just in the mood to make myself feel bad about myself. This isn't how I feel most of the time, although it's all true I try not to think about it usually.
Life is hard on everyone, mate. Trust me, your life is as bad as mine or any other's (I swear - I don't have your problems, but I have mine. And they are as hard as yours, just different); that's Human condition. People just decide what they will make of it. You will eventually decide to change things in your life, because, clearly, this is not the life you've been wishing for.
Start tonight: go with the people you like and those who like you (even if it's only 1 in a whole bunch!), let people know you a bit more and forget about your problems. Just for tonight. And create a new "pattern", a new perspective, from that moment on.
Take care, dude! And have a wonderful 2014!