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Do you believe in Asexuality?

7K views 98 replies 30 participants last post by  Noleta 
#1 ·
One of my closest friends told me last night that she and her 18 months boyfriend are breaking up b/c she cant take it anymore.
anyway after a few minutes she told me that its been more then a year that they had sex in fact only in the first Three months of the Relationship they had sex and even then it was cold and strained from his part.

He is a great guy and she sleep at his Apartment at least twice a week, they spend a lot of time together and with friends, she is very pretty, They even had a romantic trip to Prague, Spa and beach house and nothing.

He told her he think he is Asexual but he doesnt want to talk about it or open up.


what do u think?:confused:
 
#2 ·
i thought it was an established scientific fact? So no need to believe in it.
The way i see it, it's just a malfunction in the brain. Which means it should be possible to resolve it by means of medication, provided they know what exactly is going wrong.

Feel sorry for the guy (and your friend ofcourse)
 
#4 ·
:confused:

It's nothing to do with malfunction any more than being gay is a malfunction of the brain :smash:

It definitely exists though.
 
#3 ·
Why would you feel sorry for him? It's like being gay, I don't feel sorry for gay people being gay. People are the way they are, if we all accepted everyone in spite of all the differences... oh well, one can dream.

I would feel sorry for him if he couldn't feel love at all... for friends, family, etc... But being asexual does not mean that! And he is probably happy the way he is, so..

I do feel sorry for the girl, though:hug:
 
#5 ·
people please, i am not at all saying that being gay is a malfunction, please don't twist my words.

I feel sorry for him because how do you think he will be able to maintain a relationship if he does not feel the urge to have sex?
It is not at all that I do not accept an asexual person for who he/she is, but it is hard for that person...
 
#6 ·
He just dislike contact, any contact.

i really love him, we all love him...my friend is crazy about him but i think if he would have open up or just talk to her it could have help but well The bottom line is, she wants all of him and he cant give her that.
 
#93 · (Edited)
Maybe he has autism or something like that. Drop a box of toothpicks on the floor and see what happens.

 
#10 ·
On a serious note, maybe he is "asexual". A very small part of the population is, but maybe he is maybe one of them. If he opened up and talk about it maybe he would find out.
he doesnt want to talk about it...totally close to talk.

i feel sorry for him b/c i hug a lot :facepalm:
 
#17 ·
It is possible he is asexual, but a better chance is that he is gay :shrug:

I believe in whatever makes people happy. Gay, straight, asexual, does not matter.
 
#18 ·
It is possible he is asexual, but a better chance is that he is gay :shrug:

I believe in whatever makes people happy. Gay, straight, asexual, does not matter.
:worship::kiss::yeah::yeah:
 
#23 ·
Well, I am not sure if he is really asexual, or he is just not have sexual feelings for your friend.

Scientifically speaking, he is a sexual creature because he is an animal and animals reproduce sexually :shrug: But if he does not have sexual feelings, that is different. Humans were built to have sexual feelings, so maybe something was wired a little differently in his brain. I don't think you can choose to be asexual. Obviously some people have a stronger sex drive than others, but normally everyone has some sexual feelings. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing. If he is happy with not having sexual feelings, that's fine :shrug:
 
#26 · (Edited)
:superlol: not this time little benny.
 
#31 ·
but do u feel Attraction? do u feel the need for Body to body contact?
 
#37 ·
According to reports I've read, about 1% of the general population is thought to be asexual. So it's not as rare as one might think. But it's probably not something asexuals discuss often. Unlike homosexuals, they've never had problems in the society at large and there is no legislation that will help them they want to make into law, so they're more likely than not to maintain a low profile. If the asexual person was my friend I'd tell him he's not as unusual as he probably thinks he is. As your friend is the other part of the relationship, I have no suggestion to offer. Sounds like she just have to decide if the physical intimacy is essential to the relationship or not. Must be a tough situation, though, she has my sympathy.
 
#40 ·
dont u need ppl to hug u? u dont need to put ur head on someone else?
i guess its hard for me b/c im a very touching person.

the truth is that the moment she told me i told her listen he is gay, theres no such thing but now i feel sorry i told her that, maybe i Disrespect their problem.

thanks for sharing, the truth is, i still dont fully get it but i hope he will find anther girl and my friend will find another love
 
#39 ·
Not to worry, Dr Vucina is here. Tell your "friend" there's a small chance he's gay, miniscule chance he's not attracted to her, and a huge chance he's addicted to masturbation/internet porn. Such people feel that real, physical contact is inferior to artificial stimulation. If it's not that, I pay you money.

I am slightly attracted, I guess. It depends. Introspection and only having myself as a reference point and all that. Do I masturbate? Yes. It's complicated I guess. At the root of it all, it's just that I'm uncomfortable with intimacy and that with multiple attempts I've never fallen in love. Sex also gets old really fast. Sex to me is okay, I guess, if it's something new; something you do every day (i.e. intimacy) - no way.
^Prime example of what I was telling you about.
 
#41 ·
Not to worry, Dr Vucina is here. Tell your "friend" there's a small chance he's gay, miniscule chance he's not attracted to her, and a huge chance he's addicted to masturbation/internet porn. Such people feel that real, physical contact is inferior to artificial stimulation. If it's not that, I pay you money.


^Prime example of what I was telling you about.
it is hard for me to answer u b/c i dont know him that much, yes we hang around, went to movies, travels, pubs atc atc but it was always with everyone, i never got to talk to him one on one so From what I saw he is not gay but i dont have a Radar or something and as much as u love a person i cant understand how she can sleep near him for so long and accept it.

the only time i would accept it is if my bf had emotional trauma or physical problems to function.

p.s u can still pay me lol :p
 
#43 ·
When I think or tripwires I do.
 
#45 ·
It's impossible to make any judgement from such limited information. For starters, how old is the guy (and the girl)?
 
#46 ·
he is 28.5, she is 27 they are together 18 month.

i thought about everything all of u said but maybe he has a problem and he is shy about it?
 
#56 ·
:cool: its the off season
 
#65 ·
thank u all, really really.

i used the Wisdom of the crowd.
 
#66 ·
I know an odd number of asexual people. Some I think genuinely are, others have been scared away from sexual contact or are just uncertain.
I think asexual people exist but probably a third of those who claim to be genuinely are
 
#68 ·
Lol well I'm sure this will end pretty soon


Tell a nice girl that u like that the end is near and if she wanna have some fun bc she goes
 
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#73 ·
I believe in asexuality, but I have noticed a lot of people don't. I heard about it for the first time from a friend who had a blog about asexuality. Since I'm interested in gender studies and all this, I thought this was very interesting.

But what I've noticed is that in today's society, where sex is everywhere, and magazines, films, series and even everyday conversations seem to imply that if you're not having sex, your life is a failure, the very idea of asexuality is extremely subversive and disturbing for many people. It has become so popular nowadays to believe that everything anyone does is in some way motivated by a desire to get laid, that for many people it seems impossible to imagine that some people might just not care that much about sex.
I was especially surprised to find a lack of understanding among people who are studying gender studies, and who are extremely open about sexual orientation (that's to say, they would strongly advocate acceptance of gay, bisexual, transexual, or queer people - but in a way, they seem to be unable to accept the absence of sexual orientation as a possibility).

I know that my friend's blog talked a lot about how difficult it was for asexual people to be constantly confronted with the disbelief of other people. For them, someone who was not interested in having sex was deficient in some way, they must have been ***** or traumatized when their were children, or they had not "met the right person", etc... Yet I think that there are far more people who are to some degree uninterested in sex, than we think.

I was also shocked to see sometimes how people reacted when faced with a story of a guy whose girlfriend was asexual. The old idea that woman "owes" sex to her man is still very much present. Many people even seemed to advocate marital ****, by telling the guy that her girlfriend was a "bitch" if she refused to have sex with him, because she owed him that and should just "force" herself somehow (I didn't see many cases where the man was asexual, don't know if the reactions were similar or not).

I'm sure it must be difficult in a relationship when a person is asexual and the other isn't... But at the same time, I think it also should make us reflect about the huge importance we give to sex in relationships. Nowadays, people expect to find someone who is attractive both in terms of appearance and personality, who is compatible with them so they can live together for years without hating each other, and then they're also supposed to have great sex and never lose the "passion", or else, they are mocked as an "old couple" who has been trapped in the "routine". I think that's one of the reasons why there are so many divorces... I have never had a long-term relationship, but I'm sure that sex is only one aspect of a relationship, and maybe not necessarily the most important.
 
#74 · (Edited)
I was also shocked to see sometimes how people reacted when faced with a story of a guy whose girlfriend was asexual. The old idea that woman "owes" sex to her man is still very much present.
I would kick her ass out of the flat if that was the case!
 
#75 ·
My friend thought she was also asexual because she has been with this guy for 7 years or so and they have barely had sex and she never felt she needed it from him.. However, I always thought, how could they not have sex because she is hot as hell, or at least definitely out of his league. They started dating when she was in a really bad emotional time during high school and right after she got out of an abusive relationship, so I always felt she only dated him because she was desperate in that point in of her life. Because this guy never talks, they never do anything together, and they certainly don't have sex. She told my wife that in the past 7 months they had sex one time, and then finally this week they had sex again.. Really? I've been with my wife for 5 years and some days we have sex 3 or 4 times a day still (granted I'm a sex machine and my sex drive is a little abnormally high, or at least that is what I've been told by my shrink - I see a shrink once in a while just to get things off my chest and have my thoughts analyzed, nothing serious if you wanted to know).

Anyways, so I think in a way being with this rather really boring guy for so many years kind of shut her emotions down because similarly she became a recluse and rather mellow. However, in the past several months, she has been hanging out with us going out to clubs and actually doing things and she has all of a sudden had a sexual drive now and she actually socializes..while her boyfriend just complains about what she is doing. I mean this guy is seriously clueless. He talks about how he thinks drinking and stuff is pointless, yet he goes out and spends his money and buys Magic the Gathering playing cards and buying virtual game items :facepalm: she says that when they go to a restaurant together, they don't even talk, they just eat. When they are at home, they only talk when it is necessary like "do we need to shop." What kind of shit is that.. Plus, no wonder she doesn't feel in the mood to have sex with him, according to her he is kind of small and isn't good in bed, and he doesn't like to talk about anything sexual (ironically he may the asexual one, but I think he just extremely introverted and idiotic..) I talked to the guy many times she he comes over with her ocassionally and he believes that the relationship he is having with her is the ideal way people should strive for, where it isn't necessary to talk with each other, or to have sex all the time, or to share money, nor is it necessary to do things with each other, all those are apparently superficial and extra to him... so then what the fuck is a relationship..? They have never used each other's money :eek: In short, he practically bored her to death at a vulnerable time for her and she became too used to it and she ended up just settling. She even pointed out last week the only reason why should stays is because he won't ever leave.

Bit of a rage post, just makes me facepalm some of these people. I played tennis with this guy, and he is one lazy bastard on court.. He seriously lacks any motivation unless he is going to get negatively affected then he actually does something about it. Oh well, I'm sure she is going to finally end it by this month honestly.

Well, my point being, certainly there are asexual people out there, but I think there are a lot of people like this guy who are just plain boring and haven't really developed anything mentally for the real world.. He was an only child, his parents divorced when he was younger and he just stayed inside playing Magic the Gathering and video games. Literally his whole life. When they dated, it was seriously a winning lottery ticket that he didn't know what to do with, and with the girl being how she is just stayed.
 
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#76 ·
I seem to remember in the picture thread you saying that you and your wife picked up girls for your own amusement (apologies if I'm remembering it wrong), that girl (you claim she's hot and starting to gain a sex drive) definitely seems like someone you should consider including in your sessions.

Besides, getting laid by a 'sex machine' might just be what she needs to get her drive up and reconsider this seemingly ridiculous decision of settling with that dude.
 
#80 · (Edited)
Just wanted to say that they broke up last night after so long.
My friends told him she wants a normal life..sad but not every love story last.
 
#83 ·
I've actually known people who seemed asexual.It turned out that they were troubled by psychological issues that eventually got resolved(thank God) and now they're just normal sexual creatures.So I believe that asexuality is not an inbred characteristic,but something that appears at a stage of life under different circumstances and can be resolved.
 
#84 ·
i agree, sadly he doesnt want to talk about it or anything close to it.

i think he is a closet gay deep deep inside bc he cant stand a touch.
 
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