Cool. I have to say its good news that you are talking about this. My sister managed to hide all this for over a year, believe it or not.
Thank you........I have nothing to hide. I mean, I know what my situation is. I know about the negatives about my eating habits; I'm feeling the negatives, health wise. When you have a disorder, you sort of become slick on how to feed into and accelerate your bad habits in a discreet way while giving the appearance of normalcy. That's when you're really deep into it, when you've been doing whatever it is for so long, whether it be lack of eating, alcohol, drugs, you know how to pass yourself off as being healthy, when you're truly not. For me, I can't do that because I'm living with and friends with people who won't stop bringing it up. Even if I wanted to hide my eating habits, it wouldn't be possible since my folks see everything I put into my body. They are very scared for me. They are more emotionally affected by my eating routine than I am.
What happened was that she began regulating her meals obsessively, and they'd gradually get smaller and smaller. Even though she's on the road to recovery, she still has to regulate everything. Its impossible for her to physically eat something if she doesn't know the exact number of calories etc. Glad I've helped you out a bit here man
You have helped quite a bit..............it gives me a clear picture of what path I could be headed towards. The regulation obsession and obsession with calorie numbers I pretty much share with her, although for me, my obsession with calories isn't necessarily a meal to meal thing. But an overall daily thing. It's sad, I feel for your sister.
Yep. I think I get this too, nothing to do with food for me, my problem was drugs. True addiction is bad, but whats worse is when you know whats going on but can't do anything about it. For me though, I've found that the 'voice' telling you you can't change your habits is actually a manifestation of the illness. In your case, you have to think of it as that 'habit' living within you trying to protect its own interests.
I'm glad you kicked your drug addiction! In a way I feel pretty silly about even potentially having an eating disorder, I literally just had that feeling right now. Compared to a drug addiction, I feel sort of stupid, like I need to get a fucking grip. I agree that the voice telling you that you can't change is a manifestation of whatever illness an individual has.............it's a lot like having an angel on one side of your shoulder and the devil on the other side. The devil is offering so many things that sound so tempting and seem like they are so much fun, but it's a mind trick and you know the pathway the devil will take you is emptiness and ultimately death. The angel seems so much less interesting and enticing, but it makes you wise, better critical decision-making ability, makes you smarter and last longer and do better for yourself and others.
It's all about wanting it and I don't really right now care enough..........even saying all of this, I'm still primarily focused on my looks. It's never truly been about food. It's all about my appearance. That's why I don't think I'm as fucked up as I could be or come off to others. Because I could eat pancakes tomorrow, I'm craving them heavily, but I don't because it will harm my looks. It's all tied in with one another, but I've never considered food to be an issue for me. But, I'm not the person to really say any of this, which is why I am asking you and everyone here and taking advice. I could be in totally ignorance and delusional about where I am and the damage I am/have caused and my overall appearance might be totally ugly.
Good luck, and good to hear. We can't have you go crazy on us mate, non-tennis would die
I am crazy..........at least part of me is crazy. All the divas are
I have a ton of aspects to me. I have a chill side. When I was flyboy, that was one part of me. That was my serious, chill, more understated me. Filo is the exuberant, flamboyant, gay and out-loud-and-proud part of me. It all depends on my emotions, my mentality, who I'm with, a lot of reasons. I know this forum needs me though
In all seriousness, this doctor thing is something my grandmom is basically going to make me do. I have no qualms. I need to hear the honest truth. I pretty much emotionally numb, for the most part, few things really cause a reaction out of me, most of the time, I'm just existing; I've never thought about that in-depth in any way, it just is what it is. The one thing that really frightens me is death so I think really a kick in the ass is what I need more than anything so hopefully the doctor or something will provide that for me; if he told me that, like, I'm going to die soon because of my eating habits, I'd be scared into action.