Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work? - MensTennisForums.com

View Poll Results: Relationships, need someone like minded for them to work?
Yes 4 26.67%
Not always 5 33.33%
Depends 6 40.00%
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

Ive dated a variety of different girls from different backgrounds, myself being a city guy, have dated country girls, city girls, girls who were more like tomboys who liked sports and a lot of the things I liked, girls who liked the same kind of music as me (rare indeed), and conversely, girls who I had little in common with.

Needless to say they all failed as im single!

Quite frankly all the relationships went similar and from my experience, having more in common didnt save or prolong any of them. Infact some of the ones that failed quickly/specatcularly were actually the ones I had a lot in common with and had a big spark with.

What do you feel? When looking for your life partner, do you think you have to share a lot of common interests/views? Or do you think it makes no difference? Obviously someone who you disagree with all the time will just piss you off, but is a happy medium best?

I personally liked dating the country girls, experiencing horse riding, things id never done before. Although I didnt massively enjoy them I did enjoy pursuing new interests id never tried, rather than just doing the same things as always but with a new person.

Stories?

Also some cultres have arranged marriages and im sure some of them work out. I guess those are a huge lottery. Likewise are blind dates that work out. Similarly I guess relationships that are based largely on convenience, financial arrangements or looks might not be impacted too much.

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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 01:41 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

Having personality traits in common is a great thing, like if you share the same sense of humour obviously that's going to help you.

Conversely I think having hobbies and interests in common isn't really helpful at all. In fact, I think it can be unhelpful sometimes because if you have all the same interests then you don't have things that you can do on your own, and whatever anyone says I think people need space and to be able to hang out with their friends away from their partner occasionally.

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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 03:10 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

It's like how you put it 2003. It depends on the situation, and it's quite unpredictable. Guess that's life.

In regards to arranged marriages, this depends mostly on the culture/religion of that society. If both genders have mutual respect toward each other, it will work out most of the time. But if one of the men or one of the women, breaks that trust or doesn't believe so much in the culture/religion of that society, then that could lead to breaking up, divorce, etc.

In today's world, I still believe, money, careers/status, and looks are all important. I even think if you have all 3, then you probably maximize your chances for whatever you want.

I think if it comes down to strict looks (without a career or decent living) vs. a guy who lacks looks, but has career/money, I think most women would prefer that ugly guy instead, at least from what I'm noticing.

Times have changed a bit.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 10:58 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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Originally Posted by EddceLLent View Post
Having personality traits in common is a great thing, like if you share the same sense of humour obviously that's going to help you.

Conversely I think having hobbies and interests in common isn't really helpful at all. In fact, I think it can be unhelpful sometimes because if you have all the same interests then you don't have things that you can do on your own, and whatever anyone says I think people need space and to be able to hang out with their friends away from their partner occasionally.
Yeah, this. You need superficial differences to add spice & fundamental similarities to avoid resenting each other in the long run. Superficial attributes in this context are things such as political outlook, cultural background, race, nationality, interests, & hobbies. These can be as different as you want. Fundamental attributes include need for pleasure (sex, drugs, sleep, food, etc.), ambition in the broadest sense, degree of openness & honesty, level of individuality, & attitudes to others' faults. Big differences in any of those and the relationship is doomed in the long term.

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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:36 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

More imortant than this, I think, is that spark, that magic that is in the air when you are with someone you really dig.

You know it when you feel it and know it when you don't.

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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:40 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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More imortant than this, I think, is that spark, that magic that is in the air when you are with someone you really dig.

You know it when you feel it and know it when you don't.
I should have added - fancying each other kinda helps too.

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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:59 AM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.

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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 09:49 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

commonalities and demographics are very powerful in seduction and lead to more healthy relationships.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 09:52 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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commonalities and demographics are very powerful in seduction and lead to more healthy relationships.
hmm... yes... hmmm where have i heard that before...

oh yes... Chapter 5, paragraph 22 of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...

an apt and timely recital... one of your best...

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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 10:05 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

If we are talking about married life here, then definitely yes, having a lot in common is very important. 'Sparks', 'magic' and similar are good enough for dating I guess, not going to cut it for the real thing

“There’s so many athletes, tennis players around the world,” he continued, trying to put his life into some kind of perspective, “they want to be the best in what they do. They want to succeed. Many of them, they don’t succeed in the end. I’m fortunate to have this opportunity and succeed.”
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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:04 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

There needs to be a sexual attraction, first and foremost. If you don't feel an intense desire to fuck with that person, it wont last.

It's really all about a spark. A person can be your total opposite in appearance and personality, but if there is a spark, then there is a spark.
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:21 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

^^Yea, sure. For example, if you stumble on a problem, you will fuck/spark your way out? Good luck with that

“There’s so many athletes, tennis players around the world,” he continued, trying to put his life into some kind of perspective, “they want to be the best in what they do. They want to succeed. Many of them, they don’t succeed in the end. I’m fortunate to have this opportunity and succeed.”
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:34 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.
I had never heard that before. I said it depends because what works for some people isn't necessarily going to work for other people.

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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:38 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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^^Yea, sure. For example, if you stumble on a problem, you will fuck/spark your way out? Good luck with that
Angry sex is some of the best sex there is.
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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:40 PM
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Re: Do you think you need to have a lot in common for a relationship to work?

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Opposites attract but similarities keep you together.
This is the way it works for me. My BF is clearly an 'opposite' when it comes to our characters, but it's our common interests, morals, and general feeling about 'what truly matters in life' that has kept us going for over ten years now.

BTW, how many of your folks have actually been in a long-term relationship?
Meaning, not just a couple of months, but actually a decade or so?

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