Hating Yourself... - MensTennisForums.com
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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 10:53 PM Thread Starter
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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 11:23 PM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Oh ouch Jason. I'm sorry.

You have to know you made nothing wrong. Please don't blame yourself! You have to forget it immediately.

Well if your brother and sister was okay to you then I guess you should talk with them, just bravely.

Never ever give up
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 11:29 PM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Jase
We'll talk later ok? just let me know if you need anything

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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 11:29 PM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Not much to say.
Day to day life, find small things that make you happy and build up from there.

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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 11:30 PM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Certinfy View Post
Sadly though when my sister was being born my mother was told they could either save her or the baby, and she saved the baby.
Sorry to sidetrack your thread, but I never quite understood such decisions. Surely a life already loved is worth more than a potential life.
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-04-2011, 11:49 PM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

No point dwelling in the past or you'll waste the present and the future.

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But he lost 23 times against you.
's right. We have to also throw into the mix. But I do not think it is currently the decisive factor. But he has achieved in my opinion too much. Maybe this is crucial if I move him even closer after major victories. But 14 or 17 Grand Slam titles is a significant difference. At the present time there is no question that he must be the greater player than me.

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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:00 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

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Originally Posted by Certinfy View Post
Anyway I'm not doing this to gain attention and not what, but I just want to know any ways you guys might have of getting over this?
With all due respect to all who will answer you - I think you won't get really an advise from people on the internet regarding such serious things which have an impact on your life.

You should contact someone for professional help.

People get to doctors to search for help when they are physically ill so it's only natural to do the same when your soul isn't healthy.

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems and I hope you will be able to solve them one day
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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:04 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Jase

My advice to you would be to have a drink with your father and find out why it is that he feels the way he feels towards you. Go deep.

Definitely keep your relationships with your siblings as well. These days, all anyone has is family and a few close friends. Perhaps seek professional help and see a therapist with you, your dad, and perhaps your brothers and sisters too. Do they know how depressed you are about this? I am sure it was not their intention.

Best of luck, mate

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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:05 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

the insanity started when your father was forced to choose a life he chose then his newborn daughter's life over his wife's life. you are not responsible for your father's and your siblings' actions . actually you don't really need your brothers and your sister in your life. however, the psychological pain of your mother's death (you wondering what your life would have been if she had lived), the lack of a positive father-son relationship and the unfulfilled wish to be loved and cared for are traumatic memories that can only be directly confronted with the help of a therapist.

start with less upsetting life stressors (learn ways that you can manage your stress) and by taking the traumatic memories one piece at a time.
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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:05 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Jase - if you are serious here, do seek professional help.
So sad to read your story. Do know, you have friends around ... even over here. You are a good guy, you deserve happiness in life. Go and find it, I'm sure there are folks around willing to help you!


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post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:11 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eden View Post
People get to doctors to search for help when they are physically ill so it's only natural to do the same when your soul isn't healthy.
This is so very much true. Unfortunately, folks just don't seem to understand how hard it is, to deal with a severe depression, caused by whatever a horror story that happened to you...

Anyone's who's ever had the experience of having to deal with a depression will support my words: it's a lot easier to deal with a broken leg. Do seek help, and don't let the comments of the usual ignorami get to you.

"It's getting colder, I'm getting colder, older, it's getting colder...

Am I still here? As one, with The Fear?
Am I still alive? I'm still f*cking ... Here...!"


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post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:25 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Getta View Post
the insanity started when your father was forced to choose a life he chose then his newborn daughter's life over his wife's life. you are not responsible for your father's and your siblings' actions . actually you don't really need your brothers and your sister in your life. however, the psychological pain of your mother's death (you wondering what your life would have been if she had lived), the lack of a positive father-son relationship and the unfulfilled wish to be loved and cared for are traumatic memories that can only be directly confronted with the help of a therapist.

start with less upsetting life stressors (learn ways that you can manage your stress) and by taking the traumatic memories one piece at a time.
This. Saved me typing time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by philosophicalarf View Post
Armstrong says in-competition testing will never catch anyone, only out-of-competition testing and the blood passport can.

Tennis has no blood passport system, and does basically no out of competition testing.

The methods and drugs used by Armstrong in 1999 would work in tennis right now, with zero chance of being caught (not slightly surprising to anyone familiar with the topic, btw).
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post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 12:37 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

You’re very brave for sharing your story. I hope you’re able to find some new ideas through what everyone shares with you. If you’re not already, I also agree with everyone else that you should start seeing a counselor too to help you through some of this. It really is a big deal and warrants seeing a professional just the same as if you had a broken limb.

For what it’s worth, I’ll also share some thoughts too. First, none of what happened is your fault. It sounds like your family was in a lot of pain and maybe didn’t know how to express it, so it got taken out on you. It wasn’t your fault that these were the circumstances of your mother’s death. I’m sure you know that logically, but emotionally I would imagine that it’s a different story.

I hope that just expressing how you feel through writing this helped you to heal a little. I can’t relate to your circumstances, but I can relate to receiving messages throughout my life that led me to believe I was unlovable and unlikeable. I’ve found that life feels really differently when I finally allowed myself to decide how I feel, rather than allowing others to do that for me or my negative perception about myself to do that. Even though things still hurt from time to time, I don’t let negative things from my life define who I am.

Oftentimes I think that we tell ourselves negative things and they’re not necessarily true. The fact is that each one of us gets to choose how we view ourselves and the world. You know how when something happens that it’s possible to make up three different stories that could all be true about what happened? Well, I think that the same is true for our own lives. The messages you received about yourself when you were young (probably because your family was grieving over the loss of your mother and didn’t know how to process or express it) sound like they were very negative. I would imagine that a lot of negative things were directed at you because from their standpoint, you symbolized something that took away someone they loved. When people don’t know how to express grief, it often comes out as anger. Again, none of that is your fault. If your family members still have negative feelings that don’t belong to you that they direct at you, then that’s their choice. It doesn’t have to become how you feel about yourself.

It’s really tough to change our perceptions of ourselves when they’ve been engrained for so long. But I think to change those, it just takes practice, practice, and more practice until it becomes more natural to do. It’s easier said than done, I know. It would be easier if we could change other people, but we can only change ourselves. Try to love yourself and surround yourself with people who care about and love you and are able to express that to you. You can always try to reach out to your family members, but if they’re not able or willing to meet you half way then you don’t really have any choice but to just move on and if they come around, they do.

You’re definitely a fighter. Please don’t ever give up. And when you feel like giving up, tell yourself to hang on for one more day. And reach out to people close to you. You’ll be glad you did and so will the people in your life who love you.
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post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 02:35 AM
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Re: Hating Yourself...

What you need is some professional help. This isn't the place to find it, if anything you'll sink deeper in insanity.
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post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hating Yourself...

Thanks everyone And yeah I guess professional help is the way forward, just I'm so scared just to trust anyone, I hardly even tell my friends any of this just being scared of what they think of me, so I thought this forum was a good option to just get a few views on it.
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