Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit? - MensTennisForums.com

View Poll Results: Does love rule over any sensible age gap? Is age just a number?
Yes, love comes out on top. 11 24.44%
No. People should only date very close to their age. 9 20.00%
As long as it confines to the laws of sexual consent, any age gap is fine. 25 55.56%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 07:40 AM Thread Starter
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Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

I know that obviously as one gets older, age gaps become somewhat less significant, and I guess maybe they resurface at the business end of life, but different cultures probably have varying views of what is acceptable and what is not.

Obviously when dealing with teenagers and young adults there is a more clear cut issue because of all sorts of reasons, including maturity and even sexual consent issues, but of course not all people in relationships are having sexual intercourse.

Well take me as a case in point. 21 years old male. What is the youngest woman you think It would be acceptable to date? I personally think 16 is an absolute limit. Most people I think would place it higher, more like 17, but I think love has no boundaries as such, but you really do have to draw a line somewhere I guess. But im sure most people would be very uncomfortable with 21 and 16, and yet others would find it fine. I know when I was 18 dating a 15 yearold it raised eyebrows. Its funny how in the west, we tend to be less conservative, yet in other societies, although they are much stricter, im sure the 20 yearolds marrying the 15 yearolds are more common.

Woman certainly seem to be attracted to men a year or two older as an average, but not usually younger men. But it does happen. My cousin was 22 when he married his 33 yearold wife. I know like one girl who is older than me who refused to kiss me because of my mostache, but other than that, even girls who are 19 or 18 dont look at me much, let alone my age or older girls.

There are lots of extremes as you get older. I mean a 40 yearold and a 20 yearold would probably be bearable for a while, but being 50 and dating a 70 yearold, I think the physical aspect would be too much, everyone would always think you were the persons child.

What do ya'll think? Any life stories about age gaps in relationships? No ones here to judge, so feel free to share them. This is all opinion.

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post #2 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 08:24 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

I think the age difference should not be the most important factor considering relationships. People gets old with different speeds, similar thing with mental or social maturity. My best friend is 11 years older than his girlfriend and I don't see a particular difference between them. I recently meet a girl 12 years younger than me and talking with her don't feel I'm older so many years. Obviously there's a problem when a man is 20 and a girl 13 for example, it smells pedophilia But if a girl is 16 or 17 and her boyfriend around 30 it shouldn't be perceived as something weird.
When a woman is much more older than a man it's a little bit more tricky, especially when it's 5-6 years difference, I suppose

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post #3 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 08:46 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

I think that the age gap issue is much more about maturity and development than about some arbitrarily established number.

However, it is precisely for that reason that I think a 21 year old and a 16 year old is an extremely inappropriate match. All of the teenage years and the very early 20's are highly formative years. These years tend to contain enormous development and maturation, both physically and mentally. I would think that virtually anyone who has lived through these ages can vouch for this. This means that the difference in maturity between, say, a 19 and a 21 year old tend to be much greater than the difference in maturity between a 31 and a 33 year old. If a 21 year old feels on the same level as a 16 year old, there is something seriously messed up in the development of the 21 year old. My own development over that period of time was enormously significant.

While a huge gap in development and maturity is arguably somewhat unsettling in itself, I think the greater problem is that it creates a situation wherein one of the members of the relationship can be easily taken advantage of. It seems to promote inequality and selfish manipulation. I would have trouble trusting the motives of anyone who was intent on seeking out someone much less developed and mature than they are.
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post #4 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 08:54 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

depends
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post #5 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 11:44 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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Originally Posted by Voo de Mar View Post
When a woman is much more older than a man it's a little bit more tricky, especially when it's 5-6 years difference, I suppose
My wife is exactly that much older than me, and we have been happily married for 34 years.

We did not meet till we were both in our 30s, so of course the gap didn't feel like anything at all. If we had met when she was 18 and I was 12 she would probably have ignored me!!

Relationships are all relative.

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post #6 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 11:50 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

It's all relative. Depends on the personality of the person I think once you are past a certain age (mid 20s?). My friend is getting married to a guy who is 17ish years older than her and you'd never know it. He's young for his age, they get on fabulously. I've been on a date with someone where it was a similar age gap (14ish years I think) and I found that too much in that circumstance. We were in different places.

However when I was at school a friend of mine was 15 and was dating a 30 year old and I remember thinking that was way too much however I've recently heard they are still together so it obviously worked for them.

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post #7 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 11:53 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Anybody remember Charlie Chaplin? He married Oona O'Neill when he was 54 and she was 18, and they produced 8 children in 19 years, the last when Chaplin was 73.

I think that answers the question.

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post #8 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 12:02 PM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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post #9 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 12:07 PM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

im worried cus im attracted to 30 something year old guys, it's ok now when im 21, but if im still lusting for 10-15 years older guys than me at 30-35 they will be late 40's even 50's lol

that said im already seeing a married 39 year old, so it cant get any worse lol

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post #10 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 12:19 PM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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We did not meet till we were both in our 30s, so of course the gap didn't feel like anything at all. If we had met when she was 18 and I was 12 she would probably have ignored me!!
Yes, I think the initial age of both persons is important. I suppose man 30, woman 36 is a smaller gap than M:20, W:26 but I don't know a lot about it because it happens rarely that a woman is in a relationship with 6 years younger man. Among my friends I know only one case like this one and they have two kids together but now they are separated and meet/live with another partners so it didn't work in their case but don't know the details, maybe the age wasn't the crucial factor

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post #11 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 12:49 PM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

the older you get the less an age gap matters

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post #12 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-07-2010, 12:55 PM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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the older you get the less an age gap matters
20 years matters quite a lot when you're 90.
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post #13 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-08-2010, 12:42 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

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20 years matters quite a lot when you're 90.
not really, at the age of 70 and 90 you are both not likely to live much longer, plus you have other things in common then, like pissing yourselves and liking jane mcdonald lol

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post #14 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-08-2010, 01:26 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

really I think I'd still think Jane Mcdonald was a stupid cow if I was 90 right now

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post #15 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-08-2010, 01:34 AM
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Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

If it feels right, do it

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