Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit? - Page 8 - MensTennisForums.com
View Poll Results: Does love rule over any sensible age gap? Is age just a number?
Yes, love comes out on top. 11 24.44%
No. People should only date very close to their age. 9 20.00%
As long as it confines to the laws of sexual consent, any age gap is fine. 25 55.56%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #106 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 03:26 AM
Cutedey
 
Clydey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 13,308
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
A teenager while you're in your late 20's. Why am I not surprised?
You are not surprised because you are astonishingly insular, with your every view being religiously motivated.

Feel free to explain why you have a problem with relationship age gaps between consenting adults. Start by deconstructing my earlier post, rather than snipping it and responding with an ad hominem.
Clydey is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #107 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
2003's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,501
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold

"I did not play my best tennis, no? And..that is what enable him to win..to win this match no? "

- Rafael Nadal, ever so "humble", - press conference after shock 4 set loss to Robeen Soderling @ 2009 French Open 4th round.


Proud member of the Anti Dull Alliance
2003 is offline  
post #108 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 11:20 AM
Banned!
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Paris
Age: 26
Posts: 6,118
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2003 View Post
im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold
fresh meat
Gagsquet is offline  
post #109 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 07:29 PM
Registered User
 
Seingeist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 2,989
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clydey View Post
You are not surprised because you are astonishingly insular, with your every view being religiously motivated.
I am not surprised that you would seek out someone who is very much your inferior in terms of intellect and maturity. You don't handle being challenged very well.

Quote:
Feel free to explain why you have a problem with relationship age gaps between consenting adults.
I don't have a problem with large "age gaps" in relationships so much as large maturity and development gaps. I made my thoughts on this clear in this thread one year ago, and they actually apply quite well to your situation. Note especially the bolded paragraph.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
I think that the age gap issue is much more about maturity and development than about some arbitrarily established number.

However, it is precisely for that reason that I think a 21 year old and a 16 year old is an extremely inappropriate match. All of the teenage years and the very early 20's are highly formative years. These years tend to contain enormous development and maturation, both physically and mentally. I would think that virtually anyone who has lived through these ages can vouch for this. This means that the difference in maturity between, say, a 19 and a 21 year old tend to be much greater than the difference in maturity between a 31 and a 33 year old. If a 21 year old feels on the same level as a 16 year old, there is something seriously messed up in the development of the 21 year old. My own development over that period of time was enormously significant.

While a huge gap in development and maturity is arguably somewhat unsettling in itself, I think the greater problem is that it creates a situation wherein one of the members of the relationship can be easily taken advantage of. It seems to promote inequality and selfish manipulation. I would have trouble trusting the motives of anyone who was intent on seeking out someone much less developed and mature than they are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigJohn View Post
God will spit in your face before sending you to hell.
Seingeist is offline  
post #110 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 07:49 PM
Cutedey
 
Clydey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 13,308
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
I am not surprised that you would seek out someone who is very much your inferior in terms of intellect and maturity. You don't handle being challenged very well.
First of all, you are making an assumption. She actually pursued me initially. More importantly, age and maturity are not interchangeable terms. When I was 23 I dated a 17-year-old who wasn't mature. I simply would not do it again. My current girlfriend is very mature.

Quote:
I don't have a problem with large "age gaps" in relationships so much as large maturity and development gaps. I made my thoughts on this clear in this thread one year ago, and they actually apply quite well to your situation. Note especially the bolded paragraph.
It is abolutely clear why someone would be skeptical of the future of such a relationship, but you cannot assume that age and maturity always go hand in hand. It isn't that simple. Moreover, you are not describing a moral objection. There is no moral line being crossed when consenting adults are involved. Certainly, a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old may not be compatible and the relationship will likely fail, but that has nothing to do with ethics.
Clydey is offline  
post #111 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 08:36 PM
Registered User
 
Seingeist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 2,989
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clydey View Post
First of all, you are making an assumption. She actually pursued me initially.
Fair enough, but this does not make a material difference. I am happy to modify my original statement to "not surprised that you would date etc." and the point remains.

Quote:
More importantly, age and maturity are not interchangeable terms.
I nowhere suggested that they are. My point was clear enough from my post of last year. It is indisputable that teenage years are highly formative and that people tend to be undergoing a great deal of physical/intellectual/spiritual development during that time and into their early 20's. Is this a controversial claim?

Quote:
When I was 23 I dated a 17-year-old who wasn't mature.
Bolded portion is redundant. While a person can have maturity relative to their age (that is, mature for a 17 year-old or immature for a 17-year-old), the plain fact of the matter is that 17 year-olds are categorically not yet mature and developed. (Bear in mind that our yippy young Scot will be 17 next year.)

Quote:
My current girlfriend is very mature.
See above. For a 19 year-old, she may well be. But you would have to be extraordinarily immature and underdeveloped as a 29 year old to be on a level with her, which would be somewhat pathetic and suspicious in its own right.

Quote:
It is abolutely clear why someone would be skeptical of the future of such a relationship, but you cannot assume that age and maturity always go hand in hand. It isn't that simple.
Of course, I don't think that they go strictly hand-in-hand, as I mention above. However, it is equally true that age and maturity are closely linked, especially in childhood and teenage years, i.e. years of tremendous development and growth. This is a biological given (excepting cases involving retardation, of course).

Quote:
Moreover, you are not describing a moral objection. There is no moral line being crossed when consenting adults are involved. Certainly, a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old may not be compatible and the relationship will likely fail, but that has nothing to do with ethics.
And I did not present my objection as such ("moral"). Of course, it is not morally wrong in itself for two consenting adults of differing levels of maturity to engage in a relationship. However, I think that the motivation for this kind of unequal relationship can be and indeed often is morally wrong. Again, see my bolded paragraph above for elaboration on this point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigJohn View Post
God will spit in your face before sending you to hell.
Seingeist is offline  
post #112 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-19-2011, 08:58 PM
Cutedey
 
Clydey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 13,308
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seingeist View Post
I nowhere suggested that they are. My point was clear enough from my post of last year. It is indisputable that teenage years are highly formative and that people tend to be undergoing a great deal of physical/intellectual/spiritual development during that time and into their early 20's. Is this a controversial claim?
It isn't controversial, but I assumed this thread intended to address the ethics of these relationships. Perhaps I misinterpreted the OP.

Quote:
Bolded portion is redundant. While a person can have maturity relative to their age (that is, mature for a 17 year-old or immature for a 17-year-old), the plain fact of the matter is that 17 year-olds are categorically not yet mature and developed. (Bear in mind that our yippy young Scot will be 17 next year.)

See above. For a 19 year-old, she may well be. But you would have to be extraordinarily immature and underdeveloped as a 29 year old to be on a level with her, which would be somewhat pathetic and suspicious in its own right.
I'm not suggesting that she is as mature or as developed as I am. The point I am making is that it isn't like dating a teenager. It is a fulfilling relationship for many reasons, one of which is the freedom to be a little more immature at times. I wouldn't enjoy a relationship that demanded I operate at this level constantly.

Quote:
Of course, I don't think that they go strictly hand-in-hand, as I mention above. However, it is equally true that age and maturity are closely linked, especially in childhood and teenage years, i.e. years of tremendous development and growth. This is a biological given (excepting cases involving retardation, of course).
They are often closely linked, yes. However, it is a mistake to simply assume that a maturity gap exists. I don't disagree that these relationships will likely fail far more often than they will succeed. Again, I thought this discussion was about ethics.

Quote:
And I did not present my objection as such ("moral"). Of course, it is not morally wrong in itself for two consenting adults of differing levels of maturity to engage in a relationship. However, I think that the motivation for this kind of unequal relationship can be and indeed often is morally wrong. Again, see my bolded paragraph above for elaboration on this point.
It may sometimes be. People are still fairly impressionable in their late teens, but they do have the capacity and, crucially, the freedom to make their own choices. The problem comes when the older person has sinister intentions. But again, that depends on what you define as sinister.
Clydey is offline  
post #113 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-20-2011, 05:35 PM
Banned!
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sleeping in the house of my latest jumpoff.
Posts: 34,908
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2003 View Post
im 22 and id fuck a 16 yearold
Filo V. is offline  
post #114 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-20-2011, 05:38 PM
Banned!
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sleeping in the house of my latest jumpoff.
Posts: 34,908
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

I've had 15 and 16 year old kids virtually ask me for sex. But unless a kid is approaching 18 and over 18, I couldn't do it. I'm 22. I'm not into 16 or 15 year olds, not even thinking about it being pedophilia, but because I'm just on a totally different level physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't understand the attraction towards a kid, because that's what they are, kids.
Filo V. is offline  
post #115 of 115 (permalink) Old 11-20-2011, 05:40 PM
Banned!
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sleeping in the house of my latest jumpoff.
Posts: 34,908
                     
Re: Age gaps in relationships, does love rule all or must there be an absolute limit?

With that being said, when I was 18, 19, I was having sex with older guys in their 30s and 40s. I was already totally corrupted by then, though.

Anyway, the limit is about really not the gap in age but the ages specifically. A 18 year old dating a 51 year old, to me, that's iffy. I've seen stories of kids as young as 13 and 14 with adults. But like, a 25 year old with a 60 year old, that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Filo V. is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the MensTennisForums.com forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome