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post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 03:05 AM Thread Starter
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Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Okay here goes;

Most of my teenage and adult life I have had very little luck with the ladies unfortunately. But throughout it all the last many years there has been someone very special in my life who I always talked to, we'd never met however (she lives in a different country) and you could not imagine how close we became.

I know so many people would mock the credibility of an internet friendship, but it's true, we talked for hours and hours almost every day for about 4-7 years. Even though she wasn't single for a lot of that time, there was always this feeling of great hope when we talked, and I don't believe it was just in my head, as if you know "I wish guys/girls around here were like you" etc and just a very deep connection, much deeper than I could ever illustrate here as she made read this site and I don't want to be declearing too many personal things we have said.

Anyway over the last few years I had thought so much about going over and visiting her, and finally last month I did it, after so much anticipation we met in January 2010. It was absolutely amazing the entire time I was with her, the first few days we were so warm to each other, did everything together and I have zero regrets, but as time went on it just became obvious that she just did not feel the same way I did about her..

It's just so difficult to get past it, not only did I build this up in my head but my life had got so unsatisfying to me here that I was pinging all my hopes on this girl basically, was going to move overseas etc if if all worked out and yeah..I mean I just have to work on things in my life here and try and make them better, and It looks like I still have her as a friend so thats a plus (although it's still weird but were working through it).

It's just so sad, it's hard to get motivated for anything anymore..everything I built up so much is crushed and I came back feeling like I had little to live for. I lost a fair few close friends before I left and i'm trying to mend those fences now and focus on some of the few good friends I do have, but I find it so hard to meet women..even when I go out clubbing they wont dance with me and it's just so hard to keep their attention..the few relationships I have had have never lasted longer than a few weeks (that was back in school, so only even saw them a few times)..I just find it impossible..the girls always say "you'll find someone perfect for you one day"..but it's just so patronising..those are the women who dismissed me as an option so it's like hearing someone say "you weren't good enough for me but someone else will take ya"..it just sucks so much.

What advice do ya'll have to get past this? I know there will probably be not a day in my life I won't think about her till I die..I think about her all the time and have for so long now..I do have hobbies and sports I play (only watch tennis, but play other sports) and I am looking forward to getting back into these..it's hard because I used her as motivation/inspiration too.
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post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 09:00 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

This probably won't help, but you're not the only one who has had this sort of experience.
I had an internet "girlfriend", travelled 300 miles to meet her, and immediately got dumped. Ok, it's different when you're 60, but it still feels bad.

The only advice I can give you is to try and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Concentrate on the positives, if you're young, healthy, educated, fed, sheltered and living in a free country, you are envied by billions.

It's an old cliche, but count your blessings.

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post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 10:25 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldenoldie View Post
This probably won't help, but you're not the only one who has had this sort of experience.
I had an internet "girlfriend", travelled 300 miles to meet her, and immediately got dumped. Ok, it's different when you're 60, but it still feels bad.

The only advice I can give you is to try and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Concentrate on the positives, if you're young, healthy, educated, fed, sheltered and living in a free country, you are envied by billions.

It's an old cliche, but count your blessings.
Great advice.
You just need time to heal the scar this relationship caused you. Trust me...you'll be over her one day.
Sometimes when meeting someone new we put all our efforts in it, and it doesn't help us much. Cause we act clumsy, we seem needy and nervous and that's certainly not appealing. Be more confident of yourself.
I'd skip online relationships, only as a practice ground, that way you might learn how to talk to girls if you need to. No matter how great things are in these internet relationships, reality is always different. We're all still human and chemistry between people is quite important. Focus on girls you can interact with since the beginning.
About this girl, you'll survive



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post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 11:01 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

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Originally Posted by 2003 View Post
Okay here goes;

Most of my teenage and adult life I have had very little luck with the ladies unfortunately. But throughout it all the last many years there has been someone very special in my life who I always talked to, we'd never met however (she lives in a different country) and you could not imagine how close we became.
You need to work on ways to improve your chances with the ladies and not leave it to fate if it doesn't favor you. That internet stuff is more common than what you think.

Quote:
I know so many people would mock the credibility of an internet friendship, but it's true, we talked for hours and hours almost every day for about 4-7 years. Even though she wasn't single for a lot of that time, there was always this feeling of great hope when we talked, and I don't believe it was just in my head, as if you know "I wish guys/girls around here were like you" etc and just a very deep connection, much deeper than I could ever illustrate here as she made read this site and I don't want to be declearing too many personal things we have said.
Something similar to you happened to me years ago and she ended up being a fake. After that i found a perfect one but couldn't work because of the distance. Not recommended...

Stop taking women personally and seriously
It's for your own health and good...don't try to be nice at all costs. Are you religious?

Quote:
Anyway over the last few years I had thought so much about going over and visiting her, and finally last month I did it, after so much anticipation we met in January 2010. It was absolutely amazing the entire time I was with her, the first few days we were so warm to each other, did everything together and I have zero regrets, but as time went on it just became obvious that she just did not feel the same way I did about her..
This is default with girls(especially hot ones). Just think...you are a guy that has been desperate, sorry to say it like that. And she is a woman who has no problems getting any guy she wants for anything she wants. So you cannot expect her to think like you.

Quote:
It's just so difficult to get past it, not only did I build this up in my head but my life had got so unsatisfying to me here that I was pinging all my hopes on this girl basically, was going to move overseas etc if if all worked out and yeah..I mean I just have to work on things in my life here and try and make them better, and It looks like I still have her as a friend so thats a plus (although it's still weird but were working through it).
You see that's a big problem...why are you supposed to work hard or sacrifice yourself for women when they wouldn't lift a finger for you?

The last part is correct, work on yourself. You should be thinking about nothing else for now. To be honest any guy with a decent income and say a car could get girls even with a horseshit face. So that tells me that you should just put the focus on work, maybe go to a gym and a clothes store.(yes i know this is hideous douchebaggery...but unfortunately that's what average girls love). I personally send most of these girls to fuck off

Quote:
It's just so sad, it's hard to get motivated for anything anymore..everything I built up so much is crushed and I came back feeling like I had little to live for. I lost a fair few close friends before I left and i'm trying to mend those fences now and focus on some of the few good friends I do have, but I find it so hard to meet women..even when I go out clubbing they wont dance with me and it's just so hard to keep their attention..the few relationships I have had have never lasted longer than a few weeks (that was back in school, so only even saw them a few times)..I just find it impossible..the girls always say "you'll find someone perfect for you one day"..but it's just so patronising..those are the women who dismissed me as an option so it's like hearing someone say "you weren't good enough for me but someone else will take ya"..it just sucks so much.
That absolutely sucks...it's these same type of girls that want to be with you after they get tired of everyone else. Put female friends at their place when they say that sort of thing and never get attached.

Quote:
What advice do ya'll have to get past this? I know there will probably be not a day in my life I won't think about her till I die..I think about her all the time and have for so long now..I do have hobbies and sports I play (only watch tennis, but play other sports) and I am looking forward to getting back into these..it's hard because I used her as motivation/inspiration too.
Nothing a few books won't solve. I for myself learned to never give a shit about these things anymore. Hobbies and sports are a great thing, time is for yourself not for careless/hypocrite girls. Oh yeah you can get over the initial period of a heartbreak with masturbation/sex well doh. Just make sure you reject her a few times for another friend

Listen don't force things, always go casual. Chill and always relax

Never take them personally because they always out there for their own benefit...So benefit yourself bro. Do such things as hiking and mountain bike(ask CD the guy is master).

Also go to the castle if things are wrong...good people there
good luck old sport

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Last edited by superslam77; 02-03-2010 at 11:14 AM.
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post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 11:04 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Now is probably a good time to find out what motivates you and makes you tick. You said that you're looking forward to playing some sports already. Think about it, you're totally down in the dumps but there's something that you're already looking forward to. Is there anything else in this tough time that makes you feel something other than despair? If so, these are things that are a vital part of your make-up as a person, this would be a good place to focus your attention - I mean, it's better than sitting around and crying your life away. There are people who think back on someone special that 'got away', every day for the rest of their lives.. that's not to say that a lot of these people aren't genuinely happy
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post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 11:52 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2003
It's just so difficult to get past it, not only did I build this up in my head but my life had got so unsatisfying to me here that I was pinging all my hopes on this girl basically, was going to move overseas etc if if all worked out and yeah.. I lost a fair few close friends before I left and i'm trying to mend those fences now and focus on some of the few good friends I do have, but I find it so hard to meet women..even when I go out clubbing they wont dance with me and it's just so hard to keep their attention..the few relationships I have had have never lasted longer than a few weeks (that was back in school, so only even saw them a few times)..I just find it impossible..the girls always say "you'll find someone perfect for you one day"..but it's just so patronising..those are the women who dismissed me as an option so it's like hearing someone say "you weren't good enough for me but someone else will take ya"..it just sucks so much.
The above is harmful thinking IMO. All your hopes should not be 'pinned' on one person. And you should not judge yourself based on other people's reactions to you. Not everyone in the world is going to be popular with the opposite sex or have many friends. Moreover, the sad truth is that human relationships can also be ephemeral, unreciprocated or turn from fulfilling to arduous.

You first and foremost have to find happiness in yourself - in your work, recreation and beliefs. This is a far sounder approach to achieve happiness than relying on another person. The fact that you are 'pinning all your hopes' on this one girl obviously suggests that you are not deriving enough satisfaction from the rest of your life, and this is your real problem.

Someone above suggested self-improvement, and I agree - but this should not be done to attract other people. That can only be a shallow attraction. You should focus on becoming the person you want to be. The people you do attract will therefore be the ones most compatible with who you are, and it is from these relationships that you will derive the most fulfilment.
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post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 07:06 PM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

First of all, . You seam to be honestly distraught by misguided emotions and that's always sad to see.
Hope you get over it soon.
Secondly, I think the answer to your question has a lot to do with the exact thing that you seam to have been neglecting. Why think about women all that much in the first place, seriously? No woman can magically fix your life and give you all that you thought was missing. You have to focus on yourself first. What do you really want to do, what kind of a person do you want to be, how do you want to treat those around you... Those are all questions far more relevant than "Why is this chick not into me?".
Forget about the way (you think) other people treat you, and think about how you treat them, and how you treat and percieve yourself.
A deep connection with another human being is a beautiful thing, but it's not going to fix anything that you haven't already worked on yourself.
You don't need to discard your emotions, just try to clarify them for yourself. Maybe what you wanted, she never had to give, and vice-versa.
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post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 07:11 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

I agree with the other posters.
One day someone will like you for real if you try to make something for yourself and for the world, and take away the idea that you have not luck with the ladies.
this part
Quote:
self-improvement, and I agree - but this should not be done to attract other people. That can only be a shallow attraction. You should focus on becoming the person you want to be. The people you do attract will therefore be the ones most compatible with who you are, and it is from these relationships that you will derive the most fulfilment.
is a very good message indeed.

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post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 10:51 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

I reckon you should man the fuck up.
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post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 10:53 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Stop starting stupid threads on GM for a start. Go out and enjoy life, you are young, time does not stand still for anyone.

If you aren't happy within, then the chicks are going to see this and that doesn't help you in a way. Sort the inside out and then the rest will work out eventually.

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post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 03:11 PM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

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Originally Posted by Henry Chinaski View Post
I reckon you should man the fuck up.
Yeah, right, that's very helpful to the guy!

It takes a different sort of guts to go on the web, bare your soul and ask for advice. Maybe he's a bit of a saddo, but if you've got nothing constructive to say, say nothing.

Not everybody can be like you, big man.

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post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 03:14 PM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Arranged marraige.

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about the Federer Will Fall thread:
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post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 03:28 PM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Furiously masturbating 4 times a day is the answer! You can thank me later.



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post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2010, 02:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldenoldie View Post
This probably won't help, but you're not the only one who has had this sort of experience.
I had an internet "girlfriend", travelled 300 miles to meet her, and immediately got dumped. Ok, it's different when you're 60, but it still feels bad.

The only advice I can give you is to try and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Concentrate on the positives, if you're young, healthy, educated, fed, sheltered and living in a free country, you are envied by billions.

It's an old cliche, but count your blessings.
Well I don't know about that, maybe it's worse, when your older you don't have the advantage of knowing you should have many more decades to meet someone..

I try not to feel sorry for myself. I know in my heart of hearts I tried my hardest. Was I perfect? No. Could I have done some things differently or appeared with a better facade or more appropriate mindset? Yes, but not without the aid of hindsight.

And even if I had, I am convinced it still wouldn't have been enough to secure her.

And your right, I am extremely lucky. I am employed, live in a 2 story freehold $800K house with a swimming pool, spa pool and virtually foolproof financial security. I stand to inherit between $1-3 million dollars unadjusted for inflation in the future.

But yet I was prepared to sacrifice all of that for her. I know people my age who have absolutely nothing material and live from week to week in squalor. But they are happier than me at times, they are in relationships and have that different kind of security. They probably long for the security I have, but yet some days you could honestly put a Ferari, suitcase full of money and all else infront of me, and after what I went through with this girl, it wouldn't even make me smile.

I was prepared to sacrifice it all to be with her, but at least I know I don't have to I suppose, she made the choice for me. Maybe she didn't want it on her head.
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post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-06-2010, 12:59 AM
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Re: Help me get over my broken heart..advice please

Hey, I read the story and the answers above.

I had a similar story some time ago, I was 16-17 maybe, it was not through the internet though. I met a girl and we were very good (very very very good) friends for some time, she had a bf at the time who I also knew.
One day I realized I had fallen in love with her and didnt want to ruin the relationship so didnt tell her a word. I felt very unlucky for the situation I was in, and I always thought about how happy I would be if I could be with her. About 1 month later we were both half-drunk and we both discovered the same thing from the other one. Long story anyway, the ending is that we were completely mad and unhappy and ended in something completely unhealthy. After that I was kind of desesperate to find a good lady to be on my side, and after several failures, dating unfunny, unintelligent girls I realized there is no need wanting to have someone by your side if its not the girl you think will be the love of your life. The perfect girl will appear at some point, just dont wait for her or it will be unhealthy for you.

Meanwhile just have some fun Eventually you could meet the perfect girl too.


Sorry for my grammar/spelling mistakes



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