1. You have to replace your middle name with one of the following names:[/SIZE][/FONT]
(a) “Little Green Apples”
(b) “A Quick One While He’s Away”
(c) “Don’t Bet Money, Honey”
(d) “I’ve Told Every Little Star”
(e) “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”
(f) “Blame it on the Bossa Nova”
(g) “She Bangs the Drum”
The quotation marks count as part of the name. For example, if your actual name is Matthew Gregory Smith it might be changed to Matthew “Little Green Apples” Smith. Which of the above would you choose? Please rank them from best to worst.
I think I would choose "Blame it on the Bossa Nova"
1. "Blame it on the Bossa Nova"
2. "A Quick One While He's Away"
3. "Don't Bet Money, Honey"
4. "Little Green Apples"
5. "I've Told Every Little Star"
6. "She Bangs the Drum"
7. "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" (I think this one would make me look like a child predator)
2. So you’re a big fan of Achtung Baby? That was the second CD I ever bought. What was the second CD you bought? Feel free to guess if you’re not sure.
I love it. It has the highest ratio of amazing songs, and not a dud on there or anything I would skip. Consistently high quality throughout. This is an easy question, I'm sure of the answer - my second CD was No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom
in 1996. It's still my second favorite album of all time to this day, I love it.
3. You know how there are celebrities that make you think, WTF? How the hell are you still alive? How did you not die of [enter cause of death] long ago??! I’m going to list a bunch of causes of death. For each cause of death you have to give one celebrity who you think “should have” already died for that reason OR, alternatively, who is most likely to die for that reason. Got it?
(a) Heart disease
Most likely - Regis Philbin
(b) Lung cancer
Most likely - Bryant Gumbel
(c) Old age/natural causes
Most Likely = Zsa Zsa Gabor
(d) Hard drug overdose (e.g. heroin)
Should have = Courtney Love
(e) Intentional suicide
Most Likely = Britney Spears.
(f) Chronic Masturbation Syndrome (CMS)
Most Likely - John Mayer (did you read his Rolling Stone interview?
(g) Alcohol poisoning
Most Likely = Mariah Carey.
(h) Liver disease
Should have = The cast of Jersey Shore
(i) Drowned to death.
Most Likely = Michael Phelps
(j) A broken heart
Most Likely = Conan O'Brien
(k) Mauled/attacked by a wild animal
Should have = Roy from Siegfried and Roy.
(l) Complication arising from cosmetic surgery
Should have = Joan Rivers
(m) Murdered by father
Most Likely = Jelena Dokic.
(n) Murdered by mother
Should have = Lindsay Lohan
(o) Murdered by a sister
Most likely - Jessica Simpson
(p) Murdered by a brother
Most likely - Alec Baldwin
(q) Murdered by a daughter
Most likely = Octomom
(r) Murdered by a son
Most likely = Octodad
(s) Murdered by a stepparent
I have no idea who even has a stepparent. I will say one of Madonna's kids
(t) Murdered by a jealous ex-lover
Should have = Tiger Woods.
(u) Murdered by a CIA operative
Should have - Paris Hilton
(v) Murdered by a disgruntled former personal assistant
Should have - Naomi Campbell
(w) Murdered by a Craigslist escort
Most Likely = Tila Tequila.
(x) Accidentally died while trying to fake his/her own death
Most Likely = Amy Winehouse
4. When did you realize that you “don’t even like chicas”? How old were you when you were pretty sure you didn’t like them? Did you ever have an OMG, I was already pretty sure I didn’t like them BUT THIS REMOVES ALL DOUBT sort of moment? If so, please describe that moment.
Umm, I think at some level I always
knew. I was pretty sure in high school, but I thought I may be bi-curious. I think I was very sure around 18. Believe me, I had lots and lots of experiences with girls to be sure
I totally had an OMG moment though that removed all doubt
I think I was at a 20th birthday party - now, throughout my later life, especially when drunk I tend to do anything with anyone
Anyway, I went into a bedroom alone with stalker
We had oral sex (don't judge me) but during it, besides the fact she was absolutely awful at it, the lightbulb just went off and I was 100% at that point this was never going to happen
5. You and Jess go to a nightclub, get roaring drunk, and start making out. You’re still going at it FIVE MINUTES LATER when a fire breaks out and a throng of people push you two apart on their way toward the exit. Obviously you head for the exit as well. Once outside, you briefly lock eyes with Jess, so you both know the other is safe. However, you completely lose track of her amid the smoke and mass hysteria.
You can’t call Jess because you left your phone in the burning building. It’s really late and you don’t feel like going back home at this hour, so you hole up in a hotel. You immediately fall asleep because you’re so exhausted. You wake up the next morning and discover that OMG you had your phone with you the whole time! Jess never made any attempt to call/text you. You decide against texting her because it’s too impersonal. Your call goes straight to her voicemail. You feel compelled to leave a message. Please write out exactly what you would say.
"Hi Jess, it's Matt, OMG I am so glad you are safe. Sorry I didn't call you earlier, I thought I had lost my phone - since this is going straight to voicemial and you haven't contacted me, I'm assuming you may have lost yours instead but I hope not. Anyway I'm staying at the Ritz in a suite, if you get this message come visit me" : D
6. You hear a knock at your hotel room door after you leave a message for Jess. It’s your stalker! She barges in. She’s explains that she started the fire in the nightclub in order to separate you and Jess. She pulls out a handgun from her purse and points it right at you. She says you will belong to her or no one at all. What do you say? What do you do?
I'd probably say that I hope in the last 4 years you have learned some new techniques if I am going to belong to you
7. You have the option of increasing your shoe size by a minimum of four sizes. Do you exercise this option? If so, how many sizes would you expand your feet? (Your height and everything else remains unchanged.)
No, I don't think so - I'm happy with my size, plus then I would have to buy new shoes! Besides, I'd be worried I'd become disproportional and look like I have clown feet
8. The Velvet Underground reform and start touring again. I buy two tickets to one of their shows in NYC and I offer them to you and Jess because I want you guys to see the greatest band NYC has ever produced. (Also, Lou Reed, the band’s front man, went to Syracuse.) You both accept, of course. You guys pick up the tickets at will call. Once you’re inside the venue you realize that one ticket is the best seat in the house (front and center) and the other ticket is waaaaay in the back. Nobody is willing to buy your ticket(s) or switch seats.
(a) What do you do? Who sits where?
I would offer the best ticket to Jess! I am a gentleman. Obviously she would not make a decision and say "No you keep it" then I'd say "OMG NO YOU I INSIST" and we'd just argue for 2 hours and miss the concert
No one would sit anywhere!
(b) Jess sat up front and you sat in the back. She thought the show was amazing, and you thought it sucked. What do you say to me afterward? Are you mad at me?
I wouldn't be mad if you gave me these tickets, I am not an ingrate
I would only be mad if you made us buy them from you because then that is not cool they were random seats! I would tell you that Jess thought it was amazing and that I had a good time and thank you again for the tickets and make a joke about the random seats. I would not tell you I thought the show was awful
(c) You sat up front and Jess sat in the back. You thought the show was amazing, and she thought it sucked. What do you say to me afterward? Is Jess mad at me?
I think she would be mad at you
I would say OMG THAT WAS AMAZING and start asking you for your favorite songs etc.
(d) Let's say that I explain that I thought getting one awesome seat and one lousy seat was better than getting two lousy adjoining seats. Are you mad at me?
No, but I would suggest next time it's probably better to get two seats together no matter where
It's all about sharing the experience!
9. How many songs off the Forrest Gump soundtrack can you name off the top of your head? Please identify the song by the song’s title or--if you can’t manage that much--by some distinguishing lyric.
I can't think of anything : sad: I have nothing. If it helps, the first thing that came to my mind was Weird Al's "Gump" parody
10. You have to choose between banning Jess from MTF for life or banning me from MTF for life. Who do you choose to ban?
It is tempting to ban Jess because I have so many other opportunities to talk to her and this is the only place we speak, but I'd have to ban you and tell you to join WTAworld : D : sad: Please forgive me!
11. Lindsay sets up some charitable foundation based in Southern California. She wants you to be the sole trustee. You would have to move to and live in Newport Beach, California. The job pays $125,000 per year, and you are required to make an initial ten-year commitment. You will receive an increase in pay of $35,000 per year. You will have to work anywhere from 40-50 hours per week, but there is no dress code and the work is not very taxing at all. You get two weeks of vacation each year, but you are not allowed to leave the state of California for any reason during the ten year period. Do you accept?
No, I wouldn't. I'd go crazy. 10 years is way too much of a commitment and this arrangement would stifle me. I'd maybe do it for 5 years though.
12. I need more info on this stalker of yours. Please start from the beginning and describe everything.
Can I PM you, Adam, Jess and Melanie with this instead?
13. Looking back, was there any incident that could have hinted at Craigslist Killer’s violent tendencies? Also, I can’t believe you failed to mention this murderous loon when you were like, Oh, I'm a survivor--once I managed not to step in front of a moving vehicle blah, blah, blah .
Um, not really. I was very surprised. There was one incident though during the year that now I immediately think "makes sense". Four of us shared the apartment, we each had our own rooms and we had a common living room area and kitchen. He had put a TV in the living room. It was stolen one night
And it was absolutely the only
thing that went missing. He also didn't seem very bothered by it. After the story about him broke, and how he had a crazy gambling addiction and how hard-strapped he was for money, I'm pretty sure he pawned it off or something and pretended that it was stolen.
Thank YOU sir : D