Let me put it this way....if you are a receiver and all you want is a good O then a hand held device is a gift from heaven. If you derive pleasure from giving pleasure to someone else (as I do - I much prefer giving head to getting it), then there's no substitute for the touch of another human being.
I am smack dab in the middle of the road here, which is why, no matter WHAT I do, or do not do, I get squished, just like a grape.
There is no one on the planet that means more to me than me. That being said, however, the latter scenario that you described is also something that appeals to me.
It is different for men though. Through anatomical construction alone, and this was/is a major reason behind what started my sabbatical in the first place....women have a more involved process from first touch to climax.
Most straight guys don't get that, and leave their partners, through indifference or ignorance, wholly unsatisfied.